There is lot of formalities in our community for marriage

dear yugasini, i know it is tradition. but i really am wondering why men in your country prefer to have a wife chosen not by them in the first place. isnt it that they will be the one to live together with this girl? shouldn't you allow your son to date girls and find out if she is suitable for him? dont you trust his judgment? it is not my purpose to argue. i know it is important to have a new member in the family that is accepted by everyone there. family background checking is also very good. but he can do it himself, cant he? ann

Yes! There are alots of formalities, must especially in the communities in african's country. For example, before a man will be accepted for asking the parents of his wife to be for their daughter, he must firstof all have or shows a kind of respects to the girl's father by lying down flat on the flow regardless of what he's putting on. By so doing, they will regard him as an humble somebody and that apart he should also be someone that brings things to the girl's mother if not, she will say: this man won't know how to take care of her daughter and he will be disqualified by the mother and so she will do her possible best to make sure that her daughter doesn't get married to that man.

i wonder to know why the wife of you first son need you to find out, and spend more time on that.it is differed culture that i never head before. in our country, when their children is reach to marriageable,their partents would be worry when they would be take care of the grandchildren, but none of mothers would be help them to be find out suitable girl or boy, as it is none of their business.it is their children's life.good luck and have a nice day!

There's a lot of formalities because you are trying to put together two people who will spend together all their lives, you're no buying a cow to put in the same paddock with your bull. Right?? We are talking about PEOPLE.

These kind of traditions are related the society you live. Education, economic status, religion and family structure plays a great factor aswell. It is also related with family bonds, in societies that care about blood relation this is understandable. I'd like to inform people about the procedure and reasons a bit to make them understand your situation better. I feel our traditions are 'similar to a certain degree'. In Turkey assigned marriage was very common like 2-3 generations ago. It is still common at villages and small states. In patriarchal, small and closed societies women has fewer rights than men. Consider a village, everyone knows eachother, in such a socity; generally flirting is not considered well. So parents only allow their daughter to be seen together with a man, if they're engaged. This rules out the date'ing process. So basic steps follows: - A boy likes a girl. Or a girl adviced to him by his parents. - Family of boy informs the girls familiy about their wish. If they agree girls family invites them over. - They go to the girls house, and ask for their permission. Two young people often engage that day, also wedding time is set. - Upon engagement they meet a few times before marriage, and talk eachother. - They marry, and usually move in to the boy's fathers house. In such a small and closed society, this procedure is kind of normal since marriage is not only between two people, but rather between two families. Also considering new married couple usually lives with grooms family, grooms elders naturally a part of the process. Even now, in big cities and among well educated people part of this tradition applies. - Boy meets the girl, they flirt. Spend some time together (like a few years) and they decide to marry. - Boy meets girls familiy, girl meets boys familiy. Families meet each other. - Boy's family visits girls family and asks for permission to marry. (Thats usually a procedure in this case but its still neccessery) - Young couple declares the time they want to get married. - After marriage they settle to their own flat. But regular visits between families are common. In conclusion, relax yugasini it is not common only on your community. And be sure to ask for your sons opinion, i know you want best for him and best for your familiy; but if he doesnt want to marry, forcing him wont do any good.

Im sure Yugasini is from India. To clear doubts, dating as a concept has become common in India only in the past few years or the past decade. Till then India has always followed the concept of an Arranged marriage (whereby the parents select the bride/groom). Yea u guessed it right, it means u start to love and find out compatibility only after your married. I personally like the idea of knowing the person before marriage but its countered by saying, "but u can get to know her the month before ur wedding or after you engagement" lol. Thats not even the hard part. the Hard part is when they meticulously scan through your birth date and the position of the starts and how it is in comparison to ur fiance's star allignment or whatever. Only when it matches do they arrange the marriage. And like Yugasini said u have preferences like hair,color, height, occupation blah blha. It just seems to me like a lil kid telling his parents what presents he wants for christmas. Having said that, i must admit it aint easy convincing my mom to see things my way. lol. She still believes in arranged marriages. I just say, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.:P

Yes! There are alots of formalities, must especially in the communities in african's country. For example, before a man will be accepted for asking the parents of his wife to be for their daughter, he must firstof all have or shows a kind of respects to the girl's father by lying down flat on the flow regardless of what his putting on. By so doing, the will regard him as an humble somebody and that apart he should also be someone that brings things to girl's mother if not, she will say: this man won't know how to take case of her daughter and he's will be disqualified by the mother so will do her possible best to make sure that her doesn't get married to that man.

Hello Yugasini. Things are very different in America, but even we like to know the background and know we are compatible with whomever we marry. The difference is that the choice is ours, not our parents. What happens in India if one is widowed, for instance, and your parents have passed on? Who then decides? Do you then pick your own spouse? Or do other family members do that? How old is the son for whom you are seeking a wife? It is interesting to learn about other cultures. Karen

There are different rules in different countries about formalities for marriage. Here, in my country, here are lots of formalities in our community for marriage too. Of course, I don't think it is a trouble for people who want to get married. If one really loves their partners, I think they will just regard the complex formalities as a necessity of a great marriage. At the same time, these formalities may be useful to help you make a detailed plan for your wedding. You see, when people have gotten married, they will still meet many difficulities in the long relationship, all which need our patience to face them. Have a nice day! Happy myLotting!