Do you follow the parenting styles of your parent unintentianally?
By BlueQ123
@BlueQ123 (29)
Singapore
October 28, 2009 1:14am CST
I am wondering how many parents out there will follow the parenting styles of their parent untentionally after they became parents. I understand that the parenting styles of previous generation may different from next generation. What our parents have done may not suite our styles. Thus we will not follow the way they educated us.
Besides that, we may have became a victim under 'misbehaviour' of our parents. Say, if your parent used to slap you when you were a teenage, then will you eventually use the same way to treat your child unintentionally even though you hated the way your parents treated you?
Currently I noticed I have started to cane my son due to his misbehaviour. I guilt on it very much.:( I hate the way my father treated me when I was young. But now seems that I have followed his way untentionally! I hate myself as a bad parent after caning my son!!!!!!
Please share your opinion. Thanks!
3 responses
@buping (952)
• China
29 Oct 09
hi blueq, i do not think i follow the parenting styles of my parents. coz i know when i was little that my parents were not good enough parents towards teaching kids. i decided to parent my own kid in other way different from my mom at that time. and time is different now, their ways is no suitable for us. so i am in a completely different way compared with them.
@BlueQ123 (29)
• Singapore
29 Oct 09
I understand that most of us will not follow the parenting styles of our parents. Some of us wish to use a completely different parenting style based on past experience and different perspective.
You are right, buping. Since we have learnt that the parenting styles of our parent is no longer suit the next generation, so we might as well implement a different and better parenting style for our kids.
Thanks for sharing your opinion!
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
28 Oct 09
luckily I DO NOT parent like my parents did....In fact I parent the opposite to how they did..Of course, keep in mind the fact that my parents were abusive verbally, emotionally and sexually...So yea, I dont parent like them at all...
@BlueQ123 (29)
• Singapore
28 Oct 09
Guess we will always remember the hurt deep down in our hearts if we used to be treated in unpleasant way by our parents. Hence it will definitely affect our parenting styles. We will remind ourselves not to pass on the hurt to our lovely kids in next generations.
I think this is not easy to forget the hurt from our parents who we used to stay together for more than 15 years, Ravendadyj. I am happy for you as you have made up your mind not to follow the same steps... :)
Cheers!
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
Hi BlueQ, I dont think i do. You see, i am different from my kid when i was a child. So i think i have a different way of dealing with her than my parents way of dealing with me. There maybe some style i copy from my parents but maybe that's what the situation calls for.
Recalling my childhood, i realized that my parents has parenting styles i did not like and i dont want it to apply it with my daughter. As parents, we should treat our children as a different human being and parenting should be designed according to their uniqueness. A case to case basis.
@BlueQ123 (29)
• Singapore
28 Oct 09
"A case to case basis." Well said, triplejazzm51. :)
Yes, I agree we should treat our children with different styles depending on their different characters.
However, sometimes I just could not understand why I will unintentionally use the same way to treat my son as my father in some cases. I am not trying to push the responsible to my father. I am the one who should be blamed if I felt that I have done something not right to my son. Indeed I think that I should try hard to use a better and suitable method to guide my son.
Thanks for sharing!
