Social phobia

Your confusion means you are not depressed, therefore you will never understand even if I try to explain it to you. I don't think I want to do the explanation to you now, because I have tried to do the same thing to the supposed 'normal' people but what I get was humiliation. If you still want to know, I suggest you go to a psychiatrist and direct your questions there.

I have to come clean with you, yes I am hurt by your words pal... it is as if you are questioning me and don't believe what I've written in this slot of discussion. Please read the discussion between David and me just below your slot and maybe you will understand why. I am very concerned not to let others feelings being hurt because I know how sensitive I am to criticisms. So if you are offended then I am sorry, but you are the one who started it first. But now I've clarified things and I hope we can forget this misunderstanding. Friends? Give me five, please...?

I think your response is a bit rude. Who said anything about depression? Your post contradicts itself, it's hard for me to know what you mean when you do this. It seems to me you may be looking for attention so perhaps you should visit a psychiatrist yourself. For your information I am a recluse, shunning all but necessary social interaction. I find people selfish and unfeeling and full of themselves so I prefer spending my time alone with my many pets and animal friends. The more I have to interact with people the better I like my animals.

It has been very hard, isn't it? I understand exactly how heavy you are carrying the dilemma of not attending the reunion. You feel guilty, but yet the fear to attend is so great you rather not attend. It is better to leave the people who had invited you be annoyed, and let them think what they wanted to think because it doesn't matter anymore. The fear is so terrifying only people like us understands it. About November 21, if you are not going it's okay. At least you know I am 100% supporting you and why you are not attending.

Thanks ladysurvivor! I don't think I will be comfortable enough too if I pushed myselft to attend that gathering... So what is that behavioral test that you took? Are there some explanations and ways to cope up with this phobia???

I took this test from a site ecouch.anu.edu, and from this I was directed to another site, moodgym.anu.edu to learn the tools on how to cope with depression, anxiety and the like. I find the exercise is interesting and I am not finished with it yet. I am in the beginning phase and I tend to continue doing the exercise as it teaches you the tools to cope with depression and the sort. I tried to open up the ecouch.anu.edu yesterday but it appeared to be faulty address or something, but I suggest if you can't find it directly you can use the search engine from the search box by typing the keyword "free cognitive behavioral test" and you will find the appropriate site. You don't want to land on a site which sells this test, because you can get it for free. Learning the tools to cope with depression is 'fun' too. I mean it's not the same 'fun' as ordinary people, but I term it as 'fun' because in this exercise I discover I still have hope to be cured and that I am not alone and I am not to be blamed if I have depression. So in this site I can tell you that I am relieved, relaxed and feel no pressure, which then leads to a hopeful life in the future. Happy surfing.

I can't deny your guess. It is partly true even though fear of being judged is not the only fear that I have been experiencing. But it is indeed one of the major fear which makes me so afraid to engage in social activities involving direct communication with people, especially those who have potential to meet me again in the future. I can talk freely and without fear with a stranger, even laugh and make jokes with them. Because I know I will never meet them again. But if I encounter a person such as a new neighbor or someone whom I will meet again I have this unreasonable fear. All my life I have never been able to express myself truely at home because my mother is always finding faults in me. No matter what I say, positive or negative it doesn't make any difference. She only found the negative sides of my story and she never believed in me. I don't know why is she doing it, if I do the same to her she will break down and cry but that is the exact thing which she's been doing to me until now. I can't even explain to her that I want her to change or realize that her attitude is wrong, she would burst into anger and accuse me for being an ungrateful daughter. She never appreciates my good intention. Because of this situation, I never receive any inner respect from my own mother and that left me with an emptiness in my heart. But life has to go on, and now I think it is better to stand up and forget about everything. I really want to forget even though it is like an impossible mission. Lol. I hope I've answered your question, yes, I was and will always be judged on everything I do when I come to visit my mother - and my father has started to become more like my mother now and I really feel as if their world is closing down on me. Heck, pity me? I don't want to be pitied. I will stand strong. I know I have my husband and he's caring and loving. So now I am going to direct all my energy and hopes towards him and God.

lady, you poor thing. That is the worst! My step-dad was like that. We were all constantly walking on eggshells around him. He would flip over the simplest things and it was always because we were lazy, or worthless, or self-centered etc. His behavior has made me very indecisive as well as the social anxiety. I can't even decide what to have for dinner. I worry my bf will not like it or be mad that I chose it. Even though I know for a fact, that he is the most loving person on the planet and would never say a word about it. He would just be happy that I finally made a decision on something. lol Unfortunately though, that irrational fear sticks around anyways. I think you are an amazing individual and the first step to helping yourself is freeing yourself to talk about it with others. Starting online is a great way to do that, then gradually share pieces with people who are close to you. I don't have too many friends. However, the few I do have are aware (only a littel bit but enough) of the social phobia. This keeps them from getting offended as easily when I turn down invitations to gatherings or events. Sending you hope and heart...Be strong.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I hate all types of gatherings mainly because I am not a good talker like everybody else. I like talking, but my talking skills are not matched up to others, so when everybody else are enjoying their conversation, I am left behind still trying to grasp what they mean and what are exactly their talking about. It made me very nervous and I am very depressed when those people start to look at me with questioning faces, it is as though they are figuring out why I am like that but they never asked. Then I am almost sure they would gossip about me behind my back about me looking dumb and tongue tied when others are joking around and laughing happily. Deep down inside I do like parties, but the social phobia made me avoid parties and all gatherings because of the fear of socializing.

Hi me again, just wanted to tell u u have been getting help, I suffer from depression, and social phobiia, I've tried all kinds of meds right now I'm on effexor and conezapam, the second is for anxiety the first for both. I feel kinda like I'm on auto pilot, I have downs but no ups. The down times are nothing like they were before I started taking med. I still feel weird in social situations, like o want to find a curtain and hide behind it. Lol takes everything I have to force myself to go. I get really anxious when more than one person is talking to me. I mostly stay by my husband and let him do the talking. I don't know what to tell u, a doctor would b the first step, but honestly don't expect to feel like the life of the party... But u will feel alittle better . Med works different on every one maybe you'll b one of the lucky ones, I'll pray for u that u will b.

Yeah, me too. It took my every effort to go to a party and even when more than one person talks to me I get nervous. When explaining anything, I would rather leave it to my husband to do the job because I feel I am not worthy to do the explanation to the person. It's like I am looking down at myself and not confident at all that I can do the talking myself. And I am tongue tied too, that's the main problem.

Yeah, me too. Talking is not an interesting thing to me. Maybe you would want to visit the site I am visiting now? It is a free site which teaches me the tools to cope with depression where there are exercises to be done and exercises to be done. You can try if you want. I have mentioned it somewhere above our discussion slot.

Yeah, life's not always fair.

I also have social phobia I think because I'm always been at home. I don't want to attend to parties and even reunion. I'm not good in talking to other people because I'm a loner too.

Lol... just yesterday I've started to practise the belly breathing and it really helps me to cool off if not wholly but a fraction of my nervous situation. Yesterday evening one of my husband's old friend called and invited us to come over to his home to meet with his wife and three wonderful kids, just for chatting and to discuss for a possible business prospect. I looked forward to it, but suddenly I became nervous and felt like maybe I shouldn't go and just let my husband go alone. But then I remembered I have lots of friends here in mylot, including you my friend, who is having social phobia and that I am not alone in this problem. I recalled your belly breathing and did just that for a number of times during the journey in the car, until I felt calmer. In the end it helps and I managed to attend the gathering even though I was still nervous but I managed to control it. I still have nervous facial expression shown to them but I guess, what the heck at least I managed to attend it and now it was over and I felt relieved. Thanks a lot, AlliKat27!

Yay! I'm so happy for you! I thought I was getting mine under control, but Saturday evening I almost had a panic attack going to a function with some old friends I hadn't hung out with in years. Guess I need to get back to belly breathing. :) I did hear another thing from a friend who deals with social anxiety as well. She said she makes herself do one thing a day that she doesn't want to do. She said it helps with the axiety after a while. I haven't tried it yet, but we'll see if it helps! You should reward yourself for being able to go to the dinner. I always try to reward myself if I go somewhere that I am very uncomfortable and manage to stay the whole time. It's usually something simple like a fountain soda(I'm addicted) or a piece of chocolate cake. Something that makes you feel happy. You know those little things that just put you in a good mood for no reason. Hope you continue to build up your strength, it's a tough battle. But you can do it!

First of all, I want to send you a kiss which means I love you no matter what you are. Even though I have never met you, and I don't know you. I still want to tell you that as a person I respect you, and I want to be your friend and I will not judge you for anything. You are not to be blamed for anything, and you are not guilty for anything. You are an ordinary human being and even though people around you hate you, you know you are not alone and at least you have me here thinking of you and that I think you are special in your own sweet way. Everything you do has a meaning and that makes you special, remember that.

Thanks for being so understanding, I really need such a support from a normal person. It is a very valuable thing, more valuable than the biggest piece of diamond, or the 'heart of the ocean' as in the Titanic movie.

You are so welcome... heart of the ocean? Oh yeah..... that movie was just so awesome..

Yes, it is social phobia. Because you have the fear to go socializing, isn't it?

After so many years so searching and finding friends, finally the end of this years seems to give me a new hope. Thanks a lot for the site, I really appreciate it and I want to go directly to this site you mentioned as quickly as I am able to. I hope it is open to people outside London, because I am an outsider and now I really am hoping to meet the same people who have depression. Only we understand what we are going through, isn't it? Even the doctors never really understood if they do not experience it personally. Thanks, thanks, zillion of thanks.

It's okay, darling. We're not alone.

Depression is the major illness or I call it 'the father of the disease'. Lol. Some depressed people will like to stay alone in the room. Some others will have social phobia. Some others will have lack of sleep and fatigue. The list goes on and on. And yes, I like to be alone too since it brings comfort to me. But I like to be with my husband because he is such a loving person and he never judges me no matter what I do and say and I know he loves me and never expect anything from me in return for his love. Yeah, it is better to see a psychologist, only that the fees are high and I have been worrying about financial as well. Anyway, thanks for participating.

Talking without knowledge and experience is something which I am not good at. That is called talking rubbish. Wisdom is essential when giving opinion, and I strongly feel you never experience what I've been through. But anyway I appreciate it because at least you try to give whatever is within your knowledge to me, but I don't think it would work for me.

maybe you are just selective..?

Yes, I am very shy too. I don't know why I am like this when it comes to socializing but it has been with me for a long time only that I didn't know it is a social phobia. I am like you too, too afraid to put up my hand in class. If my lecturer asked a question and his eyes start to wander around the class to pick up a student to answer, my heart always beats very fast and I started to panic, afraid if the lecturer will pick me up. Thank you for giving me the support and recommendation to see a psychologist. Yeah, I really need one and I will try to find a psychiatrist nearby. And thanks for your caring thought that I am not alone. I pray to God that you will cure 100% from this social phobia and be able to enjoy the luxury of life and taste the sweetness we get from socializing.

Well, that's normal and that's not social phobia, my dear.