My cousin has a boyfriend w/ anger problems

My opinion, there is nothing we can do. Your cousin must deal the problem by herself. Actually, many couples have similar problems, differences and arguments every single day they pass the day together. So it is natural thing happen to a couple. Not all couple have a happy life story, sometime, they need to deal with huge differences among them. I don't know whether it is the right thing to do or not, but I believe the best for them is to let them to find a solution by themselves. The less family members involves in their problem, the better it will be.

I'm very sorry to hear about this. First of all, I think your cousin's boyfriend has more than anger management problems. It's psychological, too, because it seems like he is insecure and has low self esteem. These are the common traits of abusers. Yes, he is an abuser. Second, I don't think your cousin should stay any longer. She can only ask him to get help but that may aggravate the issue. I think she should take her baby and leave. He doesn't want help. You can't force a person to get help if he doesnt want to. You cant help a person who doesnt want to help himself. The chances of her getting physically abused is very likely. Who is to say he may not even hurt their child one day? He just might. Your cousin loves him? I really don't know what to say about that...If someone is being abusive to you, how can you love a person like that? Doesn't she love herself to know that she deserves better than that treatment? Your cousin also has self esteem issues and it's the reason why she's taking all of this crap. They both have issues but the guy is violent towards her. The only thing I can say is, it's best for her to leave. Ultimatums are as far as they go but considering that the guy has been abusive to her quite a few times before, I doubt that an ultimatum will put an end to it. So, the question is, when will she leave? Will she wait for things to get really bad before she does? I hope you can get through to her.

This sounds like more than anger to me. Does he do other strange things, like rant and rave when he gets angry? Does he go through bouts of depression? Are there times when he has insomnia? The reason why I ask these questions is because he sounds like the father of my children, who is bipolar. When we were first dating, he would get angry like that for no reason. I didn't understand it, all I knew is that something was wrong. Most of the time, he was wonderful. Then, for no reason at all, he would fly off the handle. If he is bipolar, there is no way that he will change. The condition can be managed with medication, but he has to take it every day for the rest of his life. It can easily turn violent. It appears that he can control his anger, but in actuality, he can't because he doesn't realize that he is acting in any way other than acceptable. If I were your friend, I would get out now. The problem is, there is nothing that anyone can do to make her. I know that it's hard, but whatever she decides, be her friend. You can't force her to make a decision, but you can support her. That is what she needs. One day, she will come to the right decision on her own. I just hope that it isn't too late. Anger problems can easily and quickly become violent. She needs to think of the baby, if not herself. I did, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I still love him with all of my heart, but I know that we can't be together. We can't be together because he won't get help even though his team of doctors has told him that he has a problem that is easily managable (if he wants to manage it). He doesn't believe the doctors when they tell him that he has a problem. So, I have had to get on with my life. We still talk, but I will not allow myself to be alone with him. If he wants to see me, then it is in a public place. I've been there. Your friend shouldn't have to be there alone. I know that it is frustrating, but when you get tired of her crying on your shoulder about the same thing over and over again, take a deep breath and remember that she needs the support that he isn't giving her.

This is problem belonging to love with agony,we often come across these,we rather than giving them advice or suggestions its better to leave them to their decision , if she feels she can stay with him no more,then for sure one day they get separated and that fellows will also get one day to know how lovable one he had lost..

Your cousin needs to leave him right now. He will never change at the moment and things will only get worse. She needs to take the baby and leave. Otherwise, the kid will grow up in a very toxic environment.

I have a few different takes on this topic. In my opinion, he will never change. Maybe she should give an ultimatum and then see if that changes things. maybe he'll see that he is just being paranoid. Although I think he won't. If he grabbed her glasses and threw them, well, that is a form of abuse. I believe some bad things are on the road ahead of her if she stays with him. On the ohter hand sounseling usually helps with that sort of thing. Anger management classes or couples counseling. That is about all I have. Hope this helps!!

She needs to leave him NOW. He can change from far away and prove to her that he has after at least 9 months. All she is doing is setting herself up for a very unhappy life, and if he is angry, so will be her child, the child will learn it from him. If they both need help I suggest they do it separately and come together after they have themselves together. Really, this could be the most important decision of her life. Tell her to read the statistics on domestic violence and listen to what other women have to say that have been through it and thought they could fix their man. That is from the ones that are still alive.

Hi! Couple of questions for you regarding your cousin and boyfriend. The first is, how old are they? From what you say he sounds like he is younger than her but I could be completely wrong here. Young men take longer to mature and it seems that this guy never will, if I'm being honest. You have to experience living with someone like that to know what it is like...and I have. I went to parties with a guy I once lived with and he would remain sober just so he could keep an eye on what I was doing (which was nothing, just having fun as he wasn't able to chill out). Was he younger than me? Yes, he was 19 and I was 23 but I wasn't mature enough to live with him, so it did work both ways, this immaturity thing. If he's not going to accept the fact he has a problem with anger then I don't think he will change. He obviously doesn't want to change does he? He likes to dominate in a threatening way and I don't like that one bit! I wonder what would've happened if your cousin had mentioned this incident to his father? Probably not a lot!

Anger is an emotional response to a perceived injustice. We all get angry, even God. We express our anger in different ways. Sometimes we keep quiet when angry and other times we boil to resentment. The later response can sometimes lead to violence and irreparable destruction. Physical abused or emotional abused can be avoided if we know how to control over our feelings. Anger is sometimes a cover up of other negative feelings inside us such us frustration, guilt, depression, discouragement, low self-esteem and other negative feelings. Here is my personal advice: Try this and tell me if it works. 1. Never be angry at the same time. When your cousin husband is mad, your cousin must stay calm and control her emotion to avoid things get worst. I believe that soft answer turns away anger. What about if, your cousin is the first one who gets angry? That's the problem, because for sure her husband will turns out to be a tiger ready to eat her. So the best things she could do is to remain calm even she is angry. 2. When saying words avoid using "YOU" because it appears to be nagging. Try using the word "I". For example, don't say "You are foolish, because you always hurt me. You are insensitive and always jealous for the things I did not do" The correct way is "I feel hurt because you are jealous of the things I did not do." In this case you are not appearing to nag and the center of attention is you because you use the word "I". 3. Get help from someone. If her husband don't want to go to a psychologist, for counseling then she need to find someone maybe from the church, a pastor or someone else who have professional knowledge and skills to give counsel. Don't make it appear as a counsel but instead make it appear as a friendly advice. It is best if she can find someone whom her husband trust and already a friend. Let that chosen counselor win the trust and confidence of her husband before giving advice in a conversational way. 4. Try to discover the real cause of his anger and make ways to solve that. For example, if he has low self-esteem and insecure then she need to assure him always that she loves him very much through words and actions. Appreciate him always even the little things he is doing. 5. Attend seminars about marriage together. They will learn many principles to make their relationship strong. 6. Pray together. Pray everyday before going to bed during the night and after waking up in the morning and jumping out of bed. Let them do this and I am very sure that all well because God will be the center of their relationship.