What's your first thought when someone tells you they prefer spending time alone
By DCLehnsherr
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
October 4, 2009 6:15am CST
Hi Mylotters,
...to spending time with other people?'
Well that's my second title that's too long for the bar 
I just returned from a trip away to live in my grandparent's house by myself. I had a completely fantastic time and found returning here very stressful. Now then a few days into that ideal life I posted on facebook that I was having a great time and that it was perfect, so my brother's girlfriend commented 'being alone?' with the implication that she was baffled! My ex used to have a similar reaction when I told him that I wanted to spend most of my time alone (not great in a relationship I gather lol), and it is annoying really to always have that reaction.
You see, for me being social face-to-face is hell. I have got into so many mental issues because of it, especially since in my younger years I forced myself to be like everyone else, and to socialise when I shouldn't have. But now I don't bother and people around me seem to think I am living a miserable life because of it; that I should have been in my grandparent's house crying 24/7 from loneliness! But you see I am not lonely when I am alone, sometimes I want a companion who can hold me when I am sad, and things like that, but friend-wise I am fine because I socialise online. I have a fantastic friend in the Netherlands who I e-mail and just knowing she is there is enough for me. But people, especially my ex and my brother's girlfriend, seem to think I should socialise and get annoyed at me that I don't seem to want to or need to.
About the only people who accept this side of me are my brother and dad who have seen what I am like alone and around people, and see that alone is best, and my supervisor in a museum where I volunteer. He found it odd at first that I didn't complain about being left to work alone in the archaeology store (I never asked to do this, it just happened) but seeing how well I work there he accepts it and leaves me be unless someone needs the store at which stage I go elsewhere without complaining (much!). But yea, everyone else seems to try and change me and it bothers me!
[b]So I am wanting to know: do you find it really strange that people want to spend most of their time alone, and if so why? And do you try and make them socialise?
And if you are you one of those people like me who prefers to be alone, how do you feel when people try and convince you to be social all the time? Does it bother you, have you ever done it just to please that person?[/b]
I just wanted to ask this here because I have some understanding of this way of thinking, but not a lot and I want to have more understanding of both sides now, not just mine.
All the best and many thanks for the responses and helping me to gain a greater level of understanding about this 
.
Dranz 
PS: If you wanted to know more about this I wouldn't mind answering. It pretty much boils down to the fact I feel safer alone, and stressed to extremes around people, so it is easier and happier to be alone, for me anyway :D
I just returned from a trip away to live in my grandparent's house by myself. I had a completely fantastic time and found returning here very stressful. Now then a few days into that ideal life I posted on facebook that I was having a great time and that it was perfect, so my brother's girlfriend commented 'being alone?' with the implication that she was baffled! My ex used to have a similar reaction when I told him that I wanted to spend most of my time alone (not great in a relationship I gather lol), and it is annoying really to always have that reaction.
You see, for me being social face-to-face is hell. I have got into so many mental issues because of it, especially since in my younger years I forced myself to be like everyone else, and to socialise when I shouldn't have. But now I don't bother and people around me seem to think I am living a miserable life because of it; that I should have been in my grandparent's house crying 24/7 from loneliness! But you see I am not lonely when I am alone, sometimes I want a companion who can hold me when I am sad, and things like that, but friend-wise I am fine because I socialise online. I have a fantastic friend in the Netherlands who I e-mail and just knowing she is there is enough for me. But people, especially my ex and my brother's girlfriend, seem to think I should socialise and get annoyed at me that I don't seem to want to or need to.
About the only people who accept this side of me are my brother and dad who have seen what I am like alone and around people, and see that alone is best, and my supervisor in a museum where I volunteer. He found it odd at first that I didn't complain about being left to work alone in the archaeology store (I never asked to do this, it just happened) but seeing how well I work there he accepts it and leaves me be unless someone needs the store at which stage I go elsewhere without complaining (much!). But yea, everyone else seems to try and change me and it bothers me!
[b]So I am wanting to know: do you find it really strange that people want to spend most of their time alone, and if so why? And do you try and make them socialise?
And if you are you one of those people like me who prefers to be alone, how do you feel when people try and convince you to be social all the time? Does it bother you, have you ever done it just to please that person?[/b]
I just wanted to ask this here because I have some understanding of this way of thinking, but not a lot and I want to have more understanding of both sides now, not just mine.
All the best and many thanks for the responses and helping me to gain a greater level of understanding about this .
Dranz
PS: If you wanted to know more about this I wouldn't mind answering. It pretty much boils down to the fact I feel safer alone, and stressed to extremes around people, so it is easier and happier to be alone, for me anyway :D3 people like this
11 responses
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
4 Oct 09
Hello my friend
Good to see you,
Well you already know I love my me time, its something I must have, Not all the time because I love talking as much as I like to be by myself, to me being alone gives my time to think about me, weigh my options and figure what it is I need to do to change anything or not, even if its a couple of hours I am fine, sometimes I like to just do nothing or get online depending there is always a reason for me to be alone, I love it, again talking is something I love to do as well, talking online is not the same for me, although mylot is making up for that, still not really the same thing, I like to laugh just act silly every now and then, but I always know when I need to be alone because inside I feel like screaming lol its crazy, but I have to have my me time, its a must.I think our situations may be different but I can appreciate alone time and what it does for us mentally.
Glad your back my friend, smoochesss
Good to see you,
Well you already know I love my me time, its something I must have, Not all the time because I love talking as much as I like to be by myself, to me being alone gives my time to think about me, weigh my options and figure what it is I need to do to change anything or not, even if its a couple of hours I am fine, sometimes I like to just do nothing or get online depending there is always a reason for me to be alone, I love it, again talking is something I love to do as well, talking online is not the same for me, although mylot is making up for that, still not really the same thing, I like to laugh just act silly every now and then, but I always know when I need to be alone because inside I feel like screaming lol its crazy, but I have to have my me time, its a must.I think our situations may be different but I can appreciate alone time and what it does for us mentally.
Glad your back my friend, smoochesss1 person likes this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
4 Oct 09
Hi Kitty,
Ahh how intriguing. I like to be alone because that is where I can laugh and act crazy, online as well, so when I need to do that I have to escape. Sometimes I have done it in reality with my brother, but not all that much, I find it hard to let go when people are around for fear of judgement I think that is pretty key to why people get so confused, the idea a person can have such joy alone is strange (even for me at times lol), so they think we have to be social. Ahh well!
I am glad to know that mylot helps you with the need to talk at times too, that is another reason I love being online. I can share ideas and grow on here, the things I like to talk about aren't what people normally talk about in reality (the deep psychological stuff), so I get bored and uninspired around people. Can you have those deeper chats in reality, or is it easier for you on here? What sort of things do you like to chat about in the real world?
Many thanks for sharing this side about you, it is awesome know more 
I hope you are having a lovely weekend,
Dranz
I think that is pretty key to why people get so confused, the idea a person can have such joy alone is strange (even for me at times lol), so they think we have to be social. Ahh well!
I am glad to know that mylot helps you with the need to talk at times too, that is another reason I love being online. I can share ideas and grow on here, the things I like to talk about aren't what people normally talk about in reality (the deep psychological stuff), so I get bored and uninspired around people. Can you have those deeper chats in reality, or is it easier for you on here? What sort of things do you like to chat about in the real world?
Many thanks for sharing this side about you, it is awesome know more
I hope you are having a lovely weekend,
Dranz @kitty42 (3923)
• United States
4 Oct 09
Hello my friend
I thought we had this conversation before,
I love to be serious but people I know don't know how to handle it, they either change the subject or look at me like I am crazy lol, its really sad I would rather speak to someone face to face seriously than online, watching peoples facial expressions tells me alot as well, reading words is nice but not the same, mylot has helped me alot as far as letting go and sharing with others.
I actually have fun with others laughing and acting silly I love this, but daily will drive me nuts, there is a time and a place for everything, "that is so true" when people try to talk me into doing something I don't want to do, this makes me really upset, I don't like to be told what is best for me, I am grown, your interest is not best for me you selfish so and so, I have a couple people that like to do this to me, they are selfish its never something that will benefit me always something that is good for them, if you don't get away from me, grrrrrrrr I hate this with a passion, no to some people means talk me into it I will change my mind,idiots
I really need new friends, people that can actually carry conversations without lying or stretching the truth annoying, I do have a few people in my life that are deep but they are so busy its hard to catch up to them,one I chat with online, barely see her since she is always traveling, but its o,k I talk to myself lol I love it.
Thank you, smoochesss
I thought we had this conversation before,
I love to be serious but people I know don't know how to handle it, they either change the subject or look at me like I am crazy lol, its really sad I would rather speak to someone face to face seriously than online, watching peoples facial expressions tells me alot as well, reading words is nice but not the same, mylot has helped me alot as far as letting go and sharing with others.
I actually have fun with others laughing and acting silly I love this, but daily will drive me nuts, there is a time and a place for everything, "that is so true" when people try to talk me into doing something I don't want to do, this makes me really upset, I don't like to be told what is best for me, I am grown, your interest is not best for me you selfish so and so, I have a couple people that like to do this to me, they are selfish its never something that will benefit me always something that is good for them, if you don't get away from me, grrrrrrrr I hate this with a passion, no to some people means talk me into it I will change my mind,idiots
I really need new friends, people that can actually carry conversations without lying or stretching the truth annoying, I do have a few people in my life that are deep but they are so busy its hard to catch up to them,one I chat with online, barely see her since she is always traveling, but its o,k I talk to myself lol I love it.
Thank you, smoochesss@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
4 Oct 09
Hi Kitty,
After I started to read the first paragraph I realised that we had had that conversation before. My mind has been a touch scrambled by having to get used to being back here again. I was almost grieving for the loss of living in my grandparents house, it was so strange. Oh well, I apologise if that keeps happening. Normally I am good at keeping track of conversations, but when stressed that is one of the first things to go 
Wow so people have tried to tell you what to do as well, and to such an extent as well. I hope they don't try and do that with you now lol. Bugger memory also goes when stressed ~ Groans ~ I can't remember the last paragraph.
Oh well, I hope you are doing well anyway and ahh yes it was something that ended with you mentioning you talk to yourself and need more serious friends. I find that one or two seems to be good for that. I have one person I can talk to about anything and she pretty much sorts that for me, though the poor girl ends up with monster e-mails full of rants and confusion half the time LOL. I hope you can find that person in the future, does some of that need get filled on mylot at time, or is it too different chatting about that sort of stuff here?
All the best
Dranz
Wow so people have tried to tell you what to do as well, and to such an extent as well. I hope they don't try and do that with you now lol. Bugger memory also goes when stressed ~ Groans ~ I can't remember the last paragraph.
Oh well, I hope you are doing well anyway and ahh yes it was something that ended with you mentioning you talk to yourself and need more serious friends. I find that one or two seems to be good for that. I have one person I can talk to about anything and she pretty much sorts that for me, though the poor girl ends up with monster e-mails full of rants and confusion half the time LOL. I hope you can find that person in the future, does some of that need get filled on mylot at time, or is it too different chatting about that sort of stuff here?
All the best
Dranz 
@artistry (4151)
• United States
5 Oct 09
..Hi DCLehnsherr, You are younger than I am, but I am perceiving from your disclosures that you matured at an early age, and have found that you as a person, can enjoy the pleasure of your own company and be perfectly comfortable all by yourself. That is a great place to be, as my feeling is that you can always find people, but there is a song that goes "you wake up with yourself". If you can't learn to be happy by yourself, my feeling is that you will spend a lot of time being miserable. I have participated in other discussions here, where some have confessed that they did not relish being by themselves, they needed to be with people. You lose a lot of enjoyable times in life,, if you need to gather people around you to enjoy doing something. That's hard, that means you forfeit good times until you find a partner, you will be wasting your life, we are only here for a short period of time. Enjoy your minutes and your hours. Be content, love yourself and be secure as I think you are, in the fact that you can be happy by yourself and with others if you need to be. It's good to know that you enjoyed your time house sitting, that gave you a taste of what it can be like when you possibly make the transition. I should have suggested you keep a diary of your excursion there. It's not too late, retrace the time you spent and record it in a diary, if you have the time, for future pursuing. Those were meaningful days of your life. Take care.
1 person likes this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
5 Oct 09
Hi Artistry,
You don't ever have to worry about your spelling, mine isn't all that great so I don't tend to notice when other people write things wrong LOL
As for the diary, I have been keeping one for several years now so I always know what I was doing when. I have a keen interest in myself - in a none egotistical way and rather lab experiment sort of way way - so I have one from my time in that house as well. Failing that I have the amazing memories of my time there too so I don't think I will ever be able to forget it 
Did you start a diary because you wanted to record experiences like this?
You sound to be a very deep and mature person as well from what I have read here. At what age did you become happy with your own company?
It is nice to know that an appreciation of your own company is something to be celebrated and not shunned, I feel much better after reading that, especially because it seems to be a sign of maturity 
, fantastic lol.
Many thanks for the reply, and all the best,
Dranz
Did you start a diary because you wanted to record experiences like this?
You sound to be a very deep and mature person as well from what I have read here. At what age did you become happy with your own company?
It is nice to know that an appreciation of your own company is something to be celebrated and not shunned, I feel much better after reading that, especially because it seems to be a sign of maturity , fantastic lol.
Many thanks for the reply, and all the best,
Dranz @artistry (4151)
• United States
11 Oct 09
....Hi there, First of all, thank you for your recognition,I appreciate your consideration. I was born an old soul, and the oldest child in the family. As so early on, I was a deep thinker and wanted to know more about everything. I have been writing and recording things since I entered high school. I can remember writing a story, that took you all the way up to the belief, that it was real in its portrayal, until the person woke up from a dream. I love writing, it enlarges your space and the dimensions of your life. Take care and thanks again.
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
11 Oct 09
Hello, Dranz. What is right is what feels right for you, not what everyone else considers is the right attitude. If you like to be alone, that's fine. Only you know how you want to spend your time, so don't stress over what other people think of you. I'm a very social person myself, and I also enjoy being on my own. I throw out and accept invitations all the time, but I'd never try to force people to come if they didn't want to, and I won't be coerced into going somewhere if I don't want to. An unwilling guest is an unsatisfactory guest, and neither guest nor host will enjoy the occasion.
Tou don't need to explain your position or justify it. Just say, 'Sorry, I can't make that' and smile. It's not compulsory to be either a party animal or a hermit. I suspect you are a mixture of the two, which is perfectly healthy, and in any case nobody's business but your own. Next time the subject is raised, close it with a polite but firm remark such as, 'I'm happy with my life; can you honestly say the same?'
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
11 Oct 09
Hi Sandra,
Yikes I think people would avoid me if I responded with, 'I am happy with my life can you say the same?' when they asked me to go out lol. I am a questioner of psychology so they would think I am accusing them of something...though it would mean I never had to worry about being bothered again! As it stands I somehow managed to stop people bothering me anyway since I posted this which is good
Thanks for the advice though, should I ever inadvertently become popular again I will most definitely scare them off with psychological questions LOL
All the best and welcome back,
Dranz
Thanks for the advice though, should I ever inadvertently become popular again I will most definitely scare them off with psychological questions LOL
All the best and welcome back,
Dranz 
@voldrox (7191)
• India
5 Oct 09
Hi DCLehnsherr
Hmm wow! pretty big post that is, i don't need that much to understand why you like to be alone, may be others need it but not me...hehe... well i have my lone times too, after my exams i had a few days holiday and i went home for it, i don't have friends to meet, i have one really close friend but he didn't come so almost all of the time i was there in my home with my parents and bro . . . in the evenings i used to plug in my music player and used to go out for an evening walk alone, i don't like to be accompanied when i have my time with walking and listening to music, my brother said he will come jogging with me but i denied, i said i want to be all alone when i stroll out, i just don't want to be bothered when i want to be left alone, others judge it the wrong way, they think something is wrong with us or we are having some bad time, but they don't understand it is just us and we are normal as ever, it is just that we like to spend some time alone, a lot of things go through my mind when i walk alone and i like to give them some time, i couldn't have them if anyone is with me . . . we can't explain others why we like to have some time alone, i wouldn't want anyone to bug me with questions why i am this way, it is the way i am that is all, honestly what else reason can we give ? ?
have a nice day DCLehnsherr!
enjoy yourself.
...lol
...lol@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
6 Oct 09
Hi Voldrox,
I think this is fantastic, I too hate being accompanied by people when I walk. Heck I even stopped walking for a few months because people started to recognise me I was out so much and it drove me nuts as it meant I just couldn't relax with all the people saying 'hello' lol. It is neat to know that I am not the only one who wants to be alone when walking.
I shall admit to being surprised you normally prefer the company of people to being alone though, for some reason I imagined most Internet users would also be loners at heart, it is nice to find out I am wrong on occasions
Many thanks for sharing ,
Dranz
Many thanks for sharing ,
Dranz 
@rosepedal64 (4188)
• United States
4 Oct 09
Hi DC
It good to hear from you. Hope that you are having a good day. I don't condem you for wanting to be alone. I have a husband and he use to work out of town alot as you know, but when he out of town I kinda like being alone. I only have myself to tend to and no rules..LOL..I would respect your privacy and the thought that you want to be left alone would be fine with me. With the hubby at home every evening now since he has got to go back to work I really enjoy my day of it just being me. I get more time on here and do the things that I want to do when I want to do them. So my friend you are quite all right and very normal in my book. You have a great day and remember to keep smiling. @kitty42 (3923)
• United States
4 Oct 09
Hello my wonderful friend
I love it, that sounds long term to me, congratulations I do love the idea of staying in a camper guess because I never did that, one of these days I will experience that, wish you luck in finding a wonderful place for you and hubby, I wish you the best in any and everything you touch my friend.
Smoochessss, I will keep smiling thank you.
I love it, that sounds long term to me, congratulations I do love the idea of staying in a camper guess because I never did that, one of these days I will experience that, wish you luck in finding a wonderful place for you and hubby, I wish you the best in any and everything you touch my friend.
Smoochessss, I will keep smiling thank you.@rosepedal64 (4188)
• United States
4 Oct 09
Its me again DC..LOL...Im trying to find something like a house or mobile home. I started looking last week when I found out that he was going to be working for awhile. Im going to hit hard tomorrow and see what I can find this week. You have a great evening and week too...Sending you cyber hug...
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
4 Oct 09
Hi RosePetal,
Congratulations to your hubby for getting that job, I hope he thrives in it, and you too now you will have that extra space. I definitely wish you luck finding a place to rent too, what sort of house are you looking for?
It is neat to know that you enjoy your time alone as well. I definitely savour it more after being around people so much, but it has that sadness too because it is never for long, here at least anyway! Do you have long periods of time with your husband gone, like with this new job will it be months that he is away at a time, or just a few days?
Many thanks for sharing and good luck with the future, and all the changes occurring
All the best,
Dranz
PS: ~ Takes dagger out of heart ~ Ouch, calling me normal, how very evil of you LOL
All the best,
Dranz
PS: ~ Takes dagger out of heart ~ Ouch, calling me normal, how very evil of you LOL
@Jhaszy (234)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
if i am your friend and you are like that,i would leave u be..respect whatever you want..although maybe there were times i would ask you to go out of your shell too sometimes,eventually one day you will come with me..i have lots of friends,but i seldom go out,bu sometimes i also have to coem with them,to make them happy i come bcos theyre my friends and they love me for who i am,so once in a while its not bad to go out and be with many...
1 person likes this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
4 Oct 09
Hi Jhaszy,
I think if a person just hinted but didn't force I wouldn't mind doing things with them, it is when they almost order you to come out because they think you will die of misery, that it gets annoying lol. You sound like a fantastic friend to have though because of that level of respect, and your friends sound great too if they don't force you to always socialise and instead just leave you be, I hope they do anyway.
Many thanks for sharing
Dranz
Dranz 
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
4 Oct 09
i think everyone is entitled to do what they feel is best for them and should not worry about what others think. if spending time alone makes you happy and you are content with it then it is fine. i think if a person is alone because they are depressed then it is a different story. i sometimes like to be around people but most of the time just want to be around my immediate family in my home doing my own thing.
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
4 Oct 09
Hi Mikeysmom,
It is hard not to worry about what others think though I wish I could turn it off but if someone says something I tend to dwell so it ruins the alone time, at least for a few hours until I recover lol!
I would worry about people who are depressed and alone since those thoughts aren't nice to be around. Come to that maybe that is why people worry about me because they think I am like that. I never figured that before, I just thought they were being pushy! Is that what you would initially think if someone wanted to be alone, that they were feeling too depressed to socialise?
Many thanks for sharing, you actually helped me think of another angle with this which is what I was after .
All the best,
Dranz
I wish I could turn it off but if someone says something I tend to dwell so it ruins the alone time, at least for a few hours until I recover lol!
I would worry about people who are depressed and alone since those thoughts aren't nice to be around. Come to that maybe that is why people worry about me because they think I am like that. I never figured that before, I just thought they were being pushy! Is that what you would initially think if someone wanted to be alone, that they were feeling too depressed to socialise?
Many thanks for sharing, you actually helped me think of another angle with this which is what I was after .
All the best,
Dranz 
@ucue2008 (924)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 09
I also a kind a person who like to spend time alone than spending time with friends. When I am alone, I'm calmer, as usually I found out that when you tend too spent too much time with the same person conflicts can easily arise and the activities that cannot escape from doing is talking about other people and make us look like clever one. Well, that's from my observation. So I want to avoid talking unnecessarily about other person, so I minimize my time spent with other person.
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
5 Oct 09
Hi Ucue,
That is something I hate about socialising too, talking about other people. I prefer conversations to be one on one with someone where we can just talk about our own experiences and learn from then, since talking about other people always makes me feel terrible .
I am glad you can distance yourself from that and stand up for your own beliefs.
All the best and many thanks for sharing,
Dranz
.
I am glad you can distance yourself from that and stand up for your own beliefs.
All the best and many thanks for sharing,
Dranz 
@Hazelrose (2179)
• Philippines
5 Oct 09
HiDCLehnsherr,most of the people not wanted to be alone.As the sayings says No Man is an Island.Its up to you as long as you"ll be happy.For me i dont want to be alone.I cant live without compaions.Good Luck!
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
5 Oct 09
Hi Hazelrose,
Wow I think you are the first person to respond that prefers to be around people. What are you like when you are alone, does it make you depressed? I am just curious, most of the people I know seem to prefer to be alone (I meet them online) so I have never really got to see the other side of things.
Many thanks for sharing, and for respecting the way I do things too
Dranz
Dranz • Japan
5 Oct 09
i will secretly feel for it.But i act like i am a jolly person.privately i think a lot when persons say me like this.I will also make my mind not to repeat it again.Sometimes i succeed and sometimes i fail.I really hate persons who describe me like this.
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
5 Oct 09
Hi Udayshanker,
Wow so you have had the same experience as me then, people trying to change how you live? I hate it as well, it just seems to add so much pressure to what could otherwise be an enjoyable experience . I hope that you will be able to make people see that you are happy as you are so that they will respect you and leave you alone when you want to be alone.
Many thanks for sharing, and welcome to mylot
All the best,
Dranz
. I hope that you will be able to make people see that you are happy as you are so that they will respect you and leave you alone when you want to be alone.
Many thanks for sharing, and welcome to mylot
All the best,
Dranz 