Do u think there should be specific training in parenting?
By vanny
@vandana7 (100649)
India
November 14, 2009 12:09pm CST
I've come across people whose children behave badly, but these parents do not like others pointing that. At times, even though externally they accept the facts, they do indicate their displeasure in other ways. This results in child behaving more irresponsibly. I also know of parents who dont want to do anything to correct their children - accepting their "gambling", or "drinking" habits, as "what can v do, may be if he gets married, responsibility of wife and children will set it right" attitude. I've never seen any such cases really improving, but these parents are willing to believe in such not proved ideas rather than taking their children for detoxification and improving their habits. I am torn between feeling sorry for the parents, when there are drunken brawls, and thinking well, why were they so lost in social life when they should have been concentrating on their kids? Do u feel the same way? Do u feel ur pity in what society recognizes pitiable situation, waning? Do u feel sorry for a woman who knowing fully well that her husband is not earning a farthing, still brings into world 5 children, using an excuse that her husband wanted a girl child so she continued to have children? Should there be any criteria for having children, after all, it is the children's future that is at jeopardy? And do u think there should be a way to correct errant children in time, and other people should have a right to report it somewhere/there should be some parenting laws?
4 people like this
11 responses
@chinthit (70)
• United States
15 Nov 09
I think training in parenting would be great. But who would give this training?What standards would be used? Would it really matter. There are some very misbehaved children out there, thanks to parents who do not teach their children the correct way to behave. Parenting comes as a learned process. The parent, as a child, was raised to be, for example, sloppy. The parent, now with children, teaches those children that sloppy is OK, and so forth.....There are parenting law, but these are only laws to protect the children from abuse. We need a license for a car, and even a dog, but any moron (should I say two morons) can bring lots of children into the world, and then be on the dole while the rest of us pay for it. Maybe children should be considered a controlled substance? As a former CPS investigator, I have seen too many young kids having their own kids, without any regard for the children that they are bringing into the world. They seem to think that the rest of society will pay the bills while they continue to party. I guess I can get off my soapbox now...
@vandana7 (100649)
• India
15 Nov 09
Yeah - actually some psychiatrists should be allowed to periodically assess both parents as well as the child and siblings. That way, some clear cut assessment of what are the child's needs, or family's needs can be identified, and may be the family can be couseled on ways to solve problems, if there are any. For example, the teenaged child doesnt keep the closet clean, then how the child needs to be told to do that, and how he can be convinced that keeping it tidy is important may be taught. There is no point in mother doing it for teenaged children, nor is it right to shout at the children for not listening. Similarly, if the child seems to get into too many fights, then there may be a reason, may be people are teasing him or her, and therefore, it might be just that the child needs to develop some self confidence. Instead of letting the child fight or injure somebody and get into habit like that, wouldnt it be better to address the problem in a different way? Well, these are just off hand examples that came to me. And I agree that the number of children should be limited. I wouldnt put it as harshly as u did though, because economy does need population numbers. :) But yes, there is a balancing equation. A 40 year one child norm can reduce the population by half and thereafter people can have two children or less. :) Yeah, I think it is wrong for such free loaders to get away. Money doesnt really the needy. :(
@hvedra (1619)
•
16 Nov 09
Yes I think there should be training. A lot of people have kids when they can't even look after themselves. Neither marriage or having kids causes people to grow up and behave responsibly - ask any social worker!
A lot of people in today's society are very selfish and self-absorbed and really have no business having kids. It is really very sad because it makes such a mess and the kids they have can end up very screwed up.
YOu are right that if you point out something about a child the parents act as though you've insulted them personally - this again shows a lot of maturity because they don't want to deal with the issue they just don't want to hear about it.
Have you seen the show "World's Strictest Parents" where wayward kids are given discipline and tough-love for a week or so? Amazing how some of these kids can turn around when they get the right guidence and encouragement. I just wish they'd bootcamp some of the parents as well.
It isn't just the children's future that is in jeopardy, the rest of the population has to pick up the pieces and pay the bills that bad parenting generate.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Nov 09
vandana yes I think a lot of young parents should have parenting
training as so many are too young to start with and do not know a darned thing about child care. I do not feel sorry for people who refuse to use birthcontrol and have ten kids when they can barely afford one or two. Times are hard and p eople really should not have kids they cannot afford, its not fair to the kids or the rest of the population that has to pay welfare to those people with too many kids. the children's protective service here in the US will listen to complaints about children not being treated right or being neglected and will check on the family.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100649)
• India
14 Nov 09
Wow, Hatley, so u all do have some agency to check whether or not children are being treated right! Here we dont. A lot of children are abused, especially in rural areas. They run away from their homes, and eventually land with people who exploit them for life! Thanks for letting me know this, and thanks for being so candid about birthcontrol. :) U've proved me right. :) I told u, u brought up ur son really well. :) BTW, I read somewhere u'd mentioned u were born in November. I would like to wish u many happy returns of the day. :) I couldnt locate the discussion. :( Anyway, I am not sure u will appreciate a PM from me now. :) Is it anyway, or is it anyways? I hear anyways more often on our television nowadays, and since younger generation uses it, I presume it is correct. Is it?
@checkmail (2039)
• India
15 Nov 09
Hello vandana7 this is checkmail and fully agree with you that there must be some parenting law created in order to take care of childrens.Yeah recently mine sis got an wonderful child, an baby girl, she is nearly one yrs old.She is too pretty, but still mine sis as well as mine inlaw, her husband, doesn't sems to give her enough time.Mostly she is sent with an granny at her house, to spend her time.I think that the mother and father should give in some time for their child even if the daily routine are busy.Yeah its really feels awkward whenever i meet her, she behaves totally diff like some ....
1 person likes this
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
15 Nov 09
Parenting Training is a good course to help parents get some tips to healthy parenting but it will only be effective if parents are willing to improve their parenting style and apply all the learnings that they get out of the training those they think is appropriate for their children.
Parenting is experiential and a process. We parents must be open enough to adjust and cope with generation gaps and still maintain family values, respect and love.
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
15 Nov 09
...parenting is experimental and a process ...because we continue to learn, improve and find ways to be effective parents. you are right there is no same approach for each child so as a parent you have to be creative and innovative (experimental) to see what will work and not.
@vandana7 (100649)
• India
15 Nov 09
How true, "Parenting is experimental and a process". 
One way may be good for one child, and it may be bad for another! May be u can come up with some solutions on how v can "maintain family values, respect and love", when children are forced to start earning or forego something to make the two ends meet.
One way may be good for one child, and it may be bad for another! May be u can come up with some solutions on how v can "maintain family values, respect and love", when children are forced to start earning or forego something to make the two ends meet. @florence0425 (49)
• China
15 Nov 09
I think parents shouldnot spoil their children,as we all known that the problem is really serious.And i agree with you that there should be some parenting law.
1 person likes this
@peter790702 (107)
• China
15 Nov 09
Your child to create a good learning environment ,fostering children's good habits from childhood
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Nov 09
In a certain sense, I do think that there should be parent training. However, I do not feel that this training should be mandatory, I think it should be optional in case a future parent feels that they need it. I also think, however, that for people that don't wish to be parents, there should be education classes that will teach them about the options that they can make regarding the future of the child. For example, I know of many people that have had abortions only to regret it not too long after the event, so there should be a way that people can be educated about adoption options and things as well.
There are already some parenting laws and the laws that already exist regarding child abuse are laws enough, I don't really think there should be any further laws.
@vandana7 (100649)
• India
15 Nov 09
Hi dorannmwin, I agree not everything can be done thru laws. But take the case of gambler and his wife, should the law take from hard working tax payer to feed irresponsible parents? Should there not be a criteria to be eligible for any help? After all, birth control is something that is in our hands, while financial and other problems due to natural disaster are not yet in our hands, are they? And resources are limited, so I thought that they should move towards problems that are not in our hands.:( And yes, there are so many parenting issues. People do lose patience. And adoption laws should also undergo changes to let people adopt.
@rg0205 (2636)
• Hong Kong
15 Nov 09
Babies don't come with manuals. That said, yes, I think parents should have training. A lot of parents have issues with handling their own children that they lose their temper or just give up. This causes more issues in the long run. I've seen it happen a lot of times.
@vandana7 (100649)
• India
15 Nov 09
Exactly. :) Parents have their own problems, and they take it out on children, confusing the child all the more, and the society ends up with a confused individual. There should be some training, and during such training parents should be given an idea about why they should not support a wrong behavior of their child, and what it could mean for them and for the society. Thanks for ur response. :) Have a nice day. :)
@hazeldesosa (67)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
parenting depends on character, thus to have specific training thereof would be quite absurd. What applies to other people may not apply to others. Character and personality required in ones home always differ, so lets just respect each others' preference though we should never disregard what should be right, just and lawful.
@vandana7 (100649)
• India
15 Nov 09
I am ok with respecting each other's preferences, so long as tax payer's monies are not used for such personal preferences. I think taxpayer's monies should go to help when there are problems like hurricanes, or even tackling present economic crisis, but picking from tax payer, and giving to another individual who has been irresponsible seems a bit unfair, after all the person who is paying taxes is working hard to that money!
@kannanmohan1988 (36)
• India
15 Nov 09
Hi Vandana,
Looking the way at children they are mirrors of us we need a shield to blame on others why dont we accept our mistake for gambling,drinking etc etc we need to let them know what is wrong and what is right.
In some cases children get stressed of their parents for their behaviour at home,calling husband by his first name also makes children to call his father by his name.its all up to us....? now...! no law or goverment officials come to your home and see that ur a good parent its impossible
Parenting is must!be broadminded and be confident in yourself that your are a good parent
Regards
Kannan
@vandana7 (100649)
• India
15 Nov 09
Hi kannanmohan, if the law can give monies to individuals to meet their medical emergencies, if the law can give monies to individuals to meet their housing requirement, if the law can give monies to individuals to meet their educational requirement, then why cant law also provide counseling/training facility? Why cant the law restrict gambler's wife from having more than one child?
