How do you take care of your hurting friends?

You are such a beautiful person that your presence itself could make a huge difference. I am more like you, very bad with words but a good listener. I try to listen to them and be with them.

Yes we are! That's so true cjay! The pains get lessened to a great extent. Friendship is a bliss.

Multitasking are we? Sometimes friends just need a shoulder to cry on and a friend that would listen to them. Listening to them and let them cry may not fix the problem, but it will help to ease the pain a little bit.

Hi andrey, i agree and try to do that as well. I am bad with words and feel i do not have to speak always to comfort my friend.

anyway comforting a friend is not always advising what to do and what to do not. we can also comfort them by being just beside them and being their listener and punching bag. right? hahaha.

Thanks Derek. I understand what you mean. Sometimes we must let go because it is meant to be that way. It's a great thing but it's tough for people like me who are earthly. It feels good to know that you help others reach that higher state of mind. May be, you can counsel me sometime. Its really difficult for me to switch off, let go and kid of detach myself. I would love to learn more of Zen from you. Thanks so much.

Zazen is beautiful! When I read through your articles in your website, I couldn't get it properly. I read, re read and just could get the feel of it. It would require my serious inclination and understanding to be able to practise zazen. This is cetainly a higher state of mind and difficult to reach. But I will, because I want to. Thanks Derek.

Hi Mimpi, Thanks for responding. I don't think compassion is learned so much as developed through meditative discipline. It can take a short time or long time. In Zen, we just learn to let it happen - without forcing it. In the meantime, it is important not to try and force any form of change on ourselves, but to accept ourselves exactly as we are. Meditation (zazen) is a way of doing this. It is not easy, but with practice, we learn to just act as a witness to all the thoughts and feelings our mind produces. Whilst sitting and focusing on our breathing, we can watch how crazy the mind can be, or how profound it can be. But that isn't the goal. The goal is to find the ability to transcend the mind, so that the sense of self and other disappears. That means that if we feel sorry for others, we are feeling sorry for self. Feeling sorry for self, isn't spiritually productive and neither is feeling sorry for other. - The mind will go through all these sorts of crazy loops. The discipline is just to sit and watch it all without judgement. And if we judge? Sit and watch our judgement without judging it. When all these wheels within wheels disappear, then we can be of value and service to others. Zen doesn't provide answers, just a method where we can find our own answers. - Derek

Yes, it's sometimes a confused situation.

That's so beautifully explained. I will do that.

Thats so sweet of you renann. your friends are lucky to have you as friend.

Yes I agree. I can say for myself, sometimes just the empathetic presence means more than the words. Silence is comforting sometimes. Talking it out when my friend feels it to be the right time and as and when he does is perfectly fine. I try to give space. I try to unburden his work by doing the bills and queues which could be hassle during times of distress.

That's so true. Its subjective and works differently for different person. i myself would want a good listener who would listen no matter what just by being there all through.

You still here!? When are you going to Chennai? I know today is not the right time to start this post but something forced me to. hope you understand Kala. Happy Diwali to you as well. What you said there is actually right. By being good listeners and not snapping at our friends even when we know that he is at fault helps a lot. I personally, try to do that as well. I know for sure because it works for me. An empathetic shoulder means so much. Taking things from friend's point to view and then gradually trying to alien ourselves and take an impartial stand is a great way to comfort.

Thanks manong. Nothing like warm presence and silent support of friends. This has comforted me as well in times of griefs.

That's so so true! That works for me even. By being a good listener and supporter I try to cushion my friends from the tertiary distresses. I love them a lot. Thanks

I am like you. I like to listen to my friends and help feel them and myself better. Nothing like the security of the compassion of a true friend.

Loved your thoughts there. Touch therapy could act wonders! A little hug, a little smile, a little pat can make a difference certainly.