Pls. tell me if you can call this cheating and why?

The premise is, in a married relationship, the man's whole person is committed to the woman, and the other way around. He is devoted to her and that he will not look to other woman, I don't mean literally and physically looking, but looking with malicious or lustful intent. If there is a desire that results in fantasizing her, I think that he is unfaithful to his vow, therefore cheating. One thing leads to another too and who knows that in his action to continue to harbor the thoughts of sleeping with the girl, he is not doing it while he is with his wife. He doesn't have the guts to tell his wife, so he recognizes that there is something wrong aside from hurting the wife's feelings. So in his mind and heart, I believe he is cheating his wife. Actual physical contact with the woman is worse expression of cheating. Thankfully it hasn't reached that stage (yet). With regards to the dream. He has no control over it, so he is off the hook.

Hello vopols. I agree with you that cheating depends on how you define it. As I've already stated in my earlier comments in this discussion, every relationship has different boundaries for what is permissible and what is not. I think it's cheating if the relationship is the kind where couples commit to give themselves to each other 100%. But the guy was not open to his wife about him fantasizing about another woman, so I think the guy is most likely crossing the boundaries of their relationship, because if he's not, then there would be nothing to hide.

Yes angela you are absolutely right. Relationship must have boundaries. If one crosses that boundary it can be called cheating as far as the two couples is concern.

"You have heard that it has been said Thou shall not commit adultery, but I say too you, he who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery in his heart." This too is what I learned so the man is cheating in his heart though not cheating in a physical sense. LOL Cheers.

That biblical quote sets your answer out in black and white for the Christian Believer's perspective..but aside from the Bible's teachings,if This Guy is dreaming of this Woman at night while in Bed at home with his wife,and then fantasising about the Woman while at work during the day,He may have some domestic issues he needs to address,as this behaviour sounds to be borderline obsessive and unhealthy.. I wonder how long has He been confiding his feelings for this Woman to others,and if He has plans to take things further?

So you think he's just being naughty and no harm is done? I wonder what will his wife say about the fantasy? Have a nice day.

am I to assume that everytime he sees the girl and let his wicked imagination run and enjoy every moment of it he is not guilty of cheating? That it is always ok to fantasize?

Yes. If he's not cheating, he's not a cheater. If he'd rather be sitting around fantasizing about other people *all* the time rather than spend time with his wife, then there is probably something wrong with his marriage that might eventually cause him to cheat, but daydreaming isn't cheating, either.

Nothing may be wrong in his marriage, he's just acting to the dictates of the lower sentiments of men. LOL I just hope that that wild imagination stops there and he will not bring it at home. I'm sure you know what I mean. thanks Laurie.

In his heart and mind, he is already cheating. In that sense I think some will agree that the guy is a cheater. Cheers Irene!

Oh, we actually had a good heart to heart talk of the possible consequences but I don't think it sank into his brain. LOL cheers.

Lack of maturity, that is. Harboring wicked thoughts leads to wicked acts, this is one thing for sure. thanks!

I feel that "cheating" is a wilful act, and dreams are not a wilful act. But, bragging about a dream or talking about it endlessly is extremely disrespectful to the significant other. It also shows a huge lack of maturity and a complete absence of class. As for fantasizing....that's just thinking about cheating, and just like anything else, you have to do it to say you've really done it, you know? The thing to remember though, is that if you let the fantasies take over your life, you might end up imploding and actually doing "the deed".

Unless of course, dreams are his reality like what the song says. LOL Have a nice day!

If he does that, just rid his mind of it, will be the best if he values his committment with the wife. Have a nice day!

Since he is already fantasizing the woman, no doubt that when opportunity opens, he will seize it. One thing leads to another and if it doesn't stop there, chances are it will end up in wicked acts. Either with the same woman or someone else. have a nice day.

What he does in his concious state is different from when he was dreaming. With regards to fantasizing the woman, I think he is guilty of cheating in his heart. He looks at the woman lustfully and entertain the thoughts in his mind. And what guarantee the wife has than when in their intimate moments, the guy still thinks of the dream and continue to fantasize? When that happens, then that is definitely cheating. Thanks.

Yes, I agree with you on that.

you dream a lot then huh. LOL Cheers!

I agree, some things are better left unsaid. And this is for the good of both. Thanks.

So you think it's both depending on how you look at the situation and the effect to the wife. That is, he is cheating and he is not, it depends. Cheers!

Exactly.. That is what I meant.

You are right, counselling is needed to avoid any further untoward developments.I hope all these thoughts end the moment he is with his wife. Being tempted is not a problem, to allow ourselves fall into temptation is another matter.

No it is not. Everyone has these kinds of dreams and fantasies. Thought it may be morally dubious there is nothing wrong with it in my opinion. The fact that he has enough self restraint (or shall we call it love for his wife?) is evidence enough to let the guy off the hook. I'm sure his wife has fantasies of her own too.

as long as the wife is not hurt, then it is still ok but if it develops further then that's definitely cheating. Cheers.

He not having the courage to tell the wife implies that the wife is not open to fantasies. And telling her the details of what follows will surely be a declaraton of war. Some things are better left unsaid, to that I think you will agree. I appreciate the input. cheers

dreaming, yes he is off the hook. But what about fantasizing the woman when he is widely awake? Is there any problem with that? Will the wife say that's alright?

Thanks corycrystal. This is not only a sign but actually cheating in itself. This is the sentiment expressed in many of the above comments. People may differ in the way they express things but the underlying fact is that this is a questionable act. Thanks for the response, Have a nice day.

Like what others have pointed out, we don't have any control over our dreams so the guy is not cheating. What concerns me is his fantasizing of the woman when he sees her in the office everyday. You then agree, that this action is tantamount to cheating. Happy mylotting.

You are saying that there must be a line that separates fantasy from reality and as long that that is not crossed and nobody is harmed, it is alright for you. Happy mylotting.