what to do with guest?
By mrsbrian
@mrsbrian (1949)
United States
October 28, 2009 11:39pm CST
An acquaintance recently lost his job, and we invited him and his wife to move into our home on a temporary basis. We all agreed they would live with us until one of them found another professional position.
It's been only three months, but it's already uncomfortable. "Sue and Bob" do small household chores and pay a minimal amount in rent, but that doesn't counteract the interruption they have added to our daily lives. They have taken over the fridge, the cabinets, the laundry room, the living space and the kitchen. We have no private time anymore and cannot trust them to lock doors or turn off the dryer or coffee maker when they leave the house. They parade around the house semi-nude, make a lot of noise when we're sleeping and talk while we are reading or watching TV.
We have discussed these issues and others as they have come up, but it hasn't helped. We've asked them to keep out of our bedrooms and home office, but the other day I found both of them coming out of the office. We do not want to put locks all over. We want to trust them, but it seems unlikely. They have made comments about our bills, which indicates they have looked at our private mail.
They are supposedly applying for jobs, but so far haven't found anything that pays what they feel they deserve. We worry we'll be stuck with them forever. They have severance pay, unemployment and money from family members. They spend it on manicures, personal trainers and new electronics. Here's the kicker: They are actively seeking a divorce.
How do we tell them they have overstayed their welcome?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
29 Oct 09
Well mrsbrian, you have definitely put up this too long and no one should be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home. I'd reach their bags out and ask them to pack. Tell them the taxi is on its way and you just know they'll be glad to do the same for you if it ever happens. If you have to send the taxi to a small hotel for the night and ask for an address to send their share of the last three months bills to.
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
29 Oct 09
Well I hate having my space invaded and never feel obliged to do anything so when people call and want to stay for their holidays I tell them there are lots of nice cheap holiday apartments in the village, or even hotels. Amazing how many don't bother when they realise the chance of a free holiday isn't up for grabs. And it's always the ones one barely knew in the first place.
@vikramtop1 (154)
• India
29 Oct 09
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@nvtellan (1907)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
My goodness, three months is already quite a long time now for your freeloaders to be staying with you. And it seems they have become quite fond of the easy life they are portraying inside your home.
If I am in your shoes, I'll give them an ultimatum, let's say a whole week, to find a job or else they'll leave. Since they still have relatives, then they should be thinking of living with them and not with you since you and them are just acquaintances.
You don't need to care about their divorce. That's their issue. That's their lives and you still have a family to take care of.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Oct 09
Well to be honest I would say straight out we would like you to leave now as you have had enugh time to look for a job and get your Life's sorted which you have not bothered, you are not respecting or appreciating our Hospitality, so please be out of here in the next 5 Days
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
30 Oct 09
I have been in that situation before. It is a tough place to be and truly a place that you are unfairly placed in. You open your heart and home to someone out of goodness. They in turn take over and sometimes, after a time, even begin to complain how things are in YOUR home. You wish to be kind and not hurt them but the issues will eventually take their toll on you andddd on your own relationship.
Please keep in mind this. They have placed you in this position, NOT you. By their own actions they inisitiate the thing that you now MUST do to preserve what may be left of a friendship AND of your own sanity. Sit them down, be firm, and tell them their time is Up. Give them a week to look for a new place to live. I even HELPED them look and found them a place suitable. Tell them that at the end of the week, if they have not found something, you will simply ask them to leave. It is very hard but something you have to do or YOU will remain the victim in a "take, Take situation.\
I wish you the very best in this. Always, Darrel
@lindiebiz (1006)
• Canada
30 Oct 09
This is a very difficult situation and you felt you were being nice but some people dont know how to appreciate the generosity of others which is bad. Tell them nicely that you want them to leave since the situation has become uncomfortable and they have outatayed thier welcome if they refuse, take other measures to ensure they leave
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
29 Oct 09
Shed the image of the good Samaritan coz they don’t deserve any help anymore. Lock your private spaces when you are out of the house…if they have the gall to question you on this, give it back to them as they deserve. Talk loudly about plans for a vacation to any place you can think of, any relative, any friend…make sure they’re listening and then tell them that you’ll be away from home for sometime (as long as you can think of) in about a weeks or months time and you would lock the house while you are away so they better start making their own arrangements.
@jetta12 (94)
• United States
29 Oct 09
Wellllllll, you tell them in a nice calm voice.We love for you to stay,but its time for you to move on,in other words get your ASSETS OUT.You come for a visit sometime,BUT not anytime soon.For now you have wore your welcome out. We are sure your be more comfortable in your own house or apartment,and you might just work things out.But for now you got to go.Here let me help you pack.
Then open the door for them.
@Fulltank (2882)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
A straight honest and civilized talk with them would be fair enough. Its invasion as you know it. Invasion to privacy, resources and space would surely make me burst into anger. But as we are civilized people (for letting them in our house in the first place), a civilized manner should be appropriate to say to them "We cannot let you stay in our house another week or so. So better find a job or your out of this house." You can do it, I know.
@usemyname (640)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Your "friends" are obviously abusing your selfless act of being a good Samaritan to them. Have they had no shame? Staying in a friend's home is embarrassing enough, how much more if you invaded the household's privacy. The least they could do was to follow the rules inside the house. They are just a bunch of freeloaders. Give them a taste of their medicine, say it to their face. I know it's hard to let go of harsh words towards these so called "friends" of yours but, come on, your family's privacy is at stake here. You have nothing to lose. If they are indeed your friends, they should have moved out along time ago, keeping in mind the burden they are causing you if they keep on staying on your home. After reading this, I hope you have conjured enough courage to say it out loud to them. Good luck, remember you're not a bad person, you're just doing the right thing.
@lichee_china (506)
• China
29 Oct 09
God,it doesn't sounds good,there are a million problems need to handle,it killed me!they have read your private mail,it's wrong,anyone not allowed to bother the other's privite affairs!ask them leave and tell them why,but they are actively seeking a divorce,which made it even harder,you can help them to find a comfortable and low rent house!things always have the way to work them out,have a nice day!
@onlinemoneyjourney (235)
• Australia
29 Oct 09
That's definitely a tough one. I don't know how you can tolerate it especially if they are squandering their money on luxuries. Guests are always a disruption in one's life. We also had friends stay for a while with us (and we have 3 kids) and it was rather uncomfortable. They at least contributed financially. However, I was stuck doing their laundry, cleaning their bathroom and preparing all the meals. In your case, I would tell them they had a week (or month) to find alternative accommodation. Things like this can ruin friendships. At least in our case, it didn't.
