do you ever think that you could be a better daughter?

I guess I'm a lucky one. I am a product of how my parents raised me and my own self-discovery, that only became possible through being raised by my parents. I, too, am a lesbian. When I discovered that I was, I left my parents house. I never discussed it with them but I just couldn't....at that time anyway. I was raised in a very strict, religious environment and my self-realization was against everything my parents taught me. I was an abomination. I was going to hell. All I knew was that I am what I am. I was 15 when I left my parents for good. It crushed my mother that I would choose to leave the way I did. She cried and said she loved me and supported me in whatever I decided to do with myself. I'm the one that had the problem in communicating with her. I left her and didn't "come out" to her until I was 35. Twenty years of not being honest with my mom, not being myself with her, always "hiding" that part of myself. The only reason I even came out to her was because I fell in love with a woman I met on the internet. In order for us to be together, I had to leave the US and move to her country (Argentina). My mom had a lot to deal with all at the same time: I'm gay, I met someone and I'm leaving the country! lol. Poor woman. She's always said she doesn't understand it but she loves me. She has always said it's not her place to judge either. God created us all and he's got a reason for everthing. In that regard, I've been extremely fortunate in how my mom handles the things. I've been living with my partner, outside of the US for 9 years now. My partner and my mom have a great relationship and she comes here to visit every other year. On my part, I deeply regret not opening up to my mother sooner. I lost 20 years of relationship time with her. I can't get it back. I can only make the best of daily life and communication with her. I didn't stand up for myself. Most mothers love their daughters. There's that maternal connection that CAN BE stronger than anything else. I agree with the other person who said it's all about YOU, yourself and how you respond to her. Be yourself. Respect her viewpoints and opinions but stick to your own. Hope my words give you some sort of comfort.

Hi Maria. I've read your posts before regarding your situation and I can see that this is really stressing you out. Let me start with saying, you are who you are. As I mentioned in the past, we cannot force people to accept who and what we are. It's just impossible to do that. We can only change the way we react to them and the way they are. I'm sure your mother doesn't love you any less. The reason why she is acting like that could be because she's disappointed and/or upset because many people believe that homosexuality is wrong for religious or moral reasons. I do not justify it but that is normally the common reasons behind the way people think about it. Just be a good daughter to your mother by respecting her and doing nice things for her. As for your personal life, you only have one life to live. You do know and you are aware that if you go straight, you will be miserable, right? So, clearly, that is something you do not want to change or you can't change. Again, you are who you are. You can only change how you react. It is hard I can understand but try not to expect for her acceptance. You are only hurting yourself even more. Some people may never accept homosexuality and that is the sad truth. Live your life the way you want. I don't see anything wrong with you being gay. You won't spend the rest of your life tied to your mother. You deserve to choose who you want to be with and spend your life with. I hope that helps.

Maria, the first thing I want to know is does your GF go with you when you go to visit your mom to help her out? I'd take her along. Even if she only sits in the car or on the car or walking around. If your mom has a chance to see the two of you interact, maybe it would open her mind a little bit more. I'm a lesbian too. I was 15 when I really realized it and I ran away from home, my parents house. I was raised in a very strict religious home. I was an abomination. I was going to hell. Not that my parents ever said that to me. I never gave them the chance. I simply left. My mother didn't understand. She said she loved me and wanted the best for me. I never came out to her until I had to. I kept that part of my life to myself. I didn't want to hurt her or disappoint her. I am the one who decided that THAT was how she was going to feel about my being a lesbian. Well, I had to come clean. 20 years after leaving my parents how and keeping my "secret" from them, I met a woman on the internet and fell in love. Problem was, she lived in a different country. So......my mom had to deal with a lot all at once. I came out to her and told her I was moving from the US to Argentina all in one breath. She said she didn't understand it but that she loved me. She said God created all of us and that there's a reason for everything. My partner and my mother now have a pretty good relationship. My mom's even called my couple her "daughter". She comes to visit us every other year and stays for a month. They've had time to develop a relationship and my mom's had a chance to see us together as a couple. Just thought I'd share some of my story with you in the hopes you may find some comfort in anything I've said. As the other poster said, you really only have control over how YOU respond to your mom. Like I said, I am the one who decided how my mom was going to feel. As a result, I lost 20 years of having a relationship with my mom. Twenty years I can't get back.

I do wish all the time that I could be a better daughter. I mean, I want to be that daughter whom my parents can be proud of.. and not just the other daughter. I think because of my frustrations my parents and I never had a good relationship, cause I always have this feeling, that I'll always just be the other daughter... I think all you can do is be the best daughter that you can be, love your mother and take care of her.. if she sees that you are really happy, then I think eventually, she will learn to accept your GF.

You shouldn't ever want to change who you are for someone to love you. Your mother should love you unconditionally regardless of if you're straight or not, because it's not like you woke up thinking "Yeah, I'm going to be a lesbian to make my mom unhappy." You just are who you simply are, and sometimes who we are can definitely cause the people we love to want to shy away from us or to not even want us in their lives; it's sad but it unfortunately happens. I think you need to worry about what makes you happy. If your girlfriend makes you happy, then that's what matters. You shouldn't have to deprive yourself of happiness just to make anyone else happy. I have no doubt that your mom does love you but I guess she's just hurt that you're a lesbian or maybe homosexuality isn't something she knows very much about or doesn't support? I'm not sure, but I think there are ways to improve your relationship. So, don't worry about thinking if you weren't a lesbian that you'd be a better daughter, instead think of ways you can improve your relationship so she can become comfortable with who you are.

Yes i am a good daughter to my mother since i only have her in my life after my father left us.She have suffered a lot during our childhood and now its my turn to look after her and my families.