Taking advantage of? Taken for Granted?
By shell2784
@shell2784 (752)
United States
November 16, 2009 7:05pm CST
Okay - brief history. Two friends, both on low income (SSI) need a place to live. My husband and I just so find a house for sale that has 2 apartments with it. So, rather than jack the price up and rent to random people, we rent to these two at a HUGELY lower cost (plus they're responsibile for their utilities) to help them out... and in return they watch our daughter vs. daycare. In addition, neither of them have a running vehicle - they're both out of service for the moment... so when they need to go here or there my husband and i try and make sure that the car is here for them. We have 4 vehicles... but its very rare to have all 4 up and running at the same time... we're lucky if two are... but we've gone as far as I get up in the morning at 4am to run my husband to work... come home and sleep for another hour or two and go to work... just so she can go visit her dad b/c I understand how important these things are. i let them do their laundry at my house so they don't need to pay for a laundry mat like they used to, I pay them additional money when I can for helping with dishes and laundry and such, I help them with taking their pets out so they can go on vacations, etc - we make sure we get to their repairs ASAP if something goes slightly wrong in the apartment....
Now before I go any further... lets not dismiss that they do help me out a lot in ways as well. These are two of my best friends in the world.
So... last month I noticed that their oil tank was low for heating fuel. Even tho they are responsible for their heat, we put 100 gallons in it over the summer because we understand there's no real kind of fuel help in the middle of summer. The heating assistance program that they qualify for was open for application November 2nd. They had to call the assistance office and ask to be sent an application, or they could have gone online and filled one out that day and they'd have been good. But no... for a week an a half from the day you could apply I asked Laura... where are the papers that you need to fax in for the fuel? Where are they... and she kept blowing it off... so finally last friday I asked her again and she told me that I'll just have to write her another one. I said... "Um, another what?" "Lease" shes aid. I explained to her that she needed to have her LIHEAP application filled out and she said "well no one ever gave me one". Never called or anything.
Okay... long story short, today at lunch they told me they were out of fuel. In the meantime, last friday, I filled out their applications at work and sent them in to the assistance office. So I told the friends, call your caseworker and find out where your application stands. And they both looked at me like I'm nuts. They jsut kept telling me that I needed to do something about it. I put my hands up and said "I'm sorry but no. Its out of my hands now. I filled it out and sent it in... but they're not going to give me the status of your application" And then they started going off on ME because how should they know who to call?
They both stay home all day. They can use my house phone so it doesn't use up cell phone minutes... they have access to use my computer... allll the same things I have at WORK when Im doing their stuff for them.
Am I just being taken advantage of? Or not advantage... but being taken for granted?
I said to the one friend that this is why I urged her to get t in that first day... so there wasn't a waiting list and we could have got what you needed right away. And shee looked me square in the face and said "Well if you wouldn't have d!cked us around so long with that paperwork we'd have had our sh!t in"
WHAT?!?!
I think I need to have a talk with my friend... if any of you actually read thru all this rambling. What is your take on the situation? And please don't feel obligated to side with me. If you believe I"m out of line I would really like to know!
Thanks
3 people like this
5 responses
@max1950 (2306)
• United States
17 Nov 09
didnt we talk a few days ago ? girl what is wrong with you ? they are screwin you over, time to cut the cord, they're "not" your problem and until people keep giving them things they're gonna sit there collecting money from "our" tax's and do nothing. shell im suprised at you, you have a good heart but they are definitly taking advantage. cut-the-cord !!!!!!!
1 person likes this
@shell2784 (752)
• United States
17 Nov 09
Yeah... the other day it just kind of bothered me that they were doing it in general... but whatever. They were supposed to take care of their crap so they could get their fuel as they're "entitled to". And now I'm the bad guy for not doing it for them sooner? Like... that's what I'm getting here and its not making me very happy.
I assure you Max darling that I don't put up with being used very long. If I do all I can for someone... and then all of a sudden I get crap for it or get the vibe that they feel I don't do enough kind of thing.... that's where I draw the line.
I'm going to have a talk with the one who made the comment - my husband all ready told me if she doesn't handle it well and I go off... whatever happens happens... if we have to find new tenants and a new babysitter then thats fine.
But both him and my mother in law said "uh uh Michelle... you know better. You know why this hurts b/c its someone else who you thought was close to you stabbing you in the back". Ugh I hate when I think in laws are right. lol
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
18 Jan 10
hi Shell,
I did read through the whole thing! :) It's been a while, but I hope the situation has been resolved.
I think your 'friends' are too dependent on you, because you've been doing too much for them they just think you'll continue spoon feeding them.
They are adults and they should take more responsibility for their own lives. Agree with the rest of the respondents that if you stop giving them so much help, they will be forced to do more for themselves. and that's the right thing for them to do.
@shell2784 (752)
• United States
18 Jan 10
Hi! Thanks for reading! And responding! haha
Well, we're all getting along again. The one pretty much keeps to herself now that she's dating again, she doesn't have time for me or her mom. lol
So with that, her mom, the one tenant... the one that I'm more friends' with anyway, has needed me to do quite a bit for her to help her find a new place and get applications and various paperwork filled out. But we talked a lot about it and instead of just getting frustrated that I don't offer to do it - she asks if I mind helping her out with it. And that's more than enough for me!
I explained my frustrations to her that basically, her daughter has all the same resources as I do to make sure things are taken care of. PLUS she's home all day where they could get together and get crap taken care of - and the part that I get frustrated with is the fact that I feel the need I HAVE to do it, because otherwise, I don't know... they won't have heat, or money or their food stamps or whatever - because the daughter won't take the 10 minutes to sit down with her mom and explain what these questions are asking - or like, when I help her, I just fill everything out for her because she can't see the writing kind of thing.
But I just feel much more appreciated now because of her expecting that I'll just take care of things - she comes to me and asks for a hand, etc.
Its been good! YIPEEEE
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Nov 09
hi shell wow you have been a fairy godmother to them although they have helped you too, yet as they are not working why on earth would they have not filled out the application, I saw that form years back and it is not that hard to fill out .we had to use LiHeap too for help and I am no business whiz but I got it filled out and made all necessary phone calls. It looks like they have sort of given up and dont think they can do anything for themselves which is really pathetic. no you are not out of
line, they are the ones that benefit from that so they should have taken care of it. they were wrong to assume you had to do
everything for them.I know what it is to be down and out but
they had to do something for themselves also.
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
14 Jan 10
Should have wrote a new lease, increased the rent, and decreased your dependence on what they do for you.
I live in Canada, we have a very generous social assistance program, too many people take this program for granted. I personally can't stand the thought of not earning my money. And anyone that can Stay unemployed for any length of time really just irritates me.
And then they feel that their problems are to be shared with the whole world. What have they done to deserve what they got....
Anyways, My suggestion, should it prove useful to you, Is to have a sit down with them and explain everything in detail. Then when something like this happens again, and unless you do something drastic in your relationship it most definitely will happen again, just say, remember that day we had that long talk...
Well I told you what you needed to do then, if you don't apply the knowledge I give, it isn't my issue.
Anyways, don't mind me too much, I like to check out the people that add me as a friend and get a feel for their personality.
Cheers.
@cmhjjh (98)
• United States
13 Jan 10
OK so they help you out here and their and they are good friends that you have probably had for a long time. BUT their is helping out a friend and then just hindering them. I know you think you are helping them but you are really just hurting them. They need to learn how to be the adults they are and do these things themselve. If they were renting from someone else they wouldn't do all those things for them. They would let them be cold or put fuel in the tank so as to not have lines freeze etc and then take them to small claims court for the cost and evict them. It is hard to use tough love but I think your friends need some and they will thank you in the end. I know if I were you I would be afraid of losing them as friends in the process but a person can only take so much.
