What If She Takes My Son From Me

Philippines
October 2, 2009 9:18pm CST
Okay, I have 2 kids...one is 14 years old...and the other is turning 3... The second one actually is my sister's son... she is 10 years younger than me and she feels like she needs a jumpstart in life.. wants to work and save a little money... ...so she asked me if I could take care of her baby for a while, and I wanted to give her the opportunity to explore and see what is in store for her..prepare for her and her son's future... I took Marco (that's his name) with me to the Philippines.... my sister is in CA by the way... I guess you know hard hard it is to have kids there and work at the same time and have nobody to take care of your kids... She can't pay for a baby-sitter either... NOW, Marco grew up thinking I'm his real mom... and I treated him like my own son... as much as how I treated Patrick (my 14-year old)... they both call me "mama".. and they the same love and care any mother would give... MY SISTER CALLED ME and told me she will graduate in 5 months.. and after she starts working and things will fall into place... she might take Marco back... I asked her how much time that would be... and she said IN A YEAR.... .......I ALMOST FELL FROM MY CHAIR and cried... for the pastt 3 years, I wake up everyday with Marco... and I can't imagine if he will go and i only get to see him once a year maybe... HOW CAN MARCO UNDERSTAND??? HOW CAN I DEAL WITH IT??? EVERSINCE ME AND MY SISTER TALKED...I LOOK AT MARCO AND I CAN'T HELP MY TEARS..... ---------HOW CAN I EVER DEAL WITH IT??? HELP !!! ----------- PLEASE DON'T TELL ME I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL THIS WAY COZ YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT KID......
12 people like this
65 responses
ajayrocks111
@ajayrocks111 (390)
• India
3 Oct 09
Hi patofgold23,I think you deserve the rights to have your son (marco) with you for life long. I can understand how much you love him and taken care of him till now. Its not the matter of having rights to take child away from you for your sister. Its all about the love and care and feelings you have given him to grow in that lovely environment. I think you can talk this to your sister and she'll agree with you. She has lived 3 years leaving him with you and i think she can really understand you feelings and leave Marco with you forever. So don't worry for anything and go for the talk with your sister and get her convinced.
2 people like this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Hi ajay... I knew from the start she would come and take him back one day... but i never knew it would be now...and I never thought i would ever be ready for that.. when i decided to take Marco..i wanted to give her the chance to start a life. for Marco's future... but now..i dont wanna give Marco to her.. I have fallen in love with this little angel..and I am not cinvinced Marco would be okay with her as he is with me...
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
you have no idea what kind of thoughts are crossing my mind. i am thinking of all possible ways to keep Marco and what might convince her of that...
ajayrocks111
@ajayrocks111 (390)
• India
3 Oct 09
That is true.. even if she is the original mother , you have bought up Marco and he thinks you are his mother. Just don't worry for anything and try to get her convinced. And if you find her that she'll be convinced then just give her a suggestion that she can go for another child. ( give birth to another one).
dorisday1971
@dorisday1971 (5657)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
There is a great possibility that your sister will get Marco. It may not be easy for you to let go of Marco but you need to once your sister asks you to have her daughter back. If I were you, start telling Marco stories about him real Mama, that he will be sleeping with her real Mama in days to come, etc. At age 3, the chicld can fully comprehend. .. . It would be easier for the kid who is still very young to adjust but it would be difficult for you to be waking up without him. I know how much you love the kid but you really have to let him go. That situation once happened to me when my sister in law left her daughter with me for a long time and when the time came that she took her baby, I was emotionally devastated. But it was only for a while and eventually everything became alright. I'm sure you will also learn to let go .. . Just pray and you will be alright.
2 people like this
dorisday1971
@dorisday1971 (5657)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
My sister in law was only 22 when she had her daughter and I also had doubts if she is capable of raising her daughter. But, as all mothers have it, she has mother's instinct that taught her how to raise her daughter. Give your trust to your sister for she will do everything for the sake of her daughter. She will eventually learn how to take good care of her daughter.
2 people like this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
doris..i may sound like i do not feel confident on how my sister can take care of Marco... but i want her to prove Marco will be okay with ehr and that she can give Marco a good life..otherwise, i wont let her drag Marco into a life of uncertainty while he should be doing so perfectly here...
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Hi doris... you're right..it's breaking my heart.. and since we talked..I now know not how to deal with the coming days and weeks and months.. knowing i would eventually lose Marco to her... I want her to convince me first that she can takecare of Marco and give her what he needs... she is 20...she's very young and I only want what's best for Marco.. I may sound not trusting on her capabailitiies as a mom... but i cant help it and i hope u undertsnd why i feel this way.. i just want to make sure Marco will be well-taken cared of...
1 person likes this
daliaj
@daliaj (5674)
• India
3 Oct 09
I can understand you my friend. It is very hard for you to leave the kid being with him fo around three years. I have seen many people who were in the same situation as you. You please think abour your sister, who is the mother of Marco. How much she would have felt to leave her kid in a different country far away from her? How much pain she is having daily for missing the nice childhood days of her son? So, please understand the situation and console yourself.
2 people like this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Hi dalia... i know,.. i dont wanna sound selfish.. i am a mother too and i can feel my sister wants to be with her son... but Marco might not understand..and honestly..I AM NOT READY...i cannot imgaine for that day to come... what now?? every single day I know my time with Marco will soon have to end... How can I ever get to see him everyday when he starts living in CA??? it's sooooooo unfair for all of us.......
sutent
@sutent (1060)
• China
3 Oct 09
Hi friend, In my opinion, you deserve the right to feel this, as you have devote your sincere love on your son, no matter if he is your son in blood relationship. there were a word in China, adsptive mother is more intimate than natural mother. it is very common and reasonable that you do not want lose your son. But every thing have two sides. In the other side, it would break your sister's heart if she can not get back her son and raise he. Per your telling, your sister do not want abandon her son to you, but just want to make more for her and son's future. She also love her son and she also have the right to have and raise the son. In my opinion, you and your sister should sit down and have a frank dialogue, then make a good choice on your both son. Which is best for your both son, not for you or your sister. You both should sacrifice your benefit for your both son. Whatever the result, your both are all the mother the boy and you all should do anything you can do to nurture the boy. Thanks for your sharing! It is really good, as it express the really love in humankind. Send me the result by privacy message when it comes out, if you would like to do that.
2 people like this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
HI sutent...I am somewhat hoping there would be some spark of hope and someone would tell me I should keep Marco..in the back of my mind I know he rightfully belongs to my sister.. but i somehow dont wanna acknowledge that... I dont know if this is being selfish... but I am thinking of Marco's welfare... he is so happy with me and he has everything he needs... and he is soooooooo loved here... I dont want him to go through a huge change he might not understand well... things might confuse him........... and honestly..it is breaking my heart!
shellback
@shellback (864)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Well its hard for you to decide, its your feeling, you have to comfort your self by making your busy, forget about marco, that kid is not your son although you're act as his mother for a year, you know, marco can understand that because he is too young but he never forget you, after a long years maybe 2-5 years from now marco can decide that you are not his mother, the problem now is you, how can you handle your feelings, here is a simple tip, first, forget about marco and think that he's alright with his mom, second is pray, you know the distance of problem and solution is between your knees and the floor, look up to Jesus, trust to Jesus and give ti Him all of your burden and He give you rest... have a blessed day, God bless you...
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
hi shell... i wish I can say that it would be easy for me... but oh GOD!!!! i dont think I can easily do that... im not prepared for that..and i will never be.... my whole body was shaking when she told me she's taking Marco back... you have no idea how i felt..it's like some thinck cloud enveloped me.... please...pray for me that there is a best solution to this... I am so hurt just htinking about it.
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
no im not offended...and i know i might be being unreasonable.. but i cant help it.. i feel so helpless in this situation
shellback
@shellback (864)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Yeah i know its hard for you, but think of your self and your own kids first before the others, I think it much better to forget all those things even its hard to accept because its in there, we cant back the time! Friend, i have no intention or force you to considering my saying here are true, but this is only sort of my advises,hoping you're not offended.. smile..
1 person likes this
kitty42
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
4 Oct 09
Hello my friend I am sure you had some great advice so I will make this short and sweet, you have to remember he will be with your sister, and she will take care of him, maybe in time you will be close enough to see each other more often, my niece spends alot of time with me, not to this extent but I really miss her when she is not here, what you should do is mentally prepare yourself for the upcoming transition, you have time my friend make use of it, mentally see him going with your sister, mentally say your goodbyes, its not forever, your sister sounds great unlike mine, think if he was going to be with someone that was not a good mom,then you would have more to worry about, you will see each other again, its sad but you have to prepare yourself my friend, no sense prolonging the inevitable, once you prepare yourself mentally it will make this so much easier for you, I say this because I know its hard, and you can get really depressed behind something like this, get a grip now, you can do it. Hope you understand what I am saying
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
hi there my friend... I know..people think i should deliver my end of the deal... but you see..you are a mother too..and you shold understand that what we want is what's best for the little one...Right now, it is with me...whatever she say, i know her, and she is not ready at all.. it will take a long time for her to be readlly ready and i do not want her to drag Marco on the kind of life she has. Marco is so happy here with me..he is so much loved and i can provide him what he needs.she honestly cannot give her what i ca give to marco right now. I want a little more time until i am convinved Marco would be alrigth with her..maybe by that time i would not go crazy thinking if Marco is okay or not... but giving Marco back to her right now... it's really not the best thing yet.
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
6 Oct 09
oh..my friend Kitty... I love you for being a wonderful person and very honest about things.. you truly are a good friend... i knew i screwed on some things..I made a huge mistake by making him call me "mama" and all... maybe it's because of my strong love for marco... From how things are going... I think I can try to make marco stay a little longer with me.. and correct my mistakes on the process.... Maybe the time will come I will be ready to see him go with my sister... that 'right time'..my sister yet have to prove to me.
kitty42
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
4 Oct 09
Hello my friend What I would do if I was you, is talk with your sister tell her how you feel, she may let him stay, but you have to let him know you are not his mom my friend, its only right, one of these days she will want her son, he will be completely shocked not knowing who this woman is, show him a picture from time to time, let him call you auntie not mom, talk with your sister and see what happens, what ever is meant to be will be, either way there will have to be a change my friend.I wish you and your family the best, but in all reality the person that really matters is Marco and he needs to know he has a mom and she loves him as well, I think she did the right thing by trusted you with her son, don't make her regret that. I know this is hard for you I can tell how desperate you sound in your responses, its a sad situation not sure I would be able to handle it, but one thing i would not do is go into something like this having my nephew or niece call me mom, I would not do that, its confusing and unfair to my sister, your a strong woman you will get through this my friend, talk with your sister be honest with her and see what happens, you never know unless you try, tell her you poured your heart and sul into this little boy, can he stay, something to that affect, I don't know maybe that is not a good idea maybe this will make matters worse, I don't know my friend.
1 person likes this
DavidReedy
@DavidReedy (2378)
• United States
3 Oct 09
My prayers go with you. Unfortunately, your story isn't so unique. You've done your best, and hopefully you will continue with some meditation and insight to do the right thing--whatever that may be. You can only hope she does to. Again, my prayers are with you all.
1 person likes this
DavidReedy
@DavidReedy (2378)
• United States
21 Oct 09
Amilet, contratulations, you've convinced me to use some will power, for I was about to get rude toward you due to your false conclusion, instead I will only be slightly pretentious. How could I have been rude? One sentence comes to mind, and perhaps it's my fault for not being clear, or perhaps it's equally your fault for not taking the time to try to determine what I meant by it. The only sentence that could be misconstrued and taken as rude is the sentence where I wrote "unfortunately, your story isn't so unique" and that was a commentary based on the fact, that all over there are all kinds of sad cases like this where guardianship and parenthood is thrown around, and all too often people who truly Love one another are torn apart. Too bad, you misunderstood that. Just remember next time you come to a conclusion, the old aphorism--"when you're pointing a finger at someone you got four pointing back at you," or the psychological truism, that we see others actions through our own narrow intentions.
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
i feel sorry for Marco coz he might not understand when the time comes...he has no memory of my sister at all... i feel hurt, yes.. but i think it's Marco who'll be hurt most..and I dont want that to happen. I may be selfish too coz Im thinking about myself missing him so much and i might not be able to handle it... I was thinking of ways to compromise with my sister... coz I am willing to sacrifice so much mroe just to keep Marco or at least keep him a little longer......
TheAmilet
@TheAmilet (52)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
David. I dont know if this is my own impression or I may be right..but you sounded rude.
skysuccess
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
3 Oct 09
patofgold23, If you are so attached with your nephew Marco, I am just concern if he is equally attached to you, here. I understand your attachment here and I would advise you to control your emotions. This is where you really have to get a grip of yourself and let logic take over for now. He is your nephew and his mother, your sister has asked for your help here. Love him if you must but remember that your role as a loving aunt. I can understand how you feel and as long as you continue to let your emotions and sentiments get the better of you, then you will find reality hard and harsh. Your sister is the real biological mother and she loves him as well, if not more than you. Get a hold of yourself and trust that he will be just as good with your sister. This will also be fair for your sister and him. I am sure if the tables have been turned here, you will get to understand just how your sister is feeling and pinning for her son. Last but not least, sometimes letting go is another form of love and if I may add further, a much nobler act of love.
1 person likes this
skysuccess
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
3 Oct 09
patofgold23, Love is never selfish. It may not be easy however, if you are willing to give yourself a chance and be brave - it will be a good start. Marco, your nephew will never be loved any lesser and as his loving aunt, you have done extremely well. You must remind yourself that you are his aunt and that you love your sister dearly too. Learn to accept your family ties and prepare yourself mentally to walk down this road to make it easier for yourself and most of all everyone. I am sure your nephew will never forget you and his return to his mother is not some bad parting. After all, she is your family, as well. For a start, shift your paradigm and take courage.
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
you know sky... my mind is full of all kinds of thought how to keep marco and how I could convince my sister so... I never thought when people say that when you think so much of something and you feel like your mind is throbbing, and you heart exploding..... coz that is how i feel right now... i dont wanna be selfish and i want what's best for Marco... I am not saying my sister can't take care of Marco the way I did just because she's still young and doesnt even have a place of her own. but how can i not worry??? what kind of life can she give to marco??
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
hi sky... i want not to listen to anybody..i hope i can be stubborn.. and i hope i can compromise... i am willing to sacrifice just to keep Marco longer..if not forever... but i dont wanna be hurting my sister too..i am a mom i dont know how she is feeling right now..but im sure she misses her son.. i may feel unfair... but only because I love Marco with all my heart!!!! What you said somehow knocked me to my senses... Letting go is indeed a form of love.. but i have to admit... I am not ready at all...
1 person likes this
kun2349
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
8 Oct 09
Well, u have no choice but to give marco back to her.. For she's marco's natural mother, and not u.. Though u have raised marco for the past few years, and the bonding is there, but the fact that u are not his real mother, does not allow u to have any choice here.. What u can do now is to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally, also, by telling marco what's gonna happen in 1 year's time.. Kids might be naive and innocent, but they do understand and feel for certain things.. I guess u should have told him about his mom right?? Thus, he will always have impressions of his own mom..
1 person likes this
kun2349
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
9 Oct 09
I think u are the one who's not ready to let marco go, and it's not your sister who's not ready nor marco..
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
11 Oct 09
i guess you're right kun...
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
i know kun... it's just not as simple as it looks..but i'm working on it... i am trying to keep marco for a litttle longer coz i think my sister is not that ready yet.... soon i will have to face that
3SnuggleBunnies
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I don't know what to say to you my dear. On one had you could find a good lawyer and ask about obtaining custody or shared custody of him. You could also move to CA to be closer to your Nephew or have her move to the Philippines. And I would think for you to legally take him out of the US you would need to have some paperwork from his parent(s). I would see if you can get a free consultation with a lawyer on your rights, even if you are technically "Auntie" but he grew up with you persay no his real Mom. Was your nephew born in CA or in the Philippines? That may make a difference as well with his citizenship unless as a 3yo he holds dual citizenship. Good Luck & update us on how you decide to handle this... ((hugs))
1 person likes this
3SnuggleBunnies
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
3 Oct 09
How much of your Nephew has your Sister seen? You said you were just on a 2 week trip... do you do this a few times a year? And with the economy being what it is there's no guarantee she'd get established making good money to support your Nephew within that year time frame. I know living in my state is a bit cheaper than in CA, but I cannot afford daycare. Not even when I only had one child. She would need a very very good job and those are hard to come by. Places like McDonalds are not even hiring by me. Maybe even talking to your Nephew about his real mom comming to take him home when he is a lil bigger will make the transition a lil easier for both of you. Not that you want to think about it but sometimes it will lessen the shock on your emotions when it does happen. ((hugs))
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
hi Snuggle...Mraco was born in CA... I worked on his papers though and obtained a dual citizenship... I was in CA months ago for a 2week visit and i had all the papers for his dual citizenship when i came back to PI... between me and my sister..we didnt sign anything and I know she can really take him back anytime... that is what I,m sooooo scared of.... but i know there is nothing i can do.... i would be huting my sister if I keep Marco... and Marco would not understand when he grows up..and might even get mad at me... or...am i confused???? i guess i am..im not thinking straight..im crying right now....
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
the last time my sister saw his son was when he was a baby... and since he came here in PI...thet never saw each other again... he has no memories of his mother.. when i visited my mom and sister in CA a few months back..i went thre alone.. I have another sister here who took care of Marco and I paid somebody else to make sure their food are cooked on time and the rooms are clean and all while Im gone...
athomice
@athomice (396)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
Hello! The only thing I can say is keep praying. Ask God the right thing to do, this post really touched others life. They even relate to you, feel you. God will lead you in the right path because you're a good person. Always remember the truth will set you free and no matter the outcome of this sittuation, the love you give to Marco will be the key to your peace of mind and your heart. It will hurt, but God will heal it and you will grow much better after this. I don't know if my words can help you, there's nothing left to say anymore everyone already said things how,what you should do. But God is the mos powerful help you can get. KEEP PRAYING! KEEP BELIEVING! God Bless!
1 person likes this
athomice
@athomice (396)
• Philippines
13 Oct 09
I'm glad I'm able to help you in my simple way. No matter what people say, just believe in the LOrd he is the only answer to what problems we are going through. Keep the FAITH! God Bless!
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
16 Oct 09
hey athom... i didnt know you responded back to me...sometimes the notifications only work when thay want to... thanks a lot ofr the very kind words... they mean a lot to me, i needed that
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
you know athomice... that is one thing I always forget... to pray, pray... and now i am in a difficult situation..it made me realize how much i have missed out on that... you are right... prayers does help.. and have done so much to enlighten me.
ANTIQUELADY
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Of course u have a right to feel that way. She hasn't wanted him all this time & i think she is just blowing smoke, can't feel she would want him now. I think she should leave u both alone & let things stay as they are. To me there is no excuse to give ur child to someone else to raise. I hope everything turns out good for u & that little boy.
1 person likes this
ANTIQUELADY
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I just hope she leaves him right where he is & will not disrupt his life as he knows it. She has proved she doesn't want the resposibility of being a mom by giving him away to start with. I find people to be very selfish that want take the responsibilty of bringing a child into the world & not looking after them. I had a hard time raising my 2 boys by myself but i never thought about giving them away ever for someone else to raise. This may be a passing thought w/her but i dodn't think she will follow through w/it & she certainly doesn't need to. I hope it want cause trouble within the family as u mentioned DD but i would put the child's welfare in front of anything or anybody. A little child is a precious thing.
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
I really needed to hear those words.. thank you so much... anybody who have seen how I raised Marco... how I loved him like my own..would agree with me..and with both of you. i dont wanna think anything against my sister or accuse her of not being a good mom... but as a sister i do question her sometimes abotu her capability of taking care of Marco and what kind of life she can give him.. Marco is so happy with me... It might be selfish for me to say she will ruin it for me and Marco coz she's the mother... but if she can only realize that her son is in good hands....
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
I am a single mom antique... when i had Patrick (my first) I raised him alone... I was scared coz I was 17 when i had him..but i faced my responsibility and oh my god!!! how can you not love the baby inside you?? now Patrick's 14 and i look back and realize how much time had passed..I am proud at how i raised him... i dont wanna think bad against my sister... but yeah..i raised my son at 17...nd I was at school at the same time.. I sleep at 2am coz I work part-time typing documents for this logging company..but i made it. i think it's partly also because i love my sister and i didnt want her to go thorugh what i went through... I just didnt know things will come to this.
1 person likes this
celticeagle
@celticeagle (168126)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Oct 09
Ofcourse you love him!! The way the courts would look at it though is that she is the biological mother. Does he know who is who in this or? I think it would be a good idea to tell him the truth and let him chose. If you make much of a struggle out of this for her she could make this hell on Earth for you. Remember the child and his rights in this. Ofcourse you love him but I am sure you want the best for him.
1 person likes this
celticeagle
@celticeagle (168126)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Oct 09
I wasn't sure how old he was. If he isn't old enough that a court would have him chose then I don't know what they would do. At some point isn't it the goal for him to go home with his mother? Or do you want to keep him now? Some where along the way I would look into adoption and the legal rights of each of you. I think he has a right to know the truth and chose for himself. That would be my bottom line on it all. I would hope you two sisters can work that out. It is only right. As far as you are concerned you are sort of a sarrogate mother in it all. Sadly so. Laws usually go with the bio mom in these matters. Hard case. I hope it works out for you. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes right now.
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
you know celtic... Marco is still very young and he doesnt know what's going on.. He doesnt remember my sister... or maybe he sees her on the webcam... but he has o memories of her... waht do you think will he feel... if he is separated form me.?? What if my sister cant give her the life i am giving Marco..and the life I woudl give Marco? I want what's best for Marco... but is giving her back to my sister what's best for him???
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
i knew from the start i would be on the lsoing end on this... but i never thought it would come to this... i even thought at first i would just be taking care of my sister's baby... but God help me... i have fallen in-love with Marco..he is the sweetest angel there is!
1 person likes this
srganesh
@srganesh (6340)
• India
3 Oct 09
I can understand your feelings.I am more worried about the little kid who couldn't understand as we adults do.As you are too much attached to him,why should not you ask your sister to leave him to yourself?Did you think in this angle.I hope that will be a good thing if it is accepted.Cheer up.Everything will come as you like.
1 person likes this
srganesh
@srganesh (6340)
• India
3 Oct 09
Ask her to allow some more years to you with Marco.By then,he will be mature to understand things and slowly you both can make up your minds for the depart.Marco is a real human being and asking him back suddenly will harm both your feelings.So,explain to your sister about the need to be together and ask some more time at the least.
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
i really feel that Marco is in best hands with me... my sister is still young and doesnt have her won place... I cant imagine what kind of life Marco will have with her... still i know people will tell me i have no right... but any person who saw how i took care of this little angel and loved hima s my own and made sure he has everything a child should have and more... will agree with me...
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
that is what I am trying to do sr... she is a mother too and she wants to be with her son... i feel so selfish if i push it much further... but it's breaking my heart!
Lakota12
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
3 Oct 09
Well its going to be hard but in the first place you should have told him to call you Aunt so he wouldnt be moxed up now as that is what you are his Aunt. Now you have a YEar to get to terms with if and him to understand Godd blees you and takre care
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
honestly... I AM NOT READY FOR THAT AT ALL.. i dont know how to ever prepare myself for that time ...and I wish that time will never have to come.. I DONT CARE IF I HAVE TO BREAK MY BONES WORKING EVERYDAY taking care of two kids... im a single mom and have to raise these two kids on my won.. BUT IM WILLING TO MAKE ALL THE SACRIFICES for my two little kids.... i dont want to lose any of them... if she takes him back.i dont know what to do..to say..or i dont even knwo what to think ....
1 person likes this
sid556
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I can only imagine what you are going thru. You just can't take on a child like that and not have that emotional bond as you now know. Still you did it for your sister...another very strong emotional bond. You KNEW that this day would probably sometime come. It isn't going to be easy but at some point you need to talk to the boy and to your own son and tell them the truth. It won't be easy but they both deserve to know the truth. Kids adjust and if you explain ti to them honestly they will be upset at first but in time, I think, they will come to understand the reasons as to why you did what you did. Above all, expose the truth as soon as possible. The longer you carry on the lie...the more it will hurt. As for your own personal feelings, just know that this little man will come to understand that you did a great thing for him and you will always hold a special place in his heart.
1 person likes this
sid556
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I'm so sorry. I did not mean to make you sadder. I'm just trying to be realistic. The boy deserves to be with his real mom if she is capable of raising him and the mom deserves her son if she has reached a point in her life that she is able to. That, after all, was the purpose of the agreement. Right? I know it is hard but in all fairness to everyone involved you have to live up to your agreement. Think of the alternative. You could fight for custody and I think you may have a good chance at wnning. You would end up alienating your sisterand later on possibly the boy when he learns the truth. As his aunt, you will always have a big role in his life...an important role.
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
reading your response makes me cry much more sid..coz I feel i will really lose Marco.. I am like in mercy here..hoping there is some spark of hope that I could still keep him much much longer... or maybe for good. I knwo I can take care of him and give him a good life and he is very happy with me... I am willing to sacrifice so many things for him.... I dont think i can handle it when the time comes.
1 person likes this
cecelgay
@cecelgay (563)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
I sympathy with you, I am a mother and i understand what you feel, you treated Marco as your own son and it's painful to think that one of these days he'll be gone and her true mother will take him to you, but a very sad truth is his mother wants to take him now, and same as you, you should understand your sister also, she has a motherly desire also to be with his son which she longs for 3 years, she waited and sacrifice 3 years far from her son jaz to make sure their future, I know that you do understand also her. To think that marco will be gone is painful on your side but you should consider also your sister and the truth that marco's mother is still living and wanted to take care of him also, you'll be one sided if you'll jaz think about your feeling. Acceptence is what you need to do, acceptance that marco will be with his mom, and will have the same love that you're giving, we mothers think always what is good for our kids, and also, maybe your sister will be vocl to marco that you are the one who take care of him while she's away. Acceptance and Letting go what you all need to do plus a prayer to give you strength to understand bear all the pain of it. I hope you can do it.
1 person likes this
cecelgay
@cecelgay (563)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
Yeah, i know that, Letting go is the hardest part of moving on, It will really break your heart, but try to think, if you will still hold on who's the looser on this situation, both of you.. You, your sister and marco, at his young age he will not understand what's happening. Prayer is the best weapon, try to ask God to give your strength everyday as the day is coming.
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
cecel..i wish i can say i can accept it that easy... i even thought i was strong... now i am so broken apart... how can i live every day knwoing my days with my little angel is running out??? I am trying ... i wish i could accpet easily.. Right now... i could never be ready for that.
k sridharprasad
@yugasini (12893)
• Secunderabad, India
3 Oct 09
hi patogold, let me say first hats off your generosity and mother hood,i also getting tears in my eyes after reading the discussion,really you have lot of love towards your sister and her son,in these days no one is helping their sisters,but you have to bare the situation and act accordingly,i once again saying "namaskarams" to your mother hood and sister hood,i am proud to say that i have got you as my friend,i have to say thanks to mylot also to give this opportunity,have a nice day
1 person likes this
k sridharprasad
@yugasini (12893)
• Secunderabad, India
4 Oct 09
hi patogold, thanks for the response,first send the photo of those two lucky sons of you,firstly you are some feeling,think that the kid is with you,you divert your mind to some other things,he far away to you,there is lot of communications,you can talk with him on the net,what is there,be strong in mind and spend days,have a nice day
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
hi there yuga.. i have been crying for hours since i got off the phone.. and my eyes are tired... and im typing and crying in front of the computer coz i cant talk to anybody about this... i dont know if my sister knows how this will hurt me... but her being a mother is one thing i cant take away from her too... why do things have to be this way?? i hope there would be something..a solution..that will work best for everybody and nobody has t cry.
kmaram
@kmaram (2533)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Hi there, long time no see anyway i am facing similar problem now and its so hard. I guess you should back Marco in his mother i know its hard to do this because you are the one who take care of Marco eversince. And now your sister will get her son its really hard, but thats legal way I mean she has more right to Marco so let it be give it to her anyway she's your sister and you can still communicate with Marco anytime, goodluck girl cheer up try to smile because thats what i am trying to do now, i am hopeless also at this time.
1 person likes this
kmaram
@kmaram (2533)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
I know that but i dont think we can do more about it. So i guess lets just accept it i know its really hard and if this happen to me i dont know what will i do also. Right now i have problem with the father of my daughter and i even think that he will get our daughter.
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Hi mon... It's so hard.. no words can describe... if she takes Marco ... how can i get to see him everyday? CA is halfway around the world...
mysticmaggie
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
5 Oct 09
You have every right to feel the way you do, BUT your sister is Marco's mother since she has not given him up for adoption. It sounds as though you understood the rules when you took him in, whether there was a time limit set or not. It would have been easier all the way around if you and your sister agreed to let you babysit instead of pretending to be Marco's mom. You need to find a way to tell Marco - check with professionals regarding the best way to break the news to him. By the way, no matter how hard it is, a mother can find a way to care for her child without passing them along to someone else while she gets a 'jumpstart' in life. The first years are the bonding years and your sister really blew it by letting them slip through her fingers.
1 person likes this
patofgold23
@patofgold23 (5069)
• Philippines
5 Oct 09
Hi DD... i have no plan of hiding Marco from his mom or lying to him about his mom.. I may have screwed by raising him as his mom and taught him to call me mom..but it's because i care for him so much..and i intend to correct that mistake so he dont end up confused... he can undertsand things slowly...but i still believe Marco should stay with me now... I can start telling him about my sister... and prepare him for the right time... In terms of when the right time is, my sister yet has to prove that.