Adult Child Returns Home And...............

Son keeps those hours, but has a job that has him working on the late night hours.

Wow, yah I am afraid of that happening too. Even though I don't think our son would let it go that far. At least I hope not because I am one hot momma when the rubber meets the road and I will have to send him on his way if he doesn't eventually get a job and keeps up this sleeping routine. Actually no the sleeping routine won't keep up either because I will be having a talk with him tomorrow. This is why I have started this post. I wanted some views on this situation from others. If my mind is not changed then a talking to him is coming. We have only one rule in the house and that is he keeps up the yard work for room and board instead of money. He is too save his money for bills and for moving out. So Saturday morning he got up early on his own and did the lawn and we were shocked. Mind you he was tired and ended up taking a nap but still he did it after being up till 4 in the morning.

Thank you so much for your comment. Your right I hate conflict and obviously hubby does to. Even more then me. I have been sick with the stomach flu for two days and I have been rehearsing in my mind what I am going to say to him. It basicly starts something like you mentioned. Now I just have to get the courage to do it.

Yes that is exactly what I said to him. You’re going now to take resumes out? Is that acceptable now days? It use to be that anyone who showed up pass noon with a resume was shunned. My son just shrugged his shoulders like I don't know kind of thing. I said I would be embarrassed to go into a place of work this time of day because I would be wondering what they thought of me. Then I took the sting of what I said by saying oh right actually they probably think nothing now a days because they probably think you are on your way home from your other job. Possible I said, even though I really didnt' believe what I was saying. But you know things have changed through the years and maybe no one does think anything of it. Non the less I really dont' want him sleeping all day and wasting his life away. Funny how every one says it is my right because it is my house and yet somehow I have a inner feeling of I don't have that right. But I do don't I. No back bone I guess!

You sound like me where I don't want any type of trouble to start. I hate arguments. However, if you sit him down and just explain how you feel by saying "I don't want to argue with you but you sleeping all day is upsetting to me because I feel like you are wasting your life away."

I agree with you. I think kids or adult kids listen to their father's ideas and thoughts moreso than their moms. We mom's do most of the correcting and punishing while dad is working so by the end of the day, kids are thinking, "oh she's at it again." Have you tried to give him a deadline when it comes to finding a job? I was able to do that BUT, jobs were easier to find a few years ago.

Carol your right, respect is a big part of things. I was saying to my husband the other day maybe he doesn't respect us but after listening to hubby I don't necessarily think that is so. How ever I do think he was allowed to do this for so many years growing up and then when he was on his own he did a lot of it as well when he was between jobs that it is normal for him. Just for me it is a problem because I don't agree with that type of life style if that is what we want to call it. I just really can't handle him being up all night and sleeping all day and not motivated to do anything. I say ya he is not motivated because he is to tired. Who is motivated when they are tired? So go to bed get up and get with the program is what I say. My husband doesn't want to tell him we have rules because he doesn't want to put pressure on him. So instead of my husband saying you have to get up by nine no matter how late you go to bed; he just goes and says it is time to get up and will keep doing it until our son gets up; and the only reason hubby does that is because I am basicly forcing him to. Will kind of, I am mostly trying to get my husband to tell him it is a house rule you have to be up by nine but hubby can't bring himself to say it. You say will why dont' I say it. Will it is because I am tired of being the one to set boundaries and rules and I feel our son came to live with us and my husband needs to be the one to set the tone.

Son may be suffereing from depression. It would actually help him to get up and get outside like he did when he did the yard work, and get some sunlight.

My husband and I are real softies and it is hard for us to put demands on our kids. I don't know why that is. My husband is 10 time worse then me in this department. I at least will say something about the matter and not let things go on forever. Hubby says to me. Why does it bother you so much leave him alone once he gets a job it will work itself out? I am saying if he doesnt' find a job for a month or two are you going to let him sleep all day and on pc all night. He says he is just adjusting to being home relax. I think hubby is in denial. I don't know.

The thought of my son being depressed as crossed my mind. I also having been thinking if he is not depressed sitting around doing nothing is a good way to get depressed. Thank you for your comments.

Thank you, I agree about not being angry with him. He is such a nice guy it is hard to be angry with him. He just isn't to motivated I guess. I do feel like I need to push him even if he doesn't go job hunting. I feel like he needs to do things.

Yes, sometimes they just need gentle pushing to be motivated to go on to where they should be. If he is such a gentle child as you describe it then he would not take it hard on you then.

That is my sentiments exactly! Thank you very much for sharing your view on that. I can't tell you how much this bugs me. I wish it bothered my husband as much as me. He says it will work itself out when he gets a job but at the same time he is making sure our son is up around nine o'clock each day because he knows he has to answer to me if he doesn't. I sound tough I know but the truth is we are both not tough so this is not coming easy for us to do. Yet I feel we must.

Yes, when I moved out of our home as a young girl I moved out with full intention to make sure I would never have to go back. Not for the reason of authority but just because I wanted to show them I could make it on my own. My parents were much the same way as my husband and I; no demands on anyone just do your own thing. Will sort of. If anyone pushed rules set guidelines in our home it was me. But anyway danichCanadian putting the authority thing aside would you allow your adult children move back home and let them stay up till dawn and sleep all day just because they had no plans to do anything but look for a job from time to time?

Okay you got it on the nail. This is exactly what I said to my husband. My hubby knows it is the right thing but has such a soft spot and things we shouldn't push him. Allowing for excuses like I am to tired to get up. I am basicly forcing the issue. The stranger thing is that my son does not know that this is mandatory for him to get up by 9 because my husband doesn't want to make things hard on him. Oh boy!

I am doing my best to but hubby and I are on two different wave lengths when it comes to what should be allowed or not allowed. I say he shouldn't be allowed to be up all night and sleep all day whether he is working or not and hubby thinks it is no big deal. He says when he is working he will have to change his habits on his own he won't need us to tell him. I say no way, what if he doesn't get a job for 3 months for more?

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! Just the comment I needed to hear. I know for sure what I have to do. For the past two days I have been lying in bed sick with the stomach flu. Will no not exactly laying in bed. In between throwing up and resting I have been doing laundry. At one point I thought hear I am throwing up and doing laundry and he can't get up early to go job hunting. There is something wrong with this picture. Will anyway my point is I know your right and I have to do what is right for my son by having this talk with him.

I hear you lovelyn. I hear exactly what you are saying. I am really trying hard to do what you say and I am walking a tight rope to do it. Before I speak with my son on matters I think things through a few times and try to weed out my angry emotions and really get to the root of why I am talking to him about issues in the first place. When I know my motives are for his good then I can talk calmly. I know what he is doing in front of the computer and it is all good. He likes to read from different websites and he plays games sometimes plus chat with friends. I mean I do realize he could be up to know good and I am so thankful this isn't the case but still it is wrong for a 25 year old young man to be wasting his life this way. My husband so wants me to keep the peace and I so badly want to keep the peace and still be dealing with reality.

Hello CoffeeAnyone! I hope you are having a good day! I know exactly how you feel and I understand you. Every mother would have wanted the best for their kids. Just add a little more patience on your son, I am sure he will soon realize all that you saying. Good luck.