how to say no???

I have a best friend who has the same problem. I realized that she is a people pleaser. She wants everyone to be happy with her all the time and she feels that if she says no they won't be her "friend" or like her anymore. I had to explain to her that even the people you say yes to aren't your "friends" or really even like you. They just want something out of you. I also explained to her that if a person is really her friend, they will accept the no and not be upset/offended/unhappy and go on with business as usual. She has gotten a little better, but still has a long way to go.

Even this was a problem with me until some years ago & I could never say NO to my friends. I have landed up in a hell lot of problems because of that. Then I learned the value of saying no & to say no, it would need some guts. We don't say NO because we might feel that the other person may get hurt & it might affect our relation. But the truth is not that way. No relation will break if you say no. They might be angry or upset with you at that moment & everything will be alright after a couple of hrs infact. By saying no, you are doing a better thing than saying yes, because your heart never wanted to do that. So I now I never do anything against my6 heart & will straight away say NO & I realized that it never affected any of my relations in a negative way. Happy Lotting

you know what? i feel the same way sometimes, the thing is that i did start saying no, and there ARE repocussions for doing this! first of all you feel like there is a knot in your stomach once you just said no, second of all that person\people tend to judge you sometimes when you do this, but heres the thing, 1- they shouldnt judge you, if they do, they probably arnt worth being close to you in the first place. 2- some people actually live of others! its their main stay in life and they cant do with out this! 3- you are you, and next time someone asks, stop and think for a minute, "is this really going to put me out that much, is it to much to give, could i give suggestions instead. etc... people are indefinately depending on your answer so take the time to make it, because your decision does matter, and sadly its always going to happen, i hope this has helped you somehow,.

Honest is the way to go. If I don't like any situation that I have a choice to either say yes or no. I would go with my first instink. Then if I do be kind like you, and defently don't like what the situation is, I can't handle it. I burst out and say it that I don't like it. I'm truely honest with anybody I meet, they don't like it I truely don't care.

I regained my freedom to be, when I gave up being nice to everyone and become assertive. I appreciate assertive people. Being assertive means saying things named. There are bound to be in total congruence with the world around. I never understood why, if you do not want to go out with someone, you should excuse a lie? What if you disagree with gossip about someone, do not come up with counterarguments? Being assertive means respect and consideration towards themselves and towards others. Non-assertive people are insincere and are striving to always look nice. Not openly say what they feel and what they want, for fear they will ruin the relationship with people around. People are not assertive for fear of being caught in all their transparency, judged, excluded, rejected, criticized. To be assertive, you must learn to say "NO". You understand that people owe not only respect and that you are not obliged to answer always so, especially when something is you. Stop excuses and stop when you refuse to blame someone. You have the right to do anything. Being assertive does not mean good not to be kind to others, by contrast, is to be fair with you and others. And if you are rejected for being assertive, do not worry, will leave only those unable to relate honestly. Remember, the most important person in your life you!