would you move or stay?

I need a help ,but i can't tell you now.My whole life is depending on this.I just posted this message here as i saw that this discussion is very active.Guys who are willing to help me please respond to this .catch u later guys .bye

I think the wife should go with the husband. it will be hard on the Kids at first to change schools but they are very resilient and they have more way's not to stay in touch with their old friends than ever before. Most small businesses do not turn a true profit for several years so it's folly for a family to try and support two households and a new business on one potential stream of income from the Wife until the Husband is on his feet. The wife could maybe ask for a transfer to the new city if she is in that type of a job. My company sent one of our workers to another state with a computer so she can log in to work everyday and be with her daughter.

Hello smileonstar, Well I can in some ways understand your situation. My husband is from Ecuador. He would love to be able to go live back in his country, but I am scared of the thought of it. The thing is for him it would be great there because he has family there, and his own property, but work there is hard to come by. However here I have my family and even though we don't have alot of money we are stable. I do understand that he would love to go live back home, and I know in my heart that when the time comes I will move with him, but I would like for him to go first and find us a home, and get things set up to where we could live stable there as well. I don't plan on moving there until my kids are grown and on their own, however the way things are here in the US right now Ecuador is starting to look very nice LOL. Right now your kids are very young. So to move them to another country would not be too bad on them. If they were older like my boys are 14 and 8 it would be very different. I think for now the best solution would be for your husband to go back home first as others have said, and find you a home, start his business with the support of his friends/family. Then when school is out for vacation you can maybe find someone to temporarily run your store for you, go there and see how things are going. If everything is going ok and stable then you can come back, sell your store and house and do what needs to be done here. Then you can go back to the hometown knowing that everything is ok and stable, set your kids in school there and maybe even open up a store there in the hometown. For you since you already run a store here, you know you can run a store, and you could have the same success there. However your husband wants to open a totally different business from what he is doing now, so it only makes sense for the both of you and your children, that he go first and get things started so that you can both feel secure about the final move. In the end if by say next June things aren't stable enough for you to feel comfortable about moving there, you can maybe talk to him about coming back here. I wish you the very best in what ever you decide. Sincerely, Oly

Oh that is a tough one! There are lot of things to consider... You said the husband is willing to go out there and set up everything first. I agree that is a wise decision. The husband has plans, dreams and aspirations but he wants to make sure on things first before asking completely his wife and family to settle there. It is not only the wife who will suffer but the children as well, if that business didn't work so it is better to let and support his husband on his decision. When everything is fix, then that is the only time the wife and kids move there. It is all in planning. The couple must talk and agree. They need to trust each other too. I believe that the husband will not go out there to destroy his family but to bring a better future for his family. That is his main purpose. The wife must show support, love and understanding to her husband regarding this matter. And I believe too that if the wife will show those qualities, the husband will not even think about cheating and hurting his family in return. I hope this will help smileonstar. Take care and have a nice day.

I am a military wife so wherever my husband goes we go too. But it is a good idea to have something established before you get there. You need to trust your husband that he will be faithful to you and get everything started. But it's ultimately up to the two of you to make a decision that will benefit everyone. Kids will be ok with school changes. They will make new friends and just because they move does not mean that they have to lose touch with old friends. The bottom line is that we have always found that as long as we have each other, we are always ok. And we are a strong family.

if i were you,i'll go with him.i think you also can do well at the other place and your kids will also get good education there.for a woman,family is the most important thing in their life.so,go with him.if he meets another woman,you'll regret.

Here's the thing. Are you happy about moving out? Happiness is the most important thing. I mean, live life to the fullest. Life is full of challenges, so why not do something that will make you happy and at the same time dealing with all the obstacles right? I'm having the same situation too. I'm deciding whether I'll stay here and work or go back to my hometown where I can do everything what I want which I will be happy to, which are, going back to school and dance workshop. But, I have to sacrifice all the comfortable lifestyle I'm having here..There, I have to sort of, no car and luxuries but I know I will be happy. And being here, I know I'm happy but it's a different happiness compare to the other one..I don't know, I'm confused too. But because I wanna live life to the fullest and don't want to feel like missed an opportunity with what ifs, I might go with what my heart's telling me to do, whether if it's right or wrong. But there are no regrets when you're gaining happiness.

I think it is just a matter of trust. Based on the facts you mentioned, I will stay where you are now and let your husband build the business at his hometown. It is more practical when you stay for a while and continue the work you have started. In times now, it is impractical when you have to give up everything what you have founded for years like your job. It is not that easy to find a job immediately in just a week. If your husband has finally decided and made up his business plans, then let him pursue and support him with that, but it does not necessarily mean that you all go there. Sometimes, we need to sacrifice for the benefit of our family. The children as well should discontinue their studies and enroll in a school where your husband is. You should take considerations about adjustment and educational standards advantageous for the children. Do not be paranoid about your husband finding or meeting other women. It is just a matter of trust, understanding and open communication to each other is more important. Besides, technology now is amazing. There is mobile phone and internet to communicate and he may come back to your house for vacation when he has time. Moreover, he will be the manager and may visit his family for some time. Or you may go there for a visit or vacation during the Holidays.

This isn't a situation that can be decided that quickly and easily. Both the husband and wife need to sit down and weigh their options and take everything into consideration such as the kids and the school and the money and the work. I did see one of your comments said your husband has been wanting to move back to his hometown for a long time. I think if you loved your husband you'd find a way to make it work. Does he have family there that will help you get on your feet? I think a perfect situation would be he'd go over and secure a house and begin the business, then you and the children follow once he has a house for you all to live in, hopefully that doesn't take too long. Then you can find work there and the children will soon settle into life there and a new school and new friends. Families move into new areas everyday. I think if this is something that's really important to your husband you should support him and respect his decision to move to his hometown.

hi smile, I am not yet married and when i get married and face situation like this then well i would talk over with my husband about it and also with my father and mother in laws too as they would be the one who are more experienced in life and know more. The more i think about it , the more i feel that i should let my husband go there alone initially because of following reasons 1) it is mid session , so education of children is important and it is not wise to change the school mid way through the year 2) Since he would be starting a new business and that would demand money.. so we need atleast one job where the money supply would keep coming so we are not so much short of cash. As far as meeting another attractive woman goes then you should have faith in your husband.. he got wife and kids and he wouldnt want to ruin his family for just a nice time in bed with a new girl....unless he is not getting any from the wife for months.. so i think i would let him go initially and then when we start getting money from businnes and wont need security of one fixed income coming i would go to him to take care and love him.

hi smileonstar, be married him, believe him, I think.Let him to start his business and look after your babies.And don't think anything which is not happened or existing.Just believe that he is your couple and you are families.

I would go with my husband. I believe part of having a strong marriage is to back each other up. Say you totally shot this idea down and refused to even let him go and start up his business. He may resent you later on down the line. The children will adjust. I moved every year of my elementary school years. We moved all the way to Alaska from the Midwest so that my father could persue his career. I am none the worse for it.

I value my marriage so much as a result i would move with him to preserve my marriage.Its not that i don't trust my husband but i just want to avoid temptation that might arise. I can always look for other opportunities when i move but my marriage cannot be replaced by anything. So i believe the best way to preserve it is by staying together

well,I don't know what they think.But I suggest you should go with him.Time changes everything,include your deep feelings.If the business won't work well,you can look for a good job again.but if he's leaved,you need to look for a good man. Which do you think is harder?or you can convince him don't take a risk.After all the business is risk for your family.Good luck!

hi smile .. knowing my husband and his family ... i will stay here .. i dont mind him getting hiself another woman or women ... once in a while at his home is already a torture .. evem though i love him so much .. i will let him go in order to have peace in my life .. cheers

If faced with a similar dilemma, my husband and I would probably sit down and have a long and serious talk. I would demand that he be honest and tell me what he wants to happen. I will gauge if he has thought this through and if he is convinced that he is right, then the most practical thing to do is let him go to his proposed business site alone, to set everything up. We have to find out first if the business will do ok and would not compromise the education of the kids. If everything is set up, then, we would follow him there I would also like to follow my husband wherever he goes and I would do so if it's only me and him, through think and thin, for richer and for poorer. But if there are kids, then careful planning and testing is I think necessary.

fo me .I 'll choose the stay .becasue if I change the new environment ,I have to sue the much time to adapt the new environment ,it's need much time ,there is much thing ,I have to adapt .so I 'll choose stay

Hi, smileonstar! This is quite a difficult situation indeed, but if I were in your shoes, it is wise to discuss with the husband and weigh the pros and cons together. Take one thing at a step as there will be so many things to handle. If you choose to go with him, that's easier, but since you have double thoughts, I think what you should do is to go with the husband first, not moving permanently, but just for a while to help or see him settle down with the new business, most probably during school holidays so that the kids could be prepared once decision has being made. Don't give up or sell everything back home. Try to bring yourself in both situations and compare which one you think and confident will work out and whether you are comfortable with the new place or not, and then only you decide. Good luck to you!!!

If one have to face such a situation then i think first and foremost one should be having good faith in their husband.It is better to speak with him and convince to continue working,but if he is reluctant and wants to make up business,then the best way is he can go alone and set up his business,when everything is settled and the family feels financially secure to move then they can go and settle there,if the business does not work out then the husband can give up his business and come back.It is always very insecure to leave all work and to start a business.So when wife stays back and continues working there will be a financial security if business does not run well.But in any situation there should be mutual understanding between the couples and both should enjoy equal faith in each other when away which is very much important to preserve the relationship.

i wont cause i have my life here,our kids have their lives here and if husband really value his family he will never have the thought of moving back