Living with gosts of the past....

Maldives
November 9, 2009 3:23am CST
During the weekend I got a call from a friend asking me if I could meet him. He sounded bit desperate and tiresome so I went over and asked what is the problem. He refused to acknowledge that he is having a problem and said just needed to have a good chat. After a lengthy talk of chit chat and daily work finally he said tomorrow is my divorce anniversary. Finally so this was bugging him. He told me the story of the day he divorced his wife like something that happened a moment ago as if in his mind he was picturing the events allover again. It wasn't really surprising as when I walked into the house I felt that his wife never left. She may walk in any moment and start a conversation. All her belongs even the things of their two children were as she left it. The apartment was totally clean and in in order but nothing was moved or changed from the day his wife left. Everything as it is. Everywhere, her clothes, perfume, toiletry, and jewels as she left them. In over a year he did not even move a single item from its place. He lives mostly out of town and rarely spend two or three days ones or twice a month in the apartment. Was married for almost ten years with two kids and had a loving relation. He is one of the hardworking guys who spends his time mostly at work and his work keeps him away quite a bit and this finally was the reason his wife left him for another man. The lack of time he has to offer drove her to someone else and she is happy with this guy and is going to get married soon. They still keep in touch as he spends on his kids and is a very loving and a caring father. I told him that he has to let go and start over and the first thing he has to d is get rid of all the ghosts which is surrounding his whole apartment. After a debate he agreed. Now the task is upon me to help him let go off his past ghosts by helping him clean and change the look of his house. I will do my best but the thing is I really don't want to offend his ex wife or him by moving too much. His past would be a big part of his life till end due to his commitment and his love for his kids. He needs to start looking for a new relation and a new way of life as hanging onto his paste is not healthy. Surrounding himself with yesterdays memories is not going to help him at all that much I am pretty sure. He have thought over it and tried few options but he just don't know. Nothing seems to work. He just gets bored or loose interest after a day or two and ones brought a girl over and didn't feel comfortable at all even for conversation. Somewhere I felt that he still deeply cares for his ex and he sees her as he most beautiful woman in his mind. So what should I change and what more advice an I give him to let go and move forward in life? Should I give a totally new look to his apartment or should I leave few things as it is? Do I pack all his wife's belongings and leave his kids stuff only as they will be visiting and he has a separate room for kids? Will I be offending his ex if I changed everything? Will it make more dents on his current relation ship with his ex with the issue of kids? Please tell me your suggestions and ideas. Should I go for a special color as colors play a lot in happiness and life?
2 responses
• India
9 Nov 09
wat i feel is dat u jst hav 2 b a patient listener,a helpin hand and a shoulder 2 cry on 4 him.As 4 changin his lyfstyl,u can only advice him 2 do wat he wants 2 do and b der 4 him alwys.its bttr 2 pack his wife's belongings and keep it in a place whr he wud nvr get it 4 d tym bein.most important of all,make him accept d fact about his loss.most ppl go in2 depression only due 2 dis.they r nvr able 2 accept watevr has happnd 2 dem.i wud suggest dat u ask him 2 4get and 4giv his wife as well as himself 4 watevr has happnd had 2 happen 4 d gud of both f dem.he shudnt hang 2 on2 d past bt 4 dat u hav 2 c dat he is alwys kept happy.Mayb in dis way,i am pretty sure he wil come out f d shell
• Maldives
10 Nov 09
Thanks for the suggestion... talked bit about if he can forgive his ex. He said already forgiven no hard feelings whatsoever. I guess forgetting is the impossible task somehow... But all wounds do heel with time right??? I think if these stuff is out of his face staring all the time it would be good. We managed to pack away some but lot pending.. phew...
• Maldives
9 Nov 09
Nice post...But are u really committed to help him???
• Maldives
9 Nov 09
Sure I am... A friend in need is a friend indeed... Friends are the best thing in life and I would like to help him out as much as I can...