You think you know a person!
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
October 20, 2009 7:42am CST
Okay, well I didn't really know this person at all, but up until yesterday I was feeling very sorry for her!
My husband has a co-worker who seems to have had it rough. Awhile ago his kids were taken away from them by CPS. Hubby of course only really heard this guy's side, so we felt for him and the wife. I can't imagine how it must feel to have your kids taken away and placed with another family... whether you deserve it or not! (BTW- it was mostly the wife's fault the kids were removed... CPS trusts the husband just fine)
So, this co-worker got arrested last week for shop lifting and aggravated assault. He's been being held since then, and his court date is tomorrow. He's facing like 5-15 years.
Since I learned of the arrest I've really been feeling for this guy's wife. I know how freaked out I'd be at the thought of losing my husband for a few years! She too was a stay at home mom, of 3 kids not even school aged. I just couldn't imagine what she was going through. It's not really her fault what her husband did, but she's being punished by not having a way to support herself or her kids.
But yesterday my husband told me something that made me change my attitude towards her.
She's been calling the store where hubby works almost constantly. She was trying to get the company to pay her husband his vacation time (which they declined to do, and yes he is terminated). At one point she was talking to one of the girls who works there. The girl was asking if the kids are okay, do they need anything. The wife says kids are fine, but she needs smokes. The girl refused to help her with smokes, she only wanted to know if the kids needed anything.
Well, during the course of the conversation (according to the girl, who told hubby, who told me) she could hear one of the kids in the background ask the mom for something to eat. Then the mom says "Shut the F*** up or I'll choke you until you're dead"
So, I'm not really feeling so sorry for this woman anymore. I've been told her own mother in law has called CPS on her, something we didn't know until yesterday. Her brother in law thinks she's a dirtbag and says her children live in filth. I do hope CPS takes those kids back! I realize she's stressed right now... but that threat she made to her child is way too extreme!!
Have you ever felt sorry for someone's perdicament only to learn some new information and then change your feelings and attitude towards them?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
20 Oct 09
Yeah I constantly feel sorry for people only to get to know them and realise that they are actually not nice and deserve their problems! At the moment I keep seeing a girl down at school that I feel really sorry for, I have not spoke to her much other than to say hiya etc but she just looks so downtrodden by life and I saw her fella the other day laying into her by the side of the road. He was like really shouting at her and when he saw me coming he started hugging her. She wears really scruffy clothes, her daughter is always in scruffy school clothes and she always sobs her heart out when she comes out of school and I just feel so sorry for them. The man is not the childs father either which makes me wonder how things are when they are at home. The trouble with me is I always mither too much about other people, then I end up getting involved and things turn horrible so this time even though I feel really sorry for her I am not going to get involved in anything!
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
20 Oct 09
I know, her fella makes my skin crawl, I feel instinctively that he is not a nice person when I saw him laying into her that day I wanted to have him I was so angry but like i say as soon as he saw me he started hugging her and making out nothing was wrong. I know that the teachers always pull her to one side after school so I think thats good. I know what I am like I and I can gaurantee I find a way to start talking to her.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Oct 09
It's good the teacher's are involved! How some parents can put their child through such things is beyond me. Why is a man so important you have to make your child feel upset, sad, or afraid? The mom needs to find some self respect and dump the loser! Keep me posted if you learn anything new on the situation (not on this thread though cuz I might not get the message)
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Oct 09
That would make me wonder what was going on at home, and I'd probably talk to the child's teacher so that at least I could rest easy knowing that I'm not the only one taking an interest in this child's home life. I know you don't want to get too involved, but I'd be so worried about something happening to the child, if the guy has anger issues who knows what he'd be capable of if no one steps in, you know. Maybe someone at the school can talk to the girl to figure out what's going on at home, or they can call someone to investigate the home. Not sure how it works there.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
20 Oct 09
Wow, I was going to ask if this discussion was about the man and woman, where the man robbed a wal*mart. Now I don't feel sorry for these people at all. It's very bad when the mother in law has called CPS, and I do hope that she gets the children, or another family member gets the children. This woman seems to need help with anger issues, but nonetheless I do hope she gets some help, and the man too. So the man is not the one being investigated by CPS? If he had not robbed this store he probably would have gotten the children, but I don't know how the law will handle that now. I wonder if the wife made the husband rob the store? Seems to me that maybe she's spending too much money on smokes or something like that.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
20 Oct 09
I know stress can do some odd things to a person. I guess it does seem as if they were under a lot of stress if he robbed someone. I don't know, but I try not judge myself, though I know my response was highly judgemental.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Oct 09
The man was friends with my husband, so we're trying not to think negatively about him, it's hard, but we're trying. I don't know the couple that well at all, so I can't say anything about the wife aside from what I've been told. I don't think either of them are really to blame, it was just a bad decision, but I'm sure he felt like he had no other options, otherwise he probably would have tried to go with those options first.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
21 Oct 09
Some people just do not deserve kids. It really sounds like the kids will have a better life away from them, unfortunately. I worked with a girl, that would tell us big stories about problems in her life. It later came out that she was causing most of them and stretching others, and adding to them, but that is all.
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
20 Oct 09
That's awful, I feel so bad for those poor kids.
When it comes to stuff like this there's always multiple sides of the story. Of course the people involved put the poor me spin on it but the reality is that there's always a reason things like this (CPS etc) happen, and there's usually fault somewhere. I usually try to remain impartial when someone tells me their side of a story. I'll form an opinion based on it but I still reserve judgement until I hear 'the other sides'.
I hope those kids get what they need, it's just not fair.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Oct 09
As a parent I can understand being frustrated with your kids. Supposedly CPS had started investigating them because they'd spanked one of their daughters in public. I mean, this day in age that's concievable, that you'd have your kids removed for something so minor! And like I said, I know there are times when a parent stops thinking that they're in public and only thinks that the child's behavior needs to stop now! So I did believe them that the kids weren't taken away for proper reasons. Plus they'd gotten all 3 back, so I figured it couldn't be too terrible! Now I know better.
@olydove (1209)
• United States
20 Oct 09
Man if I was the girl from the store I would have hung up and called the police right away! I can't believe the audacity of some people talking to their children like that. Seriously. I completely understand she is stressed but come on we all as parents get stressed and she should know better!
If indeed the kids were taken before, I'm surprised they were returned if they live in filth. Funny she didn't need food but she needed smokes. I'm a smoker too but I make dang sure there is plenty of food and my children have everything they need for the whole month BEFORE I go buy any cigs!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 Oct 09
I am sure they had to work their butts off to get those kids back! They had to prove to CPS that they could handle the kids and take proper care of them. I guess the comment about the filth was about the conditions before the kids were removed the first time. I just think the stress of what's happening to her husband is too much for her to handle. In a perfect world some family member would step in to help her out, but it seems neither she or her hubby were well liked amongst their families.
1 person likes this
@olydove (1209)
• United States
21 Oct 09
That's really sad. I know first hand how difficult it can be to try and do things without any support. Especially whilst being a parent. I can imagine they did have to work their butts off to get the kids back, because I know CPS doesn't take things lightly. Maybe the mom has anxiety issues?
At any rate I will pray that her situation gets better, and that she have more patience with her little ones.
@joygracia (1325)
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
well, I have to say if a person had build a character just upon meeting him/her you would really distinguish what type of person he or she is by the way she or he act so I have to say at some point we could determine and know a person just by recently meeting him or her.
Okay
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Oct 09
I feel sorry for her kids. :-(
No comparable stories that I can think of.
@hellcowboy (7374)
• United States
20 Oct 09
This is a good discussion,and to many bad things involving children are happening nowadays and it is just wrong,I am sorry to hear that the mad shoplifted which was a stupid mood,but I am sure we do not know exactly why he did it,and it sounds like the wife is the bad one here,she was trying to get smokes,and she yelled at her kid which is something no one should ever do,and I feel sorry for those kids and hope that someone takes care of them and gives them what they need,and I used to have a friend who was having trouble with his girlfriend,and I felt sorry for him because I thought it was her fault,until I found out he was the controlling one,and he was the one lying and the one cheating,and then I changed my attitude toward him,and now I am not friends with him but I am friends with his ex,have a great day,good luck with your life,and all of your mylotting goals,and Happy Posting.
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
21 Oct 09
yeah a few times.. once was when i was younger and saw my friends siblings being abused by one parent and everyone thought that was the parent that was the mean one just to find out it was the other one that was MORE abusive behind closed doors..
there was this one lady i worked with i just did not like and thought she was after my hubby but she had convinced me that she was being abused by her hubby and she was an angel (well somewhat convinced me) so i figured i was being overly jealous (back then i did have a prob with that) till she grabbed my hubbys bum and then found out she was trash..
a few friendships and best friendships i had in the past when i had first met the person i didnt like them and i didnt know why and thought i was just being judgemental and then became friends with them just to have them end up screwing me over..
battling bipolar and depression through the years i had some times where i just thought my judgement was off but it turns out i was right with my gut on all of them but was stupid and figured it was ME and gave them a chance just to be proven originally correct.. but usually it doesnt happen to me as much as i have seen others because now i totally trust my gut and know its not my meds or moods making me think or feel something that there is a red flag for a reason
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
20 Oct 09
Unfortunately that is how a lot of people are now a days and it is terrible for the people that are really trying and trying honestly. I know that the stress can be overwhelming at times but that doesn't mean that you should say such hurtful things to your children. I get stressed at times and there has been times when I have "sterned" my voice to where my kids know I mean business but never would I say anything even remotely close to what this mother said to her children. I feel sorry for the young children in this situation, unfortunately there are too many families like this exact family and like in this situation you try to help and only end up getting burned because they don't have their priorities straight.
@lindiebiz (1006)
• Canada
21 Oct 09
Thats really terrible some women should not be allowed to be mothers, she is a self-centered person and does not care about the kids it is not easy being a mother especially a stay at home mom no wonder the guy is having such predicament. CPS should take the kids from her until she lears to be a good mother
@prikayjo2436 (699)
• United States
20 Oct 09
Hi Kat!
Wow! I cannot believe that people like that exist! I am so in shock... While reading your story I too felt bad for this lady until the very end! She needs a wake up call! I would have called CPS too, in a heart beat, no child asks to be brought in this world, why would you treat them that way! Mothers like that make me so angry!
