how to feel...I just don't know

That is definitely a tough situation, have you asked him yet? Communication is the most important thing in a relationship, that and trust.

This is why as I grow older I have a policy tend to your own business it's better that way, you're never have to deal with such unwanted problems. First I get a little confuse when you say that one envelope had a picture of her in it and that the other envelope had a letter address to both of them that read, for her to read it first is kind of unclear at first but, I think I know what you're getting at your husband wrote this letter to the both of them declaring his love for this man wife I guess this is what you are trying to say. I can't give you no advice because I'm not a marriage counselor, if you and your husband have a good relationship and there seems not to be any hanky pinky going on then you should just leave it alone because you stuck your nose where it didn't belongs, these are old letters, it's another thing if these letters were recent then that would be reason for concern but if everything seems to be about the same I see no reason to bring this up to your husband. After all this was years ago, this is why when things are going alright in a relationship we should not look for problems in it, like you did. Learn how to tend to your own business live and let live.

I wont say you are overeating and I can genuinely feel your concerns…even my heart would have stopped beating if such a letter popped out from nowhere and landed for me to see…there’s no way really for you to know if he’s cheating behind your back but to ask him straight. However, I would recommend you to make it as casual as possible…like you know, you may just walk into the room with the letter in your hand and tell him how you found it and how you were amazed that he’s still keeping them after so many year’s of togetherness with you! You might also add in the same breath if he’s still considering giving over everything to her! BUT don’t let your anxiety or worry take over your senses…make it sound like a discussion more between friends than between spouses…in many cases, if a spouse is cheating and looking for an opportunity to come clean, they hesitate to do so thinking about the mess in the house…but if you can connect more like a friends, then maybe you can get the truth out of him i.e. if he’s hiding anything at all.

I agree with ziyadahinc212, actually. You're better off letting bygones be bygones. This letter obviously was left sealed for a reason. I think if this was something that was created two years before you two got married he really wasn't sure about his feelings. He wouldn't have married you if he was unsure. I wouldn't bring it up unless HE sparks the conversation, say if he finds the letter laying around and chooses to tell you. You're better off keeping this to yourself. Until you see recent reasoning to question him about his relationship with this woman, then you have no reason to be suspicious of anything.

I think that if I were you I would definitely try to talk to your husband and tell him that you opened the letter and that you saw this, and that you are very worried. Tell him you know it's dated a few years before your marriage, but that the fact he still has it and that it moved with you two is worrying. Also the fact that the couple is now divorced, that is worrying you too. I know it's going to be hard, I honestly don't know how hard it will be but I do know that honesty is the best policy. I also recommend you broach the subject with him very slowly and just talk to him about it without yelling if you can. I am sorry this is happening and I dearly hope that everything will turn out for the best for your husband and yourself and that you will stay together. Do keep in mind that he was drinking when you and he were talking with this couple and that the letter could have been written in a drunken stupor, and that he kept it only as a joke! The fact that he still has the letter is a good thing too! *hugs to you*

I don't think that you are over reacting it is normal for you to be concerned when your find out about this in your marriage. In my opinion, I think you should confront your husband over this issue and tell him that you want him to tell you the truth.

I do not think that you are over reacting, but you will not completely know how to react until you calmly approach him about what you found. I also DO NOT agree with anyone who says you were being nosy, brought this on yourself, or were looking for issues in your relationship! Once we are married, we are each others business. I use to open my husbands mail all the time, just as he would open mine. When two are married there should be complete trust and there should be no reason why two people can't share everything. I mean if there is something to hide and a married couple has to each have their own business, then why be married. Once you are married, you are to share everything! So you should go to your husband and calmly ask him about this letter. I do believe that you should not allow this letter to bother you as much as it is bothering you because it was dated two years before you were even married. Now I don't know how your relationship stands today, only you know if there are questionable circumstances that may make it look as if he has still been involved with this lady. What ever it is that you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck!! Please keep us updated! I hope that it all works out for you =)

you are not over reacting at all. I don't know what to tell you regarding those letters and what they could mean now. I think the only way to know would be to set up a time to talk to him and then just come straight out and ask him. It could be nothing and just that they were forgotten and overlooked when you moved. It could be the reason why you are no longer friends with these people. Talk to your husband. We could all give you our thoughts and still you'd be left not really knowing any more than you did before. The only one that really knows the answers you are looking for is your husband.

Wow. That must hurt. If it were me, I would sit down and talk to him. Clear the air. No matter what the answers are it is better than wondering. At least then you will know where you stand. You won't have to wonder any more.

I don't think you're over reacting at all. Finding a letter like that would really do a number on me too. The fact that the letters were dated in '93 and you met your husband met in '95 tells me that this is old history, but, the fact that the letter is still around is very fishy. I think the best way to deal with this is to confront your husband in a calm, non-threatening manner. She him the letters and state that you are confused about many things as a result of them. I wish you all the best in the world and dearly hope that things work out well for the both of you. Please keep us updated on the situation. Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija

Gee, that's a tough one. I guess the first point I'd like to make is that the letter was dated 2 years before you met and married your husband. Was it before this girl met and married her husband? It might have been a fling back then, or maybe after getting together the found out that they just weren't right for each other. People tend to keep pictures of old flames, and I'm sure you have a few old letters and photos around you've forgotten about. If you're hapy with im and he treats you well, you're probably over reacting. After all, he married you, didn't he? Just remember you both had lives before you met. Both of you. so, if you have a good thing, don't wreck it by being "chicky" ok? I'd say you have nothing to worry about.

Tonniek02: I hear what your going through and I understand your confusion but, lets break this situation down into its parts. First, YOU didn't just come across this letter by accident in your "husband's changes" YOU WERE BEING NOSY so lets stop with the B.S. okay. Because this "letter" wasn't just laying out on the coffee table or night stand while you were cleaning up. Second, IT WAS STILL SEALED IN ITS ORIGINAL ENVELOPE right? And then you noticed that YOU knew who it was addressed to so YOU opened it an found more envelopes subsequently opening those too & read them all right?! Thirdly, your now walking around thinking that your the runner-up an NOT his "FIRST PRRZE" for the past 15 years. LADY GET A DAMN GRIP!! HE LOVES U MORE THAN YOU KNOW!!! Because the FACT is HE NEVER GAVE HER THE LETTER & ADD THAT HE WROTE IT TWO YEARS BEFORE YOU MARRIED HIM JUST says he was unsure of his feelings for YOU at the TIME. ASK yourself one thing, if he wanted her so much WHY did he cut out socializing with them/her?? Why, because HE FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU & KNEW HE WANTED TO SEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH YOU!!! This 'other woman' he realized was just fantasy of the heart and nothing more. Sure he probably had every intention to give it to her except for that it was written TWO YEARS prior to HIM FALLEN IN LOVE WITH U AND NEVER GOT SENT!! But,U don't have to listen to ME why not just ask him about it once an for all.

Hiya, this is a catch 22 situation and I really feel for you but this needs to be nipped in the bud before it becomes destructive. Jealousy really really IS a "green eyed monster" it eats you up inside and you become a horrible person to live with and irrational, you find things to confirm what you think, you will look for things to prove you're right it becomes obsessive. Its perfectly natural to feel hurt about the letters but you need answers to those questions wizzing round your head or else it will destroy your relationship with your hubby. He may even think you're having an affair because you're so distracted and distant! My aunt once said "whats mine is mine, and whats his is mine too!" when describing her marriage. I have made lots of stupid mistakes in the past and keep little things to remember the lessons I learnt. Maybe he kept the letter to remind him how close he was to losing you? One thing I keep is a valentines card from the man I was going to marry. It all went pear shaped because I thought he was having an affair with this woman who was all over him every time we went out. In hindsight I realise I was furious at how she disrespected me and took it out on him. I pushed and pushed and eventually he went out and slept with her. The morning after he said you kept acusing me of having an affair so I got fed up and did it to "spite you". The nasty words that were said still stick in my mind, unlike bruises they never fade and will always batter your self esteem and confidence. I hope you manage to reign in your doubts and talk to him about this, he will be hurt that you didnt trust him and were "snooping" and may be angry but thats normal! wouldnt you be? try and put yourself in his shoes. I will be thinking of you and hope that in a year or two you will both laugh about this silliness. big hugs ducatirose