Can you say "No" ?
By cmdr001
@cmdr001 (371)
Portugal
October 4, 2009 12:25am CST
I'm sure we all have lived through those situations where people just plain and simply seem to find their way to dodge questions, sometimes because they don't want to say a solid "Yes.", other times because they don't got an answer ready, but many other times it's because they can't say "No."
You know, like when a friend promises you something and there's probably the chance that he/she already knew before hand that they wouldn't be able to keep up with that promise, but, they wait till the very last second to tell you so or in many cases they don't tell you at all and you're left stood up only to have them apologize afterwards.
Or you have said friend accepting to do something with you but they do it with a terribly ill mind set, in which case it would be better if they were not there at all because you can just feel how annoyed they are with their simple presence right then and there, plus they can't help you the slightest because of their mood.
And there's also when they take initiative on certain things with you, but, soon enough they start cutting themselves off from what they were trying to do, excusing themselves with things like that something else came up and whatnot, while they promise they will want to do it again some other time.
So, what do all these situations have in common?
A person wasn't able to say "No."
-"Sorry. No, I can't go anymore, we'll have to cancel that data."
-"Sorry, no, I don't really want to go with you to do that, not very interesting."
-"No, I don't really want to continue. I thought I could this, but, really can't. Sorry."
The reason why people avoid saying "No" is because they are fearful that people with berate them for it. Because they promised something, offered to help with something, suggested to do something... they think that saying no will get people angry with them.
However, they forget that by not saying no then there will be another problem. When the said promise is broken, when the invitation that they accepted turns into an awkward moment, when the activity that they suggested becomes dull or unbearable to perform... the other person will come out far more annoyed than by receiving that no, but seems that everyone forgets the consequences for not saying it.
So, tell me, has this happened to you before?
Did you happened to feel worse due to a friend, or any other person for that matter, because they were not able to be honest with you and dodged that simple responsibility?
Or more even: Are you one of those that just can't say No?
1 response
@amit066 (41)
• India
4 Oct 09
hi cmdr,first this is one of largest post i ever seen in mylot,hats off to your patience.now i would like to say that yes,i am one of those who can's say No.i am very cautious about my friend and relatives and i just can't get separated from them just for a two word "no".i am not admitting the fact that i always say "yes" to them becoz i can't do to them forever but yes i say no to them indirectly but rarely.If i am not in position to follow,to help or to coordinate with them i make little excuses but only after i realize that i cant be more nice to them.
@cmdr001 (371)
• Portugal
5 Oct 09
First of all, pardon for the delay in the response.
About the length of the post, well, it was all about unwinding. Some situations have been happening to me lately that just built up, built up and built up, that I blew... not only in making the post but with the people who successfully annoyed me too.
A minor therapeutic treatment, heh.
But anyway, I wanted to see how much of a common case this was. Can it be I'm the only one enduring hardships on a regular basis because people only think on the immediate happiness of promising something or accepting to perform an activity, rather than considering the damage later of when they break the promise or show no interesting in what they were invited for and they accepted.
As to your case.
Well, I don't think that a no has to be so cold as a "No.", but it helps avoid misunderstanding. I mean, you avoid saying no because you don't want to be separated from your friends or relatives, but, what happens afterwards? So you say that if you feel unable to do anything to do you arrange a small excuse. It's fine! At least you're telling them that you can't do it.
But you have people who can't do that. They "mumble" something that's supposed to be an yes and in the end it was a disguised no. You had to be psychic to understand them, but since you didn't, everything gets screwed up and somehow its your fault because you don't understand their shy ways.
