My father is dying and I'm not ready to say goodbye

Ever since I was young I wanted to be "daddys girl" my daddy had a drinking problem, he would go to work come home and stay outside till dark drinking. He'd come in hammered and fall asleep over his dinner plate. But still I never saw that, I saw a great mam, who barly talked, who yelled alot, hurt my feelings almost everyday with his anxiety and screaming at us and our mom. But he was my hero, I'd watch him outside through my window and the love I felt was overwelming, I'd pray for him every night that god would keep him safe, help him stop drinking and beg god to take me before him. I was pretty much obsessed with this prayer, I'd cry myself to sleep praying it. I can honestly say I never had a conversaion with him till I was married at 20. By that time je quit drinking and was a changed man. He became like this huge Teddy bear. He was the daddy I always prayed for. Though I never was a daddys girl when I spent time with him outside it was priceless. Now that I'm even older I see it wasn't just me that needed his attention but all 8 of us kids, we were starving for it. Over the years we all had our own kids and daddy there paw paw gave to them what we wanted so bad. It was like healing as we watched him with our kids. My daddy got lung disease and wore oxygen for ten years he still did stuff outside still went places came over alot with my momma, it didn't stop him. Then in 2001 something happened I was at there house and he couldn't breath very well. His stomach was like jumping when he'd breath. He went to the hospital and was fine for 2 days the third day he couldn't open his eyes he looked like he was sleeping, we had no clue that would b the last day. We all were up there and some how he asked for us one by one he couldn't talk but I know he wanted to say he loved us, he'd never said it before but I just know. He asked my mom to pray with him while we were all around the bed. He said the whole Lords prayer with my momma, about an hour later he took his last breath. I lost it after that, became like a shut in for 5 years. It's hard especally when depression is involved, I take medicine, for that and anxiety med to. It was the hardest thing ever but though you never truly get over it , it's gets excepted somehow in your head and heart. Takes along time but it will happen. Now I've realized he's not really gone. He's all around me, I can feel it in my heart but Now I am Sure I'm a daddys girl.

I lost my dad when I was 16, weeks before my graduation. You never will be ready for losing someone you love. It's not that you won't be ok after he's gone, but you will miss him very very much. Cherish the time you have with him now and be there for him until the very end. When he leaves you can at least say you don't have regrets and you stood by him till the very last. Goodluck and hope you recover soon!

First of all you need to pray for yourself and your father who is going to a different life in a short time from now. Then you need to remember that when we move into a different situation we have different circumstances to face and so it will not be the same when he is gone. Other things will happen to change what you think you see in the future now. Also, living on less money or in a poorer situation does not have to be a bad thing. You will meet new people, find new things to do and your life will take a new direction. Let's put it this way - you cannot see tomorrow morning with today's clouds.

I hardly know what to say to u, it hits home with me, I almost feel like this question is meant for me to answer but I don't know how without digging up my own loss of my daddy and my depression battle. Gonna have to wait for the right time for this I'm sorry but I'll get back to u. Liz

i do really understand on what you are feeling right now, it's the hardest times having someone you love gets sick. just pray that God will still give HIm more time and if not, then better accept it, because he is suffering too, if you want that he would not suffer longer then better accept the fact. i'm so sorry for your situation right now, i know that even how long our advices will be, still it won't heal your hurt feelings toward your father...

I know it is frustrating, and sometimes very difficult to bear, I been working in a hospital and have seen a lot of deaths from different diseases and each one has a different story to tell. To tell you honestly, we must accept that dying is a part of one's life. I know it is very difficult in your part to understand because of the emotional attachment that you have with your father, but, at some point, he must go so that you and your other relatives continue to learn things that you will never learn if he still around. I can feel your pain Artismel, it happens to me way back before when I lost a very good friend of mine plus a lot of patients that I cater in my work. It is an awful feeling that you will bid for anything just to cancel that unpleasant event. But at least take this as a challenge: Make your daddy feel proud that he raised you as a tough girl, He will be disappointed if you will quit now.

If they've done everything that's possible medically for Him (was kidney transplant an option?) then all that's possible to do now is to make him comfortable while it lasts..Losing a Loved Parent is Never Easy..Perhaps the counselling can help You with that..But at the end,if He's had a full and Happy Life,though You're not yet ready to let him Go,I'm sure You wouldn't want him lingering on in pain,either..Spend as much time With him as You can while He's still around,and say what you might need to say to Him before time runs out to do so..You've had Love and Learned from him in Your Life so far..In that way,something of Him lives on in You..It's said someone's not really gone until there's no-one to remember them..He'll always be with you that way..Don't stress out on your housing situation for Now..You need to have time with Your Dad..where You'll move to after,as long as You have a place now,can wait a little.

I definitely feel your pain and what you are going through right now. The thought of perhaps losing our parent is never easy and nothing we do can prepare us for what is not known out there. Patience and trying your best to be strong are the best that you can do at the moment. I'm sure your dad wouldn't want you to be sad and let's hope for the best. Take care, friend..

I am sorry to hear about your father. It is hard to let go of the people we love very much. You need to spend time with him. You will just need to let go when the time comes.You will always have all the memories of the good times you spent with your dad when you were growing up. You have already taken a step by starting the pre-bereavement counseling which will help you.

I will pray for your father and also for you as you be more strong mentally. There are certain rules of the nature, none of us can avoid them. Everybody will have to leave, eventhough witnessing someone, like father in bad state of health; difficult to bear out. My advice is that you pray for your father's recovery. Almighty can do any miracle. Only he can do the miracle. Pray to almighty. Thanks.

I will pray for your father and also for you as you be more strong mentally. There are certain rules of the nature, none of us can avoid them. Everybody will have to leave, eventhough witnessing someone, like father in bad state of health; difficult to bear out. My advice is that you pray for your father recovery. Almighty can do any miracle. Only he can do the miracle. Pray to almighty. Thanks.

I will pray for your father ans also for you as you be more strong mentally. There are certain rules of the nature, none of us can avoid them. Everybody will have to leave, eventhough witnessing someone, like father in bad state of health; difficult to bear out. My advice is that you pray for your father recovery. Almighty can do any miracle. Only he can do the miracle. Pray to almighty. Thanks.

My heart goes out to you dear. I feel you pain. You are so blessed to be able to have these precious moments with your father. Be strong, be brave hold things together and carry on. It will get easier with time. My father was killed when he was 48. Our last words together where.. Heya Pop.. I'll see ya later., he started to stand up to give me a hug. but, I told him he didnt have to......I walked out the door and that was it. that was 18 years ago and I can still see his smiling face that day.. it's a good memory for me. Make good memories with the time you have left and you will treasure them always.

oh Baby I can see here,but I hope that you will be strong! Everyone had to face this time you will be well tith you, he will aiways accompany!

I understand you in some way, I knew my stepfather was going to pass away sometime after his diagnosis, and it was my turn to watch for him on his last night at the hospital. It is not something that you plan how to feel in a situation like this, it is very understandable to feel depressed, angry, not wanting to let go yet. But life will take it's path and evetually you'll find your place again in life. Never underestimate yourself for being disabled in any way, you are way more valuable than many of us in many ways. God bless.

There really is no way to completely prepare yourself for all that you are going through right now. You will inevitably go through many stages with this situation. You will feel angry, you may deny the fact that your father is dying thinking that he may get better, you will become very depressed, and because you have watched him suffer, you will feel a sense of relief after he passes because he is no longer suffering. You will go through every possible emotion you can feel. This is all a process of grieving, and although we all grieve in our own way, we all go through the stages. Letting go is something that is very difficult. You don't ever have to let go completely, you can always hold him in your heart and fond memories. You can let go of his physical body, knowing that he will no longer suffer, but you can always hold onto the love you feel for him. As far as saying 'good-bye" rest assured, when the time comes, you will know just how is best for you and your father. It will definately take some time for you to adjust after he passes, but you will adjust and you will find the strength and courage to move forward and live your life. You will be starting a new chapter in your life, one that hasn't been written yet. In other words, you can go anywhere you want to go and do anything you want to do. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you will be able to carry the memories with you and often times, you will find yourself drawing strnegth from those memories.

Oh, sad to hear that. I'm also a daddy's girl and I feel the same way. But we have to learn to let go. We wouldn't want to see our fathers undergo difficulty and when they give up, maybe we should too.

My heart goes out to you. If there was a way that I, even though we have never met, could help in any way to ease your pain, I would. I can do this much for you...I will keep you in my prayers. I have never lost a parent, but I was very close to my grandpa. I knew for years that he was dying. He had prostate cancer and it was taking it's slow sweet time at killing him. When I got the call saying that he was on his way out of this world, I headed straight to him, which was a 3 hour drive from where I was living. I sat at his side, crying and begging him not to go. Finally I had to let go. It wasn't until I gave him the okay to let go that he took his last breath. He held on for me, or at least that's what I believe. You shouldn't feel guilt over having a sense of relief. Your dad could very well be holding on for you, the way Grandpa did for me. When he sees that you are okay, and can deal with it, he might just let go himself. He has to be in a world of pain, and ready to escape it. It's the saying good-bye that would be the hardest, I think. But you could try looking at it as not saying good-bye, but see you later. One day the two of you will be reunited. You will see him again. And as far as letting go...do we ever truelly let go of the loved ones we lose? I still feel as though Grandpa is here with me. I talk to him, even if it is just his picture that I see. I write him letters and poems. My sisters still do the same with their dad, too. He passed a few years ago, and they still believe he is here with them. For all any of us know, they are still here, just in spirit form. Time will ease your pain, even if only little by little. Just remember that whatever your dad is going through now, he won't have to deal with it on the other side. Keep this thought in your mind, and it might ease your hurt. As I said before, you are in my prayers.