Step children

if i were u, u better extend ur patience coz ur a mom.the responsility is now on your hand,no matter how it cruel they are.

It’s a very difficult situation for all the kids…if you really think that you want to see them all as a family, then first and foremost you need to talk to them as that…one family, not step brothers and sisters. Ask yourself and your kids that if the step children were your own, what would you do? Would your kids have the option of not coming if these step kids were their own siblings? Similarly, talk to the other kids…both of them are very very young and are naturally having behavioral and adjustment problems. Tell them that they are not supposed to behave like that with their older siblings and teach them how exactly they should behave…sharing and playing together or even if the elder brother (your own son), gives a mild spanking then as a younger siblings, they have to accept that! You need to talk tough with all the kids together and individually…as a mother, if you want this family to work, then you will have to put your maternal instincts for your own kids, behind you and think for all of them. Easier said than done I know and as I said, all the kids are individually at very impressionable ages and it wont be easy to keep them together.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this kjl1229. I really don't have any good advice. I know that blending families is tough at best. if you have to deal with problem kids that are not yours then it is going to be even tougher. Their young ages are on your side really. If they were older, I think it would be much much worse. This is really on your husband. His is their parent after all. He needs to get this kid some sort of help. Your first concern should be with your own 3 children. What sorts of discipline do you or your husband give him when he acts out? What about the daughter? what was she diagnosed with?

You described my son exactly at that age. He did all that stuff. Broke a couple of windows too. He also got into everything, which I imagine your stepson does. The key word is DISTRACTION. You see one of these acts coming on you use distraction to your advantage. He's frustrated, that's clear. Taking him out of the frustration can help. Make a video of him when he's acting his worst. Whenever he starts up again, play it on the television. Crank up the volume and watch his reaction. This worked with my son. He was so interested in seeing himself on television he forgot all about throwing a fit. My son grew out of acting up and I suspect this little guy will too.

I think you have to give more patience to the child of your husband if he acted like that. He is still young though and he don't know what he is doing. Or If I were you, try to confront to his father about his son's behavior, I'm sure the father can do something on it.

This is a very difficult subject, but one I feel the need to respond to. For all of the children sakes remember they did not choose you as a stepmother and yours didn't choose their stepfather. They were thrown into this with no control or say and at young ages or even older they may act out. Put yourself in their shoes, a new major force in their lives (you, your husband) and without that unconditional love as from a biological parent. It's very scary and even a bit painful and I am not faulting you or your husband but I am saying they need to know that you are going to love them as if they are your own. You chose to marry a man with children, you knew it was a package deal. All the children must be treated equally, same love, same punishments...and they will need to learn to trust it will be this way, so you need commit to it. Eventually a loving family with strong bonds will emerge.

Blended families are difficult. My husband and I got married when my son was 9 and his son was 4. I have full custody of my son (who is now 18) and he has joint custody of his son (who is now 13). Two years into our marriage we had another child, who is now 6. There were lots of arguements between my husband and myself based upon the children. Each one of us took a natural side to our own child. My stepson was very difficult and he still has his moments. I would talk to your husband and see how he feels about his children's behavior. It's a hard place to be in, I completely understand! Just talk it through and maybe even talk to the children themselves and ask them why they think it is ok to act like that and make sure you let them know that it is behavior that will not be tolerated. Good luck to you! It may seem like forever, but they will grow out of it. :)