A "decision" to be made
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
United States
September 26, 2009 7:56am CST
Hello MyLot Friends!
I'm sorry I have not been around if at all during this past week or so & my lack of posts + earnings surely reflect that.
Eitherway my Mom was taken from the nursing home to the hospital on Tuesday. She's got really bad bronchitus, to the point they are sucking mucus out of her lungs constantly & she is sedated on a ventilator in ICU. This has been tearing me appart heart and soul all week. She has made little progress to get off the vent and if they remove the vent she will probably pass. I don't think she would of wanted to be put on the vent in the first place. But what's done is done. Sadly due to all the secretions in her throat and lungs she is not able to exhale all the carbon from her lungs. Wich I guess contributes to her breathing issues, wich then will attribute to her organs potentially starting to fail from oxygen starvation. If she makes it off the vent the Dr gave her a few days to less than a year to live even with the vent wich breaks my heart.
I am hoping to find the hospital minister to help comfort her during this time & let her know that if she must go it will be OK to go on to what lies beyond this life.
The "decision" lies within me to sign on the line that says remove the tube and let nature take it's course. If you know my profile I am of the opinion that I am too young to make such a decision and fear the regrets I will have if she does pass. But I spoke with a good online friend and she had gone thru a somewhat similar situation with her husband and she told me that she still has regrets and found herself feeling guilty as I do now.
If you pray please pray for a recovery even if for just a lil while so my kids can say goodbye to Grandma. Or for a smooth transition into what lies ahead beyond this life.
3 people like this
6 responses
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
26 Sep 09
I am so sorry that you're dealing with such a heartbreaking issue!! 
Has your mom ever expressed any wishes about such a situation that you could honor right now?
My brother had something similar happen. I couldn't be there, he didn't want anyone but my mother and my other brother there and would have preferred they not be there, just because he didn't want them to remember him like that. I'm grateful for his request now, because I can remember him as he was before he was sick. Anyway, he'd always said he didn't want measures like that and he was in hospice for a few days and was able to pass comfortably holding the hands of those he loved. They kept him dosed with morphine so he was in no pain.
Do you have hospice where you are, if there is no hope? Those people are wonderful and let people leave this earth with dignity. If there is hope, do what your conscience says. It is so hard to make such a choice! My heart and my prayers go out to you.
Has your mom ever expressed any wishes about such a situation that you could honor right now?
My brother had something similar happen. I couldn't be there, he didn't want anyone but my mother and my other brother there and would have preferred they not be there, just because he didn't want them to remember him like that. I'm grateful for his request now, because I can remember him as he was before he was sick. Anyway, he'd always said he didn't want measures like that and he was in hospice for a few days and was able to pass comfortably holding the hands of those he loved. They kept him dosed with morphine so he was in no pain.
Do you have hospice where you are, if there is no hope? Those people are wonderful and let people leave this earth with dignity. If there is hope, do what your conscience says. It is so hard to make such a choice! My heart and my prayers go out to you.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
27 Sep 09
I'm so sorry. It's a blessing to you and to her that you were there for her. She'll be waiting right there for you when it's your time to leave.
I was always sorry I couldn't be with my grandma when she crossed but since I moved back to my home state I'm in touch again with my cousin who was with her just before she passed over. Rosie told her it was okay to leave, everyone loved her so much and she'd been such a blessing to so many people. Then she had to leave to attend to her kids, much like you. Grandma crossed 15 minutes after she left.
I think you let your mom know how much you loved her and that it was alright to go. I hope your pain is lightened knowing that you got to hold her hand and show her your love before she went to a much better place.
It will hurt less eventually but it will never stop completely. Love lingers, always.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
27 Sep 09
It hurts to remember her cry a little when I told her I called a minister and for her to know it was ok to go & her grandbabies were there & did she recognize me ect & yes.
@craftyhomebody (443)
• United States
27 Sep 09
HELL-O yes you have a big decision to make i work in a resthome and i see this every day i want you to ask yourself some questions #1 is she in pain?#2 will she be able to take care of he self at all or will she have to have help with everything ? has she lost her dignity? is she ready to go?do you want her to stay here for selfish reason? if you ask your self these questions and you do it truthfuly and i know that you must be over 18 to even be ask these questions god will help you and guide you i know these our hard times for you and i undrstand i just lost my husband and every one of us has to except what life bring let her go to glory and then you need to pull up your boot straps and go on and don't have ay guilt because god is in control not you .
@craftyhomebody (443)
• United States
27 Sep 09
I am very sorry for your lose i know what a hard time this is for you but time will
heal all wounds and you know that god only puts on you what he knows you can handle. god bless you and be with you at this time of your life
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
27 Sep 09
Thanks Crafty! She was in some pain with the vent down her throat & of course I immagine struggling to breath & lung dammage may hurt some. She needs help with most everything wich was why she was in a nursing home. I think she had lost her dignity as she stopped doing things for herself and relied on others to do more and more for her. Not keeping her on for a selfish reason, keeping her on so the kids could say good bye if that's what it came to and it has. If you read my previous responses.
Yep I know I will go on w/o her. It was heartbreaking leaving her in the nursing home. It was heartbreaking seeing her that first day on the vent. I have had to pull up my own boostraps as I only the best I can.
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
30 Sep 09
oh she's on a "birdy"?
i hear those things are uncomfortable.
mom had this,oh about a month ago-they gave her inhalers,super antibiotics,and a breathing machine kind of like a vaporizer,but a bit different.
she did recover-though it took her awhile.
before you make your choice-ask them to do a mold spore/foreign substance test in her lungs-
they found in mom's case it was indeed present-and what caused the bronchitis in the first place.she came home sick after being in the hospital-they're lucky i didn't sue them.
@dmrone (746)
• United States
26 Sep 09
Hi, 3SnuggleBunnies! I will pray for your family. I am going through a similiar situation now. It is with my grandmother. She was in the hospital for 15 days, and the brought her home yesterday, to make her comfortable. The doctors said there is nothing more that they can do for her. She broke her back, and was in a great amount of pain. The doctors fixed that, but her kidneys started to fail. She has lived a good life and a long one also. She is 92. I pray for her that God's will will be done. I pray that your children have a chance to say good bye to your mother, if God wants to take her. I hope and pray your family will make it through this.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
27 Sep 09
I"m sorry to hear that you are facing something similar. But you are right she's 92 and has lived a long good life. Sadly my mom gave up wanting to go on a long time ago and moreso since being in the nursing home. I hope things will be easy for you and your Grandmother, if she's able to speak and such make sure you tell her you love her. I wished my Mom would of been able to say more than a word or two today.
@razzberry1 (73)
• United States
26 Sep 09
I can only say that I'd keep praying and keep the ventilator on her, she may recover from the bronchitis and have a few more happy years.
My aunt had a bad cancer, the doctor said two years. She lived five...
Don't give up yet, keep praying.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
27 Sep 09
I wished that was the case. You can't imagine the horrid noises she'd make as she was breathing it was like she was a chain saw of debris rattling around her body was shutting down there was no delaying it I'm afraid. But the kids got to see her and say goodbye.
@razzberry1 (73)
• United States
29 Sep 09
I saw your post above, that she had to be restrained from pulling the tube out herself. I think she'd made the decision, she was ready to take the path to the next plane of existance. Wishing you many blessings right now.
@razzberry1 (73)
• United States
27 Sep 09
I'm so sorry for your loss. May you be comforted in your sorrow.
