so i don't want to have kids, that does not make me a social pariah!

I feel many of the same ways you do, in fact a couple of months ago i posted a very similar discussion. Let me start out by saying that i am NOT coming after you about posting a duplicate question blah blah blah...as i posted mine more than a couple of months ago now, i don't feel it is inappropriate or violating guidelines or any of that crap... but instead of me typing out a full response..i am going to copy and paste bit from my previous discussion and share it with you (the full discussion can be found @ http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2077649.aspx ) I know that supposedly the "american dream" is to get married, have children, a house, the white picket fence etc. But why can't some people understand that having children is not for everyone? ~~~~~~~~~ It certainly didn't take long for the questions and pressures to start either. When i got married (to my now ex-husband), his mother gave a speech at the wedding the ended in "and i am so happy that you two are starting yor life together, and i am anxiously awaiting news about grand-babies being on the way!"...Over the next year, i started hearing it from both of my parents, particulary when i spoke with them on mother's day/father's day. All of a sudden questions such as "So when are you two thinking of having children?" etc. starting coming out in conversation. Now that i am getting older, and many (most) of my friends are having or have had children, i have started hearing it from them too. I am not one of those who minds hearing them talk about their kids consistantly, and i love being an "auntie" to their kids, and going out and doing things with them, but it is when my friends start saying things like "You should have some of your own, they are so much fun" or even worse "you really won't understand until you are a mom too" that it irks me. I even get hit with it at work. I usually just laugh comments off, but sometimes it makes me feel as though people think less of me, or that i am not "fullfilling my obligations" as an adult if i don't have children. I am nearing thirty, and have even started getting the comments such as "You better get started on a family soon, before it's too late" ~~~~~~~~ and there is actually some good back and forth discussion at that link as well. Let me end by saying, don't let society pressure you, if you don't want to have kids, that choice is yours, and you are not the only woman out there making that choice!

I think I am the person who don't want to have kids.It is so hard to bring up kids,that's a difficult task in my mind.You have to care about so many things about the kid.Travelling with your honey is a wonderful thing.If we don't have a baby,we can enjoy our happiness wihthout disterbation.I like this kind of life.But ,maybe ,I can't let it become reality.People around me always say that my opinion is not right,they also say that when you become "wife" ,you will change your mind.I hope taht I can live on my way.

No there's nothing wrong with being a woman who doesn't want kids. I also don't want kids. I don't have any huge noble reasons, I just first of all don't like babies. And, boy does that get a reaction when people hear it. I do like some kids, but I don't want to be responsible for another person's physical safety, emotional well being, and moral upbringing. As for marriage, I figure if I ever love someone enough that they override all my reasons against being married -mainly I'm set in my ways and I see home as a place to shut all the people you deal with in the outside, and with marriage, one of them is still there even after you shut the others out- than I would want to be married. But, that would be because there's someone I care about. I don't care about the general concept of marriage. It's not something I wonder or dream about. I'm fine single.

Your an outcast because you've already proven to be a whole lot SMARTER & MORE INDEPENDENT than them. Enjoy that knowledge , though they'll never see it that way or they secretly do but refuse to admit it.

you are right. people do look at you differently when you dont have kids. i love my kids but i think life would be much easier if we didnt have any because of my hubbys frequent job losses and my health.

Don't let those people get to you, I'd much rather see a woman who honestly doesn't want kids NOT HAVE THEM than to do it just to shut some idiots up and tthn be miserable and maybe the unwanted kids be miserable too. I'm married and have two kids, I wanted the kids, I'm happy as a mom but it is HARD WORK and it is NOT for everybody! There is absolutely nothing wrong wth not wanting to have children or not wanting to get married, at least you are honest about your feelings! I say, just be who you are, live your life as YOU see fit and be happy, it's none of anybody's business what you do with your private life and reproductive organs. Maybe those parents trying to push reproduction and commitment on you are jealous of the freedom you have in being single and child free? I can see how it would be enviable. I am happy as a mom, but I can't really go anywhere or do anything without thinking of the kids first, as it should be. I'm fine with that, it was my choice to be a wife and mother, but as I said before, it is NOT for everyone. Do me a favor, next time you go or do something exciting that you are able to do because you have no marital of parental commitments keeping you from doing so, smile one time extra on my behalf. I'll be here, at mylot between diaper changes, cooking and laundry. LOL

As a mother of three, i could not see my life with out my children. I love them dearly, even though they get on my damn nerves!! however, i don't see anything wrong with a woman or a man making the choice not to have children. everything is not for everyone. and who has the right to judge you and your choices? if don't want to have children that's fine in my book. and it should be ok with others too. but honestly, who really gives a sh*t what other's think about what you want to do?

you are very clear in your approach.I think you have written very valid points. The world is already full of people and burdened with population. There are crisis for many things that have started. If few people can take this decision at least.

Mamabear, I was just like you when I was younger, a great babysitter and I loved kids. I wanted a bunch of them. Well when my first one turned 2 I said thats it! lol. I did have one more though. My brother and his wife did not want kids. They liked their frredom too just like you. They did have one daughter by accident and love her very much. They are good parents but she (wife) also got her tubes tied right after giving birth. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. No one should try to tell anybody else how to live their life in any way. There are a lot of people who don`t want kids for many reasons. You are not a bad person just because you choose not to. People can be ignorant. Like others have said here they may be jealous of your freedom. You just have to find some way to ignore them or come up with a good response so they don`t ask you again. I love my two boys more than life itself but I have days even though they are 21 and 18 , that I could smack them right into next week. You can be just as happy single and childless for the rest of your life. Live your life your way not someone elses way.

I am a mother and I find it the best decision for my life. I wanted kids. You don't and there is nothing wrong with you IMO, and this is coming from a mother. If you don't want kids, then by all means, don't have them. It's your life. YOU have to live with it, not me or not your nosy neighbor. Next time someone comes up to you and says that you're stupid or insane for not having kids, tell them the same can be said for them for having kids. The world's resources are running out quickly and the more children born tax the resources even more and you're doing your part to help conserve.

Sometimes I think people are stuck in a cycle. The some day my prince will come theroy. Then it's 2.5 kids and a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence. Pfffffft. I say you can be independant and still be a woman. I don't need a person to complete me. I love my children and I admit that if I didn't have them then I'd be surrounded by other peoples children because it just brings out the kid in me. I don't understand why being a woman suddenly turns you into a baby factory too. And like someone else said here. I'd rather a person be honest in now wanting children then having them and not wanting them around. There isn't anything wrong with you or you way of thinking, it's the people around you that can't think outside the box.

No, you're not. Whether you want to have a child or not, it's your own right. No one can say anything about it, let alone make a decision for you. It's true that society will have a negative view upon childless couple but that doesn't make them right. I know two persons that's childless 'till the end of their. People saying bad things about them. In the end, it turn out that they choose to be that way. Both of them were HIV positive and already know that before getting married. They don't want their child to inherit it. People can make their own assumption but don't let that bother you.

I really respect you for letting us know how you feel about this. I probably would have been one those people with a weird look on there face, thanks for explaining your reasons. See I wanted to have 5 kids, but after the 1st one I said HOLD ON A MINUTE! it's alot of work I'm not just talking about feeding, chasing, changing but the hardest part is "shaping a little human". I have to keep my self in check constantly, cause monkey see monkey do!lol I'm sooosooo greatful that I have an example to follow, a guide who directs me when I don't know what to do. So after my first one I said okay God, when you think I'm ready(I thought I wasn't) and your willing please send. I now have to another wonderful girl, Perfect timing to continually help my progeny understand the meaning of life while respecting others.

Hiya Mama_bear, I think you should stop letting these people get to you. My best friend is 30 years old and not once has she ever wanted kids and I very much doubt she will ever change her mind! There is nothing wrong with her, she's very social and a wonderful person she just has no desire to have kids! There is nothing at all wrong with not wanting kids, some people do and some people dont. I'm a single mum of 2 and its probably the toughest job in the world, dont get me wrong I love being a mum but there are many people out there that wished they had either waited til they were older or wished they'd never had kids at all. These people should respect your decision not try and bring you down!

I think there's nothing wrong with not wanting to have a child. After all, it's your body and it's your life. I don't want to have a child too, but I have a boyfriend who does. He knows that I don't really want to have a child, but I told him that I would try to give him a child. I'm going to do it because of him. He's not forcing me into anything. It's just something that I want to do for him. And I believe that once the child is already there, I would love him or her no matter what. I love my nieces and nephew very much, and they're not even my own children, so I'm confident that I would fall in love with my own child too when the time comes.

You go girl, I don't think anyone should judge you for not wanting children. I think that your reasoning is well thought out and I'm impressed. I on the other hand wanted kids and was denied them because my husband lied to me. But I'm ok with things now, I don't have children and honestly it's a good thing. I don't think it's ok to bring a child into an abusive marriage. I tend to mother those around me too,so you're not alone.

Hi mama_bear, I completely identify with u. But as u grow older, people will openly say "since u cant have children, take mine", and there is no law against that sort of teasing! Think u could take that kind of teasing? If u can, do go ahead - because all the points that u have listed are very valid. I am advising based on my personal experience.

....Hi there mama_bear, I don't want you to get offended, but for one who does not want to have children, you chose an interesting name. When I saw your name on the site, I instantly thought that you already had at least four cubs :o). But anyway, I think it is always good that you know who you are and what you want out of life. We are not on earth to live our lives as others think we should. This is one time around and if you don't know what is going to make you happy then you are in a bad situation. My niece was in her 20's and she decided to give my sister a break and take her new puppy home with her for the night. She bought the puppy back the next day and told my sister she did not think she wanted to have any kids any time soon. The responsibility for the puppy for one night was too much for her. I thought it was a good lesson for her. Too many people think that kids will fill a void or make them so happy when they are parents and it does not meet their expectations, they are very disappointed. Some people are born to be parents, they do it well, one family in the news is expecting their 19th child, well God bless the mother. You should be living your life as you are doing, but stop worrying about what people think. How many of them would be helping you if you had gotten married and your husband left you with three children and no support. You would not be hearing from the more than likely. So please be happy and live your life the way you want to live it. Let the future take care of itself. Be good to yourself.