Unexpected Pregnancy... cannot cope up
By joy_evaldez
@joy_evaldez (461)
Singapore
October 19, 2009 2:23am CST
Hi fellow mylotters! Hope you are all doing well. For me, I'm a little lightheaded as I am thinking a lot lately. From the subject you can guess that I am pregnant. I am. Though I was not able to visit my gyne yet but I made two pregnanacy test already which shows I am really pregnant. This will be my 2nd baby and I can say that I am really happy with it. The thing is my husband is not yet ready for this situation to surface.
We are working overseas and my daughter was left in the Philippines with my mother in law's care and will plan to move here in SG next month. Having an additional member of the family is not expected that is why mu husband is quite troubled about it.
He is thinking about the financial capability that we have to provide for two small children and our readiness to have one more. It also scares me a lot of what instore for us because that is my husband's fear. You see, all along I am getting my strength with my husband and seeing him like this now is weakening me also.
How can I life my husband's spirit from this situation? Any advise?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@seanbryan (349)
• United Arab Emirates
19 Oct 09
Hi joy,
I understand you are in a difficult situation but you should be blessed for bearing kids without any difficulty. I had to undergo several treatments before conceiving, by the way I'm on my 9 months on the way now and expecting my first baby end of this month after 5 long years of waiting.
Coming back to your predicament, you have to talk to your husband during his best mood and explain to him that he has to embrace the consequences of life wherein we have to take responsibility for all our actions. It means acknowledging all that is happening whether we do it deliberate or unintentional. A responsible person makes mistakes yes, but when they do, they take responsibility and make it right. Though having another new member of the family is not a mistake at all, it's a blessing. Thinking too much about problems, worrying endlessly about the future, regretting the past, feeling sorry for our selves can be exhausting. Instead, suggest what are the ways you both can do to augment a better income for the family in preparation for the coming of the new baby. Hope this could be of help. Cheers!
1 person likes this
@joy_evaldez (461)
• Singapore
21 Oct 09
Hi Seanbryan! Thank your for a very good response. You are really right to say what you just said. That is why I am trying my very best to appease my husband. So far, so good. He already comes in to term of the real situation now. Right now, we just want to look unto positive side of it. Thank you for some enlightenment. It really helps when you can share it with somebody whom even you don't know, can understand your situation.
@seanbryan (349)
• United Arab Emirates
21 Oct 09
Hi joy,
I'm glad knowing that my opinion could somehow alleviate one's feeling of uncertainty. Moreso, it's my pleasure to share with everybody here as they do when I'm also in need of advice. Thank you for choosing my response as BR, I apprecaite it. Have a blessed day ahead!
@joy_evaldez (461)
• Singapore
3 Nov 09
You deserve it. That's what I like in mylot. Members are not here just to earn money but to give sincere advise to fellow mylotters. Just to update you, we are okay now. I got my first check-up with my OB and all is fine. We already break the news to the family and they are all happy for us also. For now, we will just focus on preparing for my delivery which will be more or less 7 more months to go.
@joy_evaldez (461)
• Singapore
3 Nov 09
Hi there! We had a serious talk and settled the issues and any uncertainties that we previously had. Now the situation is much better and we just have to wait for my delivery :) Thank you for your response.
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
29 Oct 09
I think that it might take your husband to take in the news that you are pregnant and see it in a positive light. You could tell him how happy you are that you are pregnant. You could explain that it wasn't planned so therefore it is a gift. Your daughter will be delighted to have a baby brother or sister. I know that having a second baby isn't as pricey as having a first baby. It might possible to get free baby clothes from friends and some baby equipment.
I have a two and a half year old son and a four month old baby girl. I still had some of his old toys, my sister gave me a cot with bedding and friends gave me lots of clothing. I also got a sack full of maternity clothing that only cost me twenty pounds. Good luck with having a happy pregnancy with a supportive husband.
@joy_evaldez (461)
• Singapore
3 Nov 09
Yes. I did that and it works. I am just positive that this time, all will fall in the right place.
@sylviamak (60)
• Singapore
27 Oct 09
It is good to know that thing is getting better and you husband is more accepting with the baby.
Sometimes, we have many worried because we think too much on the negative aspect of life(problems focused). We will end facing more and more problems (more than the real problems alone).
Relax and take one at a time. Share your feelings with your husband and support one another at this moment.
Children are blessing and gift from God. You will realize that they will give you bundle of joy than you can expect. It is more than just focus on the cost of rearing a child. How about the emotional gain of having one more loving child.
God bless you.
Sylvia Mak
http://wiseparents.net
http://twitter.com/pregnantcoach
@joy_evaldez (461)
• Singapore
27 Oct 09
Hi Sylvia! You are right. The emotional joy and experience in parenting and child rearing cannot be replaced by worries about financial constraint for parents. Right now, we are enjoying the moment of having a second child and to reminisce the things we've done on my first pregnancy. I have a heart to heart talk with my husband and I found out that the real reason why he is so apprehensive about this pregnancy is because he is afraid that I will be prone again to difficult pregnancy I had experienced before. He don't want me to get hospitalized again and we made a pact that we try our best to make theis pregnancy better than the first one.
@sylviamak (60)
• Singapore
28 Oct 09
Thanks for your comment. I am happy to know that you are taking a positive attitude towrad the unborn baby.
Do you know that you and your husband can talk to the unborn baby and ask him or her to help to make your pregnancy become more smooth?
My husband and I talked to the unborn baby previously,"Baby, we trust you and love you. You will be a strong and healthy baby. We work together as a team and you will come out smoothly and safely in the due date." The constant loving suggestion to baby will help baby to strive. This pregnancy will be a smoother one. Trust and believe in yourself and your unborn baby.
You can find out more about communication with unborn baby in my website.
God bless you and your family.
Sylvia
http://wiseparents.net
@michael74 (122)
• Singapore
31 Oct 09
Hello joy, congratulations! It is indeed a blessing! I'm a Filipino also working here in Singapore. my wife and my son is with me here.I understand what you feel(I could relate).This is often the dilemma of many Filipinos working abroad.
Having these feelings are normal specially we're working abroad.Have a heart to heart talk with your husband and discuss everything including your worries and fears. Remember both of you are drawing strength from each other and are supposed to draw strength from one another.
Remember that family should always come first. We work hard because of our family
Pray to God for strength and guidance
Godbless!
@joy_evaldez (461)
• Singapore
3 Nov 09
Thank Michael. So nice of you. Now, we are quite okay and the news about pregnancy is slowly settling in. We are a bit excited of this new addition to the family even with some apprehensions and uncertainties. I know we can work this out. You are right, the best thing to do now is to pray to God to guide us on this.
@echostone542 (53)
• China
27 Nov 09
Really a tough thing. Anyway, wether keep it or not should be decided by you two according to your practical situation. In China, many people prefer to work in another city far away from the hometown, keep their children with their grandparents, which leave many questions and problems for both grandparents and grand-children. also there is psychological problems for children. So I suggest that no matter what the situation is, keep your children living with you, both good for you.
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
14 Nov 09
Well, first off maybe the Stress of worrying about this can be overcome by seeing what type of help there might be Financially in a case like this as well. Also talk to your husband and work out the fears together. Many times it is often a fear of the unknown and when faced with something New but able to talk about it often makes it seem a lot smaller for sure. No matter what, I am truly wishing you the Best.