Would you tell a child he /she was adopted at birth?

I don't have children and I will never have any so this is a guess. I would tell a child when he/she is just about to go to school, what around 5 or 6?, if they are adopted.They have the right to know and being adopted isn't anything to be ashamed of. Like you said when you hold Your child , he/she Is Yours! The child should know so when he/she comes of age , they have the option to search forthe birth parents.Wouldn't it destroy any trust the child has in his parents if they find out when they are 16 or 18 that they are adopted? I know I would never , ever believe anything my adoopted parents said after that.

I would tell the truth. No matter what i would tell the truth. Love never fails. If the birth parent gave up the child the real reason will be apparent to the child in the end. No matter what story they come up with. The child will know that they were rasied with love and they will see that too.

I think that I would tell the child as soon as possible. Tell them that they Were chosen because they were special as young as possible. But if I get this right that child is grown up And you're asking if they should be told? Their love shouldn't change if you tell them. They might be hurt that you kept it secret for so many years. I was watching one of those Dr shows the other night and a young girl had to have a kidney or liver transplant. Both parents wanted to donate but they found out that the father wasn't the bio dad. The mother had kept it from her all those years. He was very hurt. He still loved the daughter but he was hurt. It is best to tell the adopted child instead of letting them find out from a stranger even the mother that gave the child up.

I have thought of this question before. Yes, I would tell a child I adopted them. I don't think I would wait til they are adults. I would do it before then. Not sure exactly when. But I would. Why? Because I think it is important for a child to know their background, if any can befound out. I would also let the child know that I choose them. While my natural born children are the ones I accepted from God. But the adopted one was special bcause I was able to pick them out.

Hi ronnyb, I think that telling the child is the right thing to do, but I would tell him/her before they were grown up. I think it's important that they know and telling them when they are young gives them time to understand and adjust. You would of course let them know that you love them as much as any parent can. It's a good idea for the child to try to find it's birth mother, otherwise, there is always the chance of brother and sister marrying. Blessings.

its hard to tell your child that she/he is adopted. but if its really necessary to tell the truth then i will tell the truth after he really ready to know about it.

I don't know how I would do it. I suppose I would of told my child that they were adopted while they were a child once they say turned an adult if not earlier depending on the childs maturity. But honestly I think the truth would of come out some time prior when say the Dr's ask about family medical histories ect.

I think that every child deserves to know if they were adopted or not. Adoption isnt a bad thing - it means that your parents who raised you wanted you bad enough that they made a very serious effort to get you. My mom had a friend who was adopted and other kids teased her about it. Her reaction was always to tell people that her parents chose her and that theirs HAD to have them they didnt get a choice. Theres good reasons and bad reasons to give a child up but...A child who is adopted should know because then they can go back and find out family history for illnesses and such.

Having never been in this position i do think a child needs to be told at an early age that they are adopted. Tell them in such a loving way that they will know how lucky they are that u did adopt them & how lucky u are to have them. I'm sure it would be a hard thing to do. HAPPY SAT., RONNYB.

Hello my friend ronnyb Ji, I am very sure no adopted child will ever know fromthose parents. It is other people in family and society that they will reveal the fact due to their own selfish motto behind. Maximum it will be related with some property matters. My mother was told by my Late In-laws that my hubby was adopted by them, but my In-laws never told this fact to my hubby, nor my hubby revealed the fact. It is a simple curse when child at any age comes to know. May God bless You and have a great time.

It's easy to give advice when I've never been in your situation, but had I lived closer to my niece, I would have tried to prevent her from getting an abortion and would gladly have adopted the child. I believe telling them when they are very young is a good thing because the jolt isn't so harsh. And telling them how lucky you were to get CHOOSE the baby you wanted would certainly smooth the way. Waiting until they are much older? That may take a lot more finesse and don't be surprised if a hunt for the birth mother begins. But be honest, totally honest, when talking with your older child and if he/she insists on looking up the birth mother, support the search. She/he knows you have raised them with love and kindness. Nothing the birth mother can do will overcome that knowledge.

To not tell a child they were adopted is not not be honest with them. There is a time and place for everything and when that time comes the child should be told. There could be medical issues.

Oh that is hard... Sometimes even if how much we love and care about the child as she grows up, she will feel somehow that there is a missing piece about her. No matter how much love and support we show, that innerself is still missing... For parents who raised the adopted child, they might think that it is okay to keep and hide it for they have love and raise the child as their own. And that is what matter most. But the fact still remains... it is the right of the child to know the truth in time. I think it is on how you will tell the truth to her or him. The child knows how much you love him or her and I don't see any conflict that it may cause if you tell the truth.

Hi I beleive that that the person who raises a child is greater than the one who gives birth I will tell that child once he/she is over eighteen so that they are matured enough to understand,This is something you can's hide.I think it is vitally important for the child and your relationship. Well,if the biological parents are here I would like the child to make a choice and decide where he/she wants to live

The human being has so many undiscovered abilities specially in insight that had I adopted a child, knowing this information about insight ability, I would tell a child, early on that he/she is adopted. We, adults have so many common reactions to any occurance, and human beings all share those reactions and and the ability to read into other's reactive movements, that whether you tell a child or not that he/she is adopted, that child's sub-conscience will be in over drive trying to expose the truth to that child's conscience. This interaction between the sub-conscience and conscience takes energy and that may cause the child to suffer with what is called Attention Deficit, because there is a disturbance going on under the surface of conscienciousness that may block concentration. Then the child is inflicted with that Attention Deficit and the adoptive family must struggle with that, and also with a conflict that will arise with doubt over the decision to adopt in the first place. The main issue is what to say to a child, and that answer is what ever to tell a child should be within clarity. The all reasons for adoption laws in one's country, and the all reasons why parents give up their children must be explained, then the reasonss why the adoptive parents adopted in the first place. Also very child regardless whether adoptive or not, should be informed that giving birth does not make a person a father and mother, that only affection, concern, protection, nutrition, and education; efforts in these areas at successfully providing that to a child is what makes a parent. Adoptive parents are mothers and fathers if they provide these efforts towards a child extended opportunities in his or her life. Adopting a child should not be because an adult does not have children, that is too selfish. Adopting a child should be because the future adoptive parents are able to provide opportunity to a child that other wise would not have these opportunities. That is why I often wonder why Amercian citizens go outside of the country to adopt when there are so many children, whether a minority or not, that are neglected and lost in a system of foster care, while others are at the mercy of very psychologically sick adults. In New Jersey state if a child looms past two years in foster care, while the natural parents fail at efforts in stablizing their life, these children can be adopted by the foster parents. Foster parents are asked in the beginning of the process would they want to adopt a foster child in their home? It's one thing for someone unable to financially support a child to give that child up for adoption and another is being a child from drunken parents. All these factors will effect you adoptive child once he/she become aware that he/she is adopted, whether he/she learns of this as a child or as an adult. This is a tough call. I suggest you do a lot of research on the effects of finding out being adopted, from first hand experiences posted on line by adoptees, that are now adults. Good luck. It's a tough call for any adoptive parent, but adoptive parents need to know that infants,and children upsorbs everything, and that includes their parents reactions to everything. And, Children reason with everything they are exposed to, so abnormal situations like being an adopted children and not knowing that, and living with adoptive parents who refuse to inform their children, but tell every friend they have regarding that adoption (like adults frequently do; chat it up with friends, and neighbors) can make the situation worst for that adoptive child. Also, if extended family is informed of the adoption, again, more complication, because usually extended family includes other children who may become aware of your adoptive child's curcumstance; and well, I hope you see the senarios I am putting forth. If your child is similar looking to you and your husband, and your extended family is not aware of that decision to adopt, and you and your husband never tell a soul regarding the adoption, the perhaps the decision to tell a child can wait until that child becomes an adult.

This is no easy answer to give. So often things like thses happens and the untold happens. Circumstances sometimes play a role on how the story is to be told. From what I have learnt from the lives of the parent and that of the child it can be concluded that a number of contributing factors must be taken into account. From the child is small I would let the child know that he or she is special and he was chosen by me to be nutured and cared for because his birth parent was not in a position to be in charge of him. ( The story is told of a child who was quarrelling with another and the child said to him "you are adopted" The adopted child replied; "I was chosen by my parents but you maybe unwanted") Whatever the circumstances it is wise that the story comes from you first. Sometimes outsiders meddle into the life of the child and say things without any information and the child may feels that he may be cheated; especially if the child is passing through adolescent stages where everything is viewed in a rebellious manner and he is finding out more about himself. I also think that is imoportant for the chld to know to appreciate the position that he finds himself in. For his own sense of identity he may want to know if he has other sibblings and he wants to relate to them so it is wise to disclose early.

if the child reach the age of being independent like age 18 or older, i think it's better to tell the truth because they will just really knows the truth no matter how secret it is.

Hello; ya certainly this is will be a great oopurtunity for the baby to get new dad or mom this is really a new birth to every one with out dad or mom

I would. The child has the right to know and it would be unwise to keep such information from them. I doubt if the connection is strong that it'll be damage just because of that. Though if the communication comes as dramatic, expect a dramatic reaction. Saying "Hey, know what, you're adopted!" out of the blue are chocking in its own, a warm up conversation (that includes how much you like your non-biological child) is generally better if you're going to introduce something that may come out as bad.

You owe them the truth, i guess.there's no way of avoiding it.sure it hurts,on your part and the child's,but,i think the pain will be lessen if they will know the truth earlier,the acceptance will be much easier.prolonging things just get the worse out of it,right?Just talk to the child.first,you should explain that sometimes parents do adopt children because of their situation...it's still up to you on how to explain everything,just bear in mind the effect of everything that you'll tell the child and be prepared for the result...