Dinner invitation for tomorrow night
By lilybug
@lilybug (21107)
United States
November 24, 2009 9:39pm CST
A guy I went to school with my whole life, but I never really got along with contacted me through Facebook a few months ago. We have chatted a few times and the kids and I met up with him for an early dinner one night about 1 1/2 months ago. I have not really talked with him much since then, but out of the blue tonight he called me and said he was going to be picking up a load nearby tomorrow afternoon( he is a truck driver) and wanted to know if the kids and I would like to meet up for dinner his treat. I agreed to hang out with him when he is done with what he needs to do.
Here is the thing though, according to my cousin who was really good friends with him in school, he has had a crush on me since the 3rd grade. I have never thought of him in a romantic way, and I don't think I ever will. How do I nicely let him know that I don't want to be anything more than friends? My brother thinks I am nuts. The guy likes my kids, he has a good paying job, and he is easy to talk to. I guess I am still stuck thinking about him as the annoying kid I went to school with.
Any ideas?
4 people like this
12 responses
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
25 Nov 09
I think that you should get to know him more as an adult than thinking about who he was in High School. You do not have to rush anything and let me tell you something - friendship first can lead to a better relationship. So just take it easy and if he asks then tell him straight that you would prefer to get to know him again as a friend first as you are not sure of your feelings. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
25 Nov 09
He had to pick up another load for work, so he was not going to have time to stop long enough for dinner tonight after all. He has Friday off though, so he asked if it would be ok for him to come down( it is a 3 1/2 hour drive) and we could hang out with the kids. He wants to see the Arch here in St. Louis since he has driven past it so many times and has never been able to stop. He also has $100 toffee order for me from some people he works with.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
25 Nov 09
If there is no attraction..there is just no attraction and that doesn't make you crazy. I would just let him know that you like hanging out with him but that you are really not looking to get in to a relationship. Who knows..you may actually start to think of him differently later on.
1 person likes this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
1 Dec 09
Well if he is only going to see you when he is in the area I would not worry about. I would not say anything to him unless he makes a move on you. Maybe you should start thinking of him as the man he is today rather than the child that he was many years ago. But I would not try and let him down easy until you know what his true intentions are that could be embarrasing and awkward for both of you. But if he tries to make a move and you are not cool with it then just tell him you are not ready for this kind of relationship.
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
26 Nov 09
I think, it is now the time for you to know him better. As you started to go out with him, just be nice and later on you will know what kind of man he is.. You might not know that he has hidden qualities that you would like so with your children. Just forget the annoying things he does when you were in 3rd grade. Those are times when you are still kids. Try to discover new and interesting things in him.
@sleepylittlerose (1648)
• United States
25 Nov 09
Maybe you should find out what he is truely thinking before you jump to any conclusions. If he does have a crush on you then you can address that but if he doesn't then you will not make a fool of yourself by telling him you wish only to be friends when that is all he was looking for anyway. But I have to ask, since you have agreed to have dinner with him twice now and have exposed your children to this person are you sure that you are not somewhat interested in him also? You mind says that you should not like him because he is still that annoying boy you knew in school; but is your heart trying to tell you to look again because he could be a really good person to have in your life?
@sleepylittlerose (1648)
• United States
25 Nov 09
Then if you really can not see this being any more than a friendship you need to let him know that. But you also need to make sure that you are truely following your heart. Maybe you should let him know that you are not sure that you want to persue a relationship with but are willing to hang out with him and see if you opinion on how you feel about him changes. I would venture a small guess here to say that you may be slightly afraid to open your heart up to this person in fear that you will be hurt and the easiest way for you to deal with this is to keep some distance between you.
@echostone542 (53)
• China
26 Nov 09
To make sure what is on your mind. I have a suggestion: just try to go out with him, try to know more about him, the adult, and ask yourself if you would like to have a further step. maybe you will find that he has grown up and not a kid anymore, you will find you become to like him . or else, if you are sure that you don't like him, just tell him frankly. believe me, that 's the best way.
@AmbiePam (93898)
• United States
26 Nov 09
Well, seeing as he is an adult male, I'm pretty sure going anywhere with him will make him think you are open to a relationship. And maybe open is the key word. Perhaps you'll find that you like him more than you originally thought. And as long as you're not flirting with him, he really couldn't justifiably assume you were offering anything other than friendship.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
25 Nov 09
My only advice is time will tell. I agree with your point of view as well as your brothers. If you are single, he's single, even if you don't "date" being good friends may be a start of something further? Don't burn a bridge of something further ever happening before you are 100% certain you couldn't date him under no cercumstances. Sometimes cercumtance brings people togeather... I wouldn't say anythng about being anything more than friends until the time comes where it is necessary.
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
25 Nov 09
Hi, lilybug! That is wonderful news to hear! If you don't feel the same attraction that he feels for you, then you have to do what is right. And you know what you want and need. This is your decision. It would be nice if you could give him a try but it has to be entirely up to you. Whatever decision that you decide, I hope that he will take it fairly. He seems like a really nice guy. But the matter all balls down to how YOU really feel about him.
@corrycrystal (1775)
• Malaysia
25 Nov 09
I guess it won't do any harm if you just accept the invitation and have fun. He might be that annoying kid once, but that was such a long time ago. He was just a kid and so did you. He might have grown up to be the better man and sees the world differently. Give the guy a chance and yourself a chance to know him better. You don't have to be romantically involved. After all, it's only a dinner and with your kids some more. If he still acts like that 'annoying kid', then, you can decide from there.
@moneymakingtoday (4061)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
Why don't you accept the invitation? Except, of course, if you feel you don't need to do that. Hear him out and "listen" well to his actions. I think women can decipher from these actions what he really likes. Things have changed and he is no longer the annoying kid you knew he was in school. You need a lot of catching up to do to learn what he was up to all these years. Maybe when you learn "more" about him, that would be the best time you can "gauge" him and from there you would know what personal course of actions you will take. Good luck. Give yourselves a chance!
@theonehush (959)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
hello lily
thats really a sweet story you got there.. well i think you should give the guy a chance.. he has not been the same annoying kid you knew from before right? im just basing this on what you have posted.. he sounds like a romantic and serious guy.. i think people change for the better.. and i think that he was annoying you before when you were kids since he has a huge crush on you.. :) so i think give him the benefit of the doubt.. he could be a great guy for you if given the chance.. why not go for it??
