Lost A Friend, One Came Home! How Do You Deal?
By Opal26
@Opal26 (17679)
United States
November 17, 2009 6:01pm CST
This has been a very difficult week for me~ I learned that
one of my very good friends and neigbor passed away. I have
known him for about 3 1/2 years now and was devastated to hear
about his passing. He was a wonderful man, friend, neighbor.
He had Diabetes and was on Dialysis and apparently needed a
Kidney transplant. I loved him as a friend and will miss him
terribly. I have been going through some other personal stuff
and have been thinking about my friend, Howie alot. And then
tonight, my other friend and neighbor rang my doorbell with
another suprise~her son, who is like my nephew, was released
from jail, after a bit of time for a stupid crime. I was so
overwhelmed to see him and happy that now he has a chance at
a new life! My girlfriend and I are both dealing with the loss
of our friend Howie, but we have this new beginning with her
son to be happy about~ How do you deal with to such opposite
feelings at the same time? Her son has paid his debt and will
get another chance, but our friend Howie has run out of chances
and I know my heart is broken! Please try to respond respectfully.
Thanks, Opal
8 people like this
21 responses
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
18 Nov 09
OMG Leslie, BIG HUGGGGGGGGGG!!!
It's hard to deal with two equally important & opposing emotions. Just remember that Howie wouldn't want you to be sad for him & he would have shared the happiness that you & your friend are feeling about her son!!!! It's OK to be happy for your friend's son while feeling sadness in your heart.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hi LadyM, I can't thank you enough for the words of encouragement.
My heart is so torn right now! I have to split my emotions and
just don't know how~Howie would have wanted to meet Ari and get
to know him, so that's so sad too~Hugs, Leslie
2 people like this
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hi Opal, sorry to hear about your friend. I know that it is hard when you lose someone close to you, I lost a very good friend 13 years ago and I know that you never really stop missing them. At least you also have good news to go with your bad news, I ended up with the same situation. My oldest son was born 2 weeks after my friend passed. I hope that you find some peace with your friends passing, that he no longer has to deal with dialysis, from what I've heard that can be very difficult. Good luck!
2 people like this
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
18 Nov 09
When my friend was dying she knew it, she had cancer that invaded every part of her body thanks to HPV. It was sort of ironic because she was in one hospital dying of cancer and I was in another hospital with kidney failure, she called me every day to make sure that me and the baby were ok. Ever heard two women doped up on morphine talking? It's actually very funny. She never told me she was afraid and never complained either, maybe they were just those types of people that care more about others and how those others are feeling, than about themselves.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hey Zephyr~ Once of the only only good things that I know is that
my dear friend is no longer in pain and no longer suffering. It
just hurts to know that he was scared and never admitted it out
loud. I know he tried to be brave, but I also know he knew his
kidneys were failing. I hurt so much for his family right now,
but there are so many of them and they have each other and their
love so I know they will be ok~
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
18 Nov 09
I'm so sorry to hear you're in such emotional turmoil right now and dealing with two very opposite feelings, but perhaps the happiness you are feeling about your friend's son being home can somehow dissipate some of the sadness you are feeling over Howie
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Nov 09
hi opal its always hard to lose a dear friend, and then the
opposite happiness comes at the same time, do they cancel'
each other out? I hope not. You deal with it best if you
just take it one day at a time. that way you can handle
almost anything.one day,one step, at a time.Be sure to really
treasure your other friend and her son's chance at a new
life as that might dull some of the loss of your other
friend Howie.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (168721)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Nov 09
Well, you just do the best you can. You go from day to day and try not to harp on it too much. Try to find something to occupy your mind. Don't be afraid to cry. It is really healthy to do so. You heart will heal. It may take time and you may be reminded from time to time and it will grab at you and be all raw again. But remember your friend would be honored to know you cared and it is just a part of the adventure of life. If we didn't go through the bad times we wouldn't appeciate the good times near as much. Take care sweet thing.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (168721)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Nov 09
Ofcourse you have a right to feel what you are feeling! If I might say this to you: perhaps this is a lesson learned and by that I mean that perhaps we take people for granted, think they will be around for ever, and I think this should teach us to tell people we meet and think are cool human beings how we feel and so if, god forbid, this sort of thing should happen we can feel good that we did take the time and told them they are one heck of a guy or gal.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hey celtic, and thank too for your kind words. I wonder if Howie
would be surprised at how much I really loved him and how much
he really mattered to me. I didn't know him that long or that
well, but he was just like a ray of sunshine whenever he was
around. I am crying right now while I'm typing and wondering
if I have the right to feel as badly as I do~
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
19 Nov 09
Whqat a very sad and happy thing to go thru.
one thing you now know your friend is out of pain and gone to a btter place where there will never be any more pain.
adn your frireds Son has a new chance on life hope he does take good advantage on that!
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Sweetheart, you're on an emotional roller coaster. Just hang on and ride it through for it'll get better at time goes on by. Grieve when you can and try to move on but never lose his memory and be happy at the right time and enjoy the moment for it doesn't last forever. Your friend Howie is in Heaven now, no more pain, no more needles, no more no more but happiness and content. Try to realize that and hopefully that'll make you smile. Hugs to you sweetie!
1 person likes this
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 09
Hi Opal!
Sorry to hear that 
i do also have a friends which is already passed away too, and the last precious women in my life which is my mom, also passed away ... sad to hear that i miss her so much and i've learned something for myself after several sorrowful times, but there's nothing we can do about it, their job and task when they live is over,and good people will earn their reward in heaven, now it is our turn to live well, believe me that they will be happy in heaven, what we can do for them is praying hope they will be saved and in heaven, and do the good things like them, when they still alive ...
And i'm suggest you to give your friend son's a chance, especially for the silly crimes he dones, so you will have your own chance to God, none of us is guiltless in front of God
With this,
Hopefully i can make you be strong! 
i do also have a friends which is already passed away too, and the last precious women in my life which is my mom, also passed away ... sad to hear that i miss her so much and i've learned something for myself after several sorrowful times, but there's nothing we can do about it, their job and task when they live is over,and good people will earn their reward in heaven, now it is our turn to live well, believe me that they will be happy in heaven, what we can do for them is praying hope they will be saved and in heaven, and do the good things like them, when they still alive ...
And i'm suggest you to give your friend son's a chance, especially for the silly crimes he dones, so you will have your own chance to God, none of us is guiltless in front of God
With this,
Hopefully i can make you be strong! 1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
18 Nov 09
At our age my Hubby and I face loosing many friends, we are mourning their loss but do tribute to them by remembering the many wonderful times we had together. One of life's basic truths is we each live our lives and then we die, there is no escape from this, so it is important to come to some type of peace reagarding this.
Blessings
1 person likes this
@scoutsniper85 (432)
•
18 Nov 09
it's really sad to know you lost someone..It takes time to heal a broken heart..But at some point of your life, there are moments that he made you laugh..just treasure the moments of you together..surely, you can move on..just pray and you'll have a good start!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (161080)
• United States
18 Nov 09
You are right, there are lots of mixed emotions there, and it is holiday season as well. I hope you hold on and do not have too many mood swings, but realize that Howie is at least out of pain, and this young person is out of jail and has a chance to make a future if he will.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (47761)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
18 Nov 09
Sorry for your loss.
My neighbor passed this summer, too, and it's strange to not see him sitting on his porch or in his garden.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
18 Nov 09
My condolences......maybe things worked out that way to balance everything out for you....to lift you up from feeling the loss of Howie....time does lessen the pain but it never goes away.....RIP Howie....you are now without pain and anguish!
1 person likes this
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
Hello dear friend Opal! I am so sorry for the loss. Dealing with two opposite emotions at the same time is quite hard. But the fact that happiness came in after grief is a sign that things would get better for everyone. What matters is the present and how we can use it to make a good future. That's what I always keep in mind. Opposite feelings come hand in hand, the way we deal with them is part of how we are seen in this so-called life. Hehe. I'm glad to see you again! I'm back. Or so I hope! I've got a job now. Missed our talks, dear friend.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
26 Nov 09
Welcome back selece! And as always I'm so very happy to see
you! And congratulations on your new job! I missed you too
and do hope that we will be seeing you around a bit more
often now! And thank you for your lovely response! Sometimes
life is just so unfair and complicated!
