Parents - How are you a different parent from your own parents, or are you?

The fact that you want to follow in their footsteps and do things the same way is a wonderful compliment to your parents. They did a great job. With such good examples set for you, I am sure you will be a great parent.

Jndlponti, I understand that very well. 4 kids thru college! That could not have been easy financially or otherwise. Wow! Fantastic! My son is a single parent with full custody and we have a very active role in my grandbaby's life.

They really did. They have raised us well and now it is our turn to raise children the same way they did. Until now they are still there guiding us in bringing up the next generation in the family. They wanted to make sure that our kids will grow up the way we were.

Beautifulbrooke, you deserve lots of praise for living thru what must have been pure hell at times and coming out on the other side whole. I am truly overcome with emotion when I read your story with a happy ending. It has a happy ending because you were brave and smart enough to take your experience and use it and learn from it. Sounds like you got it right. You get an "Atta girl" from me.

Thanks StarBright! You know what though...seeing my children become mature, responsible, kind, integral adults is a huge "atta girl" for me. Goes to show, even when the odds are stacked against you and the world says you are a statictic, you can prove 'em all wrong! Blessings...

Sudiptacallingu, self-examination and evaluation is good. We need to take a look at what we are doing from time to time and make sure we are on the right track. My father was the over-protective one to the point of being paranoid. I know I carried some of that paranoia forward. I was able to hide it by being an active participant in my children's lives. I was the parent that volunteered for everything. I was the parent that other parents knew would pick up their kids and return them home safely from any event. I was the preferred parent that kids wanted for sleepovers. I made sure there were lots of treats and that my house was the fun place to be. What they did not know is that I did not trust anyone else with my precious angels. Your mother probably was being so strict because she wanted you to be perfect. There can be any one or several reasons for her behavior. She may have wanted to relive her life through you and make you do and be all the things she wanted for herself. She may have thought that if you were not perfect, it meant she failed as a mother. Or...she knew herself and her weaknesses and thought you might fall victim to those same weaknesses, so in her own way, she wanted to protect you. Sometimes parents get caught up in their paranoia over their kids and forget that the child needs love and understanding. The fact that you are conscious of your mother's influence says that you will be fine with your son. At some point, you may want to let your son know about your relationship with your mother so he can understand your concerns. You can do this in little conversations with him. It should not be a sit-down tell-all confession. But just little bits of information that you share with him. Let him know that you do not want that same thing between him and yourself. Encourage him to share with you what he is feeling and thinking. Sons and mothers have a special bond anyway. It is hard when our own parents missed the mark, but you are an example of how we can learn from their mistakes and make a better life for our own children. God bless.

Ravenladyj, good for you!! I applaud you. I am sorry to hear your parents were strict AND abusive. That is no way to treat anyone, let alone a child. Looks like you overcame it and got it right for your kids. All too often the abuse is handed down just because abused kids do not know how to break the cycle. You are right about wearing the two hats - Mom and friend. That is important.

Bearballew, don't despair. I believe it is harder to do the job these days. The village is not there giving support anymore. Our kids have lots of outside peer influences. Television also presents too many characters who say anything and make it appear to be the cute thing to say. All you can do is continue to be consistent in your parenting. The fruit will not fall far from the tree. Just do not give up. My son went thru a bad time in his teens with peer pressure. We saw a difference in how his friends were parented and how my husband and I did it. We had rules and boundaries. His friends had far fewer. It is extremely difficult to parent under those circumstances. He is a dad himself now and he says he appreciates what we did for him and he wants to do the same for his son. He said our stubborn persistence kept him from doing permanent damage to himself (like landing in jail). I am extremely proud of him because I see his dedication to his son and I know he means what he says.

ElsaElsa I agree with everything you said. The basic principles of parenting we carry forward with us and hand that off to our children when it is good. We adapt to the times. But regardless of the times, we are the fruit from our parents' tree. We bring those values with us. I think you and your hubby will be wonderful parents.

Yes, character is universal. The fact that you are holding on to the quality of character instilled in you by your parents tells me that you had a good solid upbringing and you want the same for your children. Good for you. I brought that forward from my parents also.