it's just so sad
By eM
@eLsMarie (4345)
Philippines
November 11, 2009 8:56pm CST
me and my boyfriend were together for quite a while and i'm very happy being with him knowing that he's worth it. i mean he's somebody that most girls would want to have. he has good looks and has a very good heart. i'm so lucky to have him and he too is also lucky to have me. the problem is that our relationship is very much hidden to my parents. my parents were really strict but now i can sense that they'll allow me to have a boyfriend already. i'm already 20 years old and i can't be label as a child nor a teenager anymore. i can sense that they 're planning to let me have a boyfriend because they're very much open to their friends in saying that they've been wishing me to have a boyfriend already but they don't open up to me. they doesn't share their thoughts about them letting me to have a boyfriend and it irks me because i don't just want to take the risk of introducing my boyfriend to them and end up weeping out just because they realized again that they won't let me to. when i was 17 they told me that it's already okay but when i turned 18 they said they won't allow me to. i'm getting confused with my own parents.
3 people like this
14 responses
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
Hi eLsMarie, I suggest you must introduce your boyfriend to your parents. No worries, parents are normally like that. You are not that young anymore and your parents know that too. It doesn't also mean that if you have a boyfriend you are getting married already... You are not going to leave them yet. You just wanted to be true to your parents. Your parents are scared But MATURE enough to face that fact. They have been there too, and I am sure they will understand.
But girl, do not put your parents on the spot. You must talk to them first and tell them that you will introduce the guy to them. As you said your boyfriend is a good guy, and he deserves to be treated fairly. Don't hide him to your parents, that is not fair for him.
Just assure your parents that even if you have a boyfriend you will finish your studies and make it as your priority still. That is the main concern of your parents, for their children to have a stable and nice future.
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
13 Nov 09
Liberated? 
Don't be afraid to take your first move eLsMarie! My mom and auntie was like that before, they were asking me (because I am also a late bloomer, I was on collage when I had a boy friend) constantly if I have a BF already, and kept on reminding me that I should not yet. They said that I should not rush things and blah blah bla... To cut the story short, introducing your man is really hard but once you started on the topic, everything will flow smoothly.
Stop hesitating eLsMarie. You are just making it hard for both of you. Your problem will only be solved if you tell them now. Come out eLsMarie. Anyway BF is part of growing up! 
Don't be afraid to take your first move eLsMarie! My mom and auntie was like that before, they were asking me (because I am also a late bloomer, I was on collage when I had a boy friend) constantly if I have a BF already, and kept on reminding me that I should not yet. They said that I should not rush things and blah blah bla... To cut the story short, introducing your man is really hard but once you started on the topic, everything will flow smoothly.
Stop hesitating eLsMarie. You are just making it hard for both of you. Your problem will only be solved if you tell them now. Come out eLsMarie. Anyway BF is part of growing up! 
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
Well to be clear with your parents you should have it cleared with them. What i am seeing from you is that you seem not to open up issues with them. if they won't allow you then ask when can you have the freedom to do so. I think your parents are just concerned about your welfare. Now that you are older and more mature then it's time you have the courage to speak your mind with them and I guess there's nothing wrong with that since as you said you are in your 20' already so I think you can handle this things already.
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
That is why this early on we should try to clear the issue with them. Are they allowing you to be involve with someone or not. Hiding this relationship will have consequences that we don't want in the future. So as early as now we should open this issue with our parents than continue on hiding it. I think it is more convenient to have a relationship that is known to your parents than being kept this long.
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
am pretty 
sure that they're relationship will be exposed at one time some day. that's hard when you don't talk about sensitive issues with your parents. i don't talk about relationships when my mom would think about the consequences linking to my siblings which is infuriating
sure that they're relationship will be exposed at one time some day. that's hard when you don't talk about sensitive issues with your parents. i don't talk about relationships when my mom would think about the consequences linking to my siblings which is infuriating1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 09
Hello Marie
I think you are certainly old enough to have a Boyfriend whether your Parents want you to or not
I appreciate that you respect your Parents, but they should respect you to
I have 2 Children age 22 and 25 and I have always trusted them and still do
Your Parents need to realize you are old enough to live your own Life and that
I really hope it works out well for you
@smallcloud (338)
• Malaysia
12 Nov 09
u are mature enough to let ur family believe what you choose?
the question should ask yourself
as sometimes the parent will say different words mayb due to what you do at that time.
parents will not stop own child to pursue happiness if they think that you are able to recognize what is good and what you want
all they worries about is you get hurt in a relationship and still not mature enough to have a relationship
jus make those in action and prove to your parents you can do it
and talk to them after a while
i think it should be no problem for you to have a relationship without your family worries.
keep it up
my dear
have a nice day~~^^
@vincyk (198)
• China
14 Nov 09
If you really love your boyfriend and sure that he is the right guy you are looking for,then why don't tell you parents the truth and introduce you boyfriend to them.I think they will accept the truth that their babygirl has already grow up and now she has found her own love.You parents will support you if they think your boyfriend is a nice boy and is a trustable man for you,it will be ok and just take it easy.
@IceTroll (77)
• Philippines
13 Nov 09
Fight for your right to love girl :). My girlfriends parents are very strict but my girl believes that i'm not even a bad person and she always hopes that her parents would see that. She introduced me to her parents and her mom in a nice way told me to stop this relationship give it time because she was still graduating. But she still tells her parents that im her boyfriend and were not doing anything wrong at all.
As long as you believe you boyfriend is a good person in time your parents will also believe with you.
@sirnose (2436)
• United States
12 Nov 09
Well, it's time to come clean you are old enough to make your own decisions without parental premission. You and the boyfriend should go to your parents and tell them. Maybe you can invite your parents out to dinner or invite your beau to dinner at your parent house. You will have to face up to this situation sooner or later, so just make it a pleasant experience for the boyfriend and your parents. Good luck on whatever you decide...
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Nov 09
hielsmarie time to talk to your parents again and softlybut firmly remind them
you are twenty now and want to be with your boyfriend,tell them all about him,
and bring him to see them. date openly now and listen to your parents in regard to
rules while you are under their roof. once you have an apartment of your own
you will have more freedom but remember they do love you, and they are your
parents too.
@sweetyethot (1737)
• China
12 Nov 09
So just let it be.Dont try hard to hide your relationship from your parents cuz you seem to be proud of your boyfriend,so will your parents.You really neednt to worry.Good luck!
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
12 Nov 09
Sweetheart you are 20 years old and you are considered an adult. Your parents really don't have a say in you having a boyfriend or not. Especially since they said at 17 it was ok then changed their minds when you turned 18, which doesn't make a bit of sense. However, you need to tell them that you have a boyfriend and they can't tell you at 20 years of age that you can't have a boyfriend. So just sit them down and tell them the truth. The truth will set you free. I wish you nothing but happiness with the man in your life forever and ever. God Bless!
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
hello elsmarie, I'd say forget it of what they think, i did listen to my mom and what got myself into? another form of misery. I became bored,no poise, happy going guy. when before i had the edge going out with a woman which i was forbid to because i was too young. i believe this is your choice, and your life, don't let it stop you. sometimes, they talked about me having a wife, but DUH! too late. i know you might say it's not too late but i think it does, so if i were you, either get a job some day and tell them to their faces that you have a bf or just don't tell them at all.
@eLsMarie (4345)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
really? so you mean you weren't married yet? i think your matured enough to have a family of your own. i remember my aunt advising me that i should have a boyfriend before i arrived to the point of being like her. she's in her mid 40s now and she's not yet married. i guess life have been fair to her but she plans to marry anybody because she still the loves the guy whom her parents don't like for her in the past.
@lindiebiz (1006)
• Canada
12 Nov 09
Your parents are concerned for your, they are afraid of the effect a relationship would have on you by getting hurt or pregnant at a young age. I applaud you for wanting to introduce your boyfriend to your parents, it shows reponsibility. Talk to your parents tell them that you know that they dont mind you having a boyfriend and you would like to bring him home. Let them know how you feel about him and he about you and you want thier support and guidance. I'm sure they will agree
@lynnzheng (89)
• China
12 Nov 09
dear ElsMarie,
just go to talk about this with your parents firstly, you know parents always have more experience than we have. you can tell them you like a boy ,do not say that you have a boyfriend. you have a little try firstly in order to know what kind of attitude of your parents and then make your decison that you should tell them or not.
@wgnashze (27)
•
12 Nov 09
Most parents are torn between giving you the liberty to live your life the way you want it and letting you outgrow their "my daughter" stage. I can't help but smile and see myself in the same dilemma 4 years ago :) When I was in college, they said they wouldn't let me date guys until I have a job (although they were aware of my secret boyfriends back in Highschool). But they learned a few months before our college graduation, that I have been seeing my boyfrined (for 2 years already back then), and they couldn't give me a hard time with their rule since I have taken the chance to be a working-student just a few weeks before they found out :)
