How Do I Protect My Grandson?

One thing is for certain. If parents won't take care of their kids Then someone else must. I say the kids are your grand kids and you have every right to do what ever it takes to see to it the kids are safe and raised in a home the way they should be. Just because these two young people are feeling trapped or the kids cramp their style a little does not justify them being mean to the kids. There are laws to prevent this kind of thing so use them and stop the abuse of the kids. Take my word for it, you don't want to stand by a small grave and cry for one of your grand kids. In this kind of situation this can happen much too easy. Art

That's a tough call, you don't want to interfere but you don't want to see the mental and physical abuse escalate to a point where the child feels defeated and doesn't want to excel in life. I would talk to your son, he needs to be a man even though he is young age should not matter. I would let the grandchild know that you love him and he can always come to grandma for some unconditional love. I would try to take care of the problem before they leave, other people around them might not be as privy to what has been going on and will have a knee jerk reaction and call authorities and then you will be raising children again. I'll pray that God gives you the words to say and that your son listens with an open heart. A good book for him to read would be Wild At Heart by John Eldridge.

Does your son see a problem? Maybe he just doesn't know how to handle his kids and could benefit from a parenting class.

You have to think about the child. His parents are grown people and if they are so irresponsible as to behave that way towards their children then the children are the ones to receive the greatest consideration. If the social services in your country do a good job of taking care of kids then you should report this to them. If the child stands a better chance of getting a good upbringing with the social services then you have a real responsibility to report this. Abuse will get the child nowhere and lead to a destroyed life.

whew. its a tough situation really to both parties. i understand your point that you just want to protect your grandson. and now that their leaving or moving out from your house, you cannot protect anymore your grandson. for me, let them move out. and see things if its work. if not thats the time that you have to get your grandson since their hurting the baby.

Something has to be done before something worst happens. Your son and his wife are treating their kids bad in front of you what more can they do if you are not around? Who would stop them from hurting and punishing their kids brutally? I believe no matter how hard headed are the kids, no one has the right to hit them bad. Parents should have limitations. Age is not an excuse, they really have a problem. I think you should talk to them sincerely and seriously, they need help and psychological counseling. These things should not be taken for granted. We are talking about the safeness and welfare of the kids. If you don't see any changes after talking to them better give them ultimatum, kids have right. They can be put to jail by abusing their kids. I pity those kids especially if you allow your son to move without solving the issue first. Who can they run to if they need help? It is not right to put and blame all their miseries and problems to the kids, I think that is what they are doing. If these things continue and unresolve, you don't have a choice but to either send the kids to social service or take responsibility of them until such time that the parents are ready to take care of their kids, until such time that they admit and realize the wrong things that they are doing.

In our country , there is a rule that the permissible age for marriage is 21 for boys and 18 for girls.THose days of child marriage have gone.Your discussion has shown why this rule is very important. THe parents themselves are children in my opinion [though they are adults in the physical sense of the term their maturity levels would not allow them to show the gentle care and devotion that their little children would demand].I wish thta you were able to help and it is natural thta you are concerned.I pray the situation resolves smoothly.But my heart goes out to those grandchildren of yours.

I have two children. 6 and soon to be 8. My daughter always runs to grandma before me - it's a grandma thing - usually nothing to do with being fearful of the parents. I will agree though - it seems that they are a little immature for parents. You have many problems here though. If you call Children services, there is a chance that you wouldn't get the kids and they would end up in foster care (as a temp situation until the parents take anger management and parenting classes most likely). Would the kids be in a good foster home or one that is worse than the home they have with their parents? Be careful with that decision. Also, you have the issue of being alienated from the grandchildren should you step in too soon. You certainly do not want to miss out on a relationship with your grandchildren - if for nothing else - simply to keep a "close eye". Another thing, as the parents grow older, they will mature (hopefully) and once they have their own place, things may calm down for them. Do you think maybe there is stress or tension in the house because you all live together? Not saying you are doing anything - but typically - parents want to raise their children in their own home. For whatever reason (I'll assume financial) they had to live with you. They really haven't "had their own" yet in regards to their little family. Allow them to move out with the kids and see if things get better. Offer to babysit on the weekends. This will give them some "free time" and it will allow you to monitor the children a little. I will say that what you consider "spanking too hard" may not be what other parents consider spanking to hard. Of course, none of us where there. Just give it some time and remember, they may be your grandchildren - but they are not YOUR children. Trust that you raised your son right and that he is going to be a fine father once they finally are able to start living their own lives. Living with parents and (parent-in-laws) is EXTREMELY stressful - even if there isn't any "real" issue going on. Let them be parents. They may not raise their kids how you would raise them, but that's why they had the kids and not you. Now, with that said, you start noticing that the kids are starving, not being clothed, wandering down the street alone, or coming over to your house with black and blue marks all over their bodies- then by all means - pick up that phone and call for help fast. Until that happens, let them be the parents and enjoy being the grandma that gets to spoil the kids... :)

Hi, shewolf. This is not interferance, you are worried because you concern and love your grandson. Personally, i think your son and daughter in law do not know how to handle the kids, and for me, they are very young parents. Perhaps going to parenting class can solve the problem, they learn how to talk to the kids and listen to the kids, instead of yelling at them. Also, you can buy the parenting books for them for reference. I read a lot of parenting books and find the information from the internet. I gained a lot of knowledge from these and i'm learning to be a good mother. We are not borned to be good parents, we all need to learn. So, i believe your son and daughter in law needs some knowledge about this. Have a nice day and happy mylotting.

Maybe you could sit the two down before they move out and tell them what concerns you. Don't talk to them in way that makes them feel defensive but be as though that you have been there an understand how they might be overlooking a few important things. Discuss how they feel and tell them that you would like to see them work on their patience and voice levels when dealing with the child. Let them know what you see. Sometimes people don't realize how they are being until they are called out on it. I would suggest parenting classes and if they don't want to do that then just offer your help. If worse comes to worse and they deny your worries then you might have to do something a little more drastic.

hi shewolf, well one way or another you have to act on it. i hate to say this but right niw they may still be light on the child as they know you are still watching them but i hate to think that your grandchilderen will end up as battered child. and 18 monsth old child is so helpless to an 20 years old guy. come to think about it your son is not even in that right age to be able to stay on their own. you can actually tell them not to move out, if they still do you need to tell him the wrong ways on how he is raising his kids, my question now is that was your son raised the same way? if not then you should tell him off his face. you are still his parent no matter what. you may not have 100% rights over your grandkids but you still have 100% rights over your own child. if things really get out of hand, i do advice you to call for help. no kid has to suffer such brutality.

A how to book never comes with kids. Sometimes young parents can get lost at what to do. This can result with bad actions. Maybe now is the time to start coaching them while you have them. Frank and simply talk can show them a better way. Contrary to popular belief, Good parenting ends up being lots less work.

By no means would I say that you are interfering. You are just a concerned Grandma. I wish I could give you advice on what to do, but I would be torn in this situation. You want what is best for your grandchildren, but not necessarily at the cost of going to Social Services. That is understandable. Have you tried talking to your son and his wife? Would they be open to talking about this? And what is the chance of you convincing them to go to counsiling to get help for their problem? Maybe you could even offer to keep the kids while they got help, if they would agree to it. Then, when they have changed their ways they take the kids back. As I said, I wouldn't really know what to do in your situation, but I don't think that you are interfering by caring. Best of luck to you!

I know it's hard but don't do social services unless you think the children's lives are in danger. They will survive spankings and yelling. I did. Don't get me wrong, I think you should be concerned, I believe a child should not be punished because the parent is angry, but because they have misbehaved. The best advice I can give you is to ask your son and dil, why they yell so much at the children. Then ask them how they would feel if a policeman pulled them over for speeding then proceded to scream at them, "what are you doing, why where you speeding,are you stupid or what, etc." Ask them to imagine how they would feel especially if other people were in the car. Wouldn't they just want to take their punishment nicely. "you were speeding, i'll have to give you a ticket" Or what if they didn't know what the punishment was, what if it was made up at the officer was screaming at them. Children need to know the punishment they will receive for misbehaving.The other possibility is are they seeking attention from their parents. Children will take what they can get. But mostly ask why they don't enjoy their children. The last thing I will say is this is not about you or what you do or do not want. You have an obligation to your grandchildren and if that means raising them consider yourself blessed. It will be hard but you can do it

shewolf do go to social services as a child of 18 months is much too young to be spanked at all.this is child abuse ,go to Childrens protective services, son or no son,he is out of control, they both sound too young to be raising babies and you'do know this. They cannot even provide for themselves and you are caring for all of them. this is a bAd situation'and I fear for a 18 month old child who is spanked hard because daddy is angry. this has to stop and you know this.If it is necessary and it might be those children will be put into a foster home or adopted out. you do realize something has to be done, those children are too little to be treated like that. If the parents could be sent to parenting classes and prove that they can care for their children without abusing them they could get them back but please do get help from social services.

We grandparents could really feel the pain for our grandchildren. Our children misunderstood us sometimes of our love and care for their children. Screaming at grandchildren really breaks my heart that's why I don't tolerate my daughter doing it, I advice her not to do it, instead talk to the children nicely explain to them whats right and wrong and they will listen. Good my daughter also listen to me. How much more seeing them being spanked or hit. We could do whatever is rigt in raising the kids no matter what they say, until they change their attitude and eventually follow. Perhaps the young parents are quite troubled, you can pray to God however, to bless them that they would learn how to raise and love their children. Prayers solve our problems. Much better if the young couple woild love and fear God as well. It would then follow they would love their children and the children would love and respect them as well. Hope everything will be alright.