How far into a relationship do you start thinking about the future?
By skaterx
@skaterx (530)
Finland
November 17, 2009 4:58am CST
I was just curious, and curious whether it was different for men or women.
Or also at what age did you start seeking a serious relationship, or someone you hope to be with forever?
When I first fell enough I felt happy to be with him, and even though we were quite young, he even got on my case about not discussing children etc (he also didn't bring it up so I didn't know it was up to that point yet where we needed to think about it).
But then that relationship didn't work out, and in the next relationships ive had, I haven't felt like i wanted to be with someone forever. I was dating this one guy for about 3 months or so, and he was thinking of a future with me but I wasn't. I was just getting to know him, and there were things about his personality that I didn't like. And recently I've been with a guy where it's fun being with him now, but at least as a prediction, probably wouldn't want to be with him in the future.
7 responses
@daliaj (5674)
• India
17 Nov 09
I live in India and here most of the marraige are arranged. It is supposed to be the responsibility of the parents to find life partners for their kids. So, they don't encourage the kids to fall in love or find their own partner. In a typical arranged marriage, the guy's family goes to the gir's home and they allow the guy and the girl to talk for five minutes.
They guy and the girl take a big decision about their future based on that 5 mintues talk. You may think this is wierd, but that is how it happens. Also, parents won't encourage the guy and the girl to meet anytime before marriage. The like to keep them as strangers till marriage. In some cases, they allow them to talk over phone, but they discourage them to meet for sure.
@daliaj (5674)
• India
18 Nov 09
I also think that it is better if they can speak for a longer time. My husband and I had three meetings and then decided to get married. That is very rare in my country. My friend's marriage is fixed now. They only had this 5 minutes meeting. She is tensed about how the guy will be. When her parents went to visit his family, he asked her number, but they didn't give. Her parents said that he can talk to her after engagement. It is like a perk.
@GaryJoule (211)
• China
18 Nov 09
Daliaj-
The arranged marriage happening in India is just like the Chinese did thirty years ago. My parents got together the way just like what you said.
however, to our new generation, we have the rights of free love.
Marriage is not controlled by parents any more, it's up to ourselves now.
I think it's a progress.
Our marriage even our fate is not decided by parents any more. Our late half life maybe thirty or forty years is under the control of ourselves.
@ravi_s2025 (510)
• India
18 Nov 09
I think men from western countries are lucky because the ladies there are ready for short term relationships and the guy can use them and ditch them whenever they want.:(
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
18 Nov 09
No, that's very unlucky if either person, whether they are man or woman, want to use anyone :(. I think most people are just unsure of who they want to marry/be with, because that's a very long term thing. The culture is very different between arranged marriage and freedom to pick who you want, people spend more time choosing if they can choose.
@ravi_s2025 (510)
• India
18 Nov 09
by the way, do you people ditch your parents and search for new ones if you get bored with them?
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
17 Nov 09
I think the time to be thinking about the future is when you have been with someone for at least 2 years and in those 2 years have lived together as that way you will at least know abit more about what living together is to know what your future is going to be like living in the same house as well as knowing the other persons bad habits.
@prikayjo2436 (699)
• United States
17 Nov 09
Hi Skaterx!
Well as for me, I don't think about the future all that much... I just go with the flow! If my boyfriend and I last forever than so be it! If not, then its okay it was fun while it lasted... Have a nice day!
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
17 Nov 09
Yeah im in that kind of phase too, but at the same time I feel it could be nice having someone more permanent to be there to support u, and help each other. I think relationships take effort, i just want to find someone with the right attitude and commitment towards that, and who I also admire as a person.
@prikayjo2436 (699)
• United States
19 Nov 09
You will sweetie! It just takes sometime. But don't rush to anything! Take care!
@syaryel (155)
• Malaysia
22 Nov 09
hai skartex,
I think people respond and prefer differently on this one..but personally, mine is nothing to do with how long I'm into the relationship ..
when i was 14 i met this girl, we never dated each other but i seriously consider spending the rest of my life with her..maybe that sounds so naive eh?
here's another one, when I'm 23 after a year of friendship, and a month of dating I can see that she the one for me..
as far as the child issue concern, hmm..never thought of it, I just felt that I finally met the one who can share the good and worst time togeter, growing old together, laugh and cry together..
and one more thing, I never set my mind that I HAVE to get married, for me the status "married" is not I'm seeking for, its to whom I'm married with..
thanks for bringing up this one, again, sorry for the bad english :)
@CathyLee2009 (429)
• China
17 Nov 09
hi,skaterx!
I think it depends on the way in which the relationship begins.
In our country,If a man and a woman come across and flirt with each other and begin a romantic relationship,then no one can predict how far they can go forward,and one party cannot push the other too hard.Even sogenerally speaking,women think of the futre of the relationship earlier and more serious than men.
If the two know each other formally through a blind date arranged by families of both sides aiming at marriage,that's totally different.they are expected to take the future very seriously if they agree to keep touch with each other after the blind date.Normally,the wedding will be hold not very far away,such as one or two years,even half a year.
have a nice day!
@vimalpatel (76)
• India
17 Nov 09
well i think the day when you feel you cant live without him and trust him a lot then i think is the time because you never know what going to happent tomorrow so just live the time you have.
