What Would you do in this Situation?
By ~Jodi~
@jeanena (2198)
Bucklin, Kansas
October 25, 2009 7:59pm CST
As some of my mylot friends knows my daughter had her baby girl this past Jan , with a guy she was living with, they lived together for 1 year and 4 months. Well we have a bit of a situation because of that relationship . I will tell you a little about it then I would like some input on how you would feel and what you might have done different.
Aarikas boyfriend (common-law hubby I guess) Kicked her and the babies out of the house they lived in and they moved in with us for awhile. Well when Mattie finished school in May they decided to move to the town their employment was in . Aarika let Joey(father of her baby girl) move in with them to help pay the bills . He started drinking quite a bit and one night got drunk and came in being a jerk he picked up Baby Sophia and was staggering around with her and stumbling and wouldn't let Aarika have her back . Anyway to make this a bit shorter he ended up kicking Aarika in the face and chest that night , the cops were called but they didn't take him to jail and she didn't press charges on him (I think she should have).
They ended up not being able to stay in the house they lived in because the rent and bills were just too high( he hasn't paid any support for the baby either) . They Ended up moving in temporarily with one of their friends , until they could find a bigger place. Well a couple of their friends moved in with them so they could all share the rent on this place. Joey comes to her and says my mom is driving me crazy and I dont have anywhere else to go. can I stay a few days . Of course She said okay. He told her when he got paid he would start making support payments on Sophia . This pay day was a few days away. The night before he would have gotten paid he got mad at her and hit her in the face and shoved her out of the pick- up they were in when it was barely stopped.
Later that night a couple of her friends and her was going to go get some of clothes and the kids clothes that was in Joeys truck . Well they parked away from where he was staying and the boys went to get the stuff , well when they were on their way back to the other town they lived in they told her her they beat his truck up. I think it was wrong for them to do that, because it should have been confronting him not his truck . Am I wrong?
Well one of the boys was arrested and spent 2 weeks in jail. Then they arrested the other one and then Aarika. They both ended up staying 2 weeks in jail as well.All 3 of them are on probation and have to make restitution. I felt bad because she had to be there for so long away from the Babies , but even if i had the money I don't think I would have bailed her out. I have seen too many people bailing their kids out over and over again and it doesn't seem to teach them anything at all.
Now as a parent am I wrong in believing that bailing them out hurts them more in the long run? I didn't bail the oldest boy out the one time he got into trouble and he hasn't ever gotten into any more trouble. So have you or would you bail out your child? would you leave them there ?.. Cause darn it she should have listened to her Mama..lol
4 people like this
8 responses
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
26 Oct 09
I think you did the right thing and I think I would of done the same. Look at it this way, it was 2 weeks he couldn't beat her up! I hope she opens her eyes soon, before she can't ever again. You ought to see about getting a video from the police station or library and show her the REAL way she could end up if she doens't break free from that man!!! Good Luck and God Bless!
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
26 Oct 09
I understand. Hopefully she will stay away from him and find her a decent man! And hopefully he's so young, he'll forget!
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Oct 09
i am sorry but why on earth did you not get her to file charges against that brute, he will keep on drinking and keep on hitting her til one of these days he will kill her,you are her mom step in and save her if she will not save herself. there is a child to consider,if he in a drunken rage kills that child you will feel horrible, about bailing out I dont know, as my son never drank or did any of the stuff you told us about. I have al ways backed him in anything he needed myself.I am confused,is your daughter in jail, oh get her out,my God she has had enough dont punish her because she did not listen, go to the police and childrens protective services, get them away from Joey, I tell you he could end up killing her in one of his drunk spells. you owe it to yourself she is your child. I feel she needs your help.
1 person likes this
@jeanena (2198)
• Bucklin, Kansas
26 Oct 09
She is living back home with me and her dad now. She took out a protection from abuse order on Joey. She says she wont ever live with him again. Luckily what my son did that got him in trouble wasn't drinking related , he broke something at his job the night he quit.
I wanted her to press charges on Joey when he hurt her. And her lawyer for this other thing told her she needs to listen to her mom and have him arrested if he comes around trying any crap. And I know he knows better than to come around my house at all .
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
26 Oct 09
Well she should have let him go the first time he went for her and I am sorry she should not have taken him back no matter what
I will be honest I don't know what I would have done in this Situation, lol, I think if I had the Money I would have bailed her out lol
Why did she get arrested she did not do anything wrong
But you are not wrong about it as that is your Decision you know your Children lol
@jeanena (2198)
• Bucklin, Kansas
26 Oct 09
She got the same charges because they said she had prior knowledge of what was going to happen , Aarika swears she didnt know that they were going to mess up his truck. She wanted out so bad , because she missed Cooper and Sophia so bad that she took a plea bargain .
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
26 Oct 09
OMG this is really a tricky situation for you. As a mother, you might have wanted to help your daughter, specially since she’s away from the baby but then, she does need to learn a lesson for bearing with this monster time and again. She should actually have got him arrested the first time he kicked her…that was absolutely unacceptable and no way she should have allowed him back in her life. But then there’s no guarantee that she would not repeat the mistake with another guy…actually I’m feeling very sorry for her…no way you know a guy until you start living with him. So maybe I would have bailed her out and then have a serious talk with her about her future and choice of relationships.
@jeanena (2198)
• Bucklin, Kansas
26 Oct 09
That is seriously true , you don't ever know someone until you live with them. But then again there was a serial killer here in Kansas that even his wife of many many years had no clue that he was capable of whet he did. So maybe we never truly know someone at all.
@onlinerep01 (490)
• United States
26 Oct 09
Hello,
It seems like a very dramtic and dangerous situation over their, and it also seem as though this was a eye opener, for your daughter to do something about this horrble situation, and she has to realized that the children are the ones who suffer in the long run, and your daughter and her children deserves so much better, now as for bailing my child/children from jail, I'm a kind of mother that beleives in tough love, I will help you once, but after that, thats it, and when you do things to get your self in trouble, it is only what your hand had sent forth, so you have to get your own self out of that trouble, I don't agree that our chiidren should make us suffer by the wrong choices thay make, after we tried so hard to stare them correctly, to the best of our ability. I hope your daughter and the baby is ok. Happy My Lotting!
@jeanena (2198)
• Bucklin, Kansas
26 Oct 09
I think her and the kids will be okay. She seems to have learned a lot from her experience . Of course time will tell.She is on probation so she will have to behave herself to keep from going back. One of the conditions of her probation is no contact what so ever with the boys who beat up Joeys truck.
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
26 Oct 09
Most likely I would not because they do need to learn their lesson and if I were to bail them out they would not learn the lesson, I think spending time locked up can really give a person time to think and reflect and most logical people would never want to repeat that.
She has got to get away from that guy. He is not paying her child support he is not good for her in anyways shape or form. She needs to cut off all contact with him. He might end up really hurting her or the baby or worse. She has got to lose that loser. Please do everything you can to get her to realize she needs to cut him off.
@raynejasper (2322)
• Philippines
26 Oct 09
..well, first, maybe you have to explain to them why you're not bailing them out.. If I was in your situation, it will really be nice to teach children the proper way.. They have to realize that everything they do in life affects them and their future.. It is not easy of course for a mom to see her children in jail but if that is the best thing to do, then so be it.. At this time, your child has already bigger responsibility and that is her baby (if I got your story right). She should really learn how to stand on her own and prioritize the future of her baby.. For her husband, I don't think it is better for them to stay together considering how the husband acts.. As if he doesn't have a family.. I mean, he don't make any move to help your daughter raise the baby.. The worst is, he even beats your daughter.. It is better for your daughter to concentrate on her baby and never mind the husband because he doesn't help her at all.. Then, until your child realize her mistake and make up her mind to do other things, that would be the time that you bail her out.. Her baby needs her after all..
@jeanena (2198)
• Bucklin, Kansas
26 Oct 09
I did tell her why besides not having the money (could have borrowed I suppose) that I wouldn't even if i could . She only spent 2 weeks in jail but for her it was like forever .I hated for her to be around the friends she was hanging around with and had told her before all this happened if something didn't change there was gonna be trouble.
