I dont get the revenge thing.
By saundyl
@saundyl (9783)
Canada
October 5, 2009 1:41pm CST
I've noticed that sometimes when a breakup occurs you get one of the two involved who takes the breakup badly. They do things like make weird phone calls, try to ruin chances with another person, hack email accounts and send out emails or make posts that are untrue.
Any relationship I've had end has always been an amicable ending and in most cases I'm still in contact with them or consider them friends. Including the most recent break up. I find that I'd much rather stay friends with them than loose contact all together. And in some cases - we are much much better friends than lovers. It would feel very wrong to me to jeopardize the possibility of keeping a friend by behaving like that. I appreciate the fact that I CAN be friends with my exes and they do trust me not to do something that would hurt them...damage their reputation or chances at being happy.
I have one friend who's ex hacked into their e-harmony account and changed all their profile information to something misleading or extremely rude. It baffled me to see that and i wondered why take all that time and effort to do that when you could just be moving on with your life.
There's things i can understand like say an angry phone call or requests to get stuff sent back/given back but..taking it to the level of trying to ruin someone else's happiness or life just puzzles me.
Have you ever done things like that? Or had them done to you?
4 people like this
12 responses
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
6 Oct 09
Hi saundyl, I think that people who act like that after the event must certainly have shown signs that that was their character in the first place and I would never get involved with people like that in the first place. I would imagine that the revengeful types are the jealous, controlling insecure types in the first place and just don't fit with me.
2 people like this
@saundyl (9783)
• Canada
6 Oct 09
I hadnt thought of people who do that being controlling or jealous. I can see that though. I hate jealous/controlling people. I appreciate someone who gives me space to be me ...and i couldnt ever be one of thos clingy girlfriends that always has to know where a boyfriend is and what they are doing/who they are with.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
7 Oct 09
Hey saundly! I love your little cows! They are so cute! I
wish I could have little cows too, but they wouldn't fit in
my tiny apartment!lol I used to be the type when I was younger
who would maybe be bent on the revenge thing, but I've grown
up and now find it totally pointless! It does no good anyway!
So why bother! When you mature you realize, like you already
know that there is no real purpose! It is better to just end
a relationship and at least try to be friends! What's the point
of being miserable to each other? If you were really friends
in the first place why ruin a great friendship?
2 people like this
@Bluepatch (2476)
• Trinidad And Tobago
6 Oct 09
People who can't take disappointments are usually just immature.
That also could be the reason for the breakup in the first place.
The lack of maturity.
Most of the time we have to suffer these things because we don't want to hurt the other person.
2 people like this
@blue_thr3e (403)
• Philippines
6 Oct 09
You know if the question was "have you ever thought of doing that" I would be very, very guilty.^_^ The broke up I had before originated from a real bad situation that I really felt like wanting to get even. But then, I can't do stuffs like you mentioned because I don't want to seem like a loser to some a$$. So I decided why waste time. Besides, if someone had done that kind of revenge thing to me, I will probably laughing my heart out and mocking the other party (and I don't want someone doing the same to me IF EVER I do all those crazy stuffs for revenge.)
2 people like this
@saundyl (9783)
• Canada
7 Oct 09
LOL Maybe i should have asked that as a discussion too. I admit that after certain breakups - I've taken photos and burnt them or used digital ones to mess the facial features up and delete it just to make myself feel better but id never save them or send them on to the person or post them on the internet.
1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
6 Oct 09
hello saundyl,
No,
i haven't done something like that at all. but i feel for those people sometimes, but not because they were abusive and then regrets their mistakes after splitting up, but it's the process of breaking and moving forward. i remember a co-worker, they've been happy together for years until recently a few months the girl found and fell in love with another guy. for that man, it was unacceptable. luckily, we were able to counsil him from destroying her happiness. "I believe some people are not yet into a deeper side of showing true love to their partner but most are afraid of letting them go" letting go is also a way to show your love and give that person to be happy again, at least with some one. frankly, am still in the "caveman" stage with this kind of understanding, well, emotionally that is
.it hurts being dumped when you thought she was the one. 
@EnglishTeaDuck (862)
• United States
6 Oct 09
I do sort of understand how that could be a temptation and I might say 'I want to do THIS!' in anger - I have split up with one guy in the past who frankly would have deserved everything he got! BUT I wouldn't do it.
I think by spending your time getting revenge, it just hurts you. Yes, it may hurt the other person for a moment, but really, after a brief minute of 'yes, they deserved that' triumph, I think I would then think less of myself for stooping to that level!
Forgiveness heals you, and sets you free to continue your life without that person, or if you are lucky, as friends. It frees them to move on too. I think this is the best way.
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
5 Oct 09
I don't believe in the revenge thing. When my husband and I split we agreed to share our love for our puppy (my avatar) and actually hubby treats me so much better now than ever before. We definately make better friends than man and wife.
2 people like this
@saundyl (9783)
• Canada
5 Oct 09
Thats awesome. My most recent ex (we dated for like 6 years) and i are doing tons better as friends...its not a big when do we get to see each other thing now. We just talk and its comfortable talking. I consider him one of my best friends still.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
6 Oct 09
saundyl,
What did some wise men said about our worst enemies?
I am not surprise when people who falls head over heels for someone can be heels over head when their relationship fails. I do not know how these people can actually become so vindictive to this extent and I have seen cases that really turn violent.
So, in my opinion, we should always be careful with who our friends are and not commit without having full understanding of their personality and character. Also, we should always protect ourselves with our personal space and not disclose private and personal details easily. Better still, be tight lipped with all these things.
I feel that being careful and tactful as being very essential in ending a relationship to avoid any repercussions. A relationship may not work out, but if we still know how to love, we will need to be loving with our actions during a parting.
Take care.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
5 Oct 09
Hi saundyl, I am with you on this and don't really understand the revenge thing either. I have seen it happen though but I've also see others like you who remain friends just as I have always done. I have never been able to figure out why someone would rather have enemies than friends. Blessings.
2 people like this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
6 Oct 09
No I have never done the revenge thing, it is petty and pointless. If someone doesn't want to be with you they don't want to be with you. On that I was the one who ended most of my relationships but I always tried to be as nice as I could about it. On the one occasion when the person broke up with me I was pretty shocked because I thought things had been going well since he had told me he loved me 4 days earlier. I was hurt pretty badly but I didn't take any revenge on him. I pretty much just stayed away from him. He tried to get me to go back out with him but I said I had to think about it, but he didn't really try hard to get me back so I just let it go. I know that when I broke up with someone I really didn't want to be with them anymore and nothing they could have done would have made me change my mind and was just annoying, so I don't believe in the whole groveling thing. I respect myself and would not play stupid games on someone because they lost thier feelings for me.
2 people like this
@jymees (18)
• Philippines
6 Oct 09
i have never had the chance to take a revenge to my ex. Because you see, i have never had one. ha ha ha. but for me, i think its really mean to take a revenge to an ex. some people may take revenge because they want to let their ex feel what they have felt during the break-up thing. People of those kind have grudges to their, once beloved. maybe they just felt bad that they were left behind. maybe, they were not ready for the break-up. Maybe, they were just denying the fact that there were misunderstandings in their relationship that results to break-up and they just realized that their relationship ended also. so, to make their ex's life miserable, they take revenge. How sad. tsk tsk tsk
2 people like this
@irefed (200)
• Philippines
6 Oct 09
If you end up into a relationship, make sure that you end up totally or break-up. Why some would still take revenge if you end-up things already. Move on with your life and forget the past. So far with my past relationship experience, my past boyfriend is my good friend already and we move on totally.
