Walking away starts a fight???
By sjvenden27
@sjvenden27 (1840)
United States
November 21, 2009 6:41am CST
I was in touch with someone and we had a long discussion about the past... I got into a fight with someone very close to this person... During the fight both of us were very heated to say the very least... and we were both head strong so coming up with a compromise at the time was basically impossible... Instead of continuing the fight... I walked away.. To cool down... as i turned my back well that person grabbed my sweat shirt and throw me to the ground... My anger level rose... but instead of fighting back i walked away again... trying to keep my mouth shut... I was hurting physically and mentally.. but i know some of the things that i had to say were not very nice and more then likely rude...
When I was a teenager I had a major problem with controlling my anger.. It got me into a lot of trouble.. in school, with my mom, and with my sister... I was taught that no matter what the circumstances its better to walk away then to throw a punch... even in self defense... walking away will prevent future conquneces that may not be so favorable...
So in that moment when I was on the ground it felt like time had stopped completely... I saw two options; get up and get the heck out of the way... or come up swinging... I asked myself why hit? It feels good, revenge is sooooo sweet... one punch is enough... Then I reminded myself that I was anger at the action not the person... there is a difference... I asked myself another question... What would be the conquneces of my actions... instant satisfaction, revenge... but at the same time facing more physical harm done to the both of us... and time in jail... or both of us landing in the er and then jail... we didn't need that... so I got up off the floor and went into the other room and made a phone call... and got out of there... the person was still trying to come after me, but someone else was restraining her... Went outside and beat the heck out of a tree... resulting in bloody knuckles... but the urge to fight was gone...
Why did that person get so upset that I walked away?? My only guess is that I was being disrespectful by no standing their listening, getting more angry.... more wanting to just do things that one could only imagine... What would it solve? NOTHING IN THE LONG RUN just ADD MORE PROBLEMS later.... This issues still gets me irate... They say words can not hurt you... Ok may not do it physically... but they can cut into your soul... rip you to shreds leaving your insides hurting..... no band aid or magic potion can mend it...
I know the more time passes the less it will bother me... I have gotten over things that were much more degrading then this... I guess that would be the right word.. The person didn't just make me feel little a piece of dirt.... but worst then that... Like i didn't deserve the life I had, that I didnt do enough... that I was a worthless mother, that didn't give a hoot for my child... (total BS) My child is my world, the first priority... safety and my child's happiness before my own... My decisions at the time where extremely hard, but I did what I thought was best... Believing in myself that I was doing the right thing... Those words just made me feel less of a mother, less of a person...
To wrap this up... Walking away can make the fight worse... but Its still the best option! We are both alive and breathing... and their for our individual families... Word of caution to those that get offended by someone walking away... IT may not be YOU they are RUNNING FROM... THEY MAY BE PROTECTING YOU FROM WHAT THEY MIGHT DO TO YOU...
An old saying I have heard over and over again... ASSUMING MAKES AN ASH OUT OF YOU AND ME...
Now I am not trying to play victim... or anything like that.. There are things that came out of my mouth that were disrespectful and maybe even down right rude... NO one deserves to be hit or physically harmed period!!!!!!!! That line should have never been crossed...
My fellow mylotters... Have you ever been in a situation where you have walked away from the heat of the moment... paid the price sort of speak and left with the open wounds of the words that can cut so deep... How did you resolve it... Do not think I can talk to this person face to face for our safety... Dont know about the other person but I can remember it like it was yesterday.. the words... and the physical pain from the person... how did you deal?? Please Help...
4 responses
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
21 Nov 09
back when i was younger i wouldnt walk away from a fight, no matter if i was out number or not. but yes walking away is better,
now since i have gotten hurt and have a bad back and neck i will walk away from a fight if i can, and if i cant i will fight dirty and cheat for sure.
i always told my kids when they were growing up its best to walk away if they can and if not do whatever is neccary
1 person likes this
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
21 Nov 09
I have to agree with that... I have back problems now that would really make it worst.. I just can not believe some people's logic or what ever they want to call it...
@Youreyes4Today (2356)
• United States
27 Nov 09
The choices we make in life, is the path we choose. The circumstances of those choices is how we walk the path. Even though some choices are made because of those choices made around us. Circumstance isn't always the way we wanted or thought it would go when choice was made.
Walking away from a fight has its circumstances that some may not know how to deal with after the choice was made. You need to know that the choice not to stand there and take the abuse of the words being said, was right. The words used because of your choice from the same one you walked away were just as abusive. You need to consider the source of the words that still seem to bother you. That's what the abuser wants from you. To feel like crap, to feel as though you are not worth the ground you walk on.
Think about that for a moment....
Again you have a choice, whether to let this moment in time fester within you or let it go as a time of learning. Take what you learned with you and leave the rest behind you.
What did you learn from that moment in time, consider that for a moment,
Your anger, did you control it?
Choices, did you make the one that was best for the moment?
Now, are you better for what you went through?
Did the person that caused this, still in the same situation they were then, now?
What did everyone walk away with, in the moment?
The spirit lives within...
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
1 Mar 10
Very good points! Yes I was very surprised that I controlled my anger. Especially since in the past I was not so good about controlling myself... My choices where right for what the situation was at that time.. When I walked away from that situation I learned that even if my anger reaches an extreme high that I can still think most things through.. I guess what I mean by that is how the character in The Matrix could see within his mind steps playing out, before it happened... I felt in that moment time was standing still I saw the different steps I could take before I made them..
Unfortunately this person is still in the same situation that they were in when I left.. I feel for this person, I truly do.. I just choose to stay away... This whole situation came up in a conversation that I was having with someone else. Instead of allowing it to fester at the time I wrote about it.. got it out of my system.. at the moment that I originally wrote this blog it was like I was back in time at that exact moment.. I was really mad that the comment was made that I added fuel to the fire when I walked away.. It went against everything I was taught, and believed in.. Now if the issue was to be brought up again, I would simply say I did what was right for me.. I can not control others, and will not allow others to control me.
@StarBright (2798)
• United States
21 Nov 09
You won!! Don't you see?! You won - not only the skirmish, but the entire war. By being big enough to walk away, even after being physically knocked down, you won.
In essence, you told this person "You are being unreasonable and your actions are stupid. I cannot communicate with you on an intellectual level because you cannot understand. You have not grown up. I will not stoop to your level. I will maintain my dignity, no matter what. You can act a fool all by yourself. Goodbye. I'm out of here."
Obviously this person had nothing productive to say. Saying something hurtful about you and your child contributed nothing good to the mix. Mothers will always be hurt if they are accused of being a bad mother. That is because we try so hard and we never feel like we do enough for our children. When someone says mean things about our parenting skills, we are defensive because we do try so hard and kids are not born with instruction manuals . Each child is special and unique. Parenting has to also be special and unique. What works for one may not work for another. If your "friend" was a true friend, she would have made a specific suggestion for something positive you could do for your child, rather than throwing out ugly accusations. She also would have found a way to say it tactfully so as not to offend you. The other thing to keep in mind is the fact that no one has the right to tell you how to raise your child. If they disagree, tough. Only when someone close to you that truly has your and your child's interest at heart, can they say anything to you about your children. The only exceptions are someone in authority that has special training whose advise you sought out, someone in child protective services, or the likes.
What would I do? Stay as far away from this person as possible. Consider the friendship null and void. You don't need that kind of drama in your life.
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
1 Mar 10
I do not consider that person a friend any more.. That person does not need to be in my life period.. When I was a teenager I would fight people tooth and nail, never resolving anything... and now I am a mother, a fight and a chance of being locked up... No thank you.. Since then I moved away from the situation, and created new friendships.. People that I can share my opinion with... and listen to theirs... and if we happen to disagree on a point.. well it just that; they live the way they choice and so do I.
Yes parenting would be a lot easier if there was a magic manual for every problem that comes up.. Chasing after a four year old can be a lot of fun, but be frustrating... I have learned that each mom has a certain way of doing things.. Doesnt make one right and the others wrong.. Each family has their own unique situation; they may have similar characteristics but never identical. Too many factors are involved.
I have also learned that everyone has an opinion.. regardless of who they are or what kind of experiences they have had or haven't.. It does not mean that I have to mold into what they were or what they are. Its just an opinion or advice. I guess another problem mothers have (in general) is that they try for perfection.. To be or to do the best at all times... No wonder why mothers are STRESSED OUT all the TIME..lol
Thank you for your kind words... have a nice day
@celticeagle (168256)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Nov 09
People are only human. That would put both of you in this category. I think the one who got mad was being immature. Sure they wanted your undivided attention but I think they wanted to have the last word also and , ofcourse, they felt they were right and you were wrong and wanted to prove this to you.
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
1 Mar 10
That makes sense.. This person has a problem with not having the spot light at all times.. and has a hard time sharing... or being ignored
