And Im the evil one...

I am sorry to hear about what you're going through. I think your husband has to put his foot down because those are HIS kids to begin with. Even if he's out working, that doesn't mean that she cannot and should not take an active role as a parent. Here, in this case, since you're the step mom, sometimes kids will not give you as much credit, unfortunately, because they're young and they think "you're not my real mom anyway". In this case, your husband has to be the one to make them understand that you ARE the parent and they should listen to you. It should start with your husband putting that in their thick heads so they'll look at YOU as a parent instead of someone that just does the cooking and cleaning for them. I think you are doing what you can with what you have but again, your husband needs to be the one to lay down the law. The reason why it starts with him is because he is the biological father. I am speaking from a child's point of view but I have seen similar situations with people close to me so I am just giving my two cents. I hope things get better for you.

Every step mother gets into these situations with their eyes wide open. I am sure you too must have done the same and so mentally prepared for this kind of situation. Dont worry about their rooms unless they are nurturing objects that are bad for health. If they can live in their messy rooms, why should you bother? I can visualise a scene where you would be ordering them about 'do this' 'dont do that' and may be with your voice slightly raised! (lol) No child will like it. Change your tactics. My mother had incentives for the best room. Try that and see if it works. And finally leave alone step childed even normal children of today are pain in the neck!!

You need to sit down with your husband and talk with him. Explain to him what is going on, and ask him how to handle the situation. You should not be dealing with this alone, but if they keep running over you now, they will really be a handful later. Make a plan together and together, sit the kids down and tell them how it is. We made a plan that we both stuck to and even though my husband was not home, if the kids complained to him, he asked them why it happened. He never put me down and stood behind the punishment. It took a couple of weeks of pure hatefullness, but after they figured out it would not change, and their things kept disappearing from them, including phone and tv privileges, they started coming around.

Nope I am not in that situation but I was in one very similar with my ex quite a while back. He had two sons that came to live with us as soon as we moved in together. Our daughter was about 2 at the time and I had 3 girls from a previous marriage. his sons were early teens. They were respectful enough but they did things that were just inconsiderate and they just did not realize. There was no help at all from them and their rooms were sties. Their dad worked 3rd shift and slept all day so i was the one to deal with the school and rides etc. Heavy load. I found my problem really did not lie with them but with their dad. He did not help me to enforce any sort of rules. When He was up and actually got involved...he focused on my girls and their messy rooms while his kids rooms were overlooked.d This of course created a battle with the kids. Actually with 6 of them, I really didn't care about the messy rooms. I did care about them all picking up after themselves in the main parts of the house. I was very laid back...just a little consideration would have been nice. His oldest son who was a top athelete used to let dishes pile up in his room. Then when I would least expect it, he'd bring down a ton of gross dirty dishes and pile them on the counter for me or my girls to do. I would not let my girls do them...I would and the dad would complain that I'm not disciplining my girls enough. When I threw at him that they were his sons dishes , he said that he does not expect his son to do dishes. Hw was too tall and it gave him a backache. crazy..huh?

Everybody wants to rule the world. Kids are smart. They do too. Aren't you the one who is letting them??? Choices and consequences. Let them make the choices but never forget the consequences. There is nothing worse than being wishy washy. They have learned there are no consequences. I'm sure you can find lots of tv, computer games or such to be the consequences. Everyone hates giving that stuff up. Even go to bed early is a killer for kids.

Hello Chantalgiardina. I wouldn't take it you by all means are their mother no matter if you didn't give birth to them you are the one that does all the mothering that a mother does. Stand up for your rights and they will learn to respect you in the long run. Your not the bad guy your the responsible one. You make them do what you think is right. When I was their age we had chores and it wasn't just cleaning our rooms we had to do a lot more then that. And since the dad is gone a lot you have to take control and make them understand that it is your home too and they will follow the rules. Somewhere in the bible it says to spare the rod and spoil the child, to me that means you have to be the one that makes them mind your rules. Your rules your home too! Don't back down on what you believe. Hope you have a great day!

yeah being a step mom is hard. but i dont know about having step kids, but when my kids were growing up i was the bad parents for being the one who handed put puinshment to the kids. yeah the should have chores to do, and if they dont i start taking things away from them. and if they want to threw fits then they can go in thier own room and threw a fit. but the problme is you are the step mom, dad need to start stepping and hand out punishments for the kids.