Working Mom Vs. Stay at Home Mom (& Fathers too.)

I don't feel guilty about working. I wanted to go back to work when I was able to after my c-section. I was off for about 5 months before and after my daughter was born. I work as a cop, so I couldn't work while pregnant. For the latter part of my pregnancy, I was assigned to desk duty or court duty. No arresting. I took off with about a month to go in my pregnancy due to high blood pressure problems, then after my DD was born, I was off another 10 weeks to allow my c-section to heal. I was anxious to get back. If a woman wants to work, then she should. If a man wants to stay home and if the family can support it, then I don't see a problem with a stay at home mom or dad.

My personal opinion is to do what you want and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. It's true and sad that some women don't have much of an option when it comes to choosing which path they'd like to take. I, for example, chose to be stay at home because the cost would be too much for me to go to work. Should I work for pennies due to daycare, health insurance, and vehicle maintenance costs or stay at home and raise my daughter as my job? It was the obvious choice that made the most sense for our situation. I'm really not judgmental toward anyone on this subject. There are both working moms and stay at home moms in my family. I know there are working dads and stay at home dads out there too. Every family is different and I wish everyone could just embrace that and live their lives the way they want without worrying about anyone else!!

I have pretty strong convictions about this but my opinion is relevant only to how *I* feel. I believe everybody is different, some people are maternal - wanting to mother, wanting to be the sole caretaker, some people are paternal - wanting to father, wanting to be the sole caretaker. Some people are career driven and don't particularly want kids. Some figure they'll split evenly between both a career and a family. I am a full time parent who volunteers and has at times worked part time. Right now I do a lot of volunteering at the school and occasionally I take care of my friends' kids when they are working. I do intend to work again but only part time, and likely at a school so I will always be home when my daughter is not at school. My priority of course is focused on parenting, I am not career driven. I never have been. When I did depend on solely my own income, I DID work full time but I didn't have kids. I can tell you that you cannot 'have it all'. That is a falsehood. You still only have 24 hours in a day. If you intend to devote a lot to a career, it means you cannot devote the same amount of time to your family. If you intend to devote a lot to your family, then you cannot devote that time to a career. Plain and simple. It really comes down to priorities, not just what you NEED to make ends meet or be comfortable, but how your personality is and how you feel about it. I am a great multitasker when it is things I care equally about. I don't want to work though if my daughter is home. I don't want to use daycare, friends, or be gone on weekends when my hubby is home because then that interferes with our time together. If you have no choice, then I don't think about it too much. I do feel bad for moms and/or dads who are miserable because they have to work 12 hours a day and leave their kids in expensive day cares all the time. I don't as much feel bad for a parent who CHOOSES to put their kid in a daycare for 12 hours just because they want to work but don't have to. That is too much of a sacrifice for me. It it were more like 4 or 5 hours? That seems acceptable. However, that's just how *I* feel about it. Bottom line - being a full time parent is not EASY. I don't know who ever came up with the idea that it is, because it isn't. Full time parent is more descriptive than 'stay at home mom' because it could be mom OR dad and most of the time, the parent and child or children are NOT sitting at home. It can certainly be fun, and there are lots of times when it is relaxed and not too stressful, you can kind of play it by ear how your day may go. Sometimes it is more physically draining than going into an office though! Sometimes it is more emotionally or mentally draining as well. Being a working parent isn't easy either. Most men seem to have an easier time with it than women, a lot of women feel guilty. Some of them hide it and stuff it down and pretend they don't feel that way, but they do. The guilt must be associated with wishing you could be in two places at once, and that is why I say you honestly cannot 'have it all'. I think that some women who work and wish they could stay home resent full time moms because they are doing what THEY wish they could be doing. I also think that some full time moms resent some working moms because they WANTED to be working and they are stuck with kids. Like I said, it's too bad you cannot just use your personality to gauge what you do. Unfortunately, some people don't HAVE a choice, and that in itself causes the majority of resentment and jealousy. I agree that EVERYBODY should have the FREEDOM to work if they WISH and there should be equal opportunities to all job fields and jobs for both men and women, but I don't necessarily believe that women SHOULD work. Taking care of children and parenting IS work. It is my opinion that parents, especially parents who also work - have TWO JOBS. If you are a full time parent without an employer you get paid from, then you have one job. If you are a career person with no kids, you have one job. That sounds equal to me. A parent who also works is like superman or superwoman.