Why can't I have some space to myself and to my family?
By cream97
@cream97 (29087)
United States
November 19, 2009 11:31am CST
I just moved into my new apartment a month ago. I moved out of my in-laws trailer. I was staying with them for four whole months. Now I finally have my own place and I am still getting used to being in my own. As most of you may know and remember, I was staying in two different motels for six months. I have not had my own place in an entire year. I moved out of my trailer in November of last year. Since then my family and I have been staying in a motel...
But now we have our own place... Well, my mother-in-law has been calling our apartment non-stop. She would call every three to four hours in a day. There were times when I would not pick up the phone and I would let it ring. A few times I did pick it up just to see what she wanted. My mother-in-law expects me to talk to her every time that she calls me. But, when she calls I am most likely busy. I just moved into my apartment, and I have many things to do. Ranging from getting organized to taking care of my children. I have a very busy schedule. When I was at my in-laws home, she told me that my brother-in-law would be coming over to our apartment everyday. I told her that no he won't, he will have to call before he comes. I told her that I am not having anybody just running to my place every minute.. Well, my brother-in-law has never came by. He only called once.. To be honest with you, my mother-in-law was the one that was doing all of the calling. I swear if she had her driver's license she would be at my place everyday!!
I have talked with my mother-in-law about her respecting me as her daughter-in-law. She agreed to do right by me. In the past she has done this, by calling my home nonstop.
She would tell me to tell her son to call her. And I told her that I would. And I do tell her son to call her. He just never calls. I say to myself, that I am hoping that she does not think that I don't tell him. I can't possibly babysit my husband to make sure that he calls his mommy... I don't know why my mother-in-law, especially won't give me the respect that is due unto me. She has to understand that I have responsibilities that I have to take care of.. She knows that I am a very busy woman and a mother, plus wife.. When I was at her home, I was busy then. I am more busy now being that I have my own place.. Why can't she understand that???
I have talked with my mother-in-law about her respecting me as her daughter-in-law. She agreed to do right by me. In the past she has done this, by calling my home nonstop.
She would tell me to tell her son to call her. And I told her that I would. And I do tell her son to call her. He just never calls. I say to myself, that I am hoping that she does not think that I don't tell him. I can't possibly babysit my husband to make sure that he calls his mommy... I don't know why my mother-in-law, especially won't give me the respect that is due unto me. She has to understand that I have responsibilities that I have to take care of.. She knows that I am a very busy woman and a mother, plus wife.. When I was at her home, I was busy then. I am more busy now being that I have my own place.. Why can't she understand that???6 people like this
17 responses
@FRANCISCOANDLEE (750)
• United States
20 Nov 09
I have to agree with everyone's responses here. Your mother in law is lonely and needs to get a life of her own. You mentioned that she doesn't drive so telling her to get a job just isn't gonna work cause there will be plenty of excuses why not to. Christmas is coming maybe you can get her a pet like a cat or dog to keep her company. There are always indoor herb gardens. I don't know if she lives close to a ymca or senior center, rec.... if there is maybe she can take a aerobic class many even offer things as simple as knitting and pottery classes. There has to be something to get her out of the house to meet other people. Volunteer at a hospital. This way she can bother them instead of you and your family. cause honestly if you don't and hubby doesn't put his foot down with his mommy. Its just gonna cause problems for you two (if it hasn't already)and that isn't fair to you guys nor your kids. Her son is grown time for him to have a life with his family which he chose to be you and you both chose to have your children. Good Luck and many blessing...
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
20 Nov 09
Hi, Francis. I have told her that going to the activity center would do her some good, but she complains about how the bus never picked her up on time and for that, she does not want to go. Excuses, excuses and excuses.. She has to find something to do instead of bugging me. I have no time to babysit her. I wished that her hubbie would take her out more. She does not even know how to get from one house to the next when driven there...
1 person likes this
@florence0425 (49)
• China
20 Nov 09
Hello,cream97.
I'm sorry to hear your troublesome,and i think your mother-in-law just doesn't know how to be a mother.She wants to talk to her son,your husband,but he ignore it.Maybe they should have a talk.Mother's love is innocent.
2 people like this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
21 Nov 09
mother-in-laws in general are famous for instigating.
it seems rare to find a nice,kind one.
sometimes they truly mean well,but at the cost of privacy and nerves.
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
21 Nov 09
my ex's mom used to come over and bang on the door in the morning to make sure
he was going to work-she was always nice to me,but the funny thing was it was her son she was after-she goes "i know how he is!" LMAO 
i could have done without the wakeup,but she did get him motivated.
i could have done without the wakeup,but she did get him motivated.1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
19 Nov 09
we have to have the same mil then.. mine does that when she and hubs was speaking which is one of the many factors why they arent and she will never have my home phone number
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
19 Nov 09
Hi, moon.. My mil has stopped calling for a few days now.. I haven't seen her number on my Caller ID ever since last week. I guess she got the hint... That I don't want to be bothered with her.. It is not like we are very close friends anyway.. In the beginning she was trying to be my enemy.. So, it is going to take some time before I can really trust her to be cool with me.. She needs to find something to do rather than bug the crap out of me.. No wonder your hubbie and mom is no longer talking... Calling too much can be nerve wracking!!
1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
23 Nov 09
yeah we could never sleep.. she would call all during the day then at midnight then at 3 or 6 am and it was crazy.. if you didnt pick up the phone she would call back every 5 minutes till you did or for at least an hour.. then wait a few hours and repeat
1 person likes this
@zzyw87 (1254)
• Philippines
20 Nov 09
That is one pesky and horrible mother-in-law. I hope next time I don't have an in-law like that. I truly sympathize with you. If I were in your shoes, I would tell my husband to tell his mother to stop pestering us. She's his mother. Maybe if your husband spoke up, she will listen and respect your decision. Also, maybe it is because she is bored and has little to do. Suggest something to keep her busy or occupied, like a new hobby.
@rosepedal64 (4188)
• United States
20 Nov 09
Hi cream
It really sounds like that you have a big problem on your hands. It also sounds like that she is missing you all being in her home. I know that I just moved from my motherin-law's yard. We lived in our camper there for quiet some time. She has made remarks that she misses us being there. I would say that is your problem too. I would ask the hubby to talk with her and tell her that if she needs to talk with him to call after he gets home. That way he can take the calls and that will free up your day.
I wish you luck and hope that she gets the message real soon.
Keep Smiling.
@rosepedal64 (4188)
• United States
20 Nov 09
Just hang in there and maybe time will calm here down a little too. I wish you the best..Keep SMiling.
1 person likes this
@carpenter5 (6782)
• United States
20 Nov 09
I think she does understand, she just chooses not to respect you. And I hate to tell you this my friend, but your husband is going to have to tell her to STOP. You can talk to her until you're blue in the face, but until her son tells her to mind her own business then she is probably not going to respect your privacy.
She sounds like the type of person that expects to be the center of attention at all times, and doesn't seem to have a life of her own, so she wants to be in the middle of yours. Set up a schedule when you will visit her and tell her that she can call once a day and beyond that it needs to be a legitimate emergency.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
20 Nov 09
Carpenter5... You know I was thinking the same thing!! She does know how I really feel, she just chooses not to respect me.. I have talked with my mil on so many occasions. I have probably had about 50 to 60 conversations with her about her respecting me. And also treating me right.. I don't know why she does not want to do right by me. I have respect for her... It is a shame that she keeps on doing this to me. After all the talking it has done no good. Her youngest daughter warned me about this. She was telling me that I was wasting my time talking to her mom about this and that.... She is just going to do what she wants...
As for x... I wish I could fly far away from my mil. But, I know that is not possible. If you pay for my first class tickets as a getaway, I will fly to another country... I hope she does not try to find me far away!
@kykidd (6812)
• United States
21 Nov 09
Some people will never understand. Then again, maybe she just misses you. It almost sounds like she doesn't have anyone else to talk to. I feel bad for you in a way, but I really feel bad for her since she is the one who can't get it through her mind that it isn't right to bother you all of the time like this. We had some neighbors like this when I was a kid. I remember they used to drive my mother crazy. I hope you get everything worked out. I know it has to be extremely difficult to deal with a mother-in-law who is like this. Good luck to you in the future!
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
21 Nov 09
What a sad sad situation to be in cream. It's obvious that your mother in law is so bored out of her skull that she doesn't realize how much she's bothering you. Maybe if you find out what she's interested in, you could get her a book on that subject so she'll have something to do and not be so bored. Does she like birds? Get her a bird feeder and some seed so she can watch the birds come and feed and maybe a bird book so she can identify each one. Does she like puzzles? Maybe you could get her a puzzle to put together. What about a radio? She might like that or even a police scanner. Something has to be of interest to her. Knitting and things like of that nature. I do feel for you but she obviously loves to talk to you so try to find an outlet for her so she won't bug you so much.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
21 Nov 09
Hi, Catsand Dogs. I am trying my best to help my mil out as much as possible. But there is one thing that she has to understand, is that, if I help her I don't want my help to be taken for granted. Thanks for the suggestions. I am learning her as much as possible. I know that she likes to read a good spiritual book every now and then and that is what I have offered her. I am still discovering her other hobbies and interests. But she seems to have none. She sits around the house almost all day doing nothing. Sometimes she gets so bored she will just stand around while another person is engaging in an conversation on the phone with someone else. That is how bored and lonely she gets. She hardly gets out much. Not unless it is to go to church every Sunday and when she has to go the doctor's office. And she also goes to the hairdresser once a month. She does not have any leisure activities like some other women do... I have talked to her about things that would be good for her age. But she seems clueless. Her husband hardly takes her anywhere, for her to know anything. She does not even know how to catch the city bus. She does not know her way around town... Her life is so sad, and it is all because of her husband. He does not take time out with her so that she can have a normal life as a woman for her age. My mil is 58 years old. It is a shame how her life is... Being that I am her daughter-in-law, I can only do but so much. She has five grown children. Sometimes I wonder why any of them won't help her to enjoy herself. I mean that is what her children are there for if need be. I know if my mom was like this, I would help her out as much as I can.
Being that I am her daughter-in-law, I can only do but so much. She has five grown children. Sometimes I wonder why any of them won't help her to enjoy herself. I mean that is what her children are there for if need be. I know if my mom was like this, I would help her out as much as I can.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Nov 09
hi cream97 your mother in law needs to g et a life of her
own. evidently she is trying to live through you and that]
is pathetic as you are busy with your own life and your
kids and your husband. She is probably loneley but that
is not your problem,she is an adult too and surely
she has some other interests besides just bugging you all
day. she needs to get a job maybe or do volunteering anything
to fill up her time so she does not use you for her own
pleasure. I would tell her to get herself a life as you are
now busy with your own life. It has to be hard on you putting
up with this all day long every day. surely the woman has some
friends she could visit or some interests she could occupy
herself with. good luck. God Bless.[m]
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
19 Nov 09
Hi, Hatley.. I say the same thing too. When I was at her home, she was very bored. She did not have anyone to visit her at all. She calls two ladies on the phone that she calls her mom... But they both have never came to her home to take her out... It is weird... Her husband stays at work almost all of the day.. He barely takes her out to enjoy herself.. She is very lonely.. And I can't be a replacement. She has to be that for herself only.
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
21 Nov 09
Some people just don't get that people have things to do. Next time she calls tell her what you were in the middle of and that you only have a moment to talk. Then the next time she calls tell her you were just about to do something and is there something important she needs to talk to you about, be polite but always mention what you are doing and in a subtle way let her know she is disturbing you from doing something, she should get the hint eventually.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
19 Nov 09
Hi cream97,
I would just tell your MIL striaght that you haven't got time to chat and to stop ringing you, you can also switch the phone off or tell you hubby to tell her not to keep pestering you when you are so busy in your new home.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Wow! Sounds like she's very lonely and she's having a hard time getting used to you being gone from her place.
Set some boundaries with her. Tell her that it would be best if you only talked with each other once a week or once a month (whichever works best for you, of course). Explain to her that you have your own life and don't have time to talk with her as much as you'd like. See if that works.
Do you have caller id? Just let the phone ring and go about your business at home. It's no skin off your nose if the phone keeps ringing. After all, she doesn't know that you're home, does she? I have caller id myself and I don't answer the phone everytime it rings and I never feel guilty for it either. The callers don't know if I'm home or not. I hope this helps some. Let me know what you finally end up doing.
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Well as far as her thinking that I am home.. She may think that I am... When I was at her house, I used to go out but not as much.. So from that, I guess she figures that I am home most of the time. But she still can't just go by what she thinks.. It is not like she can look into a crystal ball at her home and see if I am really at home or not. Most of the time, I just don't answer my phone when she calls. I hope from doing this, that she will get the hint to stop calling me as much.
@Niah1976 (739)
• Paranaque, Philippines
19 Nov 09
Maybe she is just very concerned about both of you. She is checking if you need something or if need her help in organizing your new apartment. Maybe moms are like that.
But if you are really pissed off, why not have your phone number changed. So that you can get rid of her completely. Just thank God she don't have a drivers license.
Just relax.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
19 Nov 09
Hi, Niah.. The only concerned that my mil is, is, the nosy concerned.. She has not called once asking if we needed anything and if she could help us.. She was just calling asking me questions about the apartment and who does the cooking.. Those type of questions. I never got the impression that she was concerned, not once. Being that the number is in my husband's name, I can't change it.. But if she starts calling again like she is out of her mind, I will purposely let the phone ring, until she gets the hint..
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
19 Nov 09
Well I'm glad that my mother in law is out of the country right now so I don't have to see her all the time, she can get that way too. I'm happy to see her when she's home but after awhile it gets old, she thinks she has to go everywhere with me, because when she does come home she stays with us, none of the other family members want her at their house, I do love her, but she can get to be a busybody. I don't know why mother in laws are that way, maybe its because your with her baby boy and you have her grandchildren and she may not think your taking care of them as good as you should, she should respect you as a daughter in law too. You may just have to tell her that, some feelings may get hurt but it needs to be done.
1 person likes this
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
19 Dec 09
Hello my friend cream97 Ji,
My dear friend, all such happenings are common all over the world.I am now MIL of two of my DIL. Elder one does not call me even on B'days /Anniversary/ auspicious time. Younger one keeps calling me at regular intervals to know about our welfare and if we need any help. Elder one is a house wife wit two children and younger one two have two children but is working woman. I never disturb them. I believe in one thing, 'TO GET RESPECT, ONE SHOULD EARN IT B RESPECTING OTHER RELATIONS'
I suggest not to pay any heeds to those phone calls and not to worry much. They will die away of their own by some time.
May God bless You and have a great time.
