Oops - I perused my wife's diary!

Hmmm.. You know what, there are different types of lies, I mean, there's no excuse for it, a lie is a lie. But people lie for different reasons: a. Perhaps it's because she really would like to forget about the past. b. Perhaps it's because she knows that you're jealous about the guy and would not let go of the topic should she have told you the truth from the beginning. You know that feeling when not knowing is better than knowing? I mean, would it make you love her less if you didn't know her past? I mean, they no longer hook up right? and it's been years. There are people who'd like to have their private lives in the past kept in the past. There are those who like to say everything. I guess your wife just want to let go of her past so as not to make you insecure. The mistake there is the fact that she still kept the diary. Diaries are really bad news for most relationships because it is usually proof of past doings that need not meddle with present affairs. However, now that you've come to know of such and she's pissed at you reading her diary. The both of you have no choice but to face the fact that the information is in the open. You should apologize first because by reading the diary, it shows that you don't trust her. On the other hand, by keeping the truth, it means she doesn't trust you either. You're on fair ground right now. The question is, would you let this situation taint your relationship forever? or would you be able to forget and keep it in the past now that everything is in the open? It's tough really. I know how it feels for you. But if you're willing to let go everything because of your distrust with her, then everything would just be a waste. For now, you could just lay off. Just stop thinking and look at her if you truly love her still. Good luck!

Not a pretty situation. Reading your wife's personal diary is not a good thing. On the other had lying about a past relationship is worse. You both have some apologizing and forgiving to do before you can really move on from this. Before my wife and I go married we went through full disclosure on all past relationships. We both went through our pasts warts and all. My wife does not keep a diary but if she did I would be the only person allowed to read it. I keep a journal and she has full access if she wants. We try to keep no secrets between the two of us. In February we'll be married 19 years.

She married YOU. Just from reading this I can see why she lied to you. She probably felt that you would not handle it well at all. Maybe you would have had she told you the truth but I'm guessing that because you were so jealous that you would not. I am not in anyway condoning her lying or saying that it was the right way to handle it...just saying that I do understand why she felt compelled to. Obviously whatever those two had years ago was nothing of any substance or they would still be together. No she should not have lied to you and you should have more faith in her than to worry about this person who is no longer intimately involved with her. You should never ever have read her diary without her permission. This guy was involved with her before you met. You are the one that one her heart and not him. I think you should let that be the end of this. Kiss and make up and work on strengthening your relationshp rather than tearing it apart.

Doesn't that always seem to happen? You invade someone else's privacy, and it backfires at you? You have to remember that a diary.. is kept private for a reason, and you had to have thought- going into it - that you would find out something about your wife that you didn't know before, and something that she probably doesn't want you to know. And that's for a reason. Sometimes we keep things from the ones we care about because we're afraid of hurting them or because the past is clearly behind us. Sometimes we do these things because we care, not because we want to HURT you when you find out "the hard way".

If you had not found out about this piece of news would you have told her you read her diary? If you say yes, then I would agree a little more with you. If you say no, then you would be lying too. I imagine, in her defense, that she wanted to keep it from you because she knew how you would react. Are they friends now? If so, maybe she did not want to loose that friendship, and nothing more. There are many reasons to keep things in our past hidden, a big one, because knowledge of our past makes us vulnerable, and most people avoid making themselves feel vulnerable.

Diary of a person's privacy!If you love her,she was on the inclusion! Think of ways to communicate with her,perhaps you would be progress! She did not tell you that she loves you too!Do not be worried for this matter, two people together,communicatiom is key!Some time,and let you relax with each other all! Blessing you!

Your wife didn't want to hurt you so perhaps she was cautious about telling you 'everything' about her past. She isn't interested in her ex-boyfriend. She has married you. She is being secretive about the past. Surely the future means more and it is a mystery. The past is history so it can be forgotten about perhaps. You have broken the trust with your wife. Maybe you will be able to build a stronger relationship now if are able to communicate more clearly. Taking together is very important. Good luck.

Going through someone's diary is NOT A PROPER THING TO DO, EVEN IF IT WERE YOUR WIFE'S. She could have erased all that were in the diary before you opened it. She did not do so because of her trust in you. Imagine yourself in her place and how you would have reacted under similar situation? Why in the first place did she not tell you the truth about this relationship in full? Maybe you will be upset and not be able to handle the fact, after it was a past affair, is what she would have thought. It does not involve the person who came later, does it?

I totally understand your wife. It's a Diary. There are things that you want to keep just between you and yourself and no one else, not even the closest person to you should take a look at it. I remember how mad I was at my mother when she took a peek at my diary. I was so very mad I even called her names, I think I even called her evil which I'm sure hurt her so but I guess my mother was just like you, curious. I'm not very talkative, and being the only daughter I guess she was looking for that bond only mothers and daughters sharing private stuff with each other could have. I also understand why you did it however. You had a feeling in your gut that you needed to clear up. You failed with asking her flat out so you took the sneaky route.. hehe. I don't know why you didn't just believe her word. It was probably something that didn't work out or that she and her friend saw they won't be going beyond friendship so your wife might have seen it as being unimportant. Then again if it were, she should have just told you so... Oh dear, you really put yourself in a sticky situation. I just hope you and your wife sort it out. You're just being jealous because you feel that your wife is more intimate, at least emotionally with this guy friend of hers. Let her know that. Maybe she'll open up to you more.

Its a pretty bad situation to be in. The first reason why she lied to you may be because she was frightened of losing you. So, the only way she could have you was by telling you a lie. Tere are so many of us who have had a challenging past and when we settle down, we tend to try and forget it and move on in life. However, when you read her diary and found out that she had lied to you, I'm sure she would have been embarrassed just as much and would also have felt disgusted with your attitude. You clearly showed your lack of confidence in your wife, despite her trying to be as loving as possible. Don't tell me that you didn't have a fling when you were younger? I guess you need to apologise to her for your action and make her understand that you don't have any hard feelings for what transpired between her and her friend)s) before marriage. Best of luck!