DO YOU HAVE A "BIG JOHN"? How do you react to a "Big John"?

Australia
October 31, 2009 10:16pm CST
While preparing a lesson I came across this story and thought it had much merit for all of us, as we all encounter problems throughout our week. One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus station, started his bus, and drove off along his route. No problems for the first few stops: a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. He was six foot eight, built like a wrestler, with arms hanging down almost to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back of the bus. Now, the driver was five foot three, thin, and basically meek. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened. Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down - and the next day, and the one after that, and every day. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong, and what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said "Big John doesn't pay!" the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and yelled, "Oh yeah? And why not?!" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied simply, "Big John has a bus pass." I wonder how many “Big Johns” or perceived big problems we face in our daily lives? I wonder if they really ARE “Big Johns”? They LOOK big. They LOOK threatening. They DO overwhelm us, but are they mostly froth and bubble? Maybe we need to realistically examine them to see just how big they are, before we pour energy in trying to solve them and only get ourselves into a tizzy. On the other hand, maybe these perceived problems will help to move us out of our comfort zone to prepare us for a real problem when it comes. Either way, the way we LOOK at the problem will have a great effect on how we DEAL with the problem - and on the outcome. [b]What is YOUR reaction to perceived problems? How do you tackle a "Big John"?[/b] Remember: Mark Twain said, “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened” * Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. * A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work * Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere
5 people like this
10 responses
@dawnald (85147)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Nov 09
My brilliant solution in the past has been to ignore the problem unless I absolutely couldn't. Doesn't work. Of course, if it isn't a real problem, ignoring it will make it go away. But if it IS a real problem, it invariably gets worse.
• Australia
1 Nov 09
I went through the stage of ignoring problems, but you are right. They don't go away: they get worse! I also went through the stage of "flight". I withdrew into myself and REFUSED to even acknowledge the problem. Same result. Now, since facing my problems head on, they usually just disappear. If the Big John involves another person, a gentle face-to-face usually has the same result - disappearance. A problem free life? No! But I refuse to be "UNDER the circumstances" - at least, not for long.
1 person likes this
• Australia
1 Nov 09
Dawn, rest assured I am thinking of you and hoping everything is OK. I have every confidence that whatever it is, you will handle it confidently and competently. Just remember to keep the main thing the main thing.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85147)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Nov 09
I have to not ignore a big one today. Wish me luck...
@aulius111 (330)
• Australia
1 Nov 09
Wow, that is a pretty cool story and that is so true. I worry quite alot about little things and shouldn't let anything stupid like public speaking get in my way but it does.
• Australia
1 Nov 09
The more you concentrate on a fear or worry, the bigger it will grow. Make a definite decision to put the worry aside. Visualise wrapping the worry up and putting it in the trash can. Each victory will help you another one to win.
• Mexico
1 Nov 09
Hi: i else want to add the more important persons in the history are famous because they express their point of view even when they know that people won't approved what they were about to say or even if they know that they have enemies, they fight for what they consider was right. Have a nice day
• Australia
10 Nov 09
You are right starsailover. People have changed the course of history by standing up for what they believed in.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
2 Nov 09
What a lovely post! I am pretty direct and I don't run from conflict - if there might be some. People call me brave, I'm not sure that I am. I just do what I need to regardless of the situation, I don't let people sway me. Sometimes things are not at all what they seem on the surface, and this is always something I consider when a situation looks dire.
• Australia
2 Nov 09
Thanks Mommyboo. You are an overcomer and shouldn't suffer from ulcers as a result of worry. Things are seldom as bad as they first appear - but they tend to get worse when ignored.
@LiveLove (443)
• United States
2 Nov 09
Yeah, my big john is spiders. They give me the creeps. Everyone ask how I could fear something smaller than me and I can't really answer. Waking up with one on my face, my arm, on the bathtub. It seemed like they were everywhere. I know the spider means no harm and generally is more afraid of me but once I see one I'm become jumpy, always imagining that one is secretly on me.It's a phobia I want to get over.
• Australia
2 Nov 09
Hi LiveLove. You remind me of me. One sight of even a small spider and I would be a nervous wreck. A recurring nightmare would be waking to have a big, black, hairy Huntsman (Aus Tarantula) coming down onto my face. I would wake screaming and my husband said I had goosebumps the size of pumpkins. One difference between us, though, is that I knew WHY I was so terrified of spiders. It went back to when I was 11 years old. Since coming to terms with that and a lot of other things in my life, the fear of spiders has completely gone. I can't say I relish the thought of one on me, but I am not scared of them. It probably doesn't help you to know that the biggest phobia in both men and women is spiders, followed by snakes. So you are not alone. It wouldn't be easy to do, but next time you see a spider, take off your shoe and clobber it - or if that is too close for comfort, use a broom or something. (Sorry to offend those who don't kill them, but LiveLove is more important than a spider). Face the problem. The more you face it, the less impact it will have.
@solared (1207)
• United States
1 Nov 09
One of the worries most people have these days, is about employment often times they never try to get a job because they are not sure they are capable of doing the job, so they miss out on a better paying job and a job in general. I tell people just go for it all they can say is no, and then you will probably never see them again. It's just like trying to pick up a girl or guy all they can is no, but you worry about it for no reason so never even try.
• Australia
2 Nov 09
Solared, I agree with you that a positive attitude is a step in the right direction and usually has a good effect. Attitude determines altitude is more than a good saying. It works!
• Pamplona, Spain
1 Nov 09
Hi solared, Yes all they can say is no and although no can hurt like mad it is always much better to have tried than to have sat in your House thinking about it and never doing it. By gaining experience no matter how negative sometimes and not always you can turn it around to your advantage. That is rather complex and boring to explain so if you can be negative you can also be positive trying to be positive does not mean you have to a self help guru. It is really hard to drop the negative habit it really is but once you let the positive in like the New Year you will not look back once. I put all my failures in the trashbin two years ago and I´m not looking back if I can help it.
@kathcake (70)
1 Nov 09
I have to say I am a big worrier even though I try not to be. I care what people think about me too much sometimes, although I am trying to cut back on this.. and I worry about what kind of future I will have. For example I'm not in the career I want at the moment, I get lots of rejections from everywhere I apply and the interviews i do get.. I normally get rejected. So I think will i ever get a job? Then I try to think it clearly wasn't meant to be. Hopefully something will come along eventually and I will get the break I need to make something of myself! lol
• Australia
1 Nov 09
Kathcake I hear you. This is a troubling time for you and it is easy to get downhearted and worry. Firstly, you must realise that the rejection is not necessarily a strike against you. I am sure there are many, many applicants and your turn will be coming. Are you sure your resume is appealing? Can you get someone qualified to check it for you and maybe make suggestions? I'm sure you realise that if you attend an interview with a defeatist attitude, this will show. Do your very, very best in presenting your resume and yourself. Dress in an appropriate way, stand tall, look the interviewer in the eye and convince him you are the right person for the job. Of course, you will have to believe this yourself, or you will come across as false. Don't let the fear of a Big John stifle you. YOU CAN DO IT! Remember that attitude determines altitude.
• Pamplona, Spain
1 Nov 09
Hi kathcake, I have never heard of the expression "Big John" before not in England and even less over here but here I´m referring to your getting a job. Whether you get a Job or not you are worth everything in the World you are unique no one can be like you anytime or ever. Go out there girl and get dressed up in those fantastic clothes that I see over there in the US and show them that you are the one for the Job. Here I´m thinking of Jamie Lee Curtis when she was in the Film was it Collateral Damage anyway she was with Arnold (Terminator) although she almost "Terminated" him. She got herself all dressed up but I don´t mean you actually have to dress like that lol just believe in yourself. I have got a Job in most things without any qualifications I just believed in myself it is not easy one said to me that I was so cheeky he was giving me the Job lol. Never rate your self worth by not being able to get a Job before a Woman could not get a Job like now pretty sure that those Women had their feeling of self worth to carry them through.
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
1 Nov 09
Hi cloudwatcher, I typed you a lovely long response earlier and it went poof into cyber space and I just remembered to come back. Interestingly my own Greek looks like a scarey John, except the arms do not dangle, yet is an intelligent and calm man, just more massive than anyone else, which makes me feel protected. The worries you speak of I no longer let worry me, as the more we worry the more sleep we lose over them and the nights become dark with worry. So I basically gave up on the worries and especially now don't worry about things which may happen. It's just a waste of energy. Problems don't go away overnight but there's no point in picking them into a scabby state, not quite as eloquently put I'm afraid as your quotation.
• Australia
1 Nov 09
Hi Thea. The same thing happened to me last night. I typed a long response to Alice. It actually posted on the page, but later when I returned it wasn't there. I wonder if myLot is having troubles, because pages are taking a very long time to load. It is almost like being back at yuwie. People who know me would say I never worry. That isn't quite true, but I certainly don't let worry rule. Worry doesn't last very long before it is shown the door. Worrying can accomplish no good. On the other hand, of course, ignored worry will only grow and fester and cause more problems, so it must be dealt with - and when we deal with it we often find it was nowhere near as bad as we thought.
@jerimiyah (232)
• Philippines
1 Nov 09
that is a really nice story. i have a big john in my life butbi realise after reading your story that its not big at all and its not a problem even. i made it into a problem because i just wanted to get it over and done with. i lack the patience for this certain area of my life. i believe God just allowed this so that i can learn to be patient and focus on him. thanks for sharing!
• Australia
1 Nov 09
Hello Jerimiyah. Like in the story, what we perceive to be an enormous problem so often turns out to be nothing to worry about. God has promised to help us to bear our burdens and to handle, with His help, any problems we face. Once we acknowledge the burden and seek His help, the problem is as good as defeated. I know you will soon find victory. Thank you for sharing your story.
• Mexico
1 Nov 09
Hi cloudwatcher: i think that's a nice story that shows us that it's better that we front our problems and that sometimes it's simply that we find the problems bigger than they really are the reason that we stay without finding a solution to the issues that affects our lives. Sometimes we have to face the problems and not to run and hide as a little boy.
• Australia
2 Nov 09
I particularly like Mark Twain's quote in that respect. We can always look back on past problems and find they were not as big as we thought. We need to look at present problems in the same way.
• United States
2 Nov 09
sorry i read this and got the wrong idea