My Goodness, she is pregnant again

I agree this too; a baby is definitely a special gift, no matter what..

Hi maximax. I know it's not planned and i can see it from her eyes. But i know she will get better now that her husband had been given back his work which he lost for years now... Neil

Why do you think people should limit themselves to 2 children? It is exactly things like this - people setting some sort of arbitrary limit - without taking into account personal difference, that irritate me (even though I like you lol). I don't believe there is any arbitrary number. I do believe that people who are stupid and have proven themselves far and wide to be stupid should probably be sterilized, especially the ones who never use birth control and should, or those who use birth control but didn't want kids and are now expecting baby number five.

I heard about some countries that they have limited their number of kids in the family. I also heard some that it's not a problem to have more, but it has to be in the limit of what they own or how their financial status is. I guess there should really have some laws to control the population and the number of kids in each family.

Hi marti. Well, that's actually what i wanted too, when i was young, just to have 2 children. But i don't know what happened to myself. Having more children in the family really is merrier but yes, if money is tight, it's better to have less. And it's true, love simply is not enough. I guess she would be okay, as when I asked about her husband, she told me that he already got reinstated as a cop. He was removed from his post some years ago for some technical reasons and been having jobs on and off. So I told her, fine, go ahead. About this "18 kids and counting", I can't imagine having that much kids of my own. Maybe, even if I am the richest man in the Philippines, I will never ever think of this, gosh. I thank you for letting me know about your Disability. Of course, we are also waiting for it, for as you know, we really have nothing as of this time. We are still hopeful and the time I know is not that long and Zayzay will be getting better soon. Take care, dear Marti... Neil

Oh! I forgot to mention that there is a family here in the U.S. who have their own TV show called "18 Kids and Counting". Yep, this couple has 18 children with another one on the way. They claim that each child is a gift from God and will do nothing to prevent another pregnancy. I think that is foolish. They can afford all these children because the father has quite a few successful businesses, construction, I believe. But, still, GEEZ! I would have never considered so many children! Think about it. If everyone were to have baby after baby and never try to prevent more, this world would already be so overpopulated that we would have even worse problems than we do! I think this family is foolish, and also extremely lucky to have had 18 healthy kids. I'm wondering what they'll do if this next baby is handicapped or mentally deficient in some way. Will they stop having kids then? I bet they will!

My daughter was very much wanted too. We aren't having more because we aren't all that young any more lol. I don't think it's very wise to be 40 and 50 when your last baby is a kindergartener. I wouldn't want to have too many that we couldn't afford to take care of them either. That is ONE factor in the decision. As far as the 18 kids and counting (Duggars), that situation is a little strange for more than one reason. First of all, I do believe in birth control. They don't seem to. I think there is a limit for everybody, and everybody's is different. Some people can't handle any kids. Some people can handle one. Some people do all right with two. Some can have three. Some can have four. Some are fine with five or six. However..... I think eventually any couple reaches the end of their ability to manage everything. This family, they have some 'cultish' behaviors. They seem like a nice family, sure, but everything, and I mean everything - is shared. Nobody seems to have any personal space. The kids don't go to school, they are homeschooled. I don't know if that means they also have no socialization and extra curricular things where they get to be separate, with friends, NOT with family, or what, but I get the feeling they never get those types of experiences. They don't dress like the average person. The kids all buddy up and 'help' take care of their buddy, which is usually one older child and one of the very little ones. They do the house chores too, like cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. The KIDS I mean. For me, the limit would be the number of kids that could be handled financially, physically, and emotionally by JUST me and my husband. I would NEVER want any regular outside help except perhaps a housekeeper who NEVER got involved with my children. I wouldn't ask all the children to take care of each other either. They would go to school when it was time. They'd have their own rooms, their own space, be allowed to make their OWN friends. We'd live as normal a life as anybody with one or two kids would live, and it would be OBVIOUS. When it was time for us to stop having kids, we would stop. I would not sit there and say 'oh God wants me to keep having kids'. Can you imagine?

Hi abhi. Yes, i understand what you're trying to point out. But in any case, it's always the responsibility of the parents to provide for... Neil

Hi maggie. Of course, i am not intervening into their lives and no matter how sad we feel about their situation, we have no rights... Neil

Hi thea. It's something that i can't accept though, blaming the Heavens for having the child. I know some that reasos out like this, "what can we do, let's just accept this for this is a gift of god". This time, i can see from her face that she is not ready and it wasn't really planned... Neil

Birth control fails occasionally. Even people who always use it correctly and responsibly can have problems. I know someone who had THREE BABIES and she was on the patch. I joked with her and said after the FIRST patch baby I'd have changed to another form and she said her doctor suggested it but she didn't listen lol. After the second patch baby she thought maybe there was something to it... but she was probably like me and couldn't remember to take pills every day. By the time she found something to switch to she found out she was pregnant again, and the kids were like... 14 months, 2 months. They are super close together.

Hi thea, I am with u on this. I agree at times birth control pills fail. But the ratio is not as high as people try to blame them for. At such times, of course, it is forgivable. But why cant the pills be taken just like brushing teeth! As to problem, yes, it is sad, she genuinely doesnt want the baby. Well, I am not for abortions either. They just has to work harder to feed the child. Too bad things are this way. She is, after all, partly responsible.

Hi sudip. I can accept that it's a gift if it's the first time, but the number of kids already there, i don't think so. I just hope they'll be more responsible this time around... Neil

Hi vandana. Abortion and adoption are not being discussed so far, as i know about from her. I know they will get better from the situation.

Hi neildc, well I agree with u. It is blessing the first time. There is no father square, father cube, or father raised to n, or mother raised to any of these numbers, is there? So what is the big deal in planning even a second child. There are too many orphans out there who could do with homes. If we cant love them and give them home, our children could also be in the same state someday. And I am not at all in favor of adopting a child who already has at least one of the parents. This diverts the attention from the really needy children.

What is the Reproductive Health Bill? I live in the US, what does it entail? Is/are there mandatory expectations? Does it help or harm more people?

Hi mommyboo. This one is something i have to read more but i know it will help the people, not only the poor but the entire Philiipine nation.

Hi anne. Very nice explaination. This is one reason, I for one is with the Reproductive Health Bill in the Philippine Congress. I know, for some reasons, this will help in the much responsible parenting... Neil

I know it can be hard... i have 3 other siblings and my husband have 8 others... but i don't want to live the rest of my life knowing i could have more but opted for only one...

what do you mean "adopted for only one..."? are you planning to adopt one if you can't have another baby? or this 3 year old daughter you got isn't your biological child? sorry if got so many questions.

Hi aseretdd. Nice to see you here once again. You will envy me more because i have more kids, but i think you'll not think of having the number of children i have, it's kinda hard to feed them all. I have to work harder but i can only have enough and most of the time, i have less than we need so here i am, full of debts. I think you can still have another, and you are still young. One month is already enough for you to conceive, as i know some women can easily get pregnant... Neil

How does she feel about it? is she upset?

a kind of, but i think she will get better.

Hi sid. We are not to judge them, yes, it just so happened that they are friends to me and i just van help to feel sad about this... Neil

Ah. I see the situation now.. she's at a point in life whereby she couldn't have anything more..hmmmm..and since she's your colleague; which means she's working, so she would need all the energy that she could muster to work. How is she taking it all now then..

Hi zed. Yes, we meet again here and i am happy for that. I think i would disagree with this point of yours. I wanted to blame her for letting her husband have s*x with her when she knows she isn't safe at that time. I wanted to blame him for having s*x with her unsafe. They tried to be safe and i know that, she told me. They have tried some but it wasn't good for her body. And i know he can do something to be safe, if there are contraceptives for women, there is also something for men. But she said he did want to use use, you know what i mean. When we talked about this pregnancy, i really can see from her face that she is not ready and some kinda unhappy. But i know, for sure, that she will get better soon... Neil

so far, as i can see her, she is doing better. she's even more punctual now than before. and i guess, she will get even better once she gets to visit the doctor, for their first pregnancy evaluation.

Hi buddy. I would agree with you to that, if it's the first then it could be a gift. But that's not even the second or third, but fourth... It could be the 13th month pay? I think i go for this bill or law, too. I guess it's really about time to pass the reproductive bill law.

Sorry for this, daliaj. I pasted the wrong message here. What's wrong with me now? Grrrr.

Hi daliaj, I'm back. I am really so sorry for the wrong message I commented first on your response. This usually happens to me if I am using my phone. My apologies. To go to my answer to your response, I think that how partners planned to how many children they want is really none of our business. But theses days, practically, we should have less. It's really the kids will suffer in the future if parents cannot afford to feed and send them to school. How about you, do you have kids already?... Neil

Hi jaiho. I don't know really, maybe they both got drunk, and there it happened, without protection. lol Yes, they can blame the parents if they grow and not given proper attention to each of them, it's the parents' responsiblity to given them and it's their rights. It's good to hear that you had planned your kids and no matter, you have good jobs, or your husband. With this couple, my co-worker said she will going to be ligated after giving birth to this, that's what she said. And for her husband, at least now, his job is stable as he was recently been re-instated as a cop... Neil

Hi jaiho. I really wanted or wished to have just 2 and i guess that's enough, whether you have a lot of money or a stable job. But i don't know, really, i was a bad boy then. And besides, my first marriage wasn't a success. With this one, we had really not planned everything, bad me. We had 2 when we decided to get her ligated but some went wrong and another came out. lol Anyway, we are fine and at least, we are not starving. Even i work alone... Neil

good afternoon Neil, I choose to have few kids becoz,i want to enjoy having kids...which we cannot do if we had lots of them.As we knew,each kid want a special attention,and,i don't want to create jealousy in between them. I don't work full time,i am into networking and do some research works with media and with full support to charity works too.A small business to call my own(since networking is not a stable source now a days) It's just a matter of time management.

Yes quita, it's support that all we can give.

Hi quita. Not that i endorse them but she also had tried them. It's their choice so we can't do about it, we'll just give support to the best that we can. Of course, i am happy, in the first place. It's just that i can't help to feel sad when financial part is being talked about... Neil

Truth is, I'd hate to be pregnant in these days and times. It's not cuz I'm too old but cuz I know how expensive a kid can be to raise, not to mention getting a baby here in the first place, then feeding it, diapers and dr bills out our ears. but, she's got this to bear and if she's tried it all, she needs to talk to her dr about stopping further prenancies. Like you, it's just too expensive and the child suffers. Support is all we have to give here isn't it?

Hi robert. Yes, that's right, what we can only give them now is an advise on what to do after giving birth. Blaming them for what happened now, considering they never planned for this one, is useless. As for ligation, she is considering to do it after giving birth, it's not known this time what they will prefer, temporary or permanent. I prefer permanent, and that's what my wife had when our yungest was born... Neil

That's good to know then!

Hi yuna. On the last part of our conversation, she mentioned about ligation... Neil

Hi jdyrj. Abortion is not really the solution to any unwanted or unplanned or pregnancy by accident. Even if we have different beliefs, i know we are one when it comes to this... Neil

I believe the equivelent to abortion is murder. At the time when my daughter's father wanted me to have abortion we lived in texas. In texas at that time is was legal to have abortion up to the due date. Believe it or not. When i saw the add for that i kept it and show him when i was 8 1/2mo. along and ask him does he still want me to have abortion? He said no its a person now. I told him i believed that from conception.

Bless you for taking in children other than your own and for taking parenting seriously. Homeschooling is the best thing to happen in this country since our public schools are going downhill so rapidly. That you realize having more children does mean making 'sacrifices' tells so much about your family. You are all a rare and wonderful treasure. Love your website! Got some good tips. Have to buy the Tightwad Gazette. Sounds like it's right up my alley. My husband recently suffered a major stroke and the prognosis for recovery is dim at best. We also have a daughter who was born with Down's syndrome. I'm looking for every way possible to stretch those pennies and turn them into dollars. I think you were the answer to my prayer this morning. :)

You certainly have your hands full with a sick husband and a handicapped child. We have a grand daughter with CP, and I know my daughter (who also has four other children) has a lot of extra work involved with that child, but she handles it cheerfully, and our grandchild is a great blessing. And our adopted children are also our own, they are also gifts sent to our family from God, just like biologicals. We couldn't do anything else but adopt them! They were meant to be with us!

Hi buddy. I would agree with you to that, if it's the first then it could be a gift. But that's not even the second or third, but fourth... It could be the 13th month pay? I think i go for this bill or law, too. I guess it's really about time to pass the reproductive bill law.

Hi oraclemv. No, i don't think the church will help in their situation... Neil

Churches should never just hand out money, but mentor the people in trouble. Churches are here to 'admonish and edify' the Bible says. It also says if a man will not work, he should not eat. If a family is having financial trouble, the church's job is to help, certainly, but to require accountability in that help. In other words, the family who is receiving help should be willing to be taught by the church, how they got into the problems they are in, and how to avoid them in the future. That doesn't neccessarily mean birth control, but they need to learn how to live in a way that won't burden them with debt.

Hi elsa. Having a big family is not really the issue but how they can survive with their financial status. I know some big families and i pity them because their parents can't provide for them everything... Neil

I think it all depends on circumstance. Realistically most people can't afford to have more than one yet so many have two. Culture plays a huge role in how people think and that ifluences their decisions. Society has its own checks and balances.