Unforgetable or perhaps...Unforgiveable sin

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When I was a child, I did many terible things. I hurt and kill many animals. I love animals, but...I can't resist to hurt them just to show my friend that I can do that just like what they do. But every time I done it, i start crying... I was thinking...what if these animals have a child to feed. What hapend to them, if their parents die by my hand. Will they die starving? One day, two days, or perhaps more than three days they will waithing for their parent to return and feed them....until they finaly die... These thought always hunting me up until now... There's nothing I can do but crying every time I remember what have I done in the past. It's been more than 20years now...but still...I can't forgive my self. Have u done something that make u never forgive your self? Or do you know how to let it go? Please share with me. I'm sorry my english is bad. But hopely u understand what I'm saying.