What will you do if you were in my shoe??
By zyrathom
@zyrathom (8)
Philippines
October 3, 2009 2:07am CST
I have a big problem. I have foreign boyfriend which is very dirty minded. We are 8 months as of now, its been a bit long I supposed but regardless of that time I haven't seen him yet. He is from Norway, 49 years of age. We know each other from DIA.
He knew me well cuz I introduce my self to him. I never keep any secrets because I am honest with him. It so happen that He don't want me to see him, even if in some images from him. All He just said is that It is because of his JOB that's why He don't show his face. So I understand him.
My problem as of now is that His attitude is getting worse, He become so pathetic. He was got mad at me as of now due to the photos that I have sent him. The photos contain with me and my classmates with our instructor.Our instructor was putting his hand on my shoulder and his other hand with my classmate too. It was a farewell photos
of our batch. When my boyfriend saw it He was very mad at me, he don't listen to me. I explain him everything but still he don't understand....
If you were in shoe, what will you do??
18 responses
@feodda (579)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Don't get mad at me, he is not a guy for you. You don't know him so well, even seeing him in the pictures, you haven't.
It could be true that he his hiding many things to you. About the pictures that you send, maybe his is really insure with the guys around you.
I have a foreign boyfriend. We are very open to each other. I know he will not be insecure with other guys because he trusted me, even though we are miles apart. And we assure each other and love each other.
@feodda (579)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
I know what you feel right now. I have been with that before. I have a foreign boyfriend. He is very tough at me. He got jealous when am with my friends. To the point that I was choke with that love. And realize he was not the man for me.
And now, I have another foreign boyfriend who truly loves me and understand me. We check each other but not to the point we're choking the relationship. We just want to know the activities we have each other each day. It so nice to hear that somebody care for you.
I hope that someday, you will find the man of your dreams. That will love you truly.
@babyfiona08 (652)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
It seems that he is jealous about what he had seen. Well, I would say, explain to him what is the scene really about, I'm talking about when the photo is captured. Jealousy is a normal part of relationship, maybe he just needs assurance. So, tell him you love him and that you are faithful to him.
Be patient. But if you think, he is reacting or behaving beyond limits, then it's time to confront him. You know, it's better to do the best you could to save the relationship than egret in the ned. If there's a way you can save your relationship and renew it, then why not do it? If you really love the person, you'll do everything whatever it takes.
If still, it didn't work, then there's what is so called ending up and letting go.
@ifa225 (14463)
• Indonesia
4 Oct 09
i guess you have to leave him, it sounds easy but difficult to do, i know. but it is better than he hurt you again. i guess he is a possessive man.
@zoey7879 (3092)
• Quincy, Illinois
3 Oct 09
It sounds as if he is potentially becoming very jealous and controlling. If he's jealous of something like that, he's obviously very insecure. You need to address the issue and/or get out of the relationship before that jealousy turns to rage. If he can't understand a person putting their hand on only your shoulder, just imagine what he'd say or do if your childhood friend that's a male hugged you! Tell him to grow up or get the hell gone.
@zyrathom (8)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Hello Zoey thank you for your advice,i really appreciate it, as of now, i really dont know what i will do,if i will still fight or end this relationship..
I already explain him all, but still not work..
@happy6162 (3001)
• United States
4 Oct 09
You do not really know him because he does not tell you much about himself. He will not even send you a picture of him. You have been honest with him about yourself and even sent him a picture with you instructor and friend. Then he get upset because the instructor has his arm on your shoulder. You could tell him to get over it and send you a picture but how will you really know it is him. You need to just breakup and fine someone who will be more honest and trust you.
@shadow41 (2351)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
Well I think I'm gonna confront him/her for once. Then if it doesn't resolve then I'll say goodbye. People like that have issues. I'm talking about insecurities. He maybe so insecure with you teacher that's why he's acting like nuts. I really suggest that you insist on asking him to show his face. You'll never know. I mean maybe he's just so ugly that he's afraid to show you his face and now he's so insecure because your teacher is much good looking man than he is. Think twice zyrathom. Don't go into a relationship without knowing or seeing first your partner to be.
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I can't help but wonder how you can really call him your boyfriend if you have never even seen him. Especially after 8 months time. I would think that by now, if he were serious about wanting to be with you, he would have, at the very least sent you a picture of himself. It also sounds like he is a controlling individual. I think that the fact that he doesn't want you to see him, and the fact that he gets angry over an innocent picture are both huge red flags telling you to run the other way and fast.
If I were you, I would seriously consider ending all communication with him. I know that this may sound quite harsh, but in all honesty, what kind of future does this "relationship" really hold for you??
@kl_blueknight (381)
• Malaysia
4 Oct 09
You are too young and you are being too naive to trust a 49 year old foreigner. For all you know hemay be 69 years old. Why? Because he didn't even want to send you a photo of himself, so how would you know? Even if he does, don't trust him coz he cn always get a good looking stranger's photo and send it to you. Get him on video chat to see his face to authenticate his identity. You said he's dirty minded, I m not surprised he may turn up to be dirty old man trying to take awaay your innocence!
@angelswings1014 (67)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
I think you have done your part. Let him think whatever he wished to think and believe. Try to move on with your life without him. he is not worthy of your love and faithfulness.
@jinggat (16)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
he's not open-minded. just give another try, explain to him again. if he's still not going to listen you then back off! don't get pitty on yourself. just a question.. do you really really love that guy? if so, then go what your heart says. if not, stop on being nuts! do things that you think you won't end up regreting everything.
@Ccajigas1 (12)
• United States
4 Oct 09
I find it difficult to comprehend calling someone a boyfriend or girlfriend and never actually seeing them. I think you should press him to see pics from him sent to personal email and if not to worry about it.
@ajosephine (7)
• United States
3 Oct 09
If I was you, I would cut my loses and move on, a man that can't show his face. Well it's for a reason, not so much how he looks, but he is hiding from someone or something. Don't lower your standards in life by associated and considering being in a relationship with someone that treats you badly. The more you let him treat you this way, the worse it will get.
Your worth so much more aren't you?
@earthsong (589)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I think you ought to ditch the boyfriend. He's not being honest with you about why he doesn't want you to see him. He's being jealous and petty when you are around other men. I don't know how he thinks he can keep himself from you and expect to control you via the internet. It sounds like a very unhealthy relationship and you would probably do well to find a man closer, who will be completely up front with you. In my opinion, if you have any doubts about him, and I bet you do since you are posting this here, you should listen to your instinct and end the relationship. By the way, I met my husband online 12 years ago. He had no fear of me seeing pics of him, wasn't jealous when I was around other men, and despite our ups and downs, we get on fairly well. So I don't want you to think I'm against online relationships. Good luck!
@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
hello zyrathom,
first of all, he is not showing his face to you or not even bother to send you his picture. and when you sent your group picture to him, he doesn't listen to your explanation.
do you think, he is not hididng something from you? i believe you have the right to know how he looks like, for he is your boy friend already. you've been so honest to him since then, and he should do the same to you too.
i think, he doesn't deserve your love. much better maybe if you let him go. what's the use if you don't even know his looks.
@thhoon72 (1009)
• Singapore
3 Oct 09
Hello dear, hope you will not be offended with my reply. I don't really think that he is your boyfriend at all. To me, he is just a 'cyber pal'. So, I don't think that he got the right to be angry and jealous with you. Being a honest and sincere person, you have opened up to him. But I think he is just not being honest and sincere with you at all. So, please don't trust him completely and don't trest him like a real boyfriend. Cheers =))
@khaleedu (2)
• Nigeria
3 Oct 09
i suppose,i will just look 4 sombody else.because if he loves you he will have shown you his picture,but he told you it was because of his job.then which kind of job did he has,is he a criminal? i sugeest you got to leave him
