I'm In A Huge Dilemma And Need Your Advice On How To Handle It

I think mom is realizing it now and is why she didn’t want me to tell hubby out of fear it would cause more problems which isn’t what she wants but if she’d only see that telling my brothers a different story than what she tells us is hurting hubby and I and letting my brothers sit on their tail and go on these lavish vacations is hurting hubby and I because we can’t go on such a thing because we’re swamped with so much to do with our own home AND theirs not to mention, running out of money! I certainly can’t just leave them there with all the things they need done. They can’t do it and if my brothers won’t and if we back out, who’s going to help them? Nobody. So we have to do it. My brothers won’t come down here to check on them. I know that they won’t. Maybe they’ll call but gee, if something is wrong, they’re 4 and 5 hours drive away! I haven’t talked to my middle brother in almost a year. I don’t care to either unless he decides to come off of his apology. I can not let go the number of times he’s hurt me and I’ve kept silent. I’ve reached my boiling point and let him have it. He will never ever be allowed to talk to me like a dog ever again! Nor will he ever be allowed to exclude me from this family ever again either! Now as for my oldest brother, I’ve tried to talk to him a year ago and he jumped all over me when I needed him the most so I’m not going back for more. I did send him a message that I needed to talk to him about those damned renters and he talked to me like a normal person should’ve but I don’t want to push my chances with him again. He’s got a terrible temper and hubby will not stand for that to happen again and if it does, hubby will let him have it and then my brother will come down here and cause a ruckus in which hubby will have him arrested. That will drive my parents over the edge for sure and then where will I be? Guilty for the rest of my damned life! I’m so scared of causing a ruckus that will end my parents being on this earth so I suck it up and deal with it. I don’t want to but what choice do I have? My family is the worst for being dysfunctional. I hate to say that but it’s the truth! If I do this, I’ll get this, if I do that, I’ll get that! Is it fair? Hell no it’s not fair! But it’s how it is. It’s up to my parents to ask them and to tell them the truth that it’s not fair that these two keep doing all these things when you’re every bit a part of this family too and should help. Sheesh! We’re only asking – drive 4 or 5 hours down here, work a couple to three hours then drive 4 or 5 hours back home every 4 to 6 weeks!! Not every damned weekend!! Gee, we’re not morons nor are we unfeeling either! But they don’t get it. Maybe I am doing it partly out of guilt. I don’t know. I know I was a rotten kid growing up but look at what I had to deal with! Mom has told several people that she doesn’t have a daughter because she’s disowned me. Well had she been a better mother to me and figured out why I was doing the things I was then maybe we’d had a better relationship but she didn’t! I acted out because I felt unloved and unwanted for so long! I’d like to see her go through rape, molestation and attempted rape by 14 damned people from the time I was 8 till I was 16 and see if she’d come out smelling like a rose!! I bet she couldn’t!! I’m no different! I had to learn the hard way what love really was! But I’ve done a 180 degree turn many many years ago and sometimes she’ll only see the past and smacks me in the face with it, once through my hubby and damn right that hurt! I told dad about it and told him too that if she did it again, it would be the end of us because I think I made a turn around many many years ago and stayed there. He said “You did!” Since then, mom has treated me like gold…. Pretty much. Ever since I was a kid, one day she’d be nice and then the next she’d be the biggest b*tch one has ever seen! Sometimes these mood swings would go on for months and even years!! One Christmas she gave me a necklace and I’ll never forget it, it said “#1 Daughter”! I cried and without thinking I said, “Oh mom! Do you really feel this way?” She grabbed me and hugged me tight and said “Of course! I love you because you’re my wonderful daughter!” Then she turns on me again a few years later and for what reason? I’ll never know. My brothers are forthright in saying what’s on their minds. I wish I could be but mom knows how to push my buttons and make me feel like the guilty one. She raised me to be ever so damned sensitive! For example “Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if someone did that to you” or “If I don’t see you do it, God does” Or “How can you hurt me like that when all I’ve ever done is love you!” Now my brothers would tell her off but I just can’t. I know my middle brother has told her to go F herself!! He told me that himself! I about lit him up a new one!! It’s one thing to tell her off but damn it all, that’s his mother as well as mine so he better respect her. It’s ok to tell her how he feels but to tell her off like that is a big no no. My oldest brother will go off on her and then storm out the door and leave. But mom knows I won’t do that but sit there and let her throw it all at me. Maybe I am stupid for doing that but I walked out on her once and I was 18 at that time and to this day! Even after explaining WHY I left, apparently she’s forgotten that, I still hear about it!! Well, the last time she said anything about it was a couple of years ago and that’s when I told dad that if it happens again, I’m through. He knows I mean it too and that's why mom has been much kinder to me since then and then she had the stroke.

It sure does sound like you're between a rock and a hard place. I honestly think that most families are "dysfunctional" to some extent. I'm just very glad that you have myLot to vent. When we're stuck in a position that really sucks, the best thing we can do is vent. Holding all that in could be disastrous! So, vent away, gal! Try to hang in there and know that this situation will not last forever. I don't think anyone wants to think about our parent's deaths, but they do happen. It sounds to me like you'll be so much happier away from your entire family. I know that can't happen right now and I know how sad you'll be when your parents leave this place but at least you'll have some peace. Until then, just come here and vent whenever you have to. Your friends understand.

Hi leenie! Thanks for your kind words on my avatar! It's suppose to be animated but for some reason, I can't get it to work! ARG!! Oh well, it's still cute, huh? I'm going to do a copy and paste here because it's a rather long response. Whew wee!! yeah, really long. I think mom is realizing it now and is why she didn’t want me to tell hubby out of fear it would cause more problems which isn’t what she wants but if she’d only see that telling my brothers a different story than what she tells us is hurting hubby and I and letting my brothers sit on their tail and go on these lavish vacations is hurting hubby and I because we can’t go on such a thing because we’re swamped with so much to do with our own home AND theirs not to mention, running out of money! I certainly can’t just leave them there with all the things they need done. They can’t do it and if my brothers won’t and if we back out, who’s going to help them? Nobody. So we have to do it. My brothers won’t come down here to check on them. I know that they won’t. Maybe they’ll call but gee, if something is wrong, they’re 4 and 5 hours drive away! I haven’t talked to my middle brother in almost a year. I don’t care to either unless he decides to come off of his apology. I can not let go the number of times he’s hurt me and I’ve kept silent. I’ve reached my boiling point and let him have it. He will never ever be allowed to talk to me like a dog ever again! Nor will he ever be allowed to exclude me from this family ever again either! Now as for my oldest brother, I’ve tried to talk to him a year ago and he jumped all over me when I needed him the most so I’m not going back for more. I did send him a message that I needed to talk to him about those damned renters and he talked to me like a normal person should’ve but I don’t want to push my chances with him again. He’s got a terrible temper and hubby will not stand for that to happen again and if it does, hubby will let him have it and then my brother will come down here and cause a ruckus in which hubby will have him arrested. That will drive my parents over the edge for sure and then where will I be? Guilty for the rest of my damned life! I’m so scared of causing a ruckus that will end my parents being on this earth so I suck it up and deal with it. I don’t want to but what choice do I have? My family is the worst for being dysfunctional. I hate to say that but it’s the truth! If I do this, I’ll get this, if I do that, I’ll get that! Is it fair? Hell no it’s not fair! But it’s how it is. It’s up to my parents to ask them and to tell them the truth that it’s not fair that these two keep doing all these things when you’re every bit a part of this family too and should help. Sheesh! We’re only asking – drive 4 or 5 hours down here, work a couple to three hours then drive 4 or 5 hours back home every 4 to 6 weeks!! Not every damned weekend!! Gee, we’re not morons nor are we unfeeling either! But they don’t get it. Maybe I am doing it partly out of guilt. I don’t know. I know I was a rotten kid growing up but look at what I had to deal with! Mom has told several people that she doesn’t have a daughter because she’s disowned me. Well had she been a better mother to me and figured out why I was doing the things I was then maybe we’d had a better relationship but she didn’t! I acted out because I felt unloved and unwanted for so long! I’d like to see her go through rape, molestation and attempted rape by 14 damned people from the time I was 8 till I was 16 and see if she’d come out smelling like a rose!! I bet she couldn’t!! I’m no different! I had to learn the hard way what love really was! But I’ve done a 180 degree turn many many years ago and sometimes she’ll only see the past and smacks me in the face with it, once through my hubby and damn right that hurt! I told dad about it and told him too that if she did it again, it would be the end of us because I think I made a turn around many many years ago and stayed there. He said “You did!” Since then, mom has treated me like gold…. Pretty much. Ever since I was a kid, one day she’d be nice and then the next she’d be the biggest b*tch one has ever seen! Sometimes these mood swings would go on for months and even years!! One Christmas she gave me a necklace and I’ll never forget it, it said “#1 Daughter”! I cried and without thinking I said, “Oh mom! Do you really feel this way?” She grabbed me and hugged me tight and said “Of course! I love you because you’re my wonderful daughter!” Then she turns on me again a few years later and for what reason? I’ll never know. My brothers are forthright in saying what’s on their minds. I wish I could be but mom knows how to push my buttons and make me feel like the guilty one. She raised me to be ever so damned sensitive! For example “Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if someone did that to you” or “If I don’t see you do it, God does” Or “How can you hurt me like that when all I’ve ever done is love you!” Now my brothers would tell her off but I just can’t. I know my middle brother has told her to go F herself!! He told me that himself! I about lit him up a new one!! It’s one thing to tell her off but damn it all, that’s his mother as well as mine so he better respect her. It’s ok to tell her how he feels but to tell her off like that is a big no no. My oldest brother will go off on her and then storm out the door and leave. But mom knows I won’t do that but sit there and let her throw it all at me. Maybe I am stupid for doing that but I walked out on her once and I was 18 at that time and to this day! Even after explaining WHY I left, apparently she’s forgotten that, I still hear about it!! Well, the last time she said anything about it was a couple of years ago and that’s when I told dad that if it happens again, I’m through. He knows I mean it too and that's why mom has been much kinder to me since then and then she had the stroke.

Sweetie, I had no idea about the rapes and all the horrible things that were done to you. Do you mind if I ask who and when did it all happen? You can email me or pm me. Did your parents know? Did they blame you? If you acted out, I can certainly understand why. You have nothing to feel guilty about. What happened to you should never happen to a child or anyone else. What is a litlle girl suppose to do with all that physical and emotional abuse? In spite of all that you have turned into a Fine Woman. You deserve to be praised not put down and used and abused. Your Family should have nothing but Love and Respect for you, as I do, for the wonderful woman you've turned out to be. And most of all, you did not and I'll say it again, you DID NOT cause your Mothers stroke!!! You have nothing to feel guilty about. I am so sorry for all you've been through. You and Jimmy should be happy now. Love You Leenie

I LOVE it!! You have one GREAT idea!! That just might get my brothers off of their azzes and help out!! LMBO!! Thanks Hatley for such a great idea!! LMBO!!

Hi Jo! I'm going to copy and paste my LONG response because it is rather long! lol I think mom is realizing it now and is why she didn’t want me to tell hubby out of fear it would cause more problems which isn’t what she wants but if she’d only see that telling my brothers a different story than what she tells us is hurting hubby and I and letting my brothers sit on their tail and go on these lavish vacations is hurting hubby and I because we can’t go on such a thing because we’re swamped with so much to do with our own home AND theirs not to mention, running out of money! I certainly can’t just leave them there with all the things they need done. They can’t do it and if my brothers won’t and if we back out, who’s going to help them? Nobody. So we have to do it. My brothers won’t come down here to check on them. I know that they won’t. Maybe they’ll call but gee, if something is wrong, they’re 4 and 5 hours drive away! I haven’t talked to my middle brother in almost a year. I don’t care to either unless he decides to come off of his apology. I can not let go the number of times he’s hurt me and I’ve kept silent. I’ve reached my boiling point and let him have it. He will never ever be allowed to talk to me like a dog ever again! Nor will he ever be allowed to exclude me from this family ever again either! Now as for my oldest brother, I’ve tried to talk to him a year ago and he jumped all over me when I needed him the most so I’m not going back for more. I did send him a message that I needed to talk to him about those damned renters and he talked to me like a normal person should’ve but I don’t want to push my chances with him again. He’s got a terrible temper and hubby will not stand for that to happen again and if it does, hubby will let him have it and then my brother will come down here and cause a ruckus in which hubby will have him arrested. That will drive my parents over the edge for sure and then where will I be? Guilty for the rest of my damned life! I’m so scared of causing a ruckus that will end my parents being on this earth so I suck it up and deal with it. I don’t want to but what choice do I have? My family is the worst for being dysfunctional. I hate to say that but it’s the truth! If I do this, I’ll get this, if I do that, I’ll get that! Is it fair? Hell no it’s not fair! But it’s how it is. It’s up to my parents to ask them and to tell them the truth that it’s not fair that these two keep doing all these things when you’re every bit a part of this family too and should help. Sheesh! We’re only asking – drive 4 or 5 hours down here, work a couple to three hours then drive 4 or 5 hours back home every 4 to 6 weeks!! Not every damned weekend!! Gee, we’re not morons nor are we unfeeling either! But they don’t get it. Maybe I am doing it partly out of guilt. I don’t know. I know I was a rotten kid growing up but look at what I had to deal with! Mom has told several people that she doesn’t have a daughter because she’s disowned me. Well had she been a better mother to me and figured out why I was doing the things I was then maybe we’d had a better relationship but she didn’t! I acted out because I felt unloved and unwanted for so long! I’d like to see her go through rape, molestation and attempted rape by 14 damned people from the time I was 8 till I was 16 and see if she’d come out smelling like a rose!! I bet she couldn’t!! I’m no different! I had to learn the hard way what love really was! But I’ve done a 180 degree turn many many years ago and sometimes she’ll only see the past and smacks me in the face with it, once through my hubby and damn right that hurt! I told dad about it and told him too that if she did it again, it would be the end of us because I think I made a turn around many many years ago and stayed there. He said “You did!” Since then, mom has treated me like gold…. Pretty much. Ever since I was a kid, one day she’d be nice and then the next she’d be the biggest b*tch one has ever seen! Sometimes these mood swings would go on for months and even years!! One Christmas she gave me a necklace and I’ll never forget it, it said “#1 Daughter”! I cried and without thinking I said, “Oh mom! Do you really feel this way?” She grabbed me and hugged me tight and said “Of course! I love you because you’re my wonderful daughter!” Then she turns on me again a few years later and for what reason? I’ll never know. My brothers are forthright in saying what’s on their minds. I wish I could be but mom knows how to push my buttons and make me feel like the guilty one. She raised me to be ever so damned sensitive! For example “Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if someone did that to you” or “If I don’t see you do it, God does” Or “How can you hurt me like that when all I’ve ever done is love you!” Now my brothers would tell her off but I just can’t. I know my middle brother has told her to go F herself!! He told me that himself! I about lit him up a new one!! It’s one thing to tell her off but damn it all, that’s his mother as well as mine so he better respect her. It’s ok to tell her how he feels but to tell her off like that is a big no no. My oldest brother will go off on her and then storm out the door and leave. But mom knows I won’t do that but sit there and let her throw it all at me. Maybe I am stupid for doing that but I walked out on her once and I was 18 at that time and to this day! Even after explaining WHY I left, apparently she’s forgotten that, I still hear about it!! Well, the last time she said anything about it was a couple of years ago and that’s when I told dad that if it happens again, I’m through. He knows I mean it too and that's why mom has been much kinder to me since then and then she had the stroke.

Cat, i have told u before how i feel about the way they do u. I'm sorry they do u that way, sorry for all u have been through in your life & i mean it w/all my heart. I really can't say anything good about your parents & the way they do u so i'm not going to say anymore because i don't want to hurt your feelings or make u mad but i will say this. U might try telling them the same thing ur brother did & leave them along till they have to call the brothers. They are going to cause u to have a stroke, heart attack Or worse plus they are going to cause u to lose your marriage if u aren't careful. nuff' said.love & hugs.

Hi Paula, I've done a copy and paste of one of my longest responses EVER! lol Hope you don't mind for this is much easier to do than retyping it all over again.... I think mom is realizing it now and is why she didn’t want me to tell hubby out of fear it would cause more problems which isn’t what she wants but if she’d only see that telling my brothers a different story than what she tells us is hurting hubby and I and letting my brothers sit on their tail and go on these lavish vacations is hurting hubby and I because we can’t go on such a thing because we’re swamped with so much to do with our own home AND theirs not to mention, running out of money! I certainly can’t just leave them there with all the things they need done. They can’t do it and if my brothers won’t and if we back out, who’s going to help them? Nobody. So we have to do it. My brothers won’t come down here to check on them. I know that they won’t. Maybe they’ll call but gee, if something is wrong, they’re 4 and 5 hours drive away! I haven’t talked to my middle brother in almost a year. I don’t care to either unless he decides to come off of his apology. I can not let go the number of times he’s hurt me and I’ve kept silent. I’ve reached my boiling point and let him have it. He will never ever be allowed to talk to me like a dog ever again! Nor will he ever be allowed to exclude me from this family ever again either! Now as for my oldest brother, I’ve tried to talk to him a year ago and he jumped all over me when I needed him the most so I’m not going back for more. I did send him a message that I needed to talk to him about those damned renters and he talked to me like a normal person should’ve but I don’t want to push my chances with him again. He’s got a terrible temper and hubby will not stand for that to happen again and if it does, hubby will let him have it and then my brother will come down here and cause a ruckus in which hubby will have him arrested. That will drive my parents over the edge for sure and then where will I be? Guilty for the rest of my damned life! I’m so scared of causing a ruckus that will end my parents being on this earth so I suck it up and deal with it. I don’t want to but what choice do I have? My family is the worst for being dysfunctional. I hate to say that but it’s the truth! If I do this, I’ll get this, if I do that, I’ll get that! Is it fair? Hell no it’s not fair! But it’s how it is. It’s up to my parents to ask them and to tell them the truth that it’s not fair that these two keep doing all these things when you’re every bit a part of this family too and should help. Sheesh! We’re only asking – drive 4 or 5 hours down here, work a couple to three hours then drive 4 or 5 hours back home every 4 to 6 weeks!! Not every damned weekend!! Gee, we’re not morons nor are we unfeeling either! But they don’t get it. Maybe I am doing it partly out of guilt. I don’t know. I know I was a rotten kid growing up but look at what I had to deal with! Mom has told several people that she doesn’t have a daughter because she’s disowned me. Well had she been a better mother to me and figured out why I was doing the things I was then maybe we’d had a better relationship but she didn’t! I acted out because I felt unloved and unwanted for so long! I’d like to see her go through rape, molestation and attempted rape by 14 damned people from the time I was 8 till I was 16 and see if she’d come out smelling like a rose!! I bet she couldn’t!! I’m no different! I had to learn the hard way what love really was! But I’ve done a 180 degree turn many many years ago and sometimes she’ll only see the past and smacks me in the face with it, once through my hubby and damn right that hurt! I told dad about it and told him too that if she did it again, it would be the end of us because I think I made a turn around many many years ago and stayed there. He said “You did!” Since then, mom has treated me like gold…. Pretty much. Ever since I was a kid, one day she’d be nice and then the next she’d be the biggest b*tch one has ever seen! Sometimes these mood swings would go on for months and even years!! One Christmas she gave me a necklace and I’ll never forget it, it said “#1 Daughter”! I cried and without thinking I said, “Oh mom! Do you really feel this way?” She grabbed me and hugged me tight and said “Of course! I love you because you’re my wonderful daughter!” Then she turns on me again a few years later and for what reason? I’ll never know. My brothers are forthright in saying what’s on their minds. I wish I could be but mom knows how to push my buttons and make me feel like the guilty one. She raised me to be ever so damned sensitive! For example “Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if someone did that to you” or “If I don’t see you do it, God does” Or “How can you hurt me like that when all I’ve ever done is love you!” Now my brothers would tell her off but I just can’t. I know my middle brother has told her to go F herself!! He told me that himself! I about lit him up a new one!! It’s one thing to tell her off but damn it all, that’s his mother as well as mine so he better respect her. It’s ok to tell her how he feels but to tell her off like that is a big no no. My oldest brother will go off on her and then storm out the door and leave. But mom knows I won’t do that but sit there and let her throw it all at me. Maybe I am stupid for doing that but I walked out on her once and I was 18 at that time and to this day! Even after explaining WHY I left, apparently she’s forgotten that, I still hear about it!! Well, the last time she said anything about it was a couple of years ago and that’s when I told dad that if it happens again, I’m through. He knows I mean it too and that's why mom has been much kinder to me since then and then she had the stroke.

It is obviously very complicated and I can relate to that because I've always had huge issues with my family too. I hope your mother's mood swings subside and you can keep improving your relationship...

I did finally tell my husband and he was really good about it. I have asked my brothers for help and the oldest jumped down my throat but apologized for it two days later but knowing he's a hot head, I'm not willing to stick my hand in the cage to get bitten again. My middle brother jumped all over me with really mean and hateful words almost a year ago and we haven't spoken since unless it's through text or email and ONLY about our parents and that's it. It's an ONLY if we have to type of thing. It's my parents job to ask them to help and not have hubby and I do everything. Granted, my brothers are 4 and 5 hours away but all we're asking is for them to drive the 4 and 5 hours down here, spend a couple or few hours helping with what ever is needed and then go back home every 4 to 6 weeks! That's not asking a lot, at least I don't think so.

I am sorry. I did not know that they would react that way. Just be strong.

I wish I could get them out of there and into an assisted living facility but neither of them will consider it. If I can get them to open up their mouths and tell my brothers themselves that they do need help, it'll be a huge milestone crossed but I don't think it'll ever happen. We'll just have to take it one day at a time and do what we can when we can.

Hi danish, I'm doing a copy and paste here for it's a rather LONG response. lol Hope you don't mind but it's the only way I know how to explain it all. Once I get it down right, or close to it because there's so many curves and corners that branch out, it's hard to get it all down at once. I think I got most of it here. I think mom is realizing it now and is why she didn’t want me to tell hubby out of fear it would cause more problems which isn’t what she wants but if she’d only see that telling my brothers a different story than what she tells us is hurting hubby and I and letting my brothers sit on their tail and go on these lavish vacations is hurting hubby and I because we can’t go on such a thing because we’re swamped with so much to do with our own home AND theirs not to mention, running out of money! I certainly can’t just leave them there with all the things they need done. They can’t do it and if my brothers won’t and if we back out, who’s going to help them? Nobody. So we have to do it. My brothers won’t come down here to check on them. I know that they won’t. Maybe they’ll call but gee, if something is wrong, they’re 4 and 5 hours drive away! I haven’t talked to my middle brother in almost a year. I don’t care to either unless he decides to come off of his apology. I can not let go the number of times he’s hurt me and I’ve kept silent. I’ve reached my boiling point and let him have it. He will never ever be allowed to talk to me like a dog ever again! Nor will he ever be allowed to exclude me from this family ever again either! Now as for my oldest brother, I’ve tried to talk to him a year ago and he jumped all over me when I needed him the most so I’m not going back for more. I did send him a message that I needed to talk to him about those damned renters and he talked to me like a normal person should’ve but I don’t want to push my chances with him again. He’s got a terrible temper and hubby will not stand for that to happen again and if it does, hubby will let him have it and then my brother will come down here and cause a ruckus in which hubby will have him arrested. That will drive my parents over the edge for sure and then where will I be? Guilty for the rest of my damned life! I’m so scared of causing a ruckus that will end my parents being on this earth so I suck it up and deal with it. I don’t want to but what choice do I have? My family is the worst for being dysfunctional. I hate to say that but it’s the truth! If I do this, I’ll get this, if I do that, I’ll get that! Is it fair? Hell no it’s not fair! But it’s how it is. It’s up to my parents to ask them and to tell them the truth that it’s not fair that these two keep doing all these things when you’re every bit a part of this family too and should help. Sheesh! We’re only asking – drive 4 or 5 hours down here, work a couple to three hours then drive 4 or 5 hours back home every 4 to 6 weeks!! Not every damned weekend!! Gee, we’re not morons nor are we unfeeling either! But they don’t get it. Maybe I am doing it partly out of guilt. I don’t know. I know I was a rotten kid growing up but look at what I had to deal with! Mom has told several people that she doesn’t have a daughter because she’s disowned me. Well had she been a better mother to me and figured out why I was doing the things I was then maybe we’d had a better relationship but she didn’t! I acted out because I felt unloved and unwanted for so long! I’d like to see her go through rape, molestation and attempted rape by 14 damned people from the time I was 8 till I was 16 and see if she’d come out smelling like a rose!! I bet she couldn’t!! I’m no different! I had to learn the hard way what love really was! But I’ve done a 180 degree turn many many years ago and sometimes she’ll only see the past and smacks me in the face with it, once through my hubby and damn right that hurt! I told dad about it and told him too that if she did it again, it would be the end of us because I think I made a turn around many many years ago and stayed there. He said “You did!” Since then, mom has treated me like gold…. Pretty much. Ever since I was a kid, one day she’d be nice and then the next she’d be the biggest b*tch one has ever seen! Sometimes these mood swings would go on for months and even years!! One Christmas she gave me a necklace and I’ll never forget it, it said “#1 Daughter”! I cried and without thinking I said, “Oh mom! Do you really feel this way?” She grabbed me and hugged me tight and said “Of course! I love you because you’re my wonderful daughter!” Then she turns on me again a few years later and for what reason? I’ll never know. My brothers are forthright in saying what’s on their minds. I wish I could be but mom knows how to push my buttons and make me feel like the guilty one. She raised me to be ever so damned sensitive! For example “Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if someone did that to you” or “If I don’t see you do it, God does” Or “How can you hurt me like that when all I’ve ever done is love you!” Now my brothers would tell her off but I just can’t. I know my middle brother has told her to go F herself!! He told me that himself! I about lit him up a new one!! It’s one thing to tell her off but damn it all, that’s his mother as well as mine so he better respect her. It’s ok to tell her how he feels but to tell her off like that is a big no no. My oldest brother will go off on her and then storm out the door and leave. But mom knows I won’t do that but sit there and let her throw it all at me. Maybe I am stupid for doing that but I walked out on her once and I was 18 at that time and to this day! Even after explaining WHY I left, apparently she’s forgotten that, I still hear about it!! Well, the last time she said anything about it was a couple of years ago and that’s when I told dad that if it happens again, I’m through. He knows I mean it too and that's why mom has been much kinder to me since then and then she had the stroke.

Who are you kidding Steph? I've tried that, the first time I got chewed out by both of my brothers! I won't stick my hand in the cage to be bitten ever again. It's up to my parents to tell them and stop covering it up for them but to tell them that it's not fair that hubby and I do all the work when it should be shared.

The whole point is, it shouldn't be just my husband and I doing all this work for my parents but my brothers and their wives should help too but they won't because they have one excuse after another. All we're asking is for my brothers to come down ever 4 to 6 weeks and spend a couple to three hours helping out and return home if they wish and return in another 4 to 6 weeks. Not every weekend for we do understand that they live so far away, 4 and 5 hours drive away.

It's a bit better now thank you!! I told my husband about it and he's been really great about it all and isn't going to say anything to my parents, thank God!! I agree, Keep praying and Keep believing!! You better believe that!! BTW, WELCOME TO MYLOT!!

If I could get my brothers down here for a meeting, I would in a split second but I can't because they won't come at the same time. They'll have one excuse after another so it's no use in trying. Besides, that's my parents job, not mine and only wish they'd do it.

Thank You bing! Yes I will pray a little harder in hopes God gets through to my two self centered brothers! Maybe He'll even give them both a swift kick in their rear ends for being so selfish!

(looking over my shoulder to see if you're talking someone else then back to you) Who? My parents come down off their pedestal? Are you kidding? HA! I'm not holding my breath and neither should you! Doesn't it make you wonder what's wrong with that generation?!