husband and another woman

hi indah... i wanna say that i feel for you... i may not be married but i am a woman too and have been hurt a couple of times in the past... it's hard to give out advises when we come from different cultures... but if your culture allows you to stand up against your man and say what he shoudl hear..then do that.. i do applaud you for how you took things..but do not allow him to keep doing that to you... he will reduce you to a lesser and lesser person... show him your worth and you should not be insulted that way

I assume you are a muslim. and under islamic sharia law a man can take 4 wives. that is the maximum permitted. if you object, the man will take cover under this law. that is really dangerous for you. i can understand your plight, even though I am a man. no woman can accept another one between her and husband. your husband seems to be not at all concerned about you and the child. as you said, if this woman has been disturbing the household peace then god only can help you. hope you will find a solution to the problem. may be the elders in the family can help you. approach them and explain to them. hope things work out your way.

[i]Hello indahfth well see you cannot just sleep, this is your own matter, your husband doesnt really bother about your condition, if he did he wouldnt have got another woman into the house and let her damage and do whatever she likes with your own home and your own things.No one has that right to do as well. I think you should clearly stop that woman to come inside the house the next time she comes and ask your husband clearly what he is upto.I know it is really hurting to find your own husband going with other woman in town, but then this time you have to be quite strong, atleast for your son, he's yours.Just let your husband speak out his mind to you and then you can take a firm decision thinking over it, your sleep wont let out your tensions but increase them and let the woman bully your house.Take the right decision before she messes up.[/i]

If he is bringing this woman into the household, there are two possibilities. One, she is not what you think. Maybe you are misreading? I can't even picture a man being so cruel as to bring his lover into his home in front of his wife. Two, he does not think anything of you or your son. He is not only cheating, but deliberately provoking and degrading you. In this country, I would be divorced as quickly as possible. And I don't believe in divorce, so that's saying a lot. What are the laws in your country, and do you have family you can go to? In this country, such an act would ensure that the judge required him to pay all my expenses forever until my child was 18, because he abused the marriage and went out of his way to degrade me. I think, if it were me, I would probably react as you did. Then I would throw away the sleep medication, start looking for somewhere I could move to, and start taking lots of pictures of my 'husband' and his girlfriend so I could prove my story.

How can you take it? Are you a muslim? Sorry for asking because I am confused. I have friend with an Islam religion allow a situation like you but can you really take it that there is another girl aside from you that your husband live in?

You did very good by keeping your composure for both yours and your sons sake. From here I think you have to decide what you can live with, Can you leave him? Can you stay with him and his other women? is it good for your son to witness if you stay? what will it teach him, that it is okay for a husband to disrespect his wife and family, the ones he is supposed to love? I personally would leave and probably not kept as composed as you. You've shown great strength in such a time, I admire you for that. In what ever you decide I hope the best for you and your son.

This is indeed a very sad situation for you, especially with your son to take care of. I am not saying that all men cheat but most of the times, I see men walking off with other women and the hapless wives are left behind to take care of the children without any help or support. Its good that you kept your composure, specially important in front of your son. Your profile says that you are from Indonesia, I really don’t know what the position of single women over there but here in India, its really very difficult for women to divorce and then live alone with the children. Everybody is so curious, employers look at you with suspicion and even the kids face trouble at school. If it is the same in your place then divorce will be difficult for you. You may have to adjust and stay back for the sake of your child…even if your husband ignores you. But ideally, you should talk with your husband with friends and family together so that a solution can be found to the problem.

Marriage they say is a gamble. I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing a problem in your marriage. I have gone through that problem during the early years of my marriage but the only thing is my husband dared not bring the woman home. At that time my two sons were still very small, 3 years and 1 year old. He revived his friendship with his 1st love and during that time I felt my world caved in and all I wanted was a divorce. He was unwilling to grant me a divorce probably due to the fact that the kids were still small. I cried til there were no more tears left. He did not stop at one woman as he is a great womanizer. He always come back late pretending to be drunk and slept in the living room. It lasted for few years and I hold on to my patience. I prayed a lot to ask for guidance. Somehow he stopped so suddenly and he changed for the better. For men the more you confront them about their infidelity the more they do it. The best thing for you is to remain silent and do not neglect your duties as a mother and wife. Just be patient as he will one day come into realization and would come back to the family.

I think you should leave your husband why he do that to you. Why he let his unfaithfulness to be seen by other people. Men is always polygamous by nature. I don't know why they are unfaithful to their wife it is not justifiable. Hope you going to get over it and you can move on soon.

OMG..what shocked and sad you are, my friend..i feel sad for you.. feel sorry to your son watching his father did like that.How the heart of husband and father to do so. I pray for you indah...God always pay attention to you and your son. Hope your life tommorrow will be better, and all the past was a nightmare to you. Be tough, and keep faith to God that you will be helped. Good Luck :)

hello there indahfth, That was very sad thing to see, must be hard for the woman that he even dared to bring her home after abruptly showing his ugly side that he is cheating in public. he's not a mature husband, considere it as an idiot. is this woman married to him? this is really a delicate situation. maybe you should leave it alone since it's the couples problem, if you interfere, well you might get into the cross fire.

I guess it would depend on what country and religious belifs you have to figure out if you did right or wrong. Im sure you know if what you did is right or wrong and you dont need people saying you did or dint do something wrong. the only person to make that choice is yourself. no one truly knows the full situation so no one can truly judge your dicision. I think if we had more background to you and your situation then people can start to help and support you more. it obvious that hes with another woman but some places that is not considered adulty for us we dont know what your laws or religion state so really we cant say leave him or divorce. The only thing i can suggest is keep strong and do what you feel is right and what is legal.

i think you should leave him because u have a son and you and your son do not need to live with him if he is goin to be brining other woman home

I was married for six years. During that time my husband cheated on me at least three times. I became so codependent. I would check his computer, his phone, his pockets, etc. I think it started to actually make me crazy. I thought that if I cleaned the house more, was a better mother, gave him space, was more intimate, he would change. It took me a long time and several codependency books later to realize that I could not change him. If he was going to do it again there was nothing I could do to stop it. The first time he cheated I told myself I loved him and would work on a marriage. The second time he cheated I stayed for my two young daughters. The third time was it. I had no reason to stay. I felt that it was either him or my sanity. We got divorced and he is living with this other woman. Funny thing is, is that he is doing the same things to her. My advice is to get out now and show your children that women are strong and independent. I firmly believe that most men will continue to cheat, especially when they don't take responsibility for the pain they have caused.

It is very sad thing. You have to be strong in hour of need. Just try to find out the way you can earn to look after yourself and the son. Then walk away with your child.Look how the husband behaves.