Hi everyone.. How would you maintain your love in my situation?

..seems I'm not really alone here.. you're already 3 years married and we are just a year married.. I find some similarities with our husbands.. they don't want to talk.. and they are very defensive when they are caught.. my husband do this even to thew point that he will tell me I'm just being paranoid or if I read the message from his phone, he will say it's just a message and it doesn't matter at all.. but my gosh, how can it not matter if the message is saying i love you right? for us ladies, we don't just text a guy saying I love you if we're just friends and specially if we're already married.. For now, I just want to focus my attention on my daughter.. I feel numb already with what he's doing.. Sometimes, I really regret that I made the wrong choice when I got married.. the thing is, I can never go back to the past to make things right.. maybe the best thing that I could do now is like this.. ask for some advise from friends.. I hope we could all surpass this challenge in our married life.. Let's all be strong.. and pray.. that is my best resort..

hi there friend.... i really don't know if his hiding something from me...everything is smooth in our relationship....he shows me the love that i need,gives me all the material things that i need and want...he is concern about me,he always kisses me goodnight... he never forgets to bring the things that i want or need when he goes home... and about his messages in his phone...its ok for me to read and do things i want.. i just really dont know if his hiding something from me..or what is he hiding from me????im in the stage of...its hard to trust my partner..lol! but whatever it is...his still my husband ..and still i love him so.. hmmmm!.....God will never leave me alone hurt and unhappy.. i know God will help me through all this adjustments.. and about your situation...don't think too much about your husband..love your self first!..do whatever makes you happy..but never forget your baby..your baby is your happiness now...don't give up!cause your life doesn't end just there..because of your husband..you'll never know he will still end up to you ....and one day he'll understand the meaning of marriage..maybe not now..give him time,time to think..,be him self.. just dont be bothered about him..make yourself beautiful and healthy.. so that he will realize your still the owner of his heart!...heheheh! and hey!try not to care about him...don't make him feel that your hurt and pitiful, when he do crazy stuff...let him realize that his just so stupid enough to be immature!so let him grow up...alone... with out you..ok??? lav ya ! cheer up girl!.. be happy!..

hi there jemaries... im 22 years old and my husband is 30 years old... we have different/opposite attitudes and were still in adjustment stage.. we've been married for almost 3 years...we dont often fight.. but now its been difficult to me...seems that his hiding something from me too.. his a responsible person,kind,loving,respected man ...we dont have problems about money matter..the problem is he has a type of attitude sometimes even if he is already caught still he doesnt admits of his wrong doing... he doesn't want to be talked.. sometimes want to give up our marriage but in our religion divorce is not allowed.. i know we've been going through trials and adjustments.. but still...sometimes i feel im not happy with him.. i really dont know what i want in my life... just scared to be cheated ..do you feel that way too??im not scared to lose him at all...in my age is this just normal??my friend?? i just hoped and pray that God will help me through all this problems about married life cause im just only 22 years old.. waiting for your comment my friend!..

Wow that's a bit harsh. I think she is looking for some advice, not a lecture.

Hi daneg! I know she wants advice and I already said that I was blunt but unless we know the whole story it is difficult to give any advice. We need to first put 'our house in order' create a new base and go from there. If she went to a marriage counsellor he/she would also want to have more details. It is not fair that we dish out some advice without knowing the entire situation. Well, that is how I feel.

..hi.. well, I don't know if I committed some mistakes that prompts him to such things.. however, during the first months of our marriage, I tried my best to understand him because he said he is bored staying in the house.. I told him, maybe it would be nice if he will look for a job but he did not.. In the best of my knowledge, I have been good wife, tried to smile and take care of him every time he comes home even very at night.. I wake up, make coffee for him and prepare his food.. My friends says I'm too patient for him.. but I said I'm just doing my job and responsibility as a wife.. but then, right now, I'm feeling tired of what he's doing.. Maybe those months were already enough for me to give understanding to him.. he doesn't work and doesn't help me provide the needs of the family.. I wrote this to ask for advice.. suppose you don't want to answer this, you should have not commented in the first place if you think this is not a thing to be written here.. In my opinion, I have friends here whom I could rely on.. I didn't disclose my identity and my husbands' identity so I think posting discussion like this here is fine.. anyway, thank you for your very blunt opinion and I hope I've answered your question..

Well in re-reading what you wrote it seems to me you have more than ample reason for your love to fade. It takes two people in a marriage working together to keep it strong. If he is not there half the time and keeps hiding something from you it is pretty clear he is not working with you. It is so very true that how we feel about each other in the beginning changes. Just human nature. But if we really care about each other then that change will be okay because you both will move to a different place in the relationship, together. It sounds to me like he has moved but not with you. First and foremost you deserve to be happy. If leaving him will help you in that direction it may be the thing to do. If not then you must get him to begin working with you to get back to center. Good luck to you.

..thank you.. I do appreciate your advice.. at present, I just accepted the fact that I made the wrong choice.. I don't bother much now even if he goes out every night.. I just get contented spending my time with my little daughter alone.. I want to be happy even if my situation is like this..

..well, i think love fades gradually.. thank you..

..hi amyson.. maybe this is the result of marrying for the wrong reasons.. i just realized how hard life is just marrying for the sake of the child..

yes indeed unplanned pregnancy that is something that will hard to do because a child needs a father and a mother when growing up.but if situation getting worst dont push yourself too much.but if the relationship still be able to manage continue and stay in the your relationship with your husband.good day.

..I tried talking to him several times but no effect.. nothing happened.. Maybe the least thing that i can do is get rid of him and live my own life with my baby.. after all, it is our happiness that matters and I'm not happy with him anymore.. I was hoping before that someday, he will change but until now, he's still doing those things..

..thank you.. yeah.. I really think I deserve to be happy..

Then if that is the case raynejasper... you need to be firm with your words. You need to decide now. It is not a good environment also for your kids seeing their daddy like that. Do not stress yourself anymore. He didn't change and he chooses to be more like that then give him what he wants... And the worst thing is--He is jobless and yet he has the guts to act like that?!? You are not only dealing with irresponsible man -- he is also immature and senseless person. You deserve to be happy raynejasper. Good luck and God bless you and your kids.

..hi dear friend.. I've been doing your advice for a long time.. I talked to him in different ways trying to discover how I could touch his heart but nothing happened.. At first, I talked to him nicely and asked him if he is having a problem with me.. he said none.. the second time around, I talked to him heart to heart again but still, his reply is none.. I explained my feelings and he said sorry but he continue doing those things.. I also talked to him crying and pleading him to stop going out at night and better look for a job but he doesn't respond at all.. last time, I got angry because I think I'll explode.. but still, nothing happened.. as of now, I don't talk to him.. I just leave him to do whatever he wants.. and i told him he will not expect me to give any penny to him.. I've been praying but maybe I need your prayers too.. sometimes, I don't know what to ask God anymore.. Still, I want to hope that everything will be alright.. but when???

..thank you.. you've been all so helpful to me.. For now, I just entrust everything to God..

I'm really sorry to hear that. I just don't know what to advise to you anymore.If you think you have done everything already and still nothing happens, I suggest that maybe both of you might need time away from each other for a while. What I'm suggesting is a cool off period. Maybe that will give both of you time to think and realize the importance of each other. It will also test your love and finally you can decide for yourself if you still want to continue with the relationship. Well, that's only a suggestion, if you don't like the idea, there's no need to do it. Anyway, just continue on praying.

..thank you.. maybe I'll do your advice later.. right now, i don't have the courage to talk to my father.. but your advice is good.. I'm really considering doing it..

..yes.. I am supporting him.. it's really unfair because most of the time, he spend our budget for two or three days in just one night.. and he even ask for more..

..he chose to baby sit but I'm not happy because when he comes home in the morning, he readily goes to sleep then when I go home for lunch, I find him still sleeping while our baby is playing alone waiting for me.. I feel pity for my child because I believe she needs to be guided while growing up and I can't do much about it.. I'm expecting my husband to guide her but he's not doing it at all.. that's why I'm planning right now to find another apartment where I could stay together with my sister so that my sister can take care of my baby.. I really thank her because she like to do it..

..sorry, I forgot to answer your other question.. I'm the one paying everything including his cellphone.. He even ask money from me every time he go out and if I don't give him something, he speaks bad words to me.. I always try to explain that we have to really budget my salary because it is only the source of our income but he refuse to understand it.. he's already old enough.. my sister's husband is even younger than him and my sister's husband is very responsible..

Hi junmae, sometimes parents are like that and i pity your case too for it happened to me. I am the parent who is after reputation and what others will say. My daughter got pregnant and realized that she dont want to marry the man responsible to her. Sensing my anger my daughter eloped and lived away from me. I tell you, I cannot get my sleep thinking of her, no matter how mad I was but disappear. I loved her more than the mistakes that she did so I fetched her home. Now I had a beautiful grandchild and I dont care about my neighbors eyes all i know is that i am happy with my daughter and my grandchild and we are all happy. Good day.

..hi junmae.. well, I don't know what to tell you but maybe, if you have second thoughts of marrying, don't marry at all even the world is against you because you should not gamble you happiness.. learn from my experience.. parents will always be parents and they will accept the reality soon.. maybe not now but in the future.. still, if you find your boyfriend capable of making you happy and he is responsible, then go on.. anyway, thank you for your advice..

hi there victory... may i ask.. so meaning just love him for their children sake?? how about the woman??? will she sacrifice his happiness..just because of his darn husband??? will you still love him even though he doesn't care for you at all? and even though he also doesn't care about your child?? if your in her situation..what will you do?.. just curious... waiting for your reply my friend.. i want to learn mylotters comments and advise here.. cheers!

..hi.. thanks for the advice.. I actually lost so much weight.. I'm even thinner than when I was still single.. that's why many people who knew me always ask what happened to me or what am i doing that I continue to lost weight.. I already did everything to talk to him.. I cried pleading, I talked softly, I explained how I feel.. once, he said sorry but he still continue doing those things.. for me, sorry means you're not going to do the same mistakes again but he did not..

Love yourself before you love others. Don't be martyr, you don't deserve it. Cheers!

..maybe that's another factor.. yeah, I always pray for enlightenment and courage to go on with life.. thank you..

..how? can you suggest something that I can do to prove myself better than anyone because i'm tired proving already..

..the thing is, I don't know how to talk to him anymore.. I already tried everything.. i tried talking to him heart to heart, i tried talking to him softly, I even talk to him crying, and I also talked to him not controlling my anger.. but nothing worked.. I'm so confused that's why i'm grateful that I have friends like you here giving me advice to cheer me up.. thank you really very much..

..thank you very much for that encouragement.. I feel like I have my best friends on my side right now.. and I'm controlling my tears.. I don't have access with my best friends right now so I just posted my problem here believing that even in this online discussion, I can find friends who will be with me because at this time, I really need friends to confide my problem and emotions.. Of course I believe in God and i look up to Him always but there is always a difference when you have someone to lean on physically.. hehe.. anyway, enough for the drama.. I don't really wanna cry coz I'm in the office right now.. yes, I'm the one earning and he's the one spending a lot.. We're 1 year and six months married right now with one kid..

..yes.. I've tried talking to him.. but he always deny.. before, I have the opportunity to prove my suspicion when I read his messages.. that time he was too drunk and he forgot to delete his cellphone messages.. when he was asleep, I got his cellphone and a message came saying goodnight and i love you babe.. When he woke up, I talked to him and would you believe what he said? he told me it was just a message.. my gosh.. you see how he reasons out? but that time, I tried to forget that incident expecting that he will already learn his lesson when I drove him out of the house but he didn't.. I'm really confused right now because I wanted to leave him but I don't want to hurt my father's feelings.. My father don't want our family to be broken.. and he doesn't know what's happening in my marriage life because he is far.. he just come and visit once in a while..

..at first, I don't really check his cellphone but when he keeps on going out at night and coming back early in the morning, I tried checking his cellphone and I do found something.. but I didn't readily accuse him.. I ask for his explanations but I don't think he has a very good reason telling me that the message I read was just a message.. will you believe this if the message is like this "i love you babe, goodnight".. Yeah, he refuse to work.. when we were not married yet, he do everything to earn money but now, he changed.. I don't know why..

hi anning.. I'm sorry but divorce is not allowed in our country..