loosing our loved ones. suddenly or expected?

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i ask this question first because my previous discussion made me wonder about the opinions i would get on this. the reason i ask this is because there are two people in my life my father and my fiance who have suffered horrible losses my father of his twin brother and my fiance of his mother.now to the hows and whys of each. my father lost his brother in a christmas tree fire or atleast that is what the official report says even if my family believe there was foul play on the part of the still living wife who was not at home at the time. the fire took his brother and two sons in the middle of the night and my father (there is a connection between twins that is true this is evidence) woke up in the middle of the night and knew something was wrong with his brother to find out a few hours later he was gone from this world. his pain is evident every year around this time of year because he becomes very grumpy and reclusive which i have understood since i was old enough to. now my for my fiances mom. she got in a car wreck that ended in a tractor trailer falling over on her overturned car also this time of year which is a little creepy in a coincidental way. she ended up mostly rain dead or in ezssence a vegatable and was in a nursing home with a feeding tube in her throat from when he was 4 till he was 16 when she died the day after valentines day so he gets moody then too. she was expected to pass much sooner than that and he believes that she stayed alive long enough to see her little boy grow up before passing. the question is which of these situations for the death of a loved one would you prefer quick or drawn out but you have a chance to say goodbye? which wouild you think would be more painfull? i know that was long but i like to give full discriptions as some of you know.