Am I right to disown my Mother? (adult content)
By jennysp8
@jennysp8 (855)
United States
September 27, 2009 2:55pm CST
Starting at age 5 and lasting for a year, I was molested by my older cousin (my mothers - sister's son). I didn't tell a soul out of fear, embarrassment, and shame. At 17 years old I broke down and told my mother.
She asked if I wanted her to confront him. I said no. What was the point? He would just deny it - I didn't think I could do anything legally - and he then lived half way across the country.
I move on my own and then when I was around 25 years old, my mother calls me to tell me that my cousin moved back to our state and in fact - moved into my town. I freaked. I have 2 children!! I shouldn't have to ever come face to face with this man again....
Then she went on to tell me that he was coming over her house...WTF?!?!?!?! I asked why - why couldn't she just tell him no and make up a reason why she didn't want to be around him anymore? After all, he is a drug addict - a bum - and a guy who keeps having kids and leaves them...it shouldn't be hard to find a reason...Her response to me:
"I can't disown him unless I say EXACTLY why I am disowning him. I would look like a b**ch otherwise."
I said FINE!! Tell him why we don't want him here. She later claims that she did and of course he said he "didn't remember anything but he could understand why I wouldn't want him around" - and he moved back out of state.
I later find out that my mother never stopped talking to him. She says she can't - that's her nephew. Well, he's also my MOLESTER!
I end up in divorce and move in with my mother fall of '08 (27yrs old). I am sitting in her dinning room - going through a divorce - just had my home - my new car - and everything I had taken from me because the courts insisted everything got sold or repo'd..and I hear my own mother - on the phone with my molester, asking him what kind of fudge he wanted her to make for him for xmas? Chocolate or Peanut Butter? Oh, and I got to hear her tell him "Love you"....my mother hardly tell me that she loves me.
I flipped and moved out within weeks. I have pretty much ignored my mother.
During an arguement - she went on about how terrible I make her feel..I confronted her about how she is friend's with my molester and how does she think that makes me feel?
Her response? "So I'm the scum of the earth. You'd be happy to hear that my health is worse and I won't live long".
That's an exact quote. I have it saved in my text messages. She turns everything back around to her ...poor her this....poor her that...She makes it out as though me getting molested at age 5 was an inconveince to her.
I can't stand it anymore. I have no love for her. I haven't had love for her for a very long time. I hate her more than I hate the molester. This is my MOTHER - mothers are supposed to love - support - protect...I guess that is other mothers...mine insists on being friends with my molester and makes it seem like it is wrong of me to ask her to do anything different.
Btw, the whole "I'm dying crap" is a load in itself. She has diabetes and the nerves are dying in her feet. The doctor told her to drop the weight and the dying nerves will stop dying - they won't get better - but they won't get worse. If she doesn't drop the weight - she WILL lose her feet. She won't diet. She got approved for gastric surgery but refuses to get it now because of the $500 co-pay...claims she can't afford it - my brother and I offered to pay the co-pay and she still refuses.
She doesn't want to DIE...but she wants to be DYING....she loves the "poor pity me" crap
So, am I in the right to disown her? I have panic attacks - depression - extremely high anxiety - social anxiety problems and the more I allow her to yell at me - put me down - and flaunt her relationship with my molester - the more I die inside...
4 people like this
14 responses
@Archie0 (5652)
•
27 Sep 09
[i]Hello jenny, i can very well understand what you are going through.Because i have been in this situation too.I was molestated by my cousin that is my fathers brothers son, when i was 5 years old till i was 12 years old.I had even confronted it but nothing could much happen,till today i die with the pain inside me.
But dear i think your mother is not at a fault, wanting too she cannot stop talking to him there are deeper family issues, as you know she is not going to live longer she needs moral support and i think if you being her daughter want to disown her, i would say dont do this just because the case of your cousin.
Your mother may be harsh on you i totally agree, but dear understand her situation she is not well, she is into a trauma and fear that she may die anytime and i know she would never like to die disowned by her own daughter its the greatest sorrow in the world for any mother.
Being for your weird cousin i think you should have a face to face talk with him, i did that i even slapped my cousin i feel like killing him because he has left a scar on my heart which i can never mend.I think you just go and talk to him and tell him to stop coming home and even front of you, you mother wants to keep in touch let her do but you can tell him not to be anywhere near you, he has no rights to lift up his dirty face.And talk to your about how bad you feel, love can heal any scar dear and love your mom she just needs that may be.She will listen to your every sorrow only if you tell her what she means to you.
My huble advice-Please dont think of disowning your mother, its the greatest sin.Even may be more than the horryfied cousin.
Dont worry things will be alright, he will surely pay for what he did to you.
[/i]
[/i]2 people like this
@Archie0 (5652)
•
27 Sep 09
One more thing i forgot to ask, have you divorced from your husband for similar issues?see dear even you are not into good terms because you too have seen so much of bad phase and same has your mom, you just need to support her and in return she will, and you will be healed because i believe no love can heal you more than a love of mother can do.I hope things get solved out.and you take a right decision.
2 people like this
@Archie0 (5652)
•
28 Sep 09
Oh jenny i did not know about the last part you just spoke about.And according to it i cannot blame you at all but i even cannot blame her, but i know one thing that the frustration level you are going right now will be at lot of ease when you really planned of disowning her.I am with you this time
2 people like this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
28 Sep 09
I can understand why she didn't take action against him - it was against my wishes...but it was also against my wishes for her to be friends with him and she did it anyways...that's what's killing me. It's weird..the way she has treated me hurts more than what the molester did to me.
I've tried so many times to help her and be there for her (as I describe in later responses) - even though she was never there for me. I think I was just praying and hoping to have a relationship with her. For the longest time I wanted to have a mother.
She is a "mother" to my brother - but not to me. Since I moved out and lived with my dad at 5 - she has treated me like I was nothing more than garbage. She treats my brother like gold - because he "never left her"...literally- he's 23 years old and has never left home and can't hold down a job. He has friends and all but she always wants to "hang out" with him.
She takes him to the movies about every other week - for years. She has never asked me if I wanted to go - EVER...I even asked to take her once and pay because I know that I have more money - and she refuses...then she screamed one time because I went out on a date and saw a movie that SHE wanted to see!!!!! Unbelievable...we didn't have plans to see that movie together or anything...she just flipped because she wanted to see it and I saw it before her. It's like she is in competition with me.
Another example, a nice gentleman expressed interest in me - just casual flirting - shortly after my divorce. We were friends but nothing ever came out of it - never even went on a date. He was almost ten years older than me. It's not uncommon in the U.S. for women to date older guys....but I wasn't interested because I was still going through a lot emotionally. My mother FLIPPED because she said that she liked him first - before he even met me and it's just figures he'd "go after me" instead of her...and she got MAD at me?!?!?! He would have been ten years younger than her - she had me when she was 20 so his age was right in between us. I didn't want him but she got angry and took her anger out on me because HE was flirting with ME - not her....I find that kind of "competition" kind of sick - especially coming from a mother towards her daughter....
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
27 Sep 09
First of all, jenny, I'm very sorry that you're going through such a horrible emotional ordeal and, yes, you have every right to cut your mother out of your life. You also have every right to expect her to stand up for you and to be as outraged at what this creep did to you as you are. But, from what you've written about her, your mother craves attention and she will take it in whatever form she can get it. She is emotionally needy and manipulative...but that doesn't mean that you have to allow her to make your life miserable. Caller ID is a wonderful thing. You don't have to have any further confrontations with her...you won't get anywhere anyway...just avoid and ignore. Concentrate on yourself. I don't know if you've ever talked to a counselor about your molestation but it might be a good idea to talk to someone if you're able to. You may be carrying around emotional baggage that you're not even aware of considering the trauma you were subjected to at such a young age.
2 people like this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
27 Sep 09
Thanks for the response. I tried talking to a counselor - once - when I was 17. I wanted to talk about the molestation and all she wanted to talk about was getting me back into highschool (I had dropped out). After that, I figured I would just "deal with it" on my own. I have done pretty well...or so I thought.
I have been having a lot of problems lately - emotionally. And the thing is - it isn't over what my cousin did to me - it's over what my mother has done. She has hurt me more than anyone could. The emotional trauma she has put me through is much worse than physical abuse. I want to seek help, but I have no medical insurance and I make "too much" for state medical...
I am thinking about seeing if there are any free support groups or something...
1 person likes this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
28 Sep 09
I am for sure going to find something - even if it's a free support group until I can afford counseling...talking with others in the same situation might help...It just strikes me as so odd and so sick that a mother could turn her back like that. I had an incredible amount of unconditional love for my children - while I was still pregnant with them...I freaked all the way home from the hospital with my first child because I didn't like the other cars coming so fast - so close to the car and I had this weird feeling of not having as much "protection" over her because she was now outside of my stomach...LOL...weird - but I have that much love for my children that came naturally and instinctively....my mother apparently wasn't born with the capability of being able to love someone like that...other than herself.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
27 Sep 09
I think that you should continue to look until you find some support because, you're right, you are going through a lot because of your mother and you need to be able to hash out your feelings. Remember the saying, you can't pick your relatives? Unfortunately, that goes for mothers, too. The hurt she has inflicted on you is not something that you can brush aside or should it be. Your feelings matter...never forget that. Let the people who are in your life who love and support you help you to feel better. Do things that you enjoy and concentrate on you. It takes time but you'll get to the place where you want to be.
2 people like this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
27 Sep 09
My own "birth" mother and I have no relationship whatsoever. She gave me up for adoption and went and had 3 more kids after me,she would tell me when i was young to not tall ANYONE I was her Mom. She called me on my 18th birthday and said "this was the weekend you ruined my life!" She has no relationship with my daughter,she takes my nieces and nephews for weeks during the summer but not my daughter because of her disabilities.
What your Mom has done and is doing to you makes it in my mind completely right to end this relationship. yes she is your mom,yes she gave you life. I think you need to stop talking to her. Now I know many others will say different but my mom has done some horrible things to me but yours takes the cake. I have bi polar and anxiety so I know this is hard. But you deserve to be loved and cared for,to be protected and it seems like she feels it is completely ok to speak with someone you took your innocence away. Are you getting help for these emotions and stuff? I wish you the best and know you are worth so much more than what has happened to you. You said you have kids right? You have to be well for them and protect them.If they see you being hurt by your mom and see that kind of relationship you have with her,they will pick up on it and it could cause them to have issues as well.
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
28 Sep 09
It is sad she is doing that to your kids. They shouldn't have to deal with that. I know sometimes some states and counties have free medical programs you can utilize,now I know no one wants to use them but I would look into them at least for the sake of your kids. You deserve to be happy,call around and see what you can find. Good luck hun.
1 person likes this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
28 Sep 09
I tried getting help in my teen years but that didn't work out too well...then during the past several years - I didn't get help, even though I had medical - because I thought I was "fine"...but it is now that all of the sudden I am breaking down. I guess I wasn't "fine" but rather surpressing my feelings and issues. Now I am without medical and make to much for government assistance. :(
The emotions I deal with really affect my day to day life. And your right about my kids picking up on stuff from her. I believe that my daughter has been affected by her negativity. I have seen the worst in my daughter. And I have to watch because whenever she gets around my kids when I'm not around, she tells them bad things about me and how she loves me and just can't understand why their mommy is so mean to their grandmommy...she's sick in the head
Thanks for your response!
1 person likes this
@pupupd (1515)
• India
28 Sep 09
Jenny, whatever has happened with you and is still happening with you is something which is faced by a lot of girls (mainly villagers, poor people) in my country. They are molested at young age by their own family member or relative and later do not get any support from her own parents. Sometimes a girl is raped by her own father, and she does not get any help from her mother.
Can you imagine the trauma faced by her? She silently faces it all till she can't tolerate any more and is old enough to walk up to a police station and file a complain against her own father. The police can't do much as well, they will arrest him but will look for evidence as well. And then as time goes by, the culprit is left free and the girl has to plan her escape.
So, the better option would be to disconnect every relation with your good for nothing parents and go on to live your own life.
There is nothing left to ask from your mother now, who goes and makes friends with your molester. She is the most disgusting person in your life, so what if she has given you birth, she has no mother like feelings for you. As long as you expect anything good from her or any kind of realization in her then you are the one at loss. She thinks she has done her part by giving you birth, thats it, now its your life and you have to face it, this is her nature, you can't change it.
So, move on, forget that you had a so called mother once, lead a happy life with your children. Try to go as far as possible from your mother and her friend (your molester). Trust me you will be a lot happier. As long as you have her in front you, she will keep reminding you of the pains you had o face because of her.
Have a good life!!
2 people like this
@hexeduser22 (7418)
• Philippines
28 Sep 09
I'm with you on this one. That is not how a mother should act towards her daughter and towards her daughter's molester. She's a woman too and if she really cared about you she should have known and understand the pain your going through and the horror you've experienced as a child. I have issues on my mother too but not in that sense. You have every right to disown her because she has her mind set just for the betterment of herself.
2 people like this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Thanks for the response! You know what the funny thing is? She claims that she was molested at 12 or something - when she was sleeping over at a friends house - it was the friend's father...she talks about how that hurt her...and yet, she is okay with it happening to me
1 person likes this
@forestgold (792)
•
28 Sep 09
Good god!!
I am so sorry!! for you.
I am just in the process of seeing my own mother again, for being totally selfish, abusive and useless! She also stripped away my confidence, and treated me bad..she was a terrible mother for a long time...but...
I think your mother is being outragious!
She should NOT be talking to this man, but hating him for what he has done to you.
No, i do not blame you one bit....sounds like she is so full of herself, she cant see past the end of her nose, never mind, feel any sympathy, or anger, for what happened to you.
I hope you can get stronger through all of this, it is terrible!
2 people like this
@forestgold (792)
•
28 Sep 09
It is true, i have been there.
We all need our *mother* but if she seems not to care, there is nothing worse, and your self esteem will plummet.
I am going for a meal with mine tomorrow, having been estranged for a long time, and i am kind of dreading it, as i am on edge around her still, but i am going to make the most of it, and see how it goes.
Your mum sounds like she is full of herself, and she has hurt you bad, and you deserve better, as for your molester, i wont say what he should get, but you can imagine.
I dont understand your mum, she does not deserve you, i really hope you find peace and strength from all of this.
remember the saying *what does not kill us, makes us stonger*
Sounds like her loss hun, for sure!
2 people like this
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
28 Sep 09
I don't think you're in the wrong. Your mother sounds like my mother, the type of person that turns whatever you say hurtful back around on to you and makes it sound like you're really the bad person and they're the most perfect person on the planet, or they try and say the most hurtful thing back to you to make you feel worse about how you treated them. It's annoying. I hate people like that and if she really hated him for what he did to you, she would have cut off contact with him. She hasn't and I'd probably avoid her too.
2 people like this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Hi and thanks for the response! She LOVES trying to play the guilt trip on people. Even after everything, over the past several years - I bought her a dryer because hers broke. I bought her a new stove - because her oven door wasn't shutting and was leaking gas (that one I didn't mind cuz I saw the old one as a true danger) - I bought new laminate flooring for her living room - I bought her a porch swing - I bought her a new (and a better looking than what I have) dinning room table - I have paid some bills for her....and yet in the end, she claims that I have done nothing for her and that no one will ever help her!!! WHAT? These weren't xmas or birthday gifts either - these were just things she claimed she needed and I felt bad so I helped. Most of that was bought while I was either single with children or married and having money problems - and yet I still helped her...I didn't even get a "thank you"...
It's time to start saving my money for me and my family. I have put off a trip to Disney for my kids to help her. No more.
Thanks again for your response!!
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
2 Nov 09
It sounds like the whole molesting thing is just another load on top of an already unstable relationship with your mother. While I don't agree with disowning anyone, I do think some ppl should be kept at arms length b/c they are stressful. That may be the case with your mother.
As for the molesting, speaking from experience, sometimes you have to step back and let God do the judging. By that, I mean that everyone comes to a judgement day and regardless of what others think about the person, you know the truth and know that they will ultimately answer for what they did. Perhaps it's simply that she doesn't want to believe that someone she cares about could do something like that. If it were me, I'd just keep your distance from her, keep your kids away from both of them (if you have any) and go on with your life. It'll drive her nuts that she doesn't get your attention and you know that he will eventually pay for what he did to you.
[b]!!Happy Turkey Day!!
~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Do you really want honest opinions here?
I don't want to make you more angry or hurt, but I do want to be honest.
Is your mom making some bad choices? Sure, she is. Does that make her a bad person? I don't think so.
You acuse her of the "poor pity me" crap. But at some points it sounds like you may have inherrited that habig.
Being molested is a truly horrible thing. I'm sorry that your mom hasn't supported you in the way that you've wanted. But (yes there is a but) No Mom is perfect.
We all have our issues. I'm sure your mom is doing what she thinks is her best.
I don't know why she has this attachment to your molester. It is a sucky situation.
I don't know how you feel. I can't imagine. But I just want to suggest (just as something to think about). Instead of disinheritting your mother completely, you just limit your relationship.
She's your mom. She's human. If it's possible for you to have a relationship with her I would advise that.
But, of course, only you really know what's best for you. If your feelings about her choices are so unberable to you that it is making your life worse, then perhaps you are better off without her. I'm just saying don't block her out completely without considering all the options and her point of view as well as your own.
1 person likes this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Being upset about being molested and my mother being okay with it does not mean that I am doing the "poor pity me crap"...I take total responsibility for the things in my life that I have done wrong. I have found myself in situations before where I couldn't pay a bill - or I got with the wrong guy - I never sought out pity from anyone. I did not however asked to be molested and I did not ever ask for a mother who cares more for my molester than me.
Something you might not know, she hasn't told me she "loves me" since I was 17...she told my molester "I love you" last Christmas on the phone. I heard her.
You are right though, I do believe my life will be better without her. She has been talking to my molester since I was 17...I am now 28 years old - almost 29. I have expressed time and time again how it makes me feel. I have given her almost 12 years to either see the errors of her ways or for me to "understand her"...neither of those things have occured.
I tried distancing myself from my mother and limiting my contact with her. I didn't talk to her for a while, not "disowning"..just made myself "busy"...when I started to chat with her a little - within 2 days I am screamed at about how I am a terrible mother.
She believes I am a terrible mother for working 50 hours a week. Well, I am a single mother of two children - not getting much help from the father. If I wanted to just go straight on Welfare, I could not afford the place I am in...I'd have to go to the projects...not saying there is anything wrong with that - but she did. She said if I went to the projects she would take my kids from me...but yet if I work too much - she wants to claim I am a bad mother. I can't win. And no, this isn't a "poor pity me" when facts are simply stated.
Her "poor pity me" is how she claims she dying any minute but no doctor told her that.
And I totally agree with you that we all have our issues...Molesters - rapists - and murderers have their issues - - -It is not the same as a person struggling with over eating - or verbal abuse...
Basically, when a person says "So what, I'm picking the molester over you"...they are condoning the molestation. Those who condone molestation are sick people who need locked up.
No mother is perfect - I know that for sure. I make sure that I apologize when I get a little too mad or whatever to my kids. I always tell them that people are not perfect - even parents...but you can sure as h*LL bet that I wouldn't be OK with them getting molested because I'm "not perfect"...I think there is a fine line between "having issues" and being plan evil.
Again, it's not like I am disowning her within days of finding out she is talking to my molester...I've given it almost 12 years...enough is enough...
1 person likes this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
30 Sep 09
Thanks for your reply...I hope that I didn't come off sounding too mean...I think your post just "struck a nerve" with me. I can understand what you mean though. I think all mothers get their kids saying at one point or another that they haven't done enough. My kids are only 7 & 6 and I always have guilt that I'm not being "the best" even though I am doing my best.
No hard feelings...Well, I'm off to tend to dinner...have a nice one! :)
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
30 Sep 09
Hi Jenny,
Sorry it took me so long to reply back. I hate to think that I sounded like I was accusing you of saying "poor me" in regard to your molestation.
I do agree with you that your mother has handled the situation badly (to say the least).
I've been going through some stuff in my life and for some reason when reading your post I was just identifying with your mother, as sad as that might seem.
It was more about my kids often accusing me of not doing enough, despite the fact that I know I'm doing the best for them that I can possibly do.
As I said in my original reply, it is understandable, that if your relationship with your mother is toxic you would want to sever your ties with her.
My thinking was(is) just that severing a relationship with a parent is best reserved as a last resort under certain circumstances. It sounds like you have reached that place with her.
I'm sorry for your hurt. I hope you are able to move forward and find the peace that you deserve. Take care.
2 people like this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
28 Sep 09
jennysp8,
First of all, your mother did ask out of concern and love if you would like to pursue the matter. But, you refused on the ground that it could not have any conclusion. So, what is your mother ever going to do?
Cut all ties with this molester and tie with you? Yet, I can see that you are no where near mutual with her in your post. Not forgetting the fact that she is lonely, I suppose she only has this nephew to talk so far.
Now, let's look at the other angle, so he molested you, he was a useless bum and a horrendous character. Then, why don't you pursue the matter? Let me assure you that it is not pointless and you will definitely be given a fair hearing. If not, why don't you forgive him and let your mother have someone to talk and share her last few moments? Is it really so difficult to see that people can change for the better? And I am sure that your mother is trying to bring him round here.
In all I just feel that you should learn to let the past go, if it is at all possible. There is just no point getting so worked up and abandon your mother just like that, when in the first place she did offer to bring her nephew to task. You let up and you expect your mother to feel bitter and ex-communicate her nephew when there is no one close to her now?
I just don't think you are fair to your mother here. No offense.
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Thank you for your response, but in the U.S. there is a time limit on reporting such crimes - especially since it would be a "he said- she said"..as far as my "poor mother" not having anyone to talk to, she has all of her friends - her 23 year old son that still lives with her and many other family members. She isn't "alone" and she isn't really dying. She pretends she is to get attention.
So here we go, another person who thinks its okay for people to molest children, after all, what punishment is there - especially when all the family will still love them and talk to them.
This is SO an example of "blame the victim" and SO the reason my girls and boys, for that matter, do not speak up about the molestations and rapes. Everyone tells them - so what - turn the other check. Being fair to my mother? Are you serious? Me being fair to her is not beating her silly for being the piece of crap mother she is. I think that is pretty fair of me.
1 person likes this
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
28 Sep 09
As a mother, I can't even begin to imagine what is going on inside your mother's mind.. what possible rational thought would possess her to even communicate with her OWN child's molester! No matter who he is!
You have every right to feel the way that you feel, As children, we are drawn to our mother's for comfort, safety, and security.. she surely has let you down in every area that a mother should uphold WITHOUT EVEN THINKING about it!
I am so sorry that this happened to you, no human should ever have to endure being molested, but to be betrayed by your mother is even worse!
My thoughts and prayers are continually with you...
2 people like this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Thanks for your post and your thoughts!! I never really have had a mother...there was a lot of emotional abuse that came from her since her and my father split when I was in 2nd grade. I sometimes get upset when my best friend complains about her mom. They are like best friends - who sometimes really SHOULD give each other more space...but I tell her she doesn't realize just how lucky she is to have a mother who loves her.
Everyone tends to overlook a mother's love and take it for granted. Many people think that they can "expect" it and that all mothers love their children. that's just not how it is. I would give anything for a mother that actually cared for me.
Thanks again for your response!
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Sep 09
hi jenny this is tough but when she started playing up to the man who molested you, and too the very fact that a mother would not press charges against a relative that molested her own daughter, 'she has in a sense disowned you. I think you have to'
think of her as a poisonous person who is going to kill you
just by making you ill and depressed. You need to get clear of'
her and go to those relatives that you know love you.
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
27 Sep 09
I never really looked at it that way..."she has in a sense disowned you"...
That makes a lot of sense now. I can't imagine doing this to my daughter, who is now turning 8.
If she was ever hurt in that way - God help the SOB because I'd be after him - whether my daughter is 8 - 18 - or 30..I wouldn't just sit there and pretend everything is okay and be friends with the person who hurt her. It's like she hates me and that's why it's okay for someone to hurt me like that -she just doesn't care.
And, she's telling everyone how "terrible" I am and getting everyone to be on her side - thinking I'm just this terrible - ungrateful daughter. She tells me how cold I am to her and how I don't care about her...she forgets to mention to them that she chooses to be friends with my molester. She thinks that she will always look to be the "good guy" knowing that I won't come clean to the world about what has happened to me....I think that's about to change.
1 person likes this
@dlr297 (5409)
• United States
27 Sep 09
What happened to you is terrible, and should never happen to any child. and what your mother is doing is making it worst. yes a mother is supposed to stand by their children. and you have every right to stay away from her.
Diabetes is nothing to play around with and if the nerve damage gets worst she will lose her feet, and if she is not doing anything to control it. It will eventually kill her. I know im diabetic. and it sounds to me like you were trying to help her.
I say make your decisions on what you can live with, for yourself. I wish you all the Best wishes for the future. and God Bless You
2 people like this
@bird123 (10643)
• United States
28 Sep 09
There is never an excuse for disowning your mother. There is a problem that I can see. If people molest and you do nothing about it then they don't think anything is wrong. Sure you try to get your mother to say something but does that really get the job done. You are the victim and yet you don't care enough to do anything and they all know it. You need to be the storm that this molester will never forget. Sure it might be true that the law will not do anything. If it were me, they would be in for the fight of their life. If this guy thinks nothing is wrong, won't he just do it again??? Maybe to someone else. Your Mom is your mom. Love her unconditionally no matter what. But with this molester, sometimes there needs to be drama!!! Unleash the storm!!!
1 person likes this
@dominiqueen (69)
• United States
28 Sep 09
I agree about not disowning your mother. Just keep the relationship at a distance until she can realize her head is f****d up. By keeping this relationship going that shows what is most important to her. As far as you coming down on her for not reporting this jerk for what he did. It is her decision to do that, she is the one who experience this first hand and felt the shame embarassment etc... It is real easy to talk when you are not the one who is in this situation. You are right this basterd may do the same to someone else but again this is something she has to deal with and decide for herself. Anyways good luck whatever you decide to do, i wish you the best. Stay strong and don't let ANYONE bring you down.
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