Time has changed and so is our relationship !!!

Indonesia
October 29, 2009 9:17pm CST
My sister is a very nice person. She is really friendly and a good listener. But, after she got married her attitude changed drastiacally even my relationship with her. She is not close with me anymore. I understand it is because of her role as a wife and a mother take times. One day, I asked her why she changes a lot. She said time has changed and so is our relationship. I feel hurt and miss the old time when we are close...Now, I don't talk a lot with her...What do you think?
4 people like this
13 responses
• United States
30 Oct 09
well that sad to hear maybe her marriage is distracting her or her husband is you never know maybe you should ask her what has changed and see what's going on in her world. Life does change sometimes drastically when you get married. Maybe she's going threw something and isn't ready to tell you yet. Be patient don't worry too much judt let her know your concerned and there for her no matter what she is going threw. Things like most people can apreciate, If she's a good listener she will understand and realize that you still need her too.
@funkeyguhl (1743)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
I am so sorry to hear that riani2009 but I think the more applicable explanation to it is our roles in life evolve. Your sister has evolved from being a sister, a friend, a wife and now a mother. The other people who commented on your question could be right. It might not be a good day for your sister and I assume that she wants to go back to the days when you were both carefree and ready to do anything or talk about anything. I guess if you want to regain the relationship, you should never stop trying. I say this because you are the one who has a lot of time in your hands. Maybe instead of planning a nightout with your sister what about staying in their place the whole day so that you get to observe what causes her to be stressed out or probably see what are the things that keep her busy during the day. This is so you can get the bigger picture. In the end, you are still sisters... I know it did hurt to hear that from your sister who is your best friend probably but we need to understand that her role has evolved.
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
30 Oct 09
I'm sorry to hear that you are hurt when she said like that to you. Does she ignore you totally, or she's for instance going out with you lesser, and not talking to you at all? If she's totally shunning you, that's a bit not fair on her part, but if she has a very busy household, then there's no choice but to understand her situation. Just be patient, yeah and hopefully she misses you so much and will come looking for you.
@GemmaR (8517)
30 Oct 09
I know how you must feel, but I'm afraid this is often what happens when people get married. When people don't live as close to each other any more, it stands to reason that they're not going to have such a close relationship either. But, having said that, you could try to arrange some days out for just the two of you, as you will still be able to have some good times together. Suggest to her that you go to the cinema or for a meal, or even shopping. This should help you to feel a little closer to her, even if you don't get to spend as much time with her as you did before she got married.
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
May be the time you asked her was really not a good day for her. Try to be more understandable to your sister. May be what she means is, she cannot spend the same amount of time with you as before for she is already a married woman and a mother at the same time. Her responsibility is eating her time. Give her time to adjust riani2009.
• United States
30 Oct 09
Maybe give her some time and space to sort out all of her life changes on her own. At the moment, she may not be feeling how you feel, but in time, who knows? But she's right though. Her relationship HAS changed. She's no longer just a sister, but a sister, a wife, and a mother. My advice for you would be to not dwell on it so much. I had a similar life change when my sister moved out to attend college on her own, and while I DID miss the talks we used to have and the antics that normally spawned, I found that the distance actually made our bond stronger. We began to appreciate the small visits I'd pay her now and then, and we really developed a deep respect for one another, especially when it came to personal matters. Give it some time, give her the benefit of the doubt. It might all end up working for the better. Keep your chin up :D
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
That's normal, it isn't only limited to the sibling type of a relationship but even those in the relationship. It seems that marriage indeed is a vocation because it takes time and sacrifice to make it work. There would be more responsibilities at the same time there are different pre-occupations and priorities which is why it's normal for people to change over time. I do understand your sister because she's already has a life of her own. A family to take care. I do understand your need to be close with her, though it isn't possible to have time frequently, it doesn't mean that she won't be a sister anymore. Just don't demand too much because she has a lot of things to do. Further, you would understand her once you have a family of your own. I could remember this with my aunts, uncles and my mom. They are 7 in the family and they were indeed a close bunch. But once in-laws settled in and most got married with kids, their relationship experienced several tensions. They couldn't live in the same house, there were friction here and there because each had a family of their own and would prioritize their families ahead of their siblings - in short, it caused a lot of fights and tensions! The solution was that they make home of their own and out of my grandmother's house. That's why not that they're older, and they have more time on their hands. They tend to visit each other and become closer once again, now that the kids (my cousins and I) are already done school and have jobs and activities on our own. So, don't be overly sensitive about these things, these are normal.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
30 Oct 09
I am sure she is busier now that she is married and has a child. It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you as much but only that there is less time in her life for just doing the things you used to do. Don't feel hurt. Instead you have to adjust and fit into her life in a different way. Maybe get together with her for lunch or invite her and her family over for dinner. I know when I got married and started a family that I did not have the same kind of time for my friends that I did before. It wasn't that I thought any less of them....I just had other obligations & more people & responsibilities to divide my time with.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
30 Oct 09
The same thing happened with one of my sisters and me. When I was the wife and mother and she was single (she's younger) we still had the close relationship we had shared but when she got married and when she had a child of her own, she became too busy for her older sister. It's nothing personal...it's the way things go as you go through life. She had less time for me when her life was hectic but you have to remember that life comes full circle. Our kids are grown now and, even though we live over 1,000 miles apart now, we talk a lot on the phone and in email and facebook. I see her when I go up north. She'll always be my sister no matter how much...or little...time she has for me.
@buping (952)
• China
30 Oct 09
hi riani, time has changed so many things. i feel sorry for you, but it also happened to me. i was very close to my sisters when we were little. but she is a completely different person now. she used to listen what her mother's. but no can can persuade her if she made a decision. however, most decisions are not good even made some problems.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
People change sometimes and you have to move on. Sometimes a marriage can take it toll to the woman that it changes how they deal with other people. Maybe your sister is in a bit of a stress lately. You should find time and give more effort to talk to her. Maybe there are things in her marriage that she don't want you to know that's why she said those things. Cheers!
@Gongfuboy (130)
• China
30 Oct 09
I'm sorry to hear that. It's really a pathetic experience touching me deeply. However, I have the same story though beside yours mine is more simpler. I also have a sister, just a distant relationship, we played together when we were young and everything went go very well in retrospect. But with the passage with time, I detect a tinge of drifted apart, we still played yet not as crazily as former times. After we attened to school, we even didn't contact with each other, just meet at some family reunion occasions. I didn't know what happened between us, maybe it's a common phenomenon that our sisters are inclined to find their own development and happiness, and we, as their brothers, just a temporary traveler in their lies. So let them be, please.
@sheng143 (55)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
It's not a good reason. I have a close cousin she got married but still we're close to each other. We always take time for bonding with her husband. Laughing together. It's not because she have a committment your relationship for being closed must be changed.