My 4 year relationship ended last week, and I am totally confused

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I had been seeing a guy for almost 4 years and it ended last week abruplty. We were not totally happy, but the break up honestly shocked me. I thought things were getting better, but apparently not. He said we were not compatible and we are better off just friends because the relationship is too stressful for the both of us. He was right about that but I am still confused. When we first got together he just got out of a 17 year marriage. That was the FIRST sign I should have stayed away. He did treat me like a queen. Fine dining, jewelry and gifts. I was the luckiest girl in the world! Then, we moved in together. That wasn't the easiest thing to deal with either. After 3 month of living together he started missing his ex-wife, but I was hooked. I did not want o leave him. He would come in from work and would start to criticize how I cleaned house. He also got really angry one time because I forgot to pay the Home Deopt bill, and he had to drive 20 miles to pay it so late fees would not be added on. I apologized for that, but he still would not let it go. His family then got involved and I became miserable so I moved out of his house but we still did not break up. I still ended up spending more time at his house than my own then, and he expected it. My son, who was 5 at the time feared me boyfriend. He was to be seen and not heard and was not able to be a playful little boy because Chris would yell at him. Chri's daughter would come to visit and was so mean to my son to the point where she would SPIT in his face and daddy did nothing. He thought it was funny. We fought all the time. He called me a poor excuse for a mother and a stupid b*tch on many occasions, but I still stayed with him. His own mother said he was a cruel man, and he said he didn't even like his mother, and did not want us to end up like his parents which are alcoholics and gambling addicts. Now, his reason for the break up is he wants to hang out in bars and go to casinos because that was what he was raised with and that is what he calls FUN. He used to tell me that he hated those things because that was all the mattered to his parents as a kid was alcohol and poker machines. Now he wants to do those things? I find out he was hanging out with a ladt at a bar right before he broke up with me. Nothing happened with them. He was actually the designated driver, but he let me know she was tall, slender and fairly attractive! Also, he realized that he would rather spend time with people he had things on common with than go to church with me. He alsways talked about my weight b/c I gained alot while we were together, but never encouraged me to live a healthy lifestyle. I was always fat, but he sure would make fun of me if I asked him to go walking with me. He also would force me to do things in bed that I did not want to do and would not stop til I cried. The list just goes on and on. He was so cruel to me, and I could not tell you how many times I wanted to end my life just so he would not put me down. I only stayed with him because I thought he would take care of me, and I told myself that I could handle the abuse as long as I was taken care of. Now he is done with me. I know we do NOT need to be together, but I can't shake him., I don't want to get mad at him or hate him, but he was so mean! I apologized to him so many times for things that weren't even my fault just so he would stop yelling. Why am I confused? Why do I feel alone? Why do I worry about him? I do want him to be happy, but I know he won't til he makes some changes, and since he is 40, I seriously doubt he wil change now. What do I do? All I want to do is call and talk to him, but at the same time the sound of his voice and the thought of looking at him makes me sick! How do I get him off my mind?