Father and Daughter
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
United States
November 9, 2009 7:53pm CST
I was reading Dear Abby columns this morning (I dont do it all the time, only when I dont have a lot of time for breakfast) and there was one story I read that got my attention.
A father wrote in to Abby saying that he and his daughter (who is 12) both hated using their bathroom downstairs, so they had to share the upstairs one. And they both had to get ready early in the morning so while the daughter was in the shower, the dad would come in and shave. He said during this time they would talk about whats going on with her life and such....well apparently the wife said he shouldnt do that...and Abby agreed with her. She said it was not appropriate for him to be in their while his daughter is in the shower.
She also said they could talk over breakfast, but the fathers note made it pretty clear they don't have that kind of time.
I have to disagree with both women. AS long as there is a very good, non see-through shower curtain, and the daughter is comfortable with her dad being in the bathroom while she's in the shower...there's not a huge problem. I think it all depends on the girl and there is nothing perverse going on in this situation.
What does everyone else think?
7 people like this
9 responses
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
14 Nov 09
[b]I think in our culture, for the most part, it would surely raise eyebrows, but in some poor 3rd world countries, everyone has to share the best they can, living in one another's laps just to have some kind of shelter, it's probably routuine.
I think it's better, if one can afford it, to separate the two. It might cause subtle problems later on. We all need to respect one another's privacy.
Maggiepie
IMPEACH HIM![/b]
@4mymak (1793)
• Malaysia
12 Nov 09
i have a 15-year old daughter, and she's growing to be a beautiful young lady..
and although i am confident that nothing should ever 'spark' between them - i will not allow both of them to be in the same bathroom together, especially with one of them naked.. it is just not right and unacceptable.. nor will i have my daughter and her brother in the bathroom at the same time in the same condition.. nor will i ever be caught being with my 13-year old son in the bathroom at the same time..
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
29 Nov 09
I don't know. Everyone (including you) has somewhat of a point. I would not do that if I had a shower curtain made of kevlar. Then again if the relationship is what it should be, it shouldn't matter what the daughter looks like. Father should only have eyes for his wife, but then human nature being what it is...
But the real question is WHY do they hate using the downstairs bathroom? That doesn't make sense to me at all.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
30 Nov 09
The dad said that all their rooms were close to the upstairs bathroom, and neither wanted to have to lug their stuff back and forth up and down the stairs.
@Freespirited (75)
• Canada
29 Nov 09
I wish the father had went into more detail about why they dislike the downstairs bathroom. I still think it is kind of weird for the father to be in there at the same time as she's showering but I against if the daughter doesn't feel uncomfortable, then it's fine.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
11 Nov 09
The daughter is still only a kid and Dad probably sees her in her swimming costume,pjs and maybe her undies sometimes. I don't see a problem here at all. When she wants her privacy she will let everyone know. If they are short on time they are going to be doing what they need to do and getting out of there. Sounds to me as if there are no hang-ups between them. The mother does not have a healthy mind, neither does dear Abby.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
12 Nov 09
Sure we have paedophiles coming out of the woodwork these days...but we also see Dads bonding early with their children in ways that never used to happen. Dad's today take a much more active role in the family. There will also be these self appointed do gooders who will try and make something out of nothing.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
12 Nov 09
Yeah! People are going to start thinking it's wrong of fathers to see daughters in bathing suits, which is ridiculous! Good point!
And the man did say in his letter that once he's done shaving he leaves the bathroom, it isn't like he's lingering in there.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
10 Nov 09
I see your point but still, I would have a problem with it. I am actually very surprised that the daughter doesn't. I find it very very hard to believe that the shower she takes in the morning is the only time and the only way that he can have quality talks with his daughter. I would imagine that if they were not talking while showering and shaving then the shower and his shave would get done a lot quicker and maybe they would have time.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
12 Nov 09
I see what you're saying about the bathroom not being an ideal place to talk-especially while trying to talk over a shower. But my point of this discussion is I don't think the situation is as perverse as Abby made it out to be.
Thanks Sid! :)
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
11 Nov 09
I get the morning part but while she is in the shower?? A shower generally takes 10 mins. If that is the only 10 minutes that he is able to slot his daughter into his life then I would say it is time for him to drastically rearrange his time. Sorry but I just find this really bizarre. He is up and starting his day so that tells me that he must work first shift. I would think there would be time in the evening at some point to have some quality talks. don't know. I am a single parent and I don't see my daughter much in the mornng. She is busy getting ready for school. I don't hold her up with chit chat. I would never go in the bathroom while she was taking a shower thinking that was a good place to have a heart to heart talk. I do go in to pee and I leave when I'm done. She could not really hear me under the shower anyway. I have spoken to her and have had to repeat myself. It's not a good conference set up.
1 person likes this
@petertam52 (8)
• United States
11 Nov 09
I wonder if the daughter grows up with a habbit of sharing bathroom showering with men ever after, not aware of the usual custom of the society she is living in.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
11 Nov 09
I don't think this is going to affect the way the girl grows up. You make it sound like this is going to make her grow up to be some kind of...hore (mylot won't let me spell it right, lol). Her dad is not giving her any kind of impression like that. This seems like a pretty innocent situation to me.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
12 Nov 09
Well I'm sure it hasnt been going on for 12 years....babies generally don't need time in the bathroom in the morning :P hehe. I would GUESS that it's maybe been going on for a year or two...but you're right that more details would help better understand.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
11 Nov 09
The mother is having a problem with it. it seems as if it should be addressed. I guess more details would help understand the situation. Has he always done this routine with his daughter or did it just start up recently. Seems as if after 12 years the mom would have gotten used to it or done something about it which makes me feel that this is a fairly new situation.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
10 Nov 09
For me, I would think it would really depend on the situation. But like you said if there is a Good shower curtain hanging up that is not see-thru and they can carry on a good conversation and the wife is OK with it, then it would be OK. I do understand how people's lives get so busy anymore as mine surely is, so anytime these two can spend together talking is a Good thing for sure.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
11 Nov 09
Yeah he said he just shaves in there, it does sound like most his other morning things are done (including getting dressed-which I'm sure he does in his bedroom).
I don't have a lot of time in the morning, I come home from work at 6:30am...take about 10 minutes to eat breakfast before I go to bed. So I never get any kind of time with my family in the morning or during the day. I think it's good they have this time to talk.
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
I thought that was ok. But there is still a feeling that you are with a man although it is your father he is still a man. I really hope that it has a closed curtain on the shower room because it will be of great problem when not and how can they just allow it if there is no curtain. LOl.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
11 Nov 09
I'm pretty sure there is a very good shower curtain lol. I doubt very much the girl would allow anyone in the bathroom with her if there wasn't one! :P
I think it really depends on the people involved, the girl mostly. If it were me I would not want my dad in the bathroom, even with a shower curtain. In fact, I wouldn't want ANYONE in the bathroom with me (my sister, my friend)...I like my shower time to be 'me time.' lol.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
10 Nov 09
The world is perverted. Acts that should be considered innocent are now being blown out of porportions. I don't see anything wrong with this at all. The father is shaving his face, the child taking a shower. Nothing should be wrong with that situation, if the daughter and father are fine with it I don't see why the mother isn't either.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
11 Nov 09
I agree! If the father and daughter are both okay with it then it's fine--because either party could feel akward-but they don't.
